Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

He is over the top and I too agree that he needs help.  However, solitude and time are the only things that can help him.  He will get lonely and miss his past; his wife and his children.  In time, when the pain is gone, he'll deal with scars the rest of his life, especially with his ex-wife constantly controlling him for more money.  And any amount of happiness he tries to attain, his ex-wife will hammar him with more expenses until he can no longer support himself, or his new family.

 

I don't believe this relationship can be healed....it's a gone deal.

 

But she shouldn't have put herself first ahead of her family....she caused this, though he should have controlled himself.

I have been in these situations in the past with my own relationships. I do not feel sorry for any pain or feelings that he may have. I wish that I could tell her myself that it is not her fault and to teach her how to stand up for herself and leave. I know it is dangerous. I have been there. I promise I know how scary it is to leave. I looked at myself and my relationship one day and realized that is scarier to stay than it is to leave. I used every resource that I could in order to leave. I have been in so much pain because I have done this more than once based on reasons that I cannot discuss. I have been there first hand without help and the reason that I am telling people this is not to feel sorry for me but to tell you not to feel sorry for himself. He knows exactly what he is doing in his mind. Do not think that he does not. The reason he has gone to Dr. Phil is because he knows he can go to jail. He knows his actions and the way that he is hurting her and it is a game to him. The more that he can hurt her the more pride he feels in himself for doing it and he wants Dr. Phil to help them so he can continue to hurt her. The only thing that I would recommend is that I wish that someone helped me to get out rather than trying to help him so that I could stay. When I realized the game I did everything I could to leave after a series of experiences that were harder than I can explain to the public. He is not the one that he needs help and even if he does the focus should on be on his actions that only brings him pride. Get her out of the relationship so that she can focus on what she loves to do, be a good mother. She can still introduce her children to kind men without being with one. They can be inspired by good male friends that she has in her life. Bring her kids with her to dinners or when she goes out,  and let them order what they want and learn what a nice man is, but please get out of the relationship. She doesn't need to rebel from what he is doing to her. That will only hurt her, which is what he wants from her. If he is not there to hurt her he wants her to hurt herself. I know that she wants a life, but she is going to get hurt trying to have one under his roof. If there is anything that she can do to put him in jail while she buys a house for her and her kids than do it. I think that life has beautiful events that happen in it no matter what harm people cause towards other people, but when people find people that are trying to stop them from living, then they need to find what they are passionant about like children and animals are for me, and go do that. It gives me so much more pride than having a man ever will. I look into what makes children happy and I bring the activity to them. I think that that is what makes great mothers amazing mothers no matter where they live in the world.

I know how upsetting this is & like you some times I have to turn of the TV or stop listening because I find myself actually ill from it.  I often feel when someone is being told to "hold on & wait" it's like a horror movie where we can see the axe murderer coming up & the person is going to call the police or something & you're screaming at the TV to "GET OUT"!  And then we realize this isn't a movie and this is a real live woman who is in danger and yes it's so scary. 

 

Just remember that you becoming ill won't help anyone on the show today or any woman that's in trouble.  Take some slow deep breaths in & out through the nose, think of what you have in your life & truly embrass the blessings you've got   (this always makes me feel so much better)  & at the same time take a piece of mint like gum or lifesavers.  This may help to calm you & feel better. 

To letmego,

I have experienced everything that you wrote.  I tried everything i could think of to get my ex out of my life.  I even went as far as having an undercover officer and his dog in my house in the middle of the night waiting for my ex to show up so he could be arrested.  That didn't even stop him.  It is only after years of complete disregard on my part and his own legal problems that things have finally come to a point where I don't have to worry about being harrassed.  He too, has been found in contempt of the Child Support orders.  My custody orders are "temporary", and even though I don't see how he would have a leg to stand on, I hesitate to rock the boat by going to court to get anything permanent.  I have learned the hard way too many times that what I think is right and common sense isn't necessarily what the judge will do, and I am not willing to risk my children's well-being on that.

So having an affair justify's all this insanity? These two people obviously should not be together.

I am sick of hearing people saying this guy should get a pass because she slept with someone else...if he can't forgive her and trust her then it's time to MOVE ON. It's not time to become an insane stalking control freak.

and I think posts like this are a real danger to abuse victims who are reading here.   

I fully agree on what you just said. After all, she was only 19 & he was about 30 when they gotten married. She's just missing out on her young life by spending it with this guy. The point is, she should've never gotten involved with him in the first place. What right does it give him to treat her like a child? And now that every woman knows what kind of being he is, does he think that any woman around his age would put up with that crap? Of course not! If I was Jennifer, I would divorce this man, take the kids, & run. And anyone who's defending him is just as crazy as he is (or have never experienced abuse).

When I watched my DVR of this show yesterday, I was horrified and very disturbed.  This woman needs to get out NOW and FAST.  I hope Dr. Phil can help her with legal support and creating an "escape" plan.

 

This guy is a loon.  It's not healthy, not normal and very detrimental to them both and more importantly those children.

 

GET OUT BEFORE HE DOES SOMTHING DEADLY... I feel that is the path this is headed.

 

SCARY SCARY SCARY

 I just can't imagine for one,, someone being that strange and insecure.. and second, someone who will stay w/ a person like that.  I believe if she would only have to ask for help and tell them about the things he has done to her, then they would do everything they can to help her get away from him.. but, I really think she is going to have to go into hiding...............if he is this strange and controlling when they are together,,,,what will he do when she has left.    These sorts of things are what men do when their wives have left them.... what will he do when she does! 

 

This makes a lot of men out here look like Saints!    Mine was wonderful before this show, now?  He is perfect!

 

This is one of the saddest stories that i've ever heard in a while.   Yeah I agree that Jennifer was wrong to cheat on Jeffrey twice and the fact she did cheat does need to be addressed.   Why did she cheat - what was the cause.  Why, at her wedding did she not know anybody? Wasn't her family invited?   It seemed kinda doomed from day one - to make thinks even "Better" she was pregnant.

 

Ok time goes on, she cheats 2x and hubby finds out and goes ballistic continuously.    She had no right to cheat on him and he has absolutely no right to get her fired, to cause her harm (locking her in the basement & calling her crazy to her kids)  She has no right to have a myspace page - and not allow her hubby access. He had absolutely no right to go to her work and rummage through her things there - where was security at her work!  What about the takin' pictures of her in the shower? that's voyeurism!  & stalking her - husband or not there should be a law! The list goes on and on over who's right and who's wrong.

 

She feels like a prisoner in her own home, she's being controlled and that is not a good thing.    The two of them need to separate, maybe not divorce, but separate (yeah live in separate homes) until Jeffery can get the help he needs to curb his assinine controlling ways.   She needs to get help, herself so she can get on her feet, find a new job and find out really why she cheated.    The kids will need therapy just for living in such a horrid disfunctional environment.

 

Ok enough ranting.  I'm gonna be missing part two as i'm going out so - hopefully Jennifer has the guts to leave him - even if it is only on a temp basis until they get the help they need.