Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

I  have never seen a husband so obsessed with his wife and who would go to such great lengths to keep her under his thumb.   From tracking devices to checking her computer, it was all so freaky!!!!!   I can see how she would be very scared to leave, because the man is very unpredictable.  He has already proven he would go to great lengths to keep her at bay, but I also couldn't understand why she would keep emailing these men and having pictures of herself in bathing suits on her myspace.  I say this because, in my eyes, by her doing this,she is just giving him a motive to go on, I am not saying what he is doing is right.  It's definitely not!!!!   But she knows how obsessed her husband is and she has already stated she had affairs and that she dines with men.   I don't understand her side either.  I am married and I have been married for 10yrs and I would NEVER email a man nor would I be displaying myself on myspace in a provocitive way.     

He has needed to have Power/Control over her from the minute they started dating.  In the beginning, he would do something crazy , apologize and promise to NEVER do it again.  Jeffrey admitted he started taping her phone conversations when they had only been married 2 months!!  He would start putting her down and eroding her self esteem.  He would lie about his intentions.  He would deny what he had done and make her feel as if she is crazy.  He began engineering her dependence on him by getting her pregnant and making her financially dependent on him.  She coped for 11 years through several methods of self protection and because of some of the things that he has done to her. 

1.  She divides herself into compartments.  All the bad stuff that he does is shoved into a compartment that is locked up and rarely opened because it is so painful.  Selective amnesia going into pandora's box.  This is why she appears unemotional.

2.  She "goes along to get along".  She keeps the peace by stepping back and allowing him to get away with what he does.  It is easier on the family if she puts herself last or denies herself completely. 

3.  She becomes the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect everything.  If she does everything like he wants her to, maybe he will stop what he does.

4.  He isolated her from her family and friends.  She has no one to talk to.  No one who can help her through the crazyiness.  This is his "gift" that keeps on giving.  At a point, she will not even try and make friends because of what he will put her and them through.  She can ONLY have secret friendships now.

5.  At the 2 year mark, when she was at her wit's end trying to deal with all his crazyness, she has an affair.  A person to talk to......because he has cut her off from family & friends.  A person who treats her well.....Because she has been living with this emotionally abuse man for 2 years.  She has a way "Out".... Because, If she gets caught, surely they will divorce and it will put an end to the misery he has created in their life.

Everything that he does is classic verbal and emotional abuse.  If you read through the posts, you will have seen multiple times that other women have said "It was like my story on the show!"  A few changes here and there, but it is the same story, different names. 

Is she safe?  Well, that is possibly the PRIMARY reason that she stays!!  She DOES NOT know if she and her children are safe.  AND WHY WOULD SHE?  He has been doing unbelieveably crazy things from the very beginning.

You would be SHOCKED at how many of us are out there, just like her. 

Signed:  Just Like Her

RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!!!

Leave skid marks if you have to, but get away from this lunatic if you ever want to see old age.

Do It NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess it turned out this man has he worse case of separation anxiety you can get.  Instead of washing his hands a hundred  times a day he has chosen to watch his wife 24/7.  Keeps his anxiety under control to control her.

This may be a better diagnosis then others he could have had.  I hope the anxiety center can help him get a handle on why he is the way he is.  Meds and behavioral therapy will help him tremendously.  He needs to substitute his obsession with his wife with rational thinking.

What if she leaves?  He needs to learn life will go on and his exsistence does not depend on keeping her under his watch around the clock.  I'm glad Dr. Phil go to the bottom of this and maybe now some healing can occur.

i was in almost the same place when i was 19 yrs old. but i got out a yr after we was married he tried to kill me with his bare hands. jen if i was you i would go for the divorce and dont give him another chance cuz he will not change for you or anyone he has to change for himself. but any ways the police in my town didnt do a thing about my ex hubby. they let him walk away.which is bad cuz it is letting some killers stay on the streets. he also broke my hand and at that time the police still didnt do anything. but i got smart and put him out on the street. i had a female friend move in with me to help me with the bills and pay my rent since i couldnt do it on my own. my ex hubby if he coudlnt get his drugs watch out. i would leave my rent money with him while i was working and then when it was time for me to pay the landlord the rent money was gone.i felt so stupid. i couldnt go any where and if i did i had to go with his dad since we didnt have a car at the time. after i did my errands i had to come right home and after right home. i couldnt talk to anyone on the phone or if i seen my friends on the street i couldnt say hi and stop and talk to them. but thank god i never had any children with him. i finally was able to move from where he knew where i was to another place that he didnt know where i was. this is to all the people out there that get abused by hitting or with someones mouth u need to get out fast cuz it dont stop there.if u dont do it for you please do it for your kids and yr family and friends that love you so much.

thanks

I feel that Dr. Phil did a good job and that if the possibility of a saved marriage, then it should be saved.  Sending him to counseling is good.  But they both have issues of sin and both have wronged each other.  They both have areas they need to repent from and ask God to help them, and heal their marriage.

There is always hope on the other side, and if they repent and turn to God, then God can turn their marriage around.  There is hope......  I am married after 53 years of being single and I also married a virgin.  My point is that if GOd can bring a virgin man into my life in this day and age... which is a complete miracle that we are the same age..,....after waiting so many years and going through many many years of depression and if there was hope for me ........  then there is hope for this couple.  Christitans on this message board ask your churches  and intercessors to pray for this couple... first that there is true Godly repentence and secondly that God will heal their marriage.  I know God has done a miracle in my life and God can do it for them.  If you them personally have them read my posting.  Blessings to all.....Laverna

I too am very surprised Dr Phil told her to hold off on the divorce.   The lady NEEDS intense therapy, and a lot of other help.     I too am worried that her husband will harm her one day.    The witness protection plan sounds like a great idea, with the help of therapy, and financial help.

I know Dr Phil will do the right thing.