Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

My 1st husband was very possesive and in secure. And I paid for it.

We lived together for 71/2 years and like an idiot I married him. 6 months later we separated for good this time.

In those 8 years that we were together, he would threaten to kill me if I ever left him and he nearly suceeded, 3 days after I asked him to leave he came back to our apartment, ( stupid me forgot that he still had a key ) he came into my room where my daughter and I were sleeping.

Anyway he came into the apt around 3 am and punched me in the face while I slept. See he wanted my so called lover to come out of hiding and save me, and when he saw my daughter that made him even angrier and he just kept whaling away. My sister stopped him she whacked him in the head with my daughters tin lunch box. She was staying with me for a few days thank God.

This is why woman are afraid to leave. I took my chances and almost didn't make it.

During the 8 years, he would mentally and physically abuse me. He used to accuse me of being with all kinds of men, even his father and brother. I had to quit many jobs due to his jealousy, posessiveness, I don't know. If I was a few minutes late coming home from work, he would grill me with questions, When I would say I was getting gas he would smell my hands.

One time I had to stay a little late at work. And when I got home he physically checked me to make sure I hadn't been with another man.( SICK ). He would tell me what and what I couldn't wear etc.

What's kinda of scary to this day is that he still lives with his mom in the same town as I do only a few miles away. We have yet to run into each other, but I have seen him and so has my husband. My daughter visits him once or twice a year. I know he loves her and hope and pray he would never hurt her.

I could write a book.

Unbelievable

4/28/2007

What do you mean he didn't abuse her??  Everything he does, day in and day out, is ABUSE!!  And when he harms the mother -- yes, even emotionally -- it DOES harm the children.

And I'll say he's willing to "do what it takes" -- to KEEP her, not to work on the marriage.  He's already shown that, and what he's willing to do is wrong on so many levels.

If you know Jeff, tell him he lost.  I hope she has begun divorce proceedings.  If you really know him, then why aren't you getting involved, shaking him up and asking what the hell he's doing and thinking??  Rather than being yet one more cog in the Jeffrey excuse wheel, why aren't you being proactive and telling him what a horse's ass he's being??  The guy is SICK, and you're just pooh-poohing it off like it's just another day at the house of a madman.

I truly believe her life is in danger.  I truly believe people like this that choose to OWN their mate will do whatever it takes to keep them from going off and being happy elsewhere.  I truly believe that if she isn't able to get away while he's gone, she will be in grave danger.  I truly believe he is past the point of no return.

If you are truly a friend, quit sticking your head in the sand, man!!

Having been in an abusive marriage 30 years ago, I can tell you that it was, "always my fault!"  Abusers convince their victims that it is the victims fault, always the victims fault.  It's part of the controlling issue and mind games abusers play. 

Once my parents came to visit, and even with my parents there, my husband beat me so bad that I didn't dare go out in public until all the bruises and cuts had healed.  My parents did nothing to intervene and said that I was the one to marry the abuser and so that's part of marriage.  That statement gave my husband even more power to beat me, and verbally and emotionally abuse me.  I tried very hard to kill myself, and almost succeeded, but after being in intensive care on total life support for over 10 days, I survived.  And it wasn't until then that my parents took me home.

So even though I had begged for help, it didn't come, not until it was almost too late!  Jennifer is in the same situation now.  Jeffrey says he hasn't physically abused her yet, but using sex to impregnate her to keep her in the marriage is physical abuse.  Pretending to get a vasectomy so that he could again impregnate her is physical abuse.

I got psychological help, but I have never remarried because I don't believe I can make a wise enough choice to avoid picking another abuser.  Abusers usually don't start abusing until they feel they have their victim trapped.  I don't ever want to be trapped again. 

I hope Jennifer gets her and her children out as soon as possible!  And I hope she can learn to trust again, but that is not always possible.

One thing that struck me during the second show was the incident in which Jennifer woke up to find her husband talking to his friend in their bedroom. This discussion occured after Dr. Phil asked Jeff if he had ever discussed including others in their sex life. Jeff said they had and he had a little smirk on his face. His look left me feeling very uneasy.  I wondered if he had been truthful about the extent of his activities during his night time obsession with watching Jennifer sleep and taking pictures.

Jennifer said she woke up to see Jeff and his friend sitting on the bed discussing having sex with her. Jeff's story about it struck me as totally improbable. He claimed his friend was drunk and was sleeping over at their house because of that. His friend then came into their bedroom, according to Jeff, to ask for the keys to Jennifer's car so he could drive home. (Their daughter was also asleep in their bed.) So, no discussion about sex, totally innocent incident........ according to Jeff.

The way Jeff came up with this story seemed to me to be quickly made up on the spot. Now, does this make any sense at all to anyone? What would be the normal reaction of any person to having a drunk friend wander into his/her bedroom in the middle of the night? Wouldn't you at the very least chase the person out of the room and have any discussions outside the bedroom? I think Jennifer was quite right about what was under discussion. Jeff has not been honest about the true extent of his various nefarious activities where Jennifer is concerned. He probably never will be.

Anyway, the peculiarity of that incident stuck in my mind. My advice to Jennifer is still to run far, to get away. Jeff is not curable, Jeff is a danger to Jennifer and to their children. Safety first always.

Mylita