Topic : 04/27 Obsessive Love: The Drama Continues

I hate to break it to you but they have obviously found the worst parts of an 11 year marriage to bring up. I am not an advocate of violent or deranged behavior but this is no more than a marriage that needs helps. It does NOT need one person to go running for the hills and leave 4 children without a complete family. I see faults on both but nothing that can not be fixed and fixed quickly. Especially if you personally know these individuals. I know Jeff. I don't know Jennifer but I believe that this marraige can be saved because he is willing to do what it takes. There is nothing in this story that he beat her, hit her, abused her, or threatened her or was a bad father to their children. He will put his life before losing any if them.

We'll my wife is calling me for dinner, so I better go so I don't end up on the show...

You are so right about spending all my time coping. That is all I do. I try to figure out what egg shell to miss each day. He turns it all around to look like I'm the bad guy all the time. I can't say anything without him jumping down my throat. You have no clue the crap I have put up with and am so over it. So numb, but so afraid to move on. Just today in the car out of the blue in front of my 9 year old daughter he tells me a story about a man he knows that cheated on his wife. They are getting a divorce and guess what? She got screwed when the courts layed down the child support. I have no idea what he meant by that. I don't really care. I don't even know if this man exists. These are the little weird stories he just blurts out. I know he is trying to mess with my head.

He has allowed us to live one winter without heat because he ran us into financial ruin. I have just gotten a job and have pulled us out of all back debt. However, he spends more than I make. I take his debit card and he finds it and just debits his butt off. One time I knew we had 220.00 in checking. I went and purchased 80.00 worth of groceries. Come to find out the check bounced. The grocery store had a zero tolerence for bounced checks and guess what? I was fined by the courts 150.00 and had to take a course to learn how to balance a checkbook. The course cost me 100.00. Why did the check bounce??? Because he debited a crap load of $$ to buy new golf shoes and didn't tell me. Don't tell me to get my own checking account because I can't have a checking account now because of the friggin bounced check incident three years ago.

He says all the time how much he loves me and would do anything to make me happy, but then he cuts off my air supply because I can't just live like a normal woman. It's the little mental things he does. He is always singing this one song around the house " She lies and says she's in love with him... she can't find a better man." Just that line OVER and OVER and OVER! I know he isn't just singing it for the hell of it... I know it's a mind game..I know what he is doing and I try to keep myself mentally strong, but I do begin to doubt myself... am I the crazy one??

Just today I went to wake my one son for his 9:00 soccer game and he wasn't in his bed. I had worked the night before and didn't get until after 10:00. Everyone was asleep so I assumed so was my son. Well, he wasn't there this morning. ( My husband works Saturday's and like ALWAYS left his cell phone home so there is no way to contact him.) My other kids said "Daddy let him sleep over... house." My husband never once told me about this the night before. I had to wake the other family up at 7:30 in the morning to get my son to his game. WTH??

He hasn't taken the trash around for collection in THREE WEEKS. I refuse to do because I do everything else around here. On Wed. I even told him to get the trash out. I wake to take the kids to school and there it sits around back with the other two weeks worth of trash! He can't do anything other than follow me around, sit at my work and spend every waking and sleeping moment with me. If I talk to my one friend on the phone he will walk around and sulk. Even today I was on the phone with my Mom and I got off because he was throwing such a fit that he was hungry and I was on the phone. I know he was more upset probably because I was taking time away from him.. not the fact he was hungry. He just ate a crap load of cookies!

Sorry for all the ranting. I could tell you stuff to make your head spin.

I just keep questioning. Is it me? Am I too much of a "B*%H"?

please don't go back to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the cycle of the abuser. He is telling you he changed because your not under his control anymore. I left my husband in september of 2004 and we will be divorced a year in june this year. He tells me he changed and that he joined a church, blaa, blaa, blaa. He was married before and did the same thing to his first wife. When I first left him I contacted his first wife and do you know what she said to me that made me really open my eyes? "I thought he changed!!!!!!!!!!" she said. He was being really nice to her when ever they had to talk regarding their child. Abusive people do it behind closed doors not in front of the public where they have no control to be abusive. They are very smart and manipulative. I am sure that is how he was when you first meet him very nice right? It is very scary to see this nice side of my ex. husband because I know what he is capable of. I have to deal with him for the kids sake. I am much smarter not to go back. They never ever change. It will get better for you if you stay strong and don't go back. I can't say it enough. Your life will be so much better. I tell my ex. good I am glad you changed.  That's it I will never go back because I know he has not changed. He is trying to manipulate me and it will never happen. Go get the book "The sociopath next door" by Martha Stout, ph.d. it will keep your eyes open. Be strong and always have one up on him.

Take care of you!!!!!!