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Topic : 04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:55:23 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

This Dr. Phil Family is angry, out of control, and about to get an intervention in The Dr. Phil House. Melissa, 22, wrote to Dr. Phil for help for her self-destructive family. Her mother, Myra, and her stepfather, Gene, have a long history of betrayals, infidelity, anger and years of bitter resentment. Melissa says her family even turns special occasions into volatile disasters with turkey dinners and Christmas trees being thrown across the room. The fighting got so bad, Melissa says she had to move away from her extreme family. Her brothers, Edwin, 20, and Eugene, 17, attest that their home is a war zone, and that they have witnessed fights between their parents that involve name-calling, spitting and dousing each other with water, all in front of their 7-year-old brother. Myra says she can’t forgive Gene for his four affairs, but especially the last one, which was with a 19-year-old. Over three years have passed since Gene’s last affair, but Myra still calls him a pedophile every chance she gets, and says she’d leave if it weren’t for their youngest child. Can this family learn to stop the drama, heal their anger and start over with a healthy foundation, or should they call it quits for good? Tell us what you think!

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flrat69

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Weird

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May 1, 2007, 4:44 am PDT

So Far

Having seen only part one, I'd say there are no heroes here. I didn't like any member of the family I saw and I won't blame the husband any more than the wife. I wouldn't cross the street to meet either of them.

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momisme2

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chillin'

May 1, 2007, 5:00 am PDT

Agree!

Quote From: obchbum1

Dr. Phil:

I know you say these two are the most extreem couple you've ever seen, and maybe that's true.

But these two people will never leave each other. Their fights use words that would signal the death of many relationships, but they use those words as markers to try to stay one up on each other...or for defense. Underneath all that poison they both love each other and need each other for their identity. It may not look like love now...and there is a ton of hurt and anger there, but if they separated both of them would not know what to do with themselves. For the first ten minutes or so I thought it might be beaten down to just a sick attachment left, but no, they love each other. They just don't have a clue how to clean up their years of beating up on each other. They're both dying to do it though. This will look like a HUGE win...but it's really going to be quite an easy one. Teaching them how to use the effective emotional and communication tools will be fairly easy, too, because they both want to so desparately!

I saw the same thing. I think these two people really do love each other but they are both just so incredibly clueless.

I also agree this will come off as a huge win but it really isnt going to be that difficult of a thing to accomplish. They are going to have to do some serious work on their communication skills, though. Like you, I do think they will work on it because they both love each other and neither really wants a divorce. They are simply using the divorce threat as another way to inflict pain but neither truley wants to walk down that road.

If they happen to be reading the board, here is Lesson # 1: LEARN HOW TO FIGHT! You all fight way too mean and dirty and are killing each other emotionally. Its ok to be angry or frustrated, just let go of being MEAN and HATEFUL when you fight! It IS possible to fight and not be so incredibly nasty to each other. LEARN HOW! (starts with knowing how to use proper words: Im angry. Im sad. Im hurt. Im frustrated. Im confused. etc...)

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kstockdale

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May 1, 2007, 5:16 am PDT

Myra's anger

1) She had an affair with him before they got married.

2) She didn't (as far as I know) lay down the boundaries with him

after the first infedility/affair.

3) She didn't ensure that he experienced extreme consequences when

he had an affair with a 19 year old.

I get sick of people who think yelling in the neighborhood, screaming obscenity, saying hurtful words. Like this is a constructive way to ensure that the spouse does not repeat his/her infidelities. Doing these things do NOTHING to improve a relationship or marriage. Heck, she is angry. Sure, she has a right to be angry. But, who is she really angry at?

I believe when your spouse has an affair the FIRST time, you need to turn their world UPSIDE DOWN! This does NOT mean just becoming a tirade full of hatred and spewing anger. It means

CLEAR and CONCISE consequences. It means having your spouse removed from the home, paying for the home, the children, AND paying for their apartment to live in. It means requiring a year of intense counseling before reconciliation. The consequences must be experienced as a result of HIS actions in such a way, that it causes him pain that only HE caused - not someone else biting his head off!

I think Myra doesn't realize that she is angry at herself. She clearly needs boundaries with this man but, doesn't know HOW to establish boundaries. Words alone does NOT set boundaries. Words followed with action do. She can yell and scream until she is blue in the face - UNTIL HE experiences FULL consequences and pain for HIS actions, expect no changes. She should be holding her head up high and be a lady. Put the anger back on him. Put it where it belongs. Give it back to him. Don't OWN his stupidity. Make him OWN it. Kick him out to the curb, go to counseling, set boundaries, expect him to start a savings fund (that is legally yours only) for you, sign an agreement on what takes place legally if he does have another affair.......

IF he cannot agree to doing all of these things..........then, know not to waste your breath on him. End of subject. Decide what you are going to do - what action you will take when it happens again. Not how many more ways can I think to hurt him. There are other ways to make him experience the impact of how much he hurt you:)

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kstockdale

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May 1, 2007, 5:23 am PDT

Law of attraction

Quote From: truth66

The 2 adults each need counselling . Behind the anger is a lot of pain. Before any healing can take place, this has to be dealt with. Once all the hurt and pain has been acknowledged to each other they can then start loving themselves. Saying daily affirmations such as "I am a wonderful, loving person"..."I deserve the best and I accept it now",etc ...and start and end each day by giving thanks for at least 5 things...will put you in loving, thankful frame of mind. If you are looking for things to be thankful for, you will see more of them.

The only person you can change is yourself. If you change, then everything around you will change. People will react to you differently. If you treat people with love and respect, then that is what you will get in return.No pretence. It has to come from the heart because your voice is a dead giveaway if it doesn't come from the heart.

We live by the Law of Attraction--what we give out comes back to us. If you want a loving ,caring husband, be a loving, caring wife. Good luck xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

I disagree with your statement - If you want a loving ,caring husband, be a loving, caring wife.

If you are a loving and caring wife, it does not guarantee ANYTHING except a clear conscience.

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afraid

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May 1, 2007, 6:19 am PDT

04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

Quote From: shewitch

I know they are real because they are my neibor's.I didn't think people realy went on tv to tell all the dirt.

well from what i gathered from the show they didn't go on TV to air all their dirt!!!, seems Myra already aired all that in the front yard for all you neighbors to hear!!!, i do think they went on the Dr Phil show to learn where to sweep all their dirt so to speak,and you must admit this! IT TAKES A LOT OF GUTS TO GO TO DR PHIL AND ASK FOR HELP, KNOWING GOOD AND WELL HES GOING TO SHOW THE COUNTRY JUST HOW FAR GONE YOU ARE!!! you know i bet this country could put every sociologist in the country out of work if we all learned to treat others and act the way in life dr phils messages all show and tell us to act twords each other, but i will not to live to see that day,nope thers too many people in this world with the attitude like dr phil says it the best,[ ME-ME-ME,-----------ME-ME-ME------------ME-ME-ALL-THE-WAY-LISTEN-TO-ME-THE-HELL-WITH-YOU-I-DONT-CARE-WHAT-YOU-SAY-HAY-ME-ME-ME---------ME-ME-ME.

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afraid

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May 1, 2007, 6:29 am PDT

04/30 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention

Quote From: teeseeree

The Word of God clearly states that spanking is what is supposed to be done for proper results. It is also clear that it is only to be done in certain places on the body to prevent more serious damage. It doesn't matter what people want. It's not up to people to change what was set up by God.

YES but too many people cant read, so children end up getting beat to death by the loving parents who brought them in this world,i think under the new testament Jesus, teaches us to love our children not beat them,seems even way back then god looked in our future and knew, there were a lot of children going to Miss under stand his teachings, and as a result innocent children were going to be hurt and even killed, hell look what they did to Jesus for simply healing the sick and crippled in the name of god!!!.

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kaysquare

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Mellow

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May 1, 2007, 7:02 am PDT

A joke?

Quote From: twinsma546

do you think this guy might be possesed by a demon? Maybe he needs an exorcism. In that case shouldn't the wife think about staying with him until the demons are cast out? What if he can't make the choice to stop cheating because the demons are making him cheat?

Surely you jest? If this guy is possessed by demons, they're all in his pants. This couple together don't have enough sense to know what a real marriage is. They don't show any respect for anyone, even themselves, and they certainly don't exhibit any kind of real love, for each other, their children, or themselves. They seem to thrive on the turmoil, because it's all they know. I doubt they'll ever get any better. They probably need to cut & run and at least let their kids get out of the middle of this ridiculous marriage.

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momisme2

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confused

May 1, 2007, 7:07 am PDT

I have a question

WHY WHY WHY does the doc have alcohol in his house??? Whatever is the reason for that???

On the one Dr. Phil house with the crazy husband who refused to clean, after he had his hissy fit storming out of the house and then later came back, all the guys were sitting around downing beers. Could NOT believe that when I saw it! Now, he has this husband walking to the fridge and pouring some RUM for Gods sake as well as it sure looked to me as though his wife was drinking a wine cooler! Wtf???

I dont get it AT ALL! Especially since the doc has spoke on more then a few occasions about how his father was an alcoholic. WHY would he set these people up in this house, for what is supposed to be some serious help, only to hand over the alcohol?

I am just floored by this and I would REALLY like an explaination! I asked my hubby and he said probably because they asked for it. Well SO WHAT? If the doc is gonna send people here for his help, then SURELY they can let go of drinking for the week or so that they are in there, no??

I want an explaination on this whole thing! Handing obviously already disturbed people alcohol just seem like the absolutley WRONG thing to do! Also seems the doc would know that! So WHY is he letting his guests drink???

PLEASE EXPLAIN!

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flrat69

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May 1, 2007, 7:22 am PDT

Sure Thing Wise One

Quote From: afraid

Where did you hear God say this?

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joyzeli

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May 1, 2007, 7:22 am PDT

Think about this.

Is this not a true example of children live what they learn? I bet the youngest child from their marriage is a hellion. Not because he is a brat but because it is what he has learned. Look at his siblings.

Everyday is see this more and more.

Dr Phil always says "You teach people how to treat you" boy is that ever true.

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