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Topic : 07/06 “Call it Off!”

Number of Replies: 397
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 01:58:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 5/1/07) Have you ever wanted to shout out at a wedding when you heard, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”? Dr. Phil’s guests are at war and want their loved ones to think twice before walking down the aisle. Jessica says her parents, Ellen and Bruce, refuse to accept her boyfriend, Matt. The couple says Matt is a manipulative drug addict with a criminal past who has physically abused their daughter. Matt vows that he’s reformed and wants to make a fresh start. Should Jessica end her relationship, or should her parents butt out? Then, Jerry is 19 and about to say “I do” to his 30-year-old fiancée, Jessica. His siblings say Jessica is an opportunist looking for a father for her two small children. Jerry’s older brother, Jason, says Jerry is just confused, and he thinks Jessica seduced him. Jerry’s siblings also question Jessica’s fidelity, because they say she once flirted with Jerry’s older brothers. If Jerry is about to make the biggest mistake of his life, will he get a wake-up call before the wedding? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 1, 2007, 8:42 am CDT

10years younger

After seeing your advertisment about today's show I would like to share with you my experience I was married to a man for 11 years who left me for someone else, at the age of 30 I was raising three children ages 11, 9 and 1 by myself. One year later I met a man that was only 21 years old and we have been married for 7 yearsand been  together for 13 we have a wonderful relationship, he is my best friend and soul mate I cannot imagine life without him.  So for you comment IF THERE IS ANYONE IN THE AUDIENCE THAT THINKS IT'S OK FOR THEM TO BE TOGETHER I WILL BE THE FIRST TO STAND IN LINE AND SAY "YES IT'S OK".  EVEN IF IT MAKES ME AN IDIOT FROM IDIOT VILLAGE.  On a side note, we are now getting ready to enjoy out first grandchild in November.  My children grew up in a loving, happy and wonderful enviorment because of the love and respect that my husband and I could show each other even though he was 10 years younger than me.
 
May 1, 2007, 8:43 am CDT

Think it Through

anybody can change or even say they have changed...but from experience,  be sure you know the person before you ever agree to say "i do." In the beginning, everyone puts on a good act and you really think positive things of that person...then before long, you start seeing the TRUE colors of that person. For both of you, be smart about it, marriage is not something to rush NOR is it something to jump into because it seems like the fun thing to do.

 
May 1, 2007, 8:49 am CDT

Listen to family...

...when they speak from their concern. What do these siblings have to gain if their brother does not get married? Like Dr. Phil said of the first young woman's parents, "Do they have a dog in this fight?" I don't think they do. I see these two latter young people and believe that the 30-year-old woman is desperate for help with herself and two young children; and the 19-year-old is late in being responsible for himself (e.g. has had no job, talks like a child: "If it will shut them up...") much less is he ready to be a responsible husband and father of two.

 

It seems to me that both of these two need to be independent from their folks before they can honestly say that they are ready to be marriage partners. You don't launch a ship while there are still gaping holes in the sides.

 

I think Dr. Phil's advice for the first two is good also for the second two: go out on your own for 90 days--get a job, an independent living arrangement, and live like that without contact for 90 days. If after that you still want to be together, then you'll be more prepared for marriage.

 

I am 42 and my boyfriend of 6 months is 45. I have three children and he has one. (We're both competently employed (teacher/marketing director), and we each live independently.) We fell in love quickly and have been developing a healthy friendship since we met. We have a slow and steady plan for blending these two families. When everyone is ready, then we'll get married...or not. Marriage and our children are worth this preparation time and sacrifice.

 

Sunny

 
May 1, 2007, 9:26 am CDT

I don't think it's fair...

I don't think it's fair for the 30 yo woman to marry this kid.  He's just 19, he needs to date a while and work in the real world before marrying period!  Marriage is hard enough and now he wants to marry into this mess.  The woman has THREE kids.  Now all of a sudden, he's a dad after knowing this woman a total of two weeks.  Instant family, just add water. 

 

So now, all of a sudden he's husband AND dad, just like that.  That's a lot of adjusting, and having ONE kid all by it's itty-bitty self is HARD.  Now, he's a stepdad to three.  He's going to go into crisis mode because I'm not convinced he knows who HE is. 

 

Second, when she gets older, he's going to have to carry the burden of supporting them.

 

This woman seems mega manipulative to me.  My brother has a girlfriend who is ubber controlling, and she's HIS age!  My brother's girlfriend flirts with my other brother, and I suspect that she's trying to play them off of each other.  She'll compare them and comment on how much thinner the other brother is in comparison.  Then he'll pull a muscle trying to exercise for her, for example.  I thought of this because this woman is doing the SAME thing to control this guy, I can practically SMELL it on her!  She seems like the type to play mind games, and needs to find a PARTNER, not some kid she can exploit.

 
May 1, 2007, 9:40 am CDT

exactly

Quote From: manofgoods

This is the wrong place to talk about it, but if you will read the transcript, he admitted that he started this the minute they gotten married! She was a newlywed, she was PREGNANT,  & he has no trust for her? He was recording her phone calls RIGHT AFTER they got married! HIS CRAZY BEHAVIOR STARTED FROM THE BEGINNING! NOT AFTER SHE HAD AN AFFAIR! She had been living with his abuse for 2 years before she had an affair. Another BIG RED FLAG... she had NO ONE at the wedding! What 19 year old girl doesn't want her family & her friends at her wedding? He engineered it so that she had NO family or friends at her wedding! SHE DID NOT TRIGGER HIS OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR!

Simply put, Jeffrey knew from the beginning that no woman around his age would put up with his crap (back at 30), otherwise, he wouldn't be going after a nice, naive, young woman at 19. I have seen men like him. They control, manipulate, & dominate young women like her. A REAL man NEVER abuses a woman, whatever it's emotionally, or physically, & unfortunately, that's what's driven her to find another man to rescue her. All of the Jeffrey defenders need to wake up. You're basically defending a man for his actions. That is NO excuse for him to act like that. NONE. You either work out on the marriage, or get a divorce & move on, not become a controlling, dominating pig.


Dead on!


 
May 1, 2007, 9:44 am CDT

Cradle robbers

To all you 30 something posters that married teenagers.  Consider yourselves very lucky I'm not your MIL because I would have kicked your sorry behind across the street before you ever got close to my child.

For the record YOU CAN CONTROL who you fall in love with.  It is all a matter of removing yourself from the situation.  That is like saying I have no control over robbing a bank, yes I do it is called self control. 

 
May 1, 2007, 9:48 am CDT

And I

Quote From: ceildh1

That's just it, at 19 he SHOULD be out having fun with his friends and getting the whole party lifestyle out of his system BEFORE settling down.  They should be dating, and finding out about themselves and other people, and what they like and dislike in others.

After only two weeks he proposed ? Lady that was an impulse move, like most 19 year olds, he was taken by the Mrs. Robinson attraction, and you will get old and grey, and he will move on, or do you think its a good idea to raise your husband with your kids ? Hey, at 19 this is a guy YOU can CONTROL, and make him do your bidding, but I warn you, the novelty will fade and he'll wake up one day when his Brain has finally grown up and matured and say "what the hell was I thinking ?" And guess what ? You'll be in his rearview mirror.  Yes, yes I know you "love him " and he "loves you" and you are the exception, but tell me this why do you feel the need to defend yourself on National TV if you are the exception ? Hmmm.

Filthtomkat, sorry if I got your name wrong, too early to be near a keyboard, I agree with you, and I hope he will consider what his parents are saying, but the unfortunate thing is, many of them don't until its too late.

And I agree with both of you.  This woman has calculated every step of this.  His family should be speaking out.  It's love for him that makes them say this isn't good.  They can see what she's up to, but he can't.  Kaccookachoo!
 
May 1, 2007, 9:49 am CDT

05/01 “Call it Off!”

Regarding the 19 year old and 30 year old getting married and everyone saying that 19 is too young to get married...All I have to say is, age is NOT a factor, instead matuarity is. I got married at the age of 18 to a man who was 21 years old. We have now been happily married for 5 years and we have 3 kids together. And guess what? We got married after 3 months of dating, 1 month of it away from each other, being as he was in the military and had to deploy. It worked for us because we are both responsible and mature unlike Jerry who seems to be very immature and can't make racional decisions on his own. If this 30 year old woman really loves him as much as she says she does, then she will not rush into this marriage with this indecisive 19 year old. I hope that for their marriage sake and for the sake of her kids that call this man dad, that they will do as said on the show and seek conseling before getting married.
 
May 1, 2007, 9:56 am CDT

Something's Not Right

Quote From: mistyc

I have two daughters and it is my JOB to protect them from harm, like an abusive drug addict.  If you've never had someone in your life that is addicted to drugs and or alcohol you can't possibly grasp how text book perfect this girl sounds.  Her parents that love her and want to shelter are the enemy and the man that will destroy her is the good guy. I would have to take physical steps to keep him from my daughter, I might end up in jail but I would get my point across, one way or another. 

Now on to the 30 year old woman, If she were a man sniffing around my 19 year old daughter I would ask her what the hell is her problem.  Shame on her for knowingly robbing this child of his youth and freedom.  My take on her is that she is a lazy slob that moves from man to man wanting someone to take care of her.  Otherwise she would have a J-O-B and her own home to live in with her children.

In the first segment, the only explanation the girl could give for why she loves this guy is that he was nice to her.  That sounds a bit inadequate to me.  Could it be codependency?  I hear you about the actions you would take if she were your daughter.  You could use me as a witness and I'll swear he attacked you!  This guy may be cleaning up his act, but it is a long way from clean right now. 

 

I think you got both cases just right.  Great job.

 
May 1, 2007, 10:14 am CDT

You CAN control who you marry!

Quote From: missi34p

You cant control who u r in love with and im happy for you. Im 34 and my husband is 19.We have been married for 1 year and we are so happy together.

Hopefully YOUR marriage will work out, but all the stats are against you.

 

Most marriages are happy at year 1. Add a few more and things may or may not be different. For your sake, I hope you two are happy and not the norm.

 

Too bad you didn't decide to go to college, have dates, have time out with girlfriends and get to know YOU as an adult before being committed to another.

 

At age 34, I saw 19 year olds as the children they were. Heck, I taught them in my high school classroom the previous year!!! They are STILL children...growing children who should be out on their own becoming INDEPENDENT. I will NEVER understand what mature MAN (or woman in his 30's, 40's) would want to be married to a child.

 

I did more growing in those college years than ever! I married at age 26, just two months before my 27th birthday. That was 18.5 years ago! Thank GOD I took that time (between high school and marriage) to learn who I was and spend time doing all the things I wanted to do. Marriage can be wonderful (mine is), but it's a HUGE responsiblity and not meant for children. It's meant for EQUAL partners. Economcially, it's doubful you are an equal partner (due to your young age and lack of education). That complicates a marriage.

 

Again, God bless you and your marriage. I just hope you don't add to the usual statistics regard to your type of marriage. There are always exceptions; I pray your relationship falls into that category.

 
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