Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

one-sided is an understatement. SHE"S the one in control. After cheating on him, she SHOULD of been an open book to prove herself. Instead she hides things and makes him so crazy he resorts to these sad attempts to make her be the woman he loves. He's trying to get back the woman he married. HE should move on.

HE said himself that while he's doing these things he knows they are wrong but can't control  himself  while he's doing it. Will that be the case as he's killing her to keep her to himself? He needs help for sure, but she needs to get out and away from him, not just for her, does she want her children to be continually exposed to this? And how will it effect them as adults? There is no hope of a decent relationship with this man, she needs to get away from him right now. I was actually scared for her as I watched, has she not seen over the years all the men who have killed thier wives to keep them from someone else? If she stays it is only a matter of time before he slips over that edge and kills her. She needs to move far away from him and stay out of contact with him until he has recieved some serious help, but even then, don't go back. She is not a wife to him but rather a possesion that he will keep at all costs, I sincerly hope Dr Phil will help her get away from him and help her get somewhere safe for her and her children. It is so scary that men like this are out there and I hope this show has awakened any other women going through this and that they escape from it safetly as well. But my advice to her..Get out GIrl and fast!!!

 
I'm worried about Jennifer and her 3 children!
Controllers don't change without serious help - I'm sure Dr. Phil knows SERIOUS help.  Jennifer needs to protect those 3 children from further exposure to more of the same and possibly worse.  My second husband was an abusive controller.  I was unaware of his Jekel & Hyde personality (though my son had some insight I ignored) until very shortly after our marriage.  It wasn't long before my list of acceptable friends was very short (his friends) or that I was forced to take one or all of our children to the store with me (I have 2 from my first marriage and he had 1 daughter).  At another point he made a deal with me to sell my car so we could buy another nicer one - and later I found he'd deliberately left my name off the title.  These same kind of actions were occuring with land we were purchasing together as well.  He accused me of having affairs - which was ridiculous because there wasn't any time where I could have had a chance!  One night (thankfully all the children were not present), the terrible man beat me so 'skillfully' that all of the bruises could be covered with clothing.  The only thing broken was a toe, but I had multiple bruises throughout my scalp hidden by my hair, where he'd repeated dragged me by my hair and bashed my head into walls and door jams.  The dragging action put rug burns the size of fifty cent pieces on every bony protrusion you can imagine.  The ones on my feet were the hardest ones to conceal.  I remember lying to all the kids the next day (the monster's birthday) about dropping a load of wood for the stove on my feet because he'd threaten to kill my children if I told anyone...All the other bruises were easily covered by clothing.  I couldn't wear enclosed shoes on Monday so I called in sick at work.  Tuesday I remember driving passed the Group Health facility (of which I was a member at the time) and how much I really struggled with just driving to the emergency area and reporting what had happened to me.  His threats just kept ringing in my ears.  To this day, it's one of the only things I've had trouble forgiving myself for not doing.
Controllers are skilled at the art of saying they're sorry, giving the appearance of change for a short time, and then returning to the offending behavior.   These little 'honeymoon' periods relax you and give you a moment to ponder and think that maybe this time things will be different...  It's not...
Jennifer, there isn't anything wrong with you.  Wanting to stay because of your children is part of the syndrome.  In my case, the step-daughter was my biggest reason for hanging on.  I was the protective middle ground between him and her.  Turns out he'd been abusing her for years before I came into the picture.  And your self-worth has been severely compromised.  Take my word for it, you can win this battle.  Yes, it will be a challenge and there are bumps along the way - but it is worth it.  There are support systems at the ready.  Just reach out and ask for help.  I had a hard time gaining back my feelings of self-worth and confidence.  It took hard work and more than a year of therapy.
Within 4 months of the time I finally made the break, this abusive man was having an affair with a drug dealer and had squandered large sums of money that was supposed to be supporting the personal business we ran from our home when he stopped working for the same employer where I continued.  Funny how the accusations of affairs are sometimes pushed on the victim because the controller is the one actually committing the sin. 
Thanks to a domestic violence shelter in my community, run by the YWCA, I was able to escape from this awful man with all three kids and begin my healing process.  I did have to return my step-daughter but her grandparents later acted on further problems and took her away from her father for approximately 6 months while he had to attend anger management, drug addiction, and parenting classes.   Three weeks in the shelter opened my eyes to the shocking statistics about domestic violence.  I was totally shocked to discover that the average victim returns to her situation 7 times before she completely severes ties (or is discovered dead). 

Dr. Phil,
This program has been hard to watch with the memories coming up to the surface, but I do like the way you are handling Jeffery.  Keep up the great work.  I will be watching again for the second part.  I want to see your conclusion.  Programs like yours and segments like those on King 5 with Jean Enersen gave me the strength to come forward where I work and help to provide material for a new video that was going to be used for something called the Combined Federal Campaign.  They used a very condensed version of my story for a portion of that video for a couple years.  I still give a portion of my contribution to the YWCA for helping me to turn my life around.
Thank you for listening

Wow!!!  Although Jeffrey is exhibiting some incredible "creepy" behavior. (he obviously needs intervention)...why has Jennifer not been confronted???  What is a married woman doing posting swimsuit photos of herself on the web???  And why is a married woman going out to a bar with friends til late morning with mixed company????  And what about her quality of friendships....calling each other "sexy bitch" is a term of endearment between friends???  Wow...all I can say is "Wow"....both sides need help.

Dear Dr. Phil ...

Since these two have been accepted on your show I believe you now have no choice but to set something up for Jennifer to keep her safe.   Of course you don't need me to tell you anything, but I am certainly going to reinforce the feelings of myself and what appears to be a large majority of people here.  This case is one of those that compel people to write; the horrible possibilities of what could happen in this relationship are so strong, I, and so many others, feel a real need to speak out.

Jeffery's eyes are very cold.  His expression rarely changes.  He freely admits many of the things he's done with a blank stare and a "it's because of her" attitude.  Rarely - if ever - have I seen a guest on your show with such obvious and serious mental dysfunction.  When we consider the extremes he has used to track her, how is he going to react to her leaving him and ultimately being with someone else?  I shudder to think about it.

Jennifer is a beautiful young woman.  Jeffrey knows that he will never 'get' another like her.  (As a side note, I wonder if Jennifer was not so pretty if the same problem would exist?)  I think he is using your show to buy time.  By going to the ultimate therapist (Dr. Phil) Jeffery (in his mind) can show Jennifer that he is working on his problem, buy himself a little more time to think of the next plan.

Some observations:

Obviously Jeffrey would not have written the show if he didn't think he could get something out of it.  If this isn't a blatant example of how his deranged mind just doesn't get it, there isn't one.

Jennifer's not an angel, but neither am I.  Neither are most people  However, although she may have done things that many people would not agree with, they still fall within the realm of common human behaviours and do not represent huge problems.  They are certainly not a reason to excuse Jeffrey's behaviour as I have seen some suggest here.  (Very scary that is.)

I am not sure of the sex of their children (or if it matters) but I believe Jeffery has the potential to become obsessed over a daughter (or even a son) also.  Dr. Phil, you have been doing this a long time, you know that Jeffrey is exhibiting behaviours that are common among child molesters, rapists and the like.  Somehow, someway, this guy has to be stopped and that family protected.  I am absolutely terrified about the outcome of this situation.  Please keep us up to date on what happens.

A note to Jennifer:
Jennifer, I have been happily married to a wonderful woman for almost 26 years now.  She is my world and I love her dearly.  There IS a man out there who will treat you well.  I have faith that things will work out for you.  If anyone can help you it is Dr. Phil.  I just don't know of anywhere else you could get the kind of help he can provide.  I trust this will happen.  I've noticed some people offering to be your friend in these message boards.  Although that is a risky business, I'm sure they mean well as I know exactly where they are coming from.  I too want to reach out to you personally and reassure you that there are those who honestly care, that you can and will have a brighter future, that there are men who will treat you like a queen - regardless of your appearence or mistakes.  I want you to know that I am thinking about you, praying for you and trusting that you will find friends with a real depth of understanding, compassion and love.   I may not be able to be one of those friends in person, but I am pulling for you with everything I have.  Know that people care Jennifer, they really do.  Hang in there - the best is yet to come.

I hope that when the show is over this man has a restraining order on him -- I think he is dangerous to his entire family.  I do not get the impression he is really wanting help -- I think he is bragging about his behavior and loving the attention it is creating.  Could he later use this show of instability as a defense for his actions? 

 

Please don't just let him walk away! 

Although the husband's behavior is deplorable and she should get out of this marriage fast, there are always two sides to every story.  The wife is not innocent; she has cheated twice in 11 years and goes to bars, leaving the husband and 3 kids at home, to meet men.  Why hasn't that behavior on her part been addressed, so far, on the show?  Some of her "tears" appear fake and it sounds like she has willingly participated in some of his actions.  And if he truly has not drugged her, how can anyone sleep through having your clothes removed and possible sexual abuse?  She is not as innocent as she pretends.  This by no means condones his obsessive and dangerous behavior, but there is help for abused women and she should find it and get out!

My sentiments exactly.  She is not as innocent as she appears. 

I think her and her children should be put in protective custody and put him in a straight jacket and take him to a mental health facility TODAY!!!  He is a threat to her, the children and if they were to divorce, to his next potential obsessive love.  Nobody wants that.    And, can he put on a show, this husband.  Can we all not see through that?