Quote From: greasepaintWhile I fully embrace the idea of couples "earning their way " out of a marriage before heading to divorce court, I was concerned that an already fragile, defeated, emotionally abused woman was first promised all the support necessary to extricate herself from a dangerously obsessive husband, but then asked to postpone any decision-making until after her husband gets help from Creative Care. It has been 11 years and multiple therapists. Is she supposed to wait until he completes the program, however long that may be? Dr. Phil, you seemed on one hand, to be saying that it was entirely up to her to decide, and on the other that you thought it best that she "stand down" for a bit. I think you underestimated the power of your suggestion. She did not seem strong enough to stand up to her husband, much less you. Her husband stated that he can't live without her. He also said he would never harm her. You confronted him on that, but clearly that is the same type of declaration we've heard from abusers who murder their spouses, their children, and/or themselves.
I think it is wonderful that you are providing them both the opportunity to turn their lives around. And I don't doubt for a moment that you will deliver on your promises to them. But I fear for her safety. There was no way she was going to follow through on her seemingly tentative plan to file for divorce, especially after you suggested otherwise. I think she would have done anything you said, however delicately put.
I sincerely hope that whatever his experience at Creative Care, Jeffrey will emerge with better coping skills, just in case his wife gets to be strong enough to leave him.
Your post just triggered a "feeling" that I got when I watched the show. She was so grateful (and most likely starved) for the offer of help to GET AWAY from this maniac. However, when Dr. Phil talked to Jeffrey, the camera went to her a couple of times and she was filled with "hope." I spent my entire life falling in love with abusive men. The caveat is that these abusive men always have a "goodness" too. These sick men are not evil. Even sociopaths and serial killers can be charming and very lovable. In fact, that is the most insidious part of the abusers makeup. They need you to dance the sick dance with them and they spend their entire life learning how to recognize and prey on the women who will think that their "crumbs" of love are enough. These men would never call a truly "healthy" woman for a second date. As soon as she reveals her health, some other damsel in distress will fancy them. I have learned to recognize this in lightning speed. I avoid the overly romantic types like the plague.
Anyway, to get back to my point, I have always "SECOND GUESSED" the inner voice that told me to "leave" early on because these men are not monsters. A woman who would end up married with children to a man like this has been caught up in his need for her and his intense passion for her. He has surely demonstrated many good things that reeled her in the first place. I didn't like seeing this look of "hope" in this womans face because Dr. Phil's leaning towards reconciliation or their is hope for him has given this woman false hope. Others wrote about the traits of abusers. She would do better to have that told her.
With that said, I do think that Dr. Phil is trying to avoid a very messy divorce. I believe that he knows what he is doing. However, I would have liked to see him take a stronger stand.
Jeffrey and Jennifer's shocking and complicated story continues. During their 11-year marriage, Jeffrey has become so obsessed with Jennifer, he watches her every move. He has installed a GPS system in her car, taps her phone conversations, takes inappropriate pictures of her and watches her while she sleeps. Dr. Phil probes deep into Jeffrey's mind to find out why he acts the way he does. Is there any boundary Jeffrey won't cross when it comes to controlling his wife? Then, how are Jennifer and Jeffrey's three children being affected by the madness in the house? Their eldest child has been an eyewitness to his father's schemes. And, while Dr. Phil speaks one on one with Jennifer, Jeffrey has a total meltdown backstage, becoming physically ill. When Dr. Phil confronts him about his anxieties and offers a solution, will Jeffrey choose to make a change? Don’t miss the second part of this dramatic and emotional story, and find out if this family is on the path to healing or headed to divorce court. Join the discussion.
