Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

The more I here about what Jeffrey wants, the more I believe he needs to separate from his family! Jeffery has never said, I need to do what is best for Jennifer and the children. Jennifer needs to be free so that she can heal. Jeffery needs to be in treatment and away from the family.

It may be years before they may reconcile ,if it should happen at all. Jeffery needs to learn to let go of control. Jeffery needs to be confined. Jennifer needs to disappear until it is healthy and safe to meet or never meet agan. As hard as it maybe, it must happen! The children's  and Jennifer's mental health welfare and safety are at stake.

I'm glad you're now happily married.

Your message is the only one that I totally agree with.

You had the strength and courage to make a better life for you and your children.

Seeing this story brought back painful memories from my first marriage, not nearly as bad, yet  the controlling was crazy.  The thing that surprised me the most is that I was a victim of it.  I thought I was an intelligent woman, had my act together, yet this man somehow got in my head and controlled me.  He also made sure I did not have friends, I was timed when I went to the grocery store, went crazy if I wanted to get my nails done, if I took more time that normal doing my makeup, etc..So many things, luckily the memories are finally leaving.  I don't know how it happened.  Like this man's wife, I too felt trapped.  I had 2 small children, low on income, excuse, excuse, excuse, thought I was doing the right thing "staying for the kids".  One day, I woke up, I was 33, and there was this huge lightbulb going off, it said, "You have the lived the last10 years in misery, is this how you want to live the rest of your life?"  I drove to an attorney, filed papers, looked for an apartment, and did it.  Yes, it was hard, I had no family support, but I sure learned that I was an intelligent woman and though times got hard, I did it, I could take care of myself.  A friend told me when I did this and when I was so distraught, a year from now things will be so different.  How true those words were.  Exactly a year from the day I left my ex, I met my husband.  I wasn't looking to meet him, but it worked out.  We have been happily married for 7 years, been together for almost 9.  In the beginning it was hard for me to take compliments from him, it was just hard, but he was so sweet, he even told me, "Wow, your ex really did a number on you".  I could beat myself up everyday for letting that evil man do to me whatever he did, but you know, that part of my life made me who I am today.  I do remember saying to my ex, why don't you just hit me, it won't hurt as long.   WOW, he was, and is to this day, such a jerk.  Since he lost his control on me, he has tried doing it to our children.  Our son is 18 and has always lived with his dad, my daughter is 16, and though it took several years, these two children began seeing on their own the whole picture.  My ex will die a lonely man.

I understand why Dr. Phil wants to help this psycho man, but all the rehab in the world will not help.  As with any addictions, etc YOU GOTTA WANNA!  I fear if he does not attempt this rehab program, he will take the children and harm them and his wife.  But she needs to take her babies, and run as far away, hopefully to her loving family for support and years of therapy for her and the kids.  I would never allow this man unsupervised visits with his children.  My heart aches for you , but it is true, a year from now things will be so different.  The best part is, YOU CAN DO IT!

It is easy for people that haven't been in this situation to come up with great ideas, which seem simple at the time.  This women has been caged for years.  Imagine being caged like a animal and the things you might do to survive. 

As I watched this man turning on the tears back stage, I noticed he would say " I want to be in a marriage and have the family".  It's all about him, not about any other people, including his children.  He is controlling and cares only about HIS needs.  He recognized he has a problem, a few times at that, but always fired his counselors.  He became desperate and called Dr. Phil only because he recognized he was loosing his family.  She should take this opportunity to make plans for her and her children's future without him when he returns from therapy. This man needs LONG term help and I don't think he will be able to change.  I am scared for her and her children. 

 This man has totally lost it.  He came over too fakey to me and there are pro's out there that can even fool Dr. Phil.  And I think this man is one of them.  Of course he doesn't have any money because he can't get out of bed in the mornings to work because like I said before, he has realized he is coming very close to loosing his family. 

 I am wondering if she will be able to not "keep looking over her shoulder" wondering if he will slip back to his old ways once he gets out of therapy.

He never stopped her from going anywhere.  He just followed her and spied on her.  It did not stop her from bringing men into their home or picking up men in bars, or sending men innapropriate pictures of herself over the internet.  Was she thinking of the kids while doing this for 11 years?  NO. 

So many women make this mistake when they split with their spouses or boyfriends.  They try to punish them by keeping the chidren from them, but in the end the children are just as hurt in being denied time with their fathers. 

She cheated within the first year of marriage and I wonder if that is the reason why he does not trust her.I don't agree that what he is doing is right,because yes,he has a problem.I think they both need counceling and time to work on their marriage and to gain trust in her again.I think he is very mentally ill and I hope this works for him.