Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

Quote From: mingjade

What were the chances of getting Jeff into residential treatment immediately without holding out a single shread of hope for Jeff to accept treatment?  Jeff is a very unstable and very sick man.  Jeff accepted treatment was predicated upon his wife holding off filing for divorce.  Dr. Phil didn't miss anything.  Dr. Phil told Jeff -- that it is very possible that his wife would file for divorce if he didn't take advantage of treatment or refused treatment or stopped his treatment. And also stated to Jeff,  if he quits this treatment he would do everything he could to help Jennifer file for divorce and assit her in getting she and the children safe.

 

Apparently you have no experience dealing with seriously mentally ill people at all. The entire focus of Dr. Phil help was based on 1. Getting Jeff in residential treatment and taking him out of the marital home. [Safely removing Jeff and seperating him from his family voluntarily. 2. Jennifer also needed couseling, as well  I am sure Dr. Phil arranged for Jen to immediate cousneling too, and any legal assistance necessary.  Dr. Phil told Jennifer "None of this is  your fault."  Period.

 

It is obvious that this marriage is heading streight into divorce.  Jeff is too unstable, too [ill to deal with this reality at this time.   3. Part of Jeff's treatment will include coping and couseling for total seperation [ Divorce from Jennifer and his children.

 

Jeff has zero insights into his all the issues regarding his mental illness at this time.   He is willing to get treatment now.   I am unsure if Jeff has agreed to do this for himself or only because Jennifer will not file for divorce if he goes into treatment?    Jeff has refused treatment several times in the past.  Time will tell.   I think there is a whole lot more to this story we don't know about.  However,  Dr. Phil doesn't remove and seperate families or members unless their is clear and present danger that demands that he placed them in residential treatment.  Dr. Phil didn't miss a beat with Jeff or Jennifer.

 

Dr. Phil said to Jeff --" I don't know how long you will be there."  Which means -- it could take a very long time.  It all depends on Jeff and his mental health doctors evaluations and Jeff's progress or lack thereof and how Jeff responds to medications, etc.  If its determined that Jeff has to be committed unvoluntarily to residential treatment -- the legal systems provides avenues for this.   The question of "divorce" isn't off the table.  The immediate and  present danger faced by Dr. Phil was to get Jeff into residential treatment -- immediately and Jeff agreed.

 

You don't tell a very mentally ill patient -- you need residential treatment -- and simultanously -- take away the sole modivating goal...at the same time.  Jeff wants to save his marriage.  That  fact remains to be seen.  

 

Rethink your comments.  I am positive Dr. Phil understands the risks and much more -- then we witnessed. 

 

 

 

 

 

Quote From: bestinlife

Some of you ladies on here, I apologize for having to go through such horrific nightmares.  Being a man myself, I know what Jeffrey is feeling.  I cannot, however, relate to what Jennifer is doing.  How could a woman with three children and a husband turn on her own family so she can bar hop?  This has to do with a woman's desire to feel attractive and get attention.  I've seen this far too many times.  At first, women in high school think of marriage, having children, owning a home, and driving the nice car.  Most importantly, being married to Prince Charming.....O you sleeping beauty women out there.  Perhaps if you stopped acting like Barbie Dolls, desiring all men to snatch you from your fantasy land, and expecting men to be perfect, then perhaps things would go well for you.  But you create standards that are impossible.  You want the fancy life, the high light attraction, the large amount of money, and a great husband, but you expect it from Prince Charming.  And after realizing these things dont come true, you cheat!  You bar hop, speak badly of your husbands to your friends, and you give in to sexual fantasy and desire!  This tends to happen quite a bit to middle aged women!  You try living the young life again because youre tired of being a home body.

 

Now some of you (both men and women) are bad anyways and no nothing of family values.  Some of you are indeed innocent and have had husbands which treated you badly no matter how good you treat your husband.  But its apparent that Jennifer has never treated her husband rightly, and any sign of affection she gives is mere superficial and not genuine.I saw this a lot in yesterdays show.  Jeffrey is hurting badly and needs help, and from experience, its hard coping with betrayal from a woman you love so much.  AND YOU FOLKS OUT THERE claiming hes possessive, you are right to some degree, but I wouldnt entitle it as possessive, but desiring.  He loves and desires his wife.  Whether physical or emotional is a different subject, and based on what Ive seen at this point, its more physical.  But Jeffrey is sex starved!  And dont count him as a bad person because hes sex starved.  Apparently, Jennifer is not sex starved at all!  Typical woman too!

 

Jeffrey's mistake is the same thing.  He expected a loving wife from sleeping beauty.  From what I've learned about Barbie dolls, they only want to be touched and admired by the public.  Jeffrey made a huge mistake by digging himself into a deeper hole.  But what person retains their right mind when someone they love has betrayed them?  His heart is torn in pieces and he doesn't know how to react.  She cheated on him twice before, and I'm pretty sure she kept on doing it because he permitted it.  But any action on his part to stop her from cheating, you folks calls "Control".  Well, who is out of control here?  Was it not his wife?  Was she not putting her physical needs (bodily attraction, tanning beds, and night-life sex) ahead of her family?  And does this family not include the husband?

 

This is where some of you women are going wrong.  You say, "Leave him for yourself and for your kids....."  There you go!  It's just you and the kids.  Already the assumption is made that any part of the family is based on her desires, settings, and rules.  I'm sick of women thinking that children are to be fully involved with the mothers life, but the father is only permitted a specific and limited right to children.  Our rights are "PAY" but any action to make sure the money we pay is strictly for the children is considered spying, nosy, or untrusting.  We're told, "Just pay the money; at least you're doing your part..."  That's foolish because cops do more than just inform the public of wearing seat belts!  They issue tickets to those who are not wearing it; this is for our safety.  In the same way, we fathers want more than just paying support.  We want to make sure our children are receiving this money, and not the spouse or their new b/g friends.

 

Now I mentioned this because Jeffrey is suffering from two things here.  He knows his wife is cheating, and he's trying to keep his marriage together.  He also knows that if his wife leaves, it's not just her he lost, but his children as well.  She doesn't suffer from this because she doesn't love him (probably never has).  She'll find someone because she put enough trash on her myspace to catch men.  What will happen is she'll end up with stronger competition from a man who wants her body, but not her.  And if he cheats, she'll find out just how painful it can feel.  I bet if Jeffrey cheated on her, she wouldn't care because she doesn't love him.  She's apparently not attracted to him anymore.

 

When my ex wife left me and took my son, of whom I can hardly see anymore, it nearly drove me insane.  After time, I met someone better than her, and now I have no regrets except not being able to see my son....thanks to her controls....YES women continue to control the husband even after divorce.  So you ladies who play victim here, you are controlling in your own ways, just as Jennifer is in hers.  Most importantly, she'll end up controlling Jeffrey for the next many years of his life, using the kids as her weapon....watch!  It happens far too many times in today's time.

 

For those of you who actually have had abusive husbands, I apologize for your suffering.  But for those of you like Jennifer, I feel no pity except for the kids.  Why?  Because she caused this by cheating, and he caused this by his lack of self control.  Both sides are guilty, but the cause of the problem is Jennifer.  And don't give me that "I don't care what the she did crap....." because if she loved her husband, she would have put him and her children first, before her no pants and no shirt life!

Quote From: justin16

 I THINK DR.PHIL HAS A LITTLE SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE. I THINK RIGHT NOW HE HIS HELPING JENNIFER AND HER CHILDREN GET OUT AND GET SOME HELP. I TRUELY BELIEVE THAT IF HE TOLD JENNIFER TO GET A DIVORCE IN FRONT OF JEFF ,THAN JEFF WOULD NOT HAVE AGREED TO HELP AND SHE WOULD BE HOME RIGHT NOW WITH THAT CREEP PAYING THE PRICE FOR HIS ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR.  DR. PHIL KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE THIS VERY DIFFICULT SITUATION. JEFF IS A TIME BOMB JUST READY TO EXPLODE AND JENNIFER AND HER CHILDREN WOULD PAY THE PRICE. HAVE  A LITTLE FAITH IN DR.PHILL. AND I HOPE JENNIFER STARTS TO TRULY FIND HER INNER SELF. SHE IS TRUELY TO YOUNG (31YRS OLD) TO A GONE THRU THIS TERROR. YEAH SHE  AN AFFAIR BUT MY GOSH LOOK AT WHAT SHE HAD TO LIVE THRU. HER LIFE IS JUST NOW  GET READY TO BLOSSOM AND I HOPE SHE CAN RISE ABOVE ALL THIS HEART ARCH. TO EVERY-ONE OUT THEIR THAT BLAMES HER, JUST THINK IF THAT WAS YOUR DAUGHTER  WHAT WOULD YOU DO !!!! SEEING YOUR CHILD IN THAT MUCH PAIN. SHE HAS BEN ISOLATED FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS. AS A PARENT JEFF IS LUCKY TO ALIVE!!! IF HE HAD DONE THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTER LETS JUST SAY DOWN HERE WE WOULD FIND AN OLD OAK TREE. I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND SO CRUEL BUT I THINK OF MY OWN DAUGHTERS AND PRAY TO GOD THEY NEVER EVER FIND A MAN LIKE JEFF. HOPEFULLY THEY FIND A GUY THAT RESPECTS THEM AS DR. PHIL RESPECTS ROBIN AND HIS CHILDREN.  DR. PHIL IS A MAN THAT COMES ALONG ONCE IN A LIFE TIME. LIKE I SAID HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN OWN "GREAT TEXAN DR. PHIL HE WILL SURPRISE ALL OF US IN THIS MATTER. JUST KEEP WATCHING.  GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK TO ALL THAT LIVE IN THE HANDS OF AN ABUSER.

Quote From: justin16

 IF HE HIS SO GREAT W/O JEN THEN HE SHOULD BE MAN ENOUGH TO LET HER LEAVE AND THEN GET SOME HELP FOR HIS SICK BEHAVIOR. DO YOU LOCK YOU WIFE OR HUSBAND IN THE BASEMENT,RECORD EVERYTHING THEY ARE DOING? AND IF HE REALLY LOVES THE KIDS WHY IN THE HELL IS HE DOING THIS IN FRONT OF THEM? YEAH WHAT A GREAT GUY MAYBE YOU SHOULD MARRY HIS ASS. HE WOULDN'T HARM HER , WHAT DO YOU THINK HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST YEARS LOVE HER? WHAT HAS MARRIAGE CAME TO THESE DAYS WHEN PEOPLE THAT JEFF'S BEHAVIOR IS ACCEPTABLE IN ANY WAY. IF THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL LOVE I FEEL SORRY FOR THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

Quote From: deathstar

 

 

 

 

I have been watching your show the past two days with the guy that has been controlling his wife.  I know this man and I know this woman.  I was that woman 32 years ago.

 

Even with the threat of killing me if I ever though of leaving him, I was more afraid of staying with him.

 

I knew I deserved better than what I was getting from him.  He isolated me from family, friends, church and any financial resources.

 

Thank God, I had family that was willing to help me escape this mad man.  Even though, at the time they did not know the whole story.

 

He threaten to skin me alive, an inch at a time.  As he could keep me alive for a long time before it would kill me and I would suffer for a long time.  He talked about cutting my eyelids off so I would see the whole thing.

 

When I told him, I was leaving him he handed me a gun and asked me to kill him.  I had the gun in my hand and believe me I wanted to kill him.  As that though entered my mind, I heard my 18 month old son cry in the other room and knew he would be taking me from the only thing I loved.

 

I toss the gun on the bed packed my son and drove to the airport with mainly the cloths on our backs.

 

My divorce attorney told me you think your troubles are over, but they are just beginning.  I didnt believe that.  Those words have come back to haunt me many times.

 

When he would come to pick up our toddler for his weekend visit, he would taunt me with words like.  To bad you dont know what I will be doing with him.  I could be in another state before Sunday and you would never see your son ever again.  I cried all weekend long until he was returned.

 

He would make my son call me and say he wanted to live with him.  If he wouldnt come to live with him, he would move away and my son would never see him again. If you loved me  I dont have the energy to relive every detail of the emotional stress to my son and myself to list all the things we were put through.  

 

Years later, my son at the age of 14 did not see his father again.  His dad told him he didnt want to see him, He did not love him, he was not his son and for my husband to adopt him.  I learned later that this man had molested our son when he was around seven or eight. I never saw a more broken person as my son sit on the steps sobbing so hard as he told me of his nightmare.  This has carried a heavy blow to my son.  He is now 34 and unable to work and be around other people.  He has just recently quite another job.  He is very introverted and has been hospitalized for suicidal feelings.  He lives like a hermit in his own home, and has used what savings he had to live on. I have given him money but he gets mad when I do.

 

He drinks heavily and has done drugs.  He can not seem to have a relationship with anyone.

When he is the lowest, he cries I dont want to be like my dad.

 

I have been married to a great guy for 24 years and he has been very supportive to my son.

My son feels close to him.

 

I have a lot of guilt and sorrow for my son.  I feel like I saved myself but could not save him from the monster that is his dad.  Those words from my attorney You think your troubles are over, but they are just beginning.  still echo in my thoughts late at night when I cant sleep.

 

If I only knew then what I know now, I might have pulled that trigger.

 

Please save this woman and her children from that monster,they can do so much damage.

My ex would make you feel sorry for him too.  He also looked normal to everyone.

 

Quote From: suelzy

You are so off base... I do know that if someone is in the abusive relationship you are describing than they are not out at bars till all hours, cheating numerous times,  posting sexy and inappropriate pictures on line, etc.   These are not the actions of someone who is scared of their spouse.

Quote From: justnancy

Thanks for sharing this I think you're right.  I was wondering the same thing when Dr. Phil advised her to put the divorce on hold for now.  I thought, "Why is he giving this guy false hope?" However, I did trust that Dr. Phil knew exactly what he was doing. I think your explanation makes a lot of sense.  Dr. Phil is giving the guy a chance but more than that, he's helping Jennifer so that if she wants to get away, she can do so as safely as possible.

Quote From: mgrlady

He has needed to have Power/Control over her from the minute they started dating.  In the beginning, he would do something crazy , apologize and promise to NEVER do it again.  Jeffrey admitted he started taping her phone conversations when they had only been married 2 months!!  He would start putting her down and eroding her self esteem.  He would lie about his intentions.  He would deny what he had done and make her feel as if she is crazy.  He began engineering her dependence on him by getting her pregnant and making her financially dependent on him.  She coped for 11 years through several methods of self protection and because of some of the things that he has done to her. 

 

1.  She divides herself into compartments.  All the bad stuff that he does is shoved into a compartment that is locked up and rarely opened because it is so painful.  Selective amnesia going into pandora's box.  This is why she appears unemotional.

 

2.  She "goes along to get along".  She keeps the peace by stepping back and allowing him to get away with what he does.  It is easier on the family if she puts herself last or denies herself completely. 

 

3.  She becomes the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect everything.  If she does everything like he wants her to, maybe he will stop what he does.

 

4.  He isolated her from her family and friends.  She has no one to talk to.  No one who can help her through the crazyiness.  This is his "gift" that keeps on giving.  At a point, she will not even try and make friends because of what he will put her and them through.  She can ONLY have secret friendships now.

 

5.  At the 2 year mark, when she was at her wit's end trying to deal with all his crazyness, she has an affair.  A person to talk to......because he has cut her off from family & friends.  A person who treats her well.....Because she has been living with this emotionally abuse man for 2 years.  She has a way "Out".... Because, If she gets caught, surely they will divorce and it will put an end to the misery he has created in their life.

 

Everything that he does is classic verbal and emotional abuse.  If you read through the posts, you will have seen multiple times that other women have said "It was like my story on the show!"  A few changes here and there, but it is the same story, different names. 

 

Is she safe?  Well, that is possibly the PRIMARY reason that she stays!!  She DOES NOT know if she and her children are safe.  AND WHY WOULD SHE?  He has been doing unbelieveably crazy things from the very beginning.

 

You would be SHOCKED at how many of us are out there, just like her. 

 

Signed:  Just Like Her