Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

 i am in the same boat. i have 4 kids and am a housewife .  My hushand was a crack head an abuser and a drinker.  I stayed why because of my kids  needed me and i needed them to be strong, because i have nobody.  my children some times respect me there dad does not know when he say nasty thing like yu are nothing with me or without me i want to die.  but i hang in there and stick it out and not listen.  becuase it will go away one day.  my hushand stop alot but not being respectful is the only he did stop.

I left five years ago after 15 years.  My divorce was final 2 1/2 years ago.  I left when my son was three years old and my daughter one year old.  Why did I stay for fifteen years?  Every time someone says to me "why didn't you just leave" ?? it makes my skin crawl because it puts the blame on me.  Myself and our children are the victimes!!  These men do not let you leave!   It is about control and it is about them not having you.  If they can not have you, they will stop at nothing to keep you from being happy and moving on with your life.

 

SINCE MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO -

1) My ex has five domestic violence related convictions against me.  The last conviction he was found guilty of earlier this spring and sentenced to 6 months in jail. He is currently out on appeal bond and therefore I will go thru my SECOND jury trial in the last two and a half years next month for this conviction.  He is currently out on appeal bond.

 

2)  His first conviction was for domestic battery.  4 months after filing for divorce the second time, against court order he came into the house, smashed my head into the floor repeatedly, beat me with wooden hangers until they broke IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN.  With police photographs, etc. I still had to relive this through two trials. 

 

3)  The other convictions are for harassment and violations of protection orders. 

 

4)  We were court ordered to do monitored exchanges at the police station.  Inevitably he refused to continue these which meant having to have police escorts to pick up my children from his residence.  The police tired of the escorts and I was put into a position to agree to alternate week pick ups at both of our residences - during the very first exchange at his home, after telling me "under no circumstances would he be returning the children to me", I parked in his driveway to pick up the kids and I was arrested for trespassing.  Our children are now exchanged at a behavioral center.

 

5) Papers have been filed against me to have the children removed from me because I am "only marginally fit as a parent" and "don't even bathe myself or my childrent".  Now if you knew me, my involvment in our children's lives, the professional, intelligent woman that I am you would see how absurd all of this is.  Nonetheless... I am having to pay for psychiatric evaluations for the kids and myself at $200/hour to prove my ability as a mother.  Not only am I NOT crazy, but I am a woman with incredible resolve and a terrific mother!!

 

6) I am currently being sued by my ex for libel and slander and tort of outrage.  My ex has five convictions AND I AM BEING SUED FOR LIBEL AND SLANDER!!  Libel and slander because my son came home from a visitation saying his father physically hurt him.  Knowing the history of my ex, combined with the fact that he killed our family pet, I called child protective services.  Because there was no "physical evidence", the courts said that it was just a a"father disciplining his child" and I was denied a new Protection Order.  Because I was denied the Protection Order, I am being sued for libel and slander even though 1) it was the truth as told to me by our son; and 2) this was protected information revealed in a court of law.

 

7) January this year my ex was put on the contempt docket for child support.

 

These examples are only the tip of the iceburg as to what the kids and I have had to survive over the last five yars.  I have lived in the courthouse both, criminal and civil court rooms,  I have lost two jobs and I have never lost a job in my life!!  I currently have not a penny to my name, am unemployed and have three court appearances this month alone!  And can no longer even afford an attorney!!!!  My ex will not stop until he has completely beaten me down!!!

 

Now... does anyone out there really want to ask me why I didn't leave sooner?  And we have not even discussed how behind our system is in defending women or men in similar positions.... 

 

Jennifer needs to leave, it is not her fault, but she needs to know that the physical "leaving" is only the beginning!!!  Things will get so much more difficult that anything she has had to survive to this point.  These men are sick and will never change.  You can't possibly understand the incredible strength it takes just to walk out the door, let alone survive the aftermath.  It would have been so much easier to stay....  BUT "our children were watching" and forming who they would be as adults by what they saw and this was not okay!!!

 

I've asked domestic violence advocates who really survives these relationships??  At one point I asked victim's assistance to name just one person who has survived leaving???  They couldn't..  Then I saw a show on Oprah where a woman was burnt on 90% of her body and her significant other was in jail.  She survived!!  The kids and I live one day at a time, but not only will I survive, I will be there to change our system!!  Lets face it, by the time a woman actually survives leaving this relationship, where does she have the energy left to change the system??  I am going to find it and my daughter and/or your daughter/son will never have to live the life that I have over the last five years to do so!!!

 

Jennifer is the victim and it is not her fault.  Dr Phil, I beg you.  Please help her and her children.  Sitting on your show today is acceptance for her of what she needs to do, but the ramifications after today are endless.  I ask myself every morning where on earth I find the energy to fight one more day??  It comes from looking into the eyes of my now eight year old son and his five year old little sister.

 

As readers you can't see the picture I uploaded to my profile, but if you could... it is a picture of the three of us on my 38th birthday.  THE DAY, that I decided "enough was enough". My day of acceptance.  Please let that day be today for Jennifer and may she have the incredible strength it is going to take to stay safe and move on. 

 

Jennifer, you are in my thoughts and prayers.....  Leave and never look back.  Keep looking forward!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have one comment to make to all of the people that blame Jennifer for showing herself in a bathing suit on the internet. Jeffrey took pictures of her IN THE SHOWER, and showed those to other people.  If he doesn't have a problem violating her like that then why is it a problem for her to do something much less severe? Oh yeah, and he also suggested that they should have a threesome with his friend???

  This guy is so dysfunctional, he needs help, but shld be nowhere near the wife.  I can understand y she``s still living with him, as she said she had no place to go with her 3 children.  What an old man she`s got married to.  No wonder he is so insecure.  Once i too was married to a  guy 15yrs older than him, but i stept out, he was so insecure that  he`d beat me and ruin my face and tell me that he`s gonna physically hurt me and break ane of my arm or leg, so that no one looks at me and thinks of marrying. For sure i knew when compared i was much goodlooking than him, but his fly members wld support him so much that he`d think that he`s the most handsome guy on earth.  Thnk god, with the support of my fly members i was out of the marriage.  Now, i`m happilly married to a wonderful guy and have a newborn, i feel so lucky with my new man.  He tottally understands me.  My advice to this woman is to get help from Fly, Friends or anybody you can see who can help you.  Maybe you shld leave town and not let him know where u live, so hat he doesn`t follow u.  This is a dangerous,  How sure r u , that he wont do this 2 u again.  Didn`t u c how mouthy he was getting to Dr Phil &it`s not his show.  He was trying to be a smartass to Dr Phil.  Ples i beg u to stay away frm him.  I cld feel ur pain &that`s y i request u 4 ur own good--JUST LEAVE HIM.  Trust me no one will ever get married to him, Maybe in future u might find a good SOULMATE like the way i`ve found.  My ex is still looking for someone to be with.  But c what goes around comes around.  GOOD LUCK--to you.  My heart goes out for you.

I do not feel that Jeffery is listening to Dr.Phil. I agree that he does need help, for himself, but I do not think he really hears Dr. Phil. I think it's a ploy to make it look as if he wants help, just to get another chance to stay in this relationship, then when counseling is done at the facility in California, he will go right back to his old ways. Jennifer needs to get out. Dr. Phil is right about not getting a divorce now, because it would cause more harm, probably physical harm from Jeffery to Jennifer. But...I believe once he is back  at home with no cameras, no doctors, no Dr. Phil, he will return as they say..."As a dog to his vomit" 

I am 100% behind Dr. Phil's decision to try to get this man the help that he needs.  I think that a mariage is supposed to be until death do you part and that you should do anything in your power to save your marriage.  If you try to save your marriage and you can not then at least you tried your best.  I wish this couple the best of luck with whatever road this couple goes down.  If they try to save the marriage then good luck and if they do get divorced then I hope that they try to make it as easy as possible for the childrens sake. 

Dr Phil

 

I feel bad for Jennifer and  jeffrey hope she gets the help they  need. . If she divorces Jeffrey, which I hope she does, I hope she will be ok.

 

Also, want to say you really help people and keep up the good work. 

 

Sharon

NO A LOT OF BASEMENTS HAVE ONLY 1 DOOR IN,  NOW THERS A LOT OF HOMES THAT WERE BUILT WITH A BASEMENT INTENDED FOR EXTRA LIVING QUARTERS IN WHENCH CASE WOULD HAVE A  SLIDING GLASS DOOR THAT EXITS INTO THE BACK YARD, BUT IN JENNEFERS CASE I THINK IT WAS A BASEMENT INTENDED FOR EXTRA STORAGE ONLY. wow sorry about the big letters i had a moment of total stupidity, forgot i had cap lock on lol.

Watching the show made me regester so I could post this comment.

Dr. Phil, I hope you tell her to leave him and help her get back on her feet.  Also help provide her with a good lawyer!!!!  I fear for this womans life and her kids.  No telling what he could do next.

I don't care if a person cheats a 100 times on there spouse, that is still no reason for him to behave the way he does.  He is off his rocker, and dangerous!!!!  I'm willing to bet that everyone who watched the show would agree, that he is dangerous, and that if she did leave him people would send her money to help her leave him!!  I know I would!!!  Thats just my 2cents!

I personally lost some of my confidence in Dr. Phil today for not dealing with her part in this situation. I do not understand at all why Dr. Phil did not say one negative word to her about her poor behavior as a wife and mother.  Shame on you Dr. Phil!

 What gives her the right to think she can go out and cheat, be on My Space in very inappropiate dress, and go out to bars to all hours of the night. This marriage can be saved but only by two willing partners and a loving God that ordained marriage in the first place.

Both partners must be committed!   Let's all pray for them!!!