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Topic : 07/06 “Call it Off!”

Number of Replies: 397
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:58:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 5/1/07) Have you ever wanted to shout out at a wedding when you heard, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”? Dr. Phil’s guests are at war and want their loved ones to think twice before walking down the aisle. Jessica says her parents, Ellen and Bruce, refuse to accept her boyfriend, Matt. The couple says Matt is a manipulative drug addict with a criminal past who has physically abused their daughter. Matt vows that he’s reformed and wants to make a fresh start. Should Jessica end her relationship, or should her parents butt out? Then, Jerry is 19 and about to say “I do” to his 30-year-old fiancée, Jessica. His siblings say Jessica is an opportunist looking for a father for her two small children. Jerry’s older brother, Jason, says Jerry is just confused, and he thinks Jessica seduced him. Jerry’s siblings also question Jessica’s fidelity, because they say she once flirted with Jerry’s older brothers. If Jerry is about to make the biggest mistake of his life, will he get a wake-up call before the wedding? Talk about the show here.

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May 1, 2007, 6:45 am CDT

Sometimes it works

I was 33 when I fell in love with a man who was 20.  I had 3 children at the time.  We got married when he was 21 and I was 34.  We have been married for almost 9 years and we are very happy and very much in love.  My husband is a terrific step father and has always referred to my children as his children.  We are not the same tpe of people as the people on the show, as in personality and levels of responsibilty, so maybe that is why it has worked out so well.  I agree that the couple on the show today should not get married because the man who is 19 seems to be very immature and inexperienced in life.  But sometimes relationships can work out very well, even when people are 13 years apart in age.
 
May 1, 2007, 7:07 am CDT

Can't help who you love.

When met my husband who is only a year older than me, I knew from the minute I heard his voice that I was in love with him.  I moved in with him 2 weeks after we started dating.  We were married 3 months after that.  We have been happily married for almost 5 years now.  My parents met and 6 months later they were married.  They have been married for 35 years.  What makes it not ok for an older woman to date an older man?  BUT a man can date a younger woman and he gets praised for it????  That would be a double standard right there.  IF THEY LOVE EACH OTHER what does it matter?? He is a legal adult and is perfectly capable of making his own decisions I am sure.  I dated a man who was 17 yrs my senior and we connected great.  It didn't work out in the end because he cheated on me.  Any man can do that at any age though.    What if he was 30 and she was 19???
 
May 1, 2007, 7:07 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: flthomcat

At 30, some people have 15 year old children! There is something SERIOUSLY wrong with a supposedly mature, responsible ADULT even wanting a 19 year old child.

 

This woman is a predator...maybe not a sexual predator, but a predator. She WANTS this child for something more than love. He must fill some need of her's, but that's not HIS job to do.

 

I have friends who are 2 degades or more apart in years. However, the difference is that they were much older when they first met and they were both mature ADULTS at that time. They were  no longer children (yes, 19 year olds are still children). Age CAN matter...it depends upon the circumstances. The circumstances today are not good ones!

She is not a predator?? If he was 17 then yes you could say that the man is an adult. 
 
May 1, 2007, 7:09 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: flthomcat

If parents are responsible, loving, good and bright, they have a DUTY to let their loved one (especially a child of 19) know what they think. That "child" will do as s/he pleases, but at least the parents have tried their best to enlighten him/her.

 

Age IS a factor when one person is supposedly old and mature and the other is still a teenager (19). Most of us were still speeding, blasting music, thinking about who to date on the weekends, spending too much time on our hair and wardrobes (etc) when we were 19. The ONLY reason a 30-yr-old would want a child is because s/he has NOT grown up himself yet. At age 24, I was teaching high school kids. They were KIDS....I never saw them as adults. They were immature, impulsive and still had much growing up to do. I did as well!

 

Hopefully, kids at the age of 19 will give some weight to what their parents think, providing the parents DO know best. However, as humans we ALL think we know everything and we often rebel against authority (ex. our parents). The more our parents dislike someone, the more we like them.

 

The reality is that these types of marriages normally end in divorce. There a few exceptions, but VERY few. Let's hope the parents will be there to help their children pick up the pieces after they've made a costly mistake in their young lives. God bless them all!

That's just it, at 19 he SHOULD be out having fun with his friends and getting the whole party lifestyle out of his system BEFORE settling down.  They should be dating, and finding out about themselves and other people, and what they like and dislike in others.

After only two weeks he proposed ? Lady that was an impulse move, like most 19 year olds, he was taken by the Mrs. Robinson attraction, and you will get old and grey, and he will move on, or do you think its a good idea to raise your husband with your kids ? Hey, at 19 this is a guy YOU can CONTROL, and make him do your bidding, but I warn you, the novelty will fade and he'll wake up one day when his Brain has finally grown up and matured and say "what the hell was I thinking ?" And guess what ? You'll be in his rearview mirror.  Yes, yes I know you "love him " and he "loves you" and you are the exception, but tell me this why do you feel the need to defend yourself on National TV if you are the exception ? Hmmm.

Filthtomkat, sorry if I got your name wrong, too early to be near a keyboard, I agree with you, and I hope he will consider what his parents are saying, but the unfortunate thing is, many of them don't until its too late.

 
May 1, 2007, 7:26 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

I THINK AFTER ONLY DATING FOR 2 WEEKS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU DONT TAKE THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU MAY RUN INTO ON YOUR NEW PATH IN LIFE.
 
May 1, 2007, 7:32 am CDT

Body language and facial expressions...

can speak louder than words.  Regarding the second couple with the age difference issue.  The woman looked like she was eating a lemon: kept her lips tightly pursed, no smile, and her eyes had a look of defiance.  She is going to have her way no matter what.  The young man looked lost.  He was barely able to express himself in sentences.  It won't matter what counseling they go through or what their families say and think, in my opinion, this "older" woman will have her way. 
 
May 1, 2007, 7:32 am CDT

very happy

I am very happy with my husband.He was 18 and I was 33 when we married.He is a good worker,very responsible,loving,caring,and sweet.Me and his family get along great and him and my family does too.I see nothing wrong with age as long as 2 people are happy and compatibleand in love.He makes me the happiest ive ever been in my life.I have 1 child and he is very good to her too.Yet u never hear much when a man is older than the woman.I think its silly.Love is love no matter what the age.We are both responsible and work and get along so great.I know alotta guys that could take lessons of respect from him,because he shows me the most respect of any man ive been with and ive been with many.And no i was not his first sex partner or anything like that.We love each other very much and we always will.So to any woman that wants to marry a younger man,dont listen to anyone except your heart.That is what matters.
 
May 1, 2007, 7:41 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: dlcalbaugh

I was 33 when I fell in love with a man who was 20.  I had 3 children at the time.  We got married when he was 21 and I was 34.  We have been married for almost 9 years and we are very happy and very much in love.  My husband is a terrific step father and has always referred to my children as his children.  We are not the same tpe of people as the people on the show, as in personality and levels of responsibilty, so maybe that is why it has worked out so well.  I agree that the couple on the show today should not get married because the man who is 19 seems to be very immature and inexperienced in life.  But sometimes relationships can work out very well, even when people are 13 years apart in age.
You cant control who u r in love with and im happy for you. Im 34 and my husband is 19.We have been married for 1 year and we are so happy together.
 
May 1, 2007, 8:02 am CDT

Just give it up

This couple reminds me of the old saying,  2 BULLDOGS trying to pee on the same bush just get peed on!"    Bark, snarl, growl  
 
May 1, 2007, 8:12 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: maria3255

As wife, mother and grandmother I can understand Ellen's & Bruce's concern for their daughter Jessica. She's only 22 and still needs to grow up. They of course want the best for her, as I want the best for my children. Now Jessica has been using drugs too, and Matt has spent time in rehab and is now in recovery. It's been 60 days of being clean for him, since the show. Recovery for Matt will be a lifelong journey and Jessica has agreed to let Dr,Phil help her off the drugs and with her life. If they get married now it will fail, it will be a disaster. Jessica also needs to heal her relationship with her mum and dad. Dr.Phil is right, by agreeing to a 90 days no contact time and in that time Jessica will be in therapy and Matt will be keeping his regimen of recovery.  Both of them, especially Jessica will have a clear mind and body to make important decisions for their lives. Now it's important here that Ellen and Bruce support their daughter by not showing her judgement . Nagging at her and being offensive wont help. They need to open their hearts, and show their daughter their love and the pain they feel. It won't be easy, it will be darn hard. I speak out of experience as a mother who nearly lost her daughter to heroin abuse 7 years ago. Thank God she's alive and is now a happy mum of 2 beautiful children.

I was happy to see that Jerry and Jessica have accepted pre-marriage counseling from Dr.Phil.I believe that  Jerry is going along so fast with Jessica just to spite his siblings, who are at them. I do think Jessica is still immature as she's not thinking of Jerry's age , position and future. I hope that common sense prevails. Jerry's siblings should now just butt out and keep quiet, as barking at the couple does more harm than good. I hope that with Dr.Phil's help they will see the light.

Sincerely,

Lory(Australia)   

I totally agree with you!  I believe Jerry's getting married just to spite his siblings.  He seems to have no thought for the future.  I think they should slow down and take the counseling.  If he truly loves her and it's meant to be, then waiting won't  harm a thing!
 
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