Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

Everyone agrees that Jeffrey needs serious help.  He needs to be removed from this family.  There are three young ones that still have a  good chance if this happens. Dr. Phil is there to help a family and if dividing it is the best thing then that is what needs to be done.  

As far as Jennifer, once he is removed, she can seek help, which I am sure that is Dr. Phil's intention, so she can focus her attention on her children and away from her anything but normal relationship with Jeffrey.

There is no doubt that Jennifer is the best candidate to be with these children and should at least get a chance after what she has been through. Yes, she needs help.  Remember she was 19 and he was 30 when they met.  19 is the perfect age to take control of another human being, he knew exactly what he was doing.

These three young innocent children will become adults and they need all the help they can get as they grow  up and right now this is horrible.

I hope Dr. Phil sticks with this because this could get really bad after they leave the show.  My best  wishes to this family and the only hope I see is that Dr. Phil can make Jennifer understand that she has to have total focus for her children with Jeffrey gone.

i was in a relationship exactly like this,  the only thing to do is get out and as far away as possible.  there is something wrong with their brain.  and i dont believe it can be fixed.

get a restraining order!

Jennifers only part in this disfunctional marriage  is that she chose someone like Jeffery.   I feel Jeffery is definitly the one with the deep rooted problems of low self esteem, self worth and lack of control within his own life.  Could you imagine living within such a helpless state that the only way you see of surviving is to have total power and control over a person. He definitly needs to stop blaming Jennifer for his behaviour and start to be honest about what is going on inside himself.

I am not taking sides here but when does it ever be only one person who is at fault?

Yes, he is acting and doing wrong things and is " out of control".

And her? she's not doing anything wrong? huh?

He needs to be honest with himself and everyone and own up to his unacceptable conduct, and she must do likewise.

Their putting photos on the web and getting caught up in the social communications with " ALL " these people is just a total joke!

These two poor people are " caught up" in the terrible fantacy world of peer pressure and social conduct that in today's world here in the US of A is just a shame.

The two of them if they are truly serious in staying and having a happy relationship need to " pull in" and limit their excessive communiactions with all these outside folks( like the internet/work/friends ) the two of them need to focus on their three children, themselves, and get therapy and pray and seek help together and quit throwing stones while they are both in the " Glass House"

Dr. Phil,

I was married to an El Salvadrian Man, who was very controlling and physically abusive and emotional abusive who bi-littled me all the time and for the warfare of my daughter Clarissa I just had to leave him.  Yes, he stalked me for years.  Threated to kill me if I dated anyone and threated to take our daughter from me and run to El Salvador and my family would never see her again.

Well, this lady needs to wake up and smell the flowers.  Her man is TOTALLY CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't believe my ears when I was watching your show.  Although he never mentioned physically abusing her, This man is doing much worse... He is emotionally abusing her and is not having a safe environment for his daughters.  She needs to leave him as soon as possible.  Yes, I understand that they have been together for 11 years, in my opinion 10 years too many.  My worries is that the worst has yet to come.  I loved the part that they were staying at two different hotels and he had no clue where she was and it was killing him.  I think all his paranoias of her leaving him for another... has come true with the exception of not leaving for another man, but for his choices in life.  I think he has pushed her away that there is no coming back... We all need to pray for this beautiful woman and give her strength to leave him.

Dr. PHIL, help this lady.  I have been a faithful fan and I have seen a lot of your counceling of people, but this beats them. 

If I can do it, she can.  Just won't be easy... If she had any clues of what I have gone through in my relationship, she would know there is hope out there, just need to grab it and embrace it.
All of our prayers are with her.

Your devoted Fan,

Jaxx

I want to say FIRST that I AM IN NO WAY DEFENDING THIS MAN'S BEHAVIOR. What he has done has been totally deplorable and inexcusable and the "creepy behavior" he is displaying seems to be developing a life of its own. I really think him and his behavior are boarding on the "IF I CAN'T HAVE HER NO ONE WILL" type of situation. HE NEEDS SOME SERIOUS HELP NOW. I do believe that IF it continues one or both of them will be dead. I also see he cannot take accountability or responsibility for his own actions.

Well I have tried twice to put this post together and each time just as I am about finished the power has gone out due to storms.  I tried to post it twice last night and I don't see it on my profile or showing up so I don't know if it didn't go through or the moderators didn't approve it so this is my 3rd and final attempt.

I sat here for a long time and debated with myself on whether to post on this show tonight. I think I have a controversial point of view and I was afraid that the more ardent Dr. Phil fans would blast me so far out of the water that I would land on a remote tropical island with the survivors of flight 815 and even Peter Patrelli couldn't save me.

I will apologize now if this turns out to be a lengthy post, but I feel to get all my thoughts out there it will be.

Let me tell you that I have truly enjoyed this show over the years and I have always thought Dr. Phil and his staff have done some really terrific, wonderful and helpful things for people. This season I have to say though, that I really feel like he is just going for SOME SERIOUS SHOCK VALUE. I have seen this in several of his shows this year where he seems to prod, poke, humiliate and degrade a person to bring out what I call the most SHOCKING AND DISTURBING parts you can. (The Saving Grace episodes is one of the best examples that comes right to mind). While I do agree that what happened to Grace needed to be brought out and dealt with, it was really just too disturbing and made me so sick to my stomach that I could not watch it. I just don't think it needed to be shown on tv, not with that group anyhow. THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION!

Well let me tell ya'll, I spent way too many years in a physical and emotional abusive relationship, and I truly believe that the emotional and mental abuse that someone receives can be FAR WORSE and have longer lasting effects than physical. I finally found the nerve and the courage and guts to get out of it. This was after he went as far as trying to smother me one night while I was trying to sleep and I truly believe that if my oldest child had not walked into the room he would have killed me. I realize to that I am extremely lucky because I have a wonderful family that had the monetary means in which to help me. I am totally grateful for their continued support in all ways. While I also realize my 11 yr old son has been diagnosed with ODD, Bi-Polar Disorder and Intermittent Explosive Disorder and he has some serious EXTREME BEHAVIOR issues, I believe some of it can be traced back to "the effect on the child". It stills continues to be a challenge to get him on the right track and its something we continue to take "one day at a time."

Even though my son is AN EXTREME CASE with his behavior, he could be the poster child to show people what COULD happen to children exposed to abuse.

After I finally got out, I spent a couple years participating in a battered women's support group and I do believe that they are one the biggest reasons that I don't have that extreme bitterness and hate inside me and I don't let what happened to me then, and what I allowed to happen to me then control my life now. I now volunteer sometimes and try to help other women to help them see that you can get out and have a normal happy life. The reason I bring this up is it will play a part further down in this post.

This is also what I saw. Is she as INNOCENT in all this as she is putting on to be?  I never saw one tear on her face while she was doing all her sobbing. I also noticed that she is NOT taking ANY ACCOUNTABILITY OR RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER OWN ACTIONS.

I did NOT see ONE OUNCE of REMORSE on her face or in her body language for her affairs, and I noticed a really smiley smirk on her face when he kept talking about her going out to bars with her friends. Some of the people on this board from what I have been reading don't believe her going out happens that often, but it sounded like it did to me and she did nothing to deny it. Once again she had the smart smirk on her face. On the whole,  99% of the times when one partner cuts the other off completely from a sexual relationship, it usually means (not always, but those are few and far between) that there is someone else involved. I am not saying she is, but I get the gut feeling that she is still having an affair with someone else.

I do know FIRST HAND what it feels like to have a spouse cheat on you and your marriage and to a certain extent it does make you paranoid and suspicious to the point where you question everything they do and everywhere they go. What I feel started out with this guy as being some kind of amateur spying to watch her. Now it has totally taken control of his life at this point and I believe its the SPYING AND VOYEURISM ITSELF that he is obsessed with.  I can't count the number of times I have seen Dr. Phil have couples on his show when one has been unfaithful and he always asks them are you ready to own this, and if you are you need to be prepared to have your life cross examined at all times and it has to be an open book for as long as it takes to make the other partner fill secure. While I feel this continues to remain true, this guy has taken his spying and behavior  to an UNACCEPTABLE AND SHOCKING "CREEPY LEVEL."

Now, was she willing to make her life an open book and be held accountable.  I say NOOOOO she wasn't and I don't believe she had any intention of doing so. Here once again I notice from her body language that she appeared to enjoy inflicting the hurt on him by cheating. (Maybe her way of getting even) I could be reading it wrong, but I am not sure and I really don't think so. Dr. Phil made the comment that he saw something in HIS eyes while asking him a question and I saw this gleam of  pure glee in hers of him knowing and finding out about her cheating.

Now lets look at the pictures he was taking of her. She was shifting very uncomfortably in her chair and he looked at her several times as if to say.  HOW MUCH DO I TELL? There was a funny look on both their faces at this time  which leads me to believe and assume (maybe wrongly) that in the past there has probably been some kinky forms of sexual entertainment  and exploration by these two where she was a WILLING PARTICIPANT. AGAIN JUST MY OPINION!

There was one comment he made and I believe his body language and his eye contact seemed to indicate that he was being truthful and this goes back to my helping at the battered women's shelter. It was the comment he made that she seemed to try to push and goad him into a physical altercation. I can not even begin to tell you the women that tell me that they provoked him to the point of hitting her so she could put him in jail and get away. Here once again, she seemed to have that SMIRK on her face, LET ME SAY NOW IT IS AN EXTREMELY SMALL PERCENTAGE  of women that have the guts and courage to go to this extreme, it takes a lot out of you, and can QUICKLY AND EASILY BACKFIRE. You usually find that women who go to this extreme feel totally and completely trapped (WHICH I BELIEVE SHE TRULY FELT) and will grasp at any straw for escape.  I believe this is what she was trying to accomplish and to put him in jail. Again, I could be wrong, but I don't think so, AND REMEMBER IT IS ONLY MY OPINION!

He did try to skirt around issues and questions asked of him several times and  it appeared he did not want to answer some directly, but for some of it, I don't know if  he had the verbal communication to put into words what he wanted to say. For the other part, I think he was still trying to place the blame on her. (AGAIN NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS BUT I SAW SHE BLAMED EVERYTHING ON HIM TOO).  I guess what has me bothered the most is the amount of humiliation  Dr. Phil put on this guy to totally degrade and humiliate him. I know over the years I have heard him say too many times that doing that will get you NO WHERE SO WHY PARTAKE IN IT?

HERE AGAIN NOT ONE OF BIT OF THIS EXCUSES HIS BEHAVIOR. This guy is in some serious trouble and action needs to be taken RIGHT NOW, and until it is, I do believe that whatever needs to be done to get her and children away from him until he does get some intensive help and possible medication(s) needs to be done right this minute and not a second later.

Okay, my backpack is ready and I have my parachute and my satellite phone ready to be blasted to the ISLAND with the others. I have also put in a call to Peter.

I truly hope I have not offended anyone with my thoughts and observations AND MY OPINIONS with this post and once again, I apologize for its length.

The Spy