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Topic : 04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:55:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

This Dr. Phil Family is angry, out of control, and about to get an intervention in The Dr. Phil House. Melissa, 22, wrote to Dr. Phil for help for her self-destructive family. Her mother, Myra, and her stepfather, Gene, have a long history of betrayals, infidelity, anger and years of bitter resentment. Melissa says her family even turns special occasions into volatile disasters with turkey dinners and Christmas trees being thrown across the room. The fighting got so bad, Melissa says she had to move away from her extreme family. Her brothers, Edwin, 20, and Eugene, 17, attest that their home is a war zone, and that they have witnessed fights between their parents that involve name-calling, spitting and dousing each other with water, all in front of their 7-year-old brother. Myra says she can’t forgive Gene for his four affairs, but especially the last one, which was with a 19-year-old. Over three years have passed since Gene’s last affair, but Myra still calls him a pedophile every chance she gets, and says she’d leave if it weren’t for their youngest child. Can this family learn to stop the drama, heal their anger and start over with a healthy foundation, or should they call it quits for good? Tell us what you think!

 

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April 28, 2007, 8:01 pm CDT

04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

Quote From: truth66

The 2 adults each need counselling . Behind the anger is a lot of pain. Before any healing can take place, this has to be dealt with. Once all the hurt and pain has been acknowledged to each other they can then start loving themselves. Saying daily affirmations such as "I am a wonderful, loving person"..."I deserve the best and I accept it now",etc ...and start and end each day by giving thanks for at least 5 things...will put you in loving, thankful frame of mind. If you are looking for things to be thankful for, you will see more of them.

The only person you can change is yourself. If you change, then everything around you will change. People will react to you differently. If you treat people with love and respect, then that is what you will get in return.No pretence. It has to come from the heart because your voice is a dead giveaway if it doesn't come from the heart.

We live by the Law of Attraction--what we give out comes back to us. If you want a loving ,caring husband, be a loving, caring wife. Good luck xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

I hopw they give the house their full heart,and not waste Dr.Phils time.

 

I wouled love for me,and my family to have a week ,not inside the house,but just of counselling.

 

 

Belinda

 
April 28, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

Quote From: barbarina

why do we treat each other so hurtfully? Is blood thicker than water? Why can we not forgive our relatives and continue to expose ourselves to continued abuse?
I suggest everybody stay away from each other - period. Forgive each other and go on with your own life. Most importantly, take all the individual help Dr. Phil is willing to provide and then take care of yourself, set your own sights on your own goals and treat yourself with respect. Blood may be thicker than water, but one can drown in that blood! I will not watch Monday's show because it reminds me too much of my own teen years. The scars of such interactions in a family last a lifetime and change who you really are for ever. I am now in my seventies and the blood feuds of fifty years ago still cut deep. I got out of the country for my freedom and my adult life has been a blessing and decades filled with deep respect and affection. Get out. Stop it and Get Out!

Family is the first ,an formost that GOD CREATED AS AN INSTITUTION.

 

I hope this family accepts this.

 

I wouled that i had  amillion dollars to pay someone to connect me to Dr.Phil,for help.

 

some people I feel waste his time,and yet he pours his dear herat into his work.

 

I hope these people will not just see this as a show,but to get help.

 
April 28, 2007, 11:28 pm CDT

house on fire

Quote From: sunnymaryann

Why do people use a young child as an excuse to stay together.  A stable one parent household would be more beneficial to this seven year old than the war zone he is living in presently.  I can only wonder at the stress level and anxieties he is experiencing.  Sounds to me like both parents are out of control and this kid is going to be the one who pays for it.

too many people DO use their children to actually even stay together no matter how bad their own relationship is.  It is in the best interest of the children to get out of this horrible fighting and all, and to be told it is not their fault.  I kicked my verbally  and emotionally abusive husband out in 2003, after my son ( 9 at the time) and my daughter ( 18 at the time) asked me to get him out of the house. Sure, the transition was hard on them as well as myself after being married for 18 years,  but it was definitley the best thing i ever did.  He was a cheater,  a liar,  and basically a dad that no longer had time for anyone but himself, his guy friends from work, and the girls he had on the side.  It has been allmost 4 years since he has been gone, and i tell you this, my kids and i are happier than we had been  for along time!   no one deserves to be treated like this for sure, and like Dr. Phil says, which is my favorite saying for sure, "to predict a future behavior, look at past behavior."  I was one of those people that thought positive and thought that things would change.  No They did not,   just got worse. Keep your head high girls, and reach for the stars! You DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!

 

 

 

Kim

 
April 29, 2007, 6:18 am CDT

Throw them in jail if you can!

Dear dr Phil.

 

In Norway this family story would have been  told in court. Childrenabuse is very delicate and serious in Norway. It is prohibited to spank a child and have been for years. This story where children (19 years of age is also "children" ) and obviously this have been going on for years.

 

Do not be soft on the woman. (the father I will not spare a minute on talking about). Take this parents away immidiately. And get them arrested. I am very serious, dr. Phil. My father was violent with me since I was 12 years of age. I can honestly say today that my life even if I am a tough girl (now 58), my life is ruined.

 

I am supprised on how soft you can be, but I have learned a lot from your shows, and have become a "hobby"-psycologist over the years.:) Love yea! Sincerely,  Sidsel.

 

 

 
April 29, 2007, 6:41 am CDT

Take a Breather

This is a crock!  She stays because of her youngest child?  Her youngest child is already lost.  He will grow up to be an abuser who handles his stress exactly the way the parents do.  This couple has never even considered that there could possibly be another path; another way to handle situations.  There are a million and one ways to "have [your] say." 

 

One, Daddy Gene has some tremendous issues.  A man confident of his masculinity doesn't need to keep proving it to himself and others by having affairs with women that under ordinary circumstances he probably wouldn't look at twice. 

 

Two, if Mommy is an emasculator, Daddy's philadering isn't necessarily a "get even" tactic so much as it could be (and I emphasize "COULD") a way of reassuring himself that he is still a guy...a philosophy that may be on shaky ground anyway, because if he was so sure about that, he never would have married a woman such as he's married to.  We all give ourselves excuses to do what we do.  He pushes all the right buttons and Mommy plays right into his hands.  As long as he gets the predictable response, he's got his credentials to go out and have his next affair.  She hasn't yet figured out that it's the 'UNPREDICTABLE' response that will leave Geney-baby powerless.

 

Three, the kids have been raised by the morbidly stupid.  These parents are like two snakes devouring each other.  Although the boys know that they are hellbent for destruction, they continue to stay and watch with a sick fascination, when they know they should look away (and in all probability) walk away.  Everyone in this family is in excruciating pain, yet each is so fiercely co-dependent that they continue to turn the pages of this "Book Of Doom" every single day just to see who's going to be the winner of this sick contest called "LET'S SEE!  CAN I HURT HIM TODAY WORSE THAN HE HURTS ME?" 

 

Dr. Phil, give this family a chance to look in on and get an example from a family that can show them how to live as a family.  There are so many loving families out there that can show them the way.

 

 

 
April 29, 2007, 7:39 am CDT

Dr. Phil HOuse

 Dr. Phil - I LOVE YOUR PROGRAM.  When you first announced the "Dr. Phil House" I was very optimistic about it - but now I dislike it very much - so much so that I seldom watch that program.  WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE IN THE DR. PHIL HOUSE TO RESOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS?????  Seems to me that it is just a free vacation for some families. 
 
April 29, 2007, 7:57 am CDT

CRUELTY - MANIPULATIONS - HATRED - RAGE - REVENGE

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly women.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

 

The Psychology of Female Violence by Anna Motz

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson 

 

Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Know Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger OR Surviving A Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

 

Some of the story is typical:  early family conflicts, abusive relationships, feelings of insecurity contributing to destructive behaviors such as rage attacks, revenge, manipulations, promiscuity, addictions, self abuse, and eating disorders.  The extreme behaviors of BPD constitute the high drama in the stories of those who endure its ravages.

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
April 29, 2007, 11:44 am CDT

That Poor child-heck all the children

Sounds like they need to bring in a court to get custody of the 7 and 17 year old so their sanity can be saved. The 20 year old needs to move in with Melissa and the parents need to get help, and kept away from these children. that woman is stupid for staying with him through 4 AFFAIRS!!! Omg-no brainer. My husband would have been gone after the first one.
 
April 29, 2007, 11:46 am CDT

We need a vacation

Quote From: harbour909

 Dr. Phil - I LOVE YOUR PROGRAM.  When you first announced the "Dr. Phil House" I was very optimistic about it - but now I dislike it very much - so much so that I seldom watch that program.  WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE IN THE DR. PHIL HOUSE TO RESOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS?????  Seems to me that it is just a free vacation for some families. 
Hey-we're broke but happy. Can we stay at the Dr. Phil house??
 
April 29, 2007, 4:36 pm CDT

Dr. Phil House

Quote From: harbour909

 Dr. Phil - I LOVE YOUR PROGRAM.  When you first announced the "Dr. Phil House" I was very optimistic about it - but now I dislike it very much - so much so that I seldom watch that program.  WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE IN THE DR. PHIL HOUSE TO RESOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS?????  Seems to me that it is just a free vacation for some families. 
I fully agree with your statement.  I also don't like watching the Dr Phil House and feel that these people are grabbing onto a free vacation via Dr. Phil.  I don't enjoy watching this part of the program and hope that Dr. Phil will see these comments and agree to do things differently.
 
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