Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

When I was watching the show yesterday it took me back to my marriage that was very similar to Jennifer's.  My ex in the beginning was very loving, attentive and I enjoyed his jealousy, it made me feel special at the time.  After we got married he became this jealous, possessive, controlling person.  If i went to the grocery store he timed me and if I wasn't home in what he thought was reasonable then I must be cheating on him.  I was having a telephone conversation with my mom and he had convinced the telephone company that there was an emergency and the operator cut into the line and said I needed to hang up right away because of this emergency.  Of course he called right away and the first thing he said was "What guy were you talking to"?  He was both verbally and physically abusive and had my self esteem so low that I didn't believe I deserved better than him.  I lived in a different state and the final straw was when I flew home for a visit with my family.  I had told him we were planning to out to a particular bar that night.   I made the mistake of telling him the name of the bar.  My parents and I were at this bar for about an hour when 2 police officers showed up.  In my heart I knew they were there for me.  Sure enough he had called the Police Department and had them come and find me to tell me there was an emergency at home.  You can only imagine the embarrassment and humilation that caused.  Turned out the big emergency was he wanted to know what time my flight got in the next day.   Even though he accused me of cheating on him daily, I'm proud to say that I never did.  Thankfully I was smart enough to not have any children with him.

To this day I don't know were I got the strength to leave him, but I did.  I can say that there is no guy that is worth living like that.  I'm sure Jennifer is scared and she should be, however life it to short to be wasting it away with someone like Jeffrey. 

Please do not judge Jennifer.  I am in a way in the same situation, maybe not to the extreme but it has only been 5 yrs, not yet 11.  I am a mother of 4 and married to a very mentally abusing and controlling husband.  I have tried to leave 2 and like Jennifer her cuts off everything and makes it impossible to leave.  When you have children and you can't even afford to buy food what do you do.  I even tried getting a lawyer who because I could not pay would not help.  My husband has cheated on me 5 times once even giving me an STD.  I will say this last time he left and was living with another women I did have a short affair.  It is so hard when the one person who is supposed to love you always belittles you, and it is easy to get caught up when someone actually talks nice to you!  Lately he let my car get repo'd while he drives a $46,000 truck so now I am trapped at home.  Like Jennifer I don't have any friends because they are scared of my husband.  They tell us we are crazy and sometimes I feel like it,  because the things they do to us makes us feel crazy.  If Jennifer is having an affair or talking on email, do not judge her you have not been in her shoes.  Its amazing what you will do right or wrong to still feel human and alive and to have someone to say nice things. 

I am looking forwad to the advice Dr. Phil gives Jennifer maybe it can help me and many other!!

Men like Jeffrey don't have to have a reason to act the way they do.  I never even came close to cheating on my ex-husband in 20 years and he acted just like Jeffrey - the older he got, the worst it got....I finally realized that is wasn't about me at all, or my actions.  It was about him and his insecurities.  So yes, it probably would have "come to this if she had not cheated in the first place"  Her cheating didn't cause this....he did.   By the way, my ex-husband cheated on me plenty of times in the 20 years...I never acted like Jeffrey...not even close.  Blaming her is giving him the excuse he wants to act however he wants.

Where are her parents?  Most parents would take in a daughter/grandkids temporarily to get them out of an abusive home.  They were not mentioned in today's show, I would be interested in knowing if her relationship with them is strained.  If the parents are still in her life why haven't they tried to get her out, surely they know what's going on (or they do now).  Seems to me if you're desperate enough to get out that would be a safe direction, especially if you have no $$$$. 

In addition, this guy is CRAZY!!!  His thought process is just.....gone.  They only healthy direction this can take is a divorce, cuz one day he's going to snap and she's going to die or she's going to snap and he's going to die.  They are both at fault for how far south this marriage has gone. 

Dr. Phil,

Tell her to get out know.  As the youngest of 5 children I saw my mother being emotionally and mentally abused by my father.  Everyone outside of the family thought my father was wonderful, but as soon as he walked through the door he changed and this was an everyday thing.  It is way worse than physical abuse in my mind.  After more than 50 years of marriage she finally got out and she has been so happy.  My mother did not think she had a choice with 5 children, so finally after all the children are married, out of the house and when things should be great and comfortable she finally realized "life is short",  and realized (thanks to Dr. Phil) she did not have to put up with that  even after 75 years of age. 

She needs to know it effects her mental and physical health.  There is so much I could share with her about what the outcome could be.  And to answer her question, yes it so effects the children in ways she could never know right now.  My situation was some different than hers but it was still the same type of abuse.

I am truly worried for Jennifer. 

 I was in a controlling, abuse marriage with my first husband for 6 yrs and he wasn't even one tenth as bad as this Jeffrey guy. (and that is saying something!)

 I looked into that guy's eyes and thought "liar" when his said he wasn't drugging her, taking her clothes off & showing her naked pictures to other people.  HE IS ONE SICK PUPPY!

She needs to get far away from him.  I think I know how she feels. It's like a weight on your chest. Like your are holding your breath. Suffocating around a person like that.  They still the oxygen that you breathe. 

She needs protection from this guy I think he could snap. Jennifer don't believe the horrible things he says to you. He is just trying to destroy your self esteem. 

This poor woman is defeated. There is no doubt that she , like water does, has chosen the path of least resistance. She is trying to fit into his mold and ignore it to keep a conflict from occuring. This has nothing to do with her and she is alone. Her family has no financial means to help her and her 3 children or she would have been gone. She needs support, she needs to seperate today, and rebuild who SHE is, who she was, and be who SHE wants to be, not what she has been trained to do by her unconscience submission.

Dr. Phil has changed her life today and the lives of those children that day he taped the first segment of that show, and has taught other women to seek out the means to get their lives back.

Dr. Phill..... Fantastic!!!!!!!!