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Topic : 07/06 “Call it Off!”

Number of Replies: 397
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:58:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 5/1/07) Have you ever wanted to shout out at a wedding when you heard, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”? Dr. Phil’s guests are at war and want their loved ones to think twice before walking down the aisle. Jessica says her parents, Ellen and Bruce, refuse to accept her boyfriend, Matt. The couple says Matt is a manipulative drug addict with a criminal past who has physically abused their daughter. Matt vows that he’s reformed and wants to make a fresh start. Should Jessica end her relationship, or should her parents butt out? Then, Jerry is 19 and about to say “I do” to his 30-year-old fiancée, Jessica. His siblings say Jessica is an opportunist looking for a father for her two small children. Jerry’s older brother, Jason, says Jerry is just confused, and he thinks Jessica seduced him. Jerry’s siblings also question Jessica’s fidelity, because they say she once flirted with Jerry’s older brothers. If Jerry is about to make the biggest mistake of his life, will he get a wake-up call before the wedding? Talk about the show here.

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July 9, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

Break it off now Jessica!

 

My daughter thought she found a really great guy, who gave her alot of attention, told her he loved her, and had alot of big plans that she found exciting.  She ended up leaving with him to go to LA, so he could pursue his acting career, the day after she graduated from high school.  As soon as he had her to himself, the controlling started and the abuse.  He made her feel sorry for him and so she felt she had to help him and support him.  Anytime he hit her he blamed it on her or that he didn't feel well or he was stressed.  He put her down and made her feel like she could never succeed in college, but she was good at taking care of him.  He told her no one else would put up with her crap.  He got her at a vulnerable time in her life.  I could go on and on about what we found out about him after we rescued her.  She thought she loved him and it has been a hard road for her, but she has been strong.  When she left him, he wanted her back and promised to do anything, but it was all talk and no action.

Jessica needs to find herself and be strong.  She wants to believe that he loves her but just the fact that he hits her at all shows me that he doesn't value her.  Going through counseling with our daughter shows me that a controlling relationship is complicated and very hard to understand.  But Jessica needs to think about whether this guy is making her feel better about herself, supporting her aspirations and goals, respecting her feelings, and showing proof of change over the long run. 

I just want to say that I researched and read many books on abuse and control and most say if an abuser can change (which they say the odds are very high that they won't) it will take along time with counseling.

DON'T MARRY HIM!!

 

 
July 9, 2007, 10:06 am CDT

Break it off now Jessica!

This response is in reference to the show:  Call It Off!

 

My daughter thought she found a really great guy, who gave her alot of attention, told her he loved her, and had alot of big plans that she found exciting.  She ended up leaving with him to go to LA, so he could pursue his acting career, the day after she graduated from high school.  As soon as he had her to himself, the controlling started and the abuse.  He made her feel sorry for him and so she felt she had to help him and support him.  Anytime he hit her he blamed it on her or that he didn't feel well or he was stressed.  He put her down and made her feel like she could never succeed in college, but she was good at taking care of him.  He told her no one else would put up with her crap.  He got her at a vulnerable time in her life.  I could go on and on about what we found out about him after we rescued her.  She thought she loved him and it has been a hard road for her, but she has been strong.  When she left him, he wanted her back and promised to do anything, but it was all talk and no action.

Jessica needs to find herself and be strong.  She wants to believe that he loves her but just the fact that he hits her at all shows me that he doesn't value her.  Going through counseling with our daughter shows me that a controlling relationship is complicated and very hard to understand.  But Jessica needs to think about whether this guy is making her feel better about herself, supporting her aspirations and goals, respecting her feelings, and showing proof of change over the long run. 

I just want to say that I researched and read many books on abuse and control and most say if an abuser can change (which they say the odds are very high that they won't) it will take along time with counseling.

DON'T MARRY HIM!!

 

 
July 9, 2007, 1:24 pm CDT

Earned

Quote From: rebalacia

First of all Jessica is who she is.  Why ridicule her about the things she's done in her life?  How does that help?  Everybody has problems and she is clearly somebody who needs to achieve some personal growth, but she will only do that if at all on her own terms(when she is ready to).  "let he who has not sinned cast the first stone"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes I believe she may be wrong for what appears to be her praying on this young man.  I have written another post to this message and I have stated that I feel this is more serious for the children involved and you can read that one if you like.  Everyone needs to get off their high horse.  However I feel as though you are close when you speculate about Jerry and his relationship with his parents and family.  I can only imagine what it would be like growing up in a house with 9 siblings.  I hardly believe that there was enough attention payed to anyone of the children growing up in that household especially if both parents were working.  Like I said no need to ridicule her you have no idea what she might of gone through growing up and to me it's obvious that she did not have a "normal" upbringing or the greatest experiences growing up or she would not seek such attention in the way that she has.
I have been very careful not to give what's her name any ridigule she hasn't earned.  This is the mind of a pedophile.  If it were a man, people would be all over it.  You call this "needing personal growth?"  Right!!!
 
August 5, 2007, 8:48 pm CDT

2 IMPORTANT POINTS

1)  If you do an internet search on yahoo of older woman dating younger men, THERE ARE ALOT OF ARTICLES on this subject.  And one point: that 33% of older women are dating a man 10 yrs younger.   I was surprized.

 

2)  I kinda mentioned this before.  Today I was doing some search on college website info.   I was looking at a STATE school.  And the cost of the school including tuition, room and board and food was approximately $15,000 per year meaning a 4 yr STATE SCHOOL DEGREE would be $60,000.  Now in a family of 9 children I HIGHLY DOUBT there is $60,000 spare dollars laying around.  SO WITH THIS IN MIND FOR ALL WHO THINK JERRY should go to college.  If he is not married yet, PLEASE MAKE YOUR DONATION CHECKS OUT TO JERRY'S COLLEGE FUND and SEND TO JERRY in CARE OF THE DR. PHIL show.

 
September 10, 2007, 4:02 pm CDT

It is customary

Quote From: lucky24

It is customary when referencing another post that you include that post in your reply.  That way everyone will know what you are talking about.
yep thanks for that but I'm sure if I cared enough for everyone to know what I was talking about I would of done that.  If you care enough since you apparently do then you could of  just as easily of looked through the meassage board and followed the trail.
 
September 10, 2007, 4:09 pm CDT

07/06 “Call it Off!”

Quote From: flrat69

I have been very careful not to give what's her name any ridigule she hasn't earned.  This is the mind of a pedophile.  If it were a man, people would be all over it.  You call this "needing personal growth?"  Right!!!
People here appear to jump all over everything no matter what it's about.  So in turn I don't see much of a difference here with this particular situation. 
 
September 10, 2007, 4:20 pm CDT

good for you

Quote From: flrat69

Okay.  I've heard enough from you.  Your keyboard functions, but I'm not sure about your mind.  Let's take it point by point so that even the littlest of minds can handle it.

 

Your empathy for this predator is misplaced unless you are like her.  I said she was preying on him; not PRAYING on him.  I saw your other message and found your concern for the children to be underwhelming.  What about this child she wants to get her claws in?  I'm not on a "high horse".  I just haven't jumped in the gutter.  You clearly have zero understanding of the human dynamic if you could not see the story this boy's face was telling.

 

Lastly, I really don't give a darn what this "person" has "suffered".  When she became a child predator and abuser, I lost any concern for her at all.  If the story were reversed and she were the male, you'd climb to the highest mountain to call for his head.

 

I understand that you have very little, if anything to offer.  Anyone that would interject the dull story of her sex life into a discussion like this is either way too young to be out on her own or far too self driven to understand others.  When you posted that message, you lost any chance at credibility.

FYI that message about sex was in reference to anothers statement on the meassge board not that I owe you an explanation.  If you had read the other statements I left on the meassage board you would have seen that I expressed my concern for the children.   Throwing around assumptions is sooo becomming isnt it?  Anyway enough of you... I don't need your approval....believe me!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure I can stand on my own two feet without it... I am a big girl ya know, and I do have a deep sense of accomplishment, personal growth, and pride. Good for you and your thoughts.  Oh yeah and dont PREY on other peoples mistakes.  Have a good day now.
 
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