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Topic : 07/06 “Call it Off!”

Number of Replies: 397
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:58:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 5/1/07) Have you ever wanted to shout out at a wedding when you heard, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”? Dr. Phil’s guests are at war and want their loved ones to think twice before walking down the aisle. Jessica says her parents, Ellen and Bruce, refuse to accept her boyfriend, Matt. The couple says Matt is a manipulative drug addict with a criminal past who has physically abused their daughter. Matt vows that he’s reformed and wants to make a fresh start. Should Jessica end her relationship, or should her parents butt out? Then, Jerry is 19 and about to say “I do” to his 30-year-old fiancée, Jessica. His siblings say Jessica is an opportunist looking for a father for her two small children. Jerry’s older brother, Jason, says Jerry is just confused, and he thinks Jessica seduced him. Jerry’s siblings also question Jessica’s fidelity, because they say she once flirted with Jerry’s older brothers. If Jerry is about to make the biggest mistake of his life, will he get a wake-up call before the wedding? Talk about the show here.

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April 29, 2007, 12:47 pm CDT

10 Years Older

 Are we the only couple that has a 10 year difference in age that is very happy and in love with my husband and loved by my husband (41), still like newly weds when it comes to the bedroom and we've been together for 20 years. When married to my ex-husband Richard we met for the first time. He was 16 years old and I was 27. I remember thinking he is cute and would grow into a handsome man, after my Mom married his Dad my husband lived with them after leaving the Navy, he was 19 at the time, he turned 20 about 6 months later. Bill chased me and I ran, I mean what are you thinking I asked him? I told him I was a loser, I couldn't give him children or so I thought at the time. I had tried for years to get pregnant after six months with Bill I discovered  January 9, 1987 we found out that I was pregnant and had been three months prior. Over the years my husband and I have struggled financially to survive, we've gone without so our sons could have something they needed, we worked through my alcoholism and this summer I'm celebrating 10 years of sobriety. God willing. My husband is disabled and had his first back surgury of many happened in Feb. 87. Yet even though he is in constant pain, after one surgury he'd attend the rec. football games because our son was playing, he could only last till the first half of the game was over. My husband comes home, he doesn't lie to me about where he is, he always puts himself last often going with out needed clothes because one of our sons needed shoes, cleats, class ring, etc. When he is gone taking care of our elderly parents I feel as if one half of me has been cut off, I don't feel complete.  I'd just like you to know that there is such a thing as love at first sight, and a happy solid marriage with someone that is 10 years younger because I have it! Today our oldest is 19 going to Husson College in Maine and plays on the football team and always watches out for the ones that are being bullied and stops it in it's tracks. He is loved and admired by so many class mates both in high school and college. Our youngest is 18 and is graduating high school this spring and is entering UMA in the fall for the art program. Our family doesn't fight with each other, my boys are not out of control and on drugs, we don't lie to one another either. There is so much more but I think you all get the idea that I am a 50 year old woman very happily married to a 40 year old man.

Cheryl
 
April 29, 2007, 1:15 pm CDT

Love yourself first

Yes, you as a mother should get involed when he has abused your daughter once, he will do it again. When he does it when they are married is that he will tell you this is my wife stay out of it. You need to show your daughter that there are other fish in the water. You NEVER accept  another person abusing you. and saying that they love you and they didn't mean to do it. That is a BUNCH OF BULL. Like my daughter told one of her brother's girlfriend,our mother does not hit him so you do not have  hit him.Your daughter feels that there is nobody else in the world for her to fall in love with. Open you dauther's eyes, if he is abusing now it will not get better only worse. If he is changing then he must be completely change before you get engaged not after. When ever a person says that hes loves you and abuses you the has brainwashed you to believe that you can not get along without him. Show him you can. You will only end up like a lot of these other couple who are always fighting in front of their children. Think about it real hard and long. Everybody wants to be in love also, but I don'"t when it takes my health and happiness away.
 
April 29, 2007, 4:30 pm CDT

Manipulation

If indeed this man is manipulative, she should definately get away from him before it is too late. My oldest daughter is with a very manipulative man right now and I am not even allowed to see my grandchildren and haven't in about 15 months because of this man. He is abusive and dominating to both my grandchildren and my daughter. I called CPS on this man because of the way he treated my grandchildren, need less to say CPS found nothing wrong, and my daughter is still with him and I am not allowed any contact with them now. He is an ex convict with a very disturbing past and my daughter had told me once that she was scared to death of him, yet she is still with him. This mans own dad told me he is dangerous to be around and does not need to be with women or children. Her parents probably see right through the man, just like I did the man my daughter is with, but she will probably not listen to them. I hope the parents are wrong, but I bet they are not.
 
April 29, 2007, 4:37 pm CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: raven12

Yes, you as a mother should get involed when he has abused your daughter once, he will do it again. When he does it when they are married is that he will tell you this is my wife stay out of it. You need to show your daughter that there are other fish in the water. You NEVER accept  another person abusing you. and saying that they love you and they didn't mean to do it. That is a BUNCH OF BULL. Like my daughter told one of her brother's girlfriend,our mother does not hit him so you do not have  hit him.Your daughter feels that there is nobody else in the world for her to fall in love with. Open you dauther's eyes, if he is abusing now it will not get better only worse. If he is changing then he must be completely change before you get engaged not after. When ever a person says that hes loves you and abuses you the has brainwashed you to believe that you can not get along without him. Show him you can. You will only end up like a lot of these other couple who are always fighting in front of their children. Think about it real hard and long. Everybody wants to be in love also, but I don'"t when it takes my health and happiness away.

Amen to getting involved. If he has abused her before, he will definately do it again. But I know first hand, a parent can only do so much, My daughter is with an abusive man right now and because I ttried to get her and my grandchildren out of that situation, I am no longer allowed to see any of them, and haven't in about 15 months. I pray everyday that they are safe but I seriously doubt they are. I can only imagine what they are going through. But I would do it again because I knew this man was dangerous and I did not want my daughter to be with him.

Hopefully Jessica will wake up and smell the roses before it is too late.

 
April 29, 2007, 7:55 pm CDT

Did ya see the couple on last weeks show?

She was 19 and he was 30 when they married. She became adulterous and he became obsessively controlling. Any coincidence that this couple is on this week? I hope Dr. Phil plays them some tapes from that show. They seriously need to consider the age difference and the possible impacts it may have.
 
April 30, 2007, 5:12 am CDT

Jerry and Jessica

I am all for dating someone younger.  I do it ok.  In the past year I have got asked out by guys ranging 21 yrs to 74 yrs.  (I won't tell you how old I am.  **laugh**)  But I will say the 21 yr old had a job and a $%^& good one.  JERRY YOU NEED A JOB!!!!!!  Hello??  YOU ARE GOING TO MOVE IN WITH YOUR MOM and JESSICA WITH YOUR INLAWS WHO HATE YOU?  HOW FUN IS THAT?  IF YOU ARE REALLY ADAMANTLY GOING TO DO THIS:  You NEED YOUR OWN PLACE!!!  One thing I learned 1st time around in a marriage or serious relationship is that you need supportive inlaws.  I think 19 yrs is too young....  I think 21 yrs is too young.  I think 25 yrs is too young......  You just got out of high school and are trying to find out who you are.  If you don't have a job or career choice you don't know that yet.  You can't pay the bills without a job and you can't raise kids in a homeless shelter when your inlaws throw you out.

 

It's interesting because if the guy was 30 yrs and the girl was 19 yrs probably nobody would care.  I think there is a stereotype here.  I don't think this situation is about age as much as some of the other problems..... 

 

Also to some of the comments here:  I don't think cheating and gold digging have to do with age, but have to do with character and raising.....  There are just as many guys looking for Sugar Mama's as Woman who are and perhaps this could be the case here too rather than the reverse.

 
April 30, 2007, 5:55 am CDT

Congratulations! Good for you!

Quote From: cisbister

 Are we the only couple that has a 10 year difference in age that is very happy and in love with my husband and loved by my husband (41), still like newly weds when it comes to the bedroom and we've been together for 20 years. When married to my ex-husband Richard we met for the first time. He was 16 years old and I was 27. I remember thinking he is cute and would grow into a handsome man, after my Mom married his Dad my husband lived with them after leaving the Navy, he was 19 at the time, he turned 20 about 6 months later. Bill chased me and I ran, I mean what are you thinking I asked him? I told him I was a loser, I couldn't give him children or so I thought at the time. I had tried for years to get pregnant after six months with Bill I discovered  January 9, 1987 we found out that I was pregnant and had been three months prior. Over the years my husband and I have struggled financially to survive, we've gone without so our sons could have something they needed, we worked through my alcoholism and this summer I'm celebrating 10 years of sobriety. God willing. My husband is disabled and had his first back surgury of many happened in Feb. 87. Yet even though he is in constant pain, after one surgury he'd attend the rec. football games because our son was playing, he could only last till the first half of the game was over. My husband comes home, he doesn't lie to me about where he is, he always puts himself last often going with out needed clothes because one of our sons needed shoes, cleats, class ring, etc. When he is gone taking care of our elderly parents I feel as if one half of me has been cut off, I don't feel complete.  I'd just like you to know that there is such a thing as love at first sight, and a happy solid marriage with someone that is 10 years younger because I have it! Today our oldest is 19 going to Husson College in Maine and plays on the football team and always watches out for the ones that are being bullied and stops it in it's tracks. He is loved and admired by so many class mates both in high school and college. Our youngest is 18 and is graduating high school this spring and is entering UMA in the fall for the art program. Our family doesn't fight with each other, my boys are not out of control and on drugs, we don't lie to one another either. There is so much more but I think you all get the idea that I am a 50 year old woman very happily married to a 40 year old man.

Cheryl
I think sometimes the age-differences don't work out for the same reasons same-age marriages don't work out. It sounds like you and your husband have the same goals and work together on things.
 
April 30, 2007, 6:19 am CDT

QUALITIES

I think for anyone who has been in a serious relationship that went bad.  They try to find someone who has the QUALITIES that their EX did not have or try to find someone who doesn't have the same FAULTS.  Sometimes when I have just sat down and talked to younger guys, (not necessarily dated... just being out and about) THE RIDICIULOUS THINGS THEY TELL ME that their Ex said and did...... I understand why they are looking for someone older.  I think they are looking for peace and maturity.  Although another thing I try to keep in the back of my mind is that Men are very LOOKS focused and women generally age worse then men.  I don't want to look like someone's Mom in 20 yrs and have someone say IS THAT YOUR SON? but on the contrary I have been out with guys 5 yrs younger than me who looked like they could be my Dad which I don't want that either:  Is that your Dad?  RELATIONSHIPS HAVE LOTS OF FACTORS, not just age.

 
April 30, 2007, 6:38 am CDT

To Young

I agree with Doctor Phil on the waiting of the marriage between the 19 year old and the thirty year old.  My sister got married at the age of 18 her now husband was only 23 at the time, not a big age difference but still way to young to get married.  I pulled her aside one day and told her that she should wait for awhile or at least until she graduated from college and go from there, I wanted her to be able to live a little before she got married, but this lead to her getting angry with me so I left it be.  So know she emails me about three times a week to tell me that they are having problems, which in reply I want to say I told you so but I listen and try to help, I truly feel sorry for her and I hope they do make it but I am a little doubtful at this point. 
 
April 30, 2007, 6:39 am CDT

Lives at Risk !

As wife, mother and grandmother I can understand Ellen's & Bruce's concern for their daughter Jessica. She's only 22 and still needs to grow up. They of course want the best for her, as I want the best for my children. Now Jessica has been using drugs too, and Matt has spent time in rehab and is now in recovery. It's been 60 days of being clean for him, since the show. Recovery for Matt will be a lifelong journey and Jessica has agreed to let Dr,Phil help her off the drugs and with her life. If they get married now it will fail, it will be a disaster. Jessica also needs to heal her relationship with her mum and dad. Dr.Phil is right, by agreeing to a 90 days no contact time and in that time Jessica will be in therapy and Matt will be keeping his regimen of recovery.  Both of them, especially Jessica will have a clear mind and body to make important decisions for their lives. Now it's important here that Ellen and Bruce support their daughter by not showing her judgement . Nagging at her and being offensive wont help. They need to open their hearts, and show their daughter their love and the pain they feel. It won't be easy, it will be darn hard. I speak out of experience as a mother who nearly lost her daughter to heroin abuse 7 years ago. Thank God she's alive and is now a happy mum of 2 beautiful children.

I was happy to see that Jerry and Jessica have accepted pre-marriage counseling from Dr.Phil.I believe that  Jerry is going along so fast with Jessica just to spite his siblings, who are at them. I do think Jessica is still immature as she's not thinking of Jerry's age , position and future. I hope that common sense prevails. Jerry's siblings should now just butt out and keep quiet, as barking at the couple does more harm than good. I hope that with Dr.Phil's help they will see the light.

Sincerely,

Lory(Australia)   

 
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