Topic : 07/06 “Call it Off!”

That woman Jessica, the 30 year old marrying the 19 year old BOY is completely taking advantage of him.  I doubt this is the first time she has used someone.  I think she should be on one of Dr. Phil's moocher shows.  She has two children and was living at her parents and now moving in with Jerry and his parents.  Why isn't she supporting herself and her children?  She was obviously looking for someone to marry and I'm sure she doesn't love that boy.  I just wanted to scream "Get a job and support your own kids!" at her and "Wake up!  This woman is the worst thing that could happen to you!" to Jerry.

 

A number of people have questioned Jerry's intellect.  He did come across as delayed.  In the very least he is under-mature for his age.   He also seemed to have alot of anger and resentment to his family.  Saying his siblings don't care and should burn in hell and all that.  I'm curious as to why Dr. Phil didn't question those comments he made about his family.  That, combined with the fact that his parents had no part in the show, makes me seriously wonder what his upbringing and family life is like.  Why aren't his parents objecting to this union???  Why would they let that woman, who is sooooo obviously taking advantage of their child, live in their house?  Maybe he hasn't ever felt loved by his family.

 

My main question is : What kind of person takes advantage of a 19 year old who is unexperienced and immature? I really had the feeling that something was very wrong with Jessica.  She just didn't seem like she cared at all about how this could really mess up Jerry's life.  If they are sooooo in love, why couldn't they just be boyfriend/girlfriend for a couple of years??  Then get married.  Also, I wonder what kind of mother this woman is.  Her kids are already calling this boy "Daddy" after two weeks??? How many other daddies have they been through??  She obviously has an agenda and I really feel bad for Jerry because he is being completely snowballed by this manipulative woman.  Is it just me or was there something missing from her?  Just something in her eyes really bothered me.  She didn't seem like she cared about him at all let alone loved him.  I think she is out for herself and couldn't give a damn how it could negatively effect anyone else (ie. Jerry, her kids, etc.)

 

I really really hope there is a follow up to this show.  I didn't believe for a second that that woman would go through any kind of counselling or postpone the wedding for even a day.  She didn't care at all what Dr. Phil was saying and she only agreed to wait to appease him. 

You are so right IT'S A MATURITY THING, my husband is 20 years younger then I and we have been blessed for 3 years this July. Life is good and God has blessed us with one another.

Dr. Phil made it clear that it wasn't just the age difference that was the issue, it was that the couple were on very different places in the arc of life.

 

Experience is a great teacher, but with two young children in the mix,

you can't just say "OH WELL" when it ends up not working out.

Google the signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder and Anti-Social personality disorder. This girl sounds alot like a relative of mine. These people rarely ever change and she will destroy you all in the process. You will probably have to separate from your son until he finally realizes what a deceitful, manipulative person she is. These people divide and conquer, they pit everyone against eachother so nobody can get together and compare notes and figure out who the real liar is. It has almost destroyed my marriage and this person is not even a blood relative of ours!

My husband and I were both offended by Dr. Phil's comment that anyone who marries after knowing each other only a few weeks is an idiot.  My husband and I met March 18th, 2003, he proposed 2 weeks later and we married July 12, 2003.  We have been very happily married for almost 4 years.  I must say we are not young and this is not our first marriage.  We both knew what we wanted out of life, our hopes, dreams, politics, religous beliefs.  We also did not have to raise children, we have 4, the youngest was 16 and is now 20.  We have never been happier.  We knew we were each others soul mate 1 hour after meeting at a singles dance.

So, Dr. Phil, it can work.

I don't know about the age difference between Jerry and Jessica being right or wrong, but they both seem a little slow. And why in the heck would Jerry's family let her and her children live in their home. If you can't afford you own place to live then you probably shouldn't be thinking about getting married!

Very strange people

I wanted to come back and say the age difference isn't really a big deal to me. I mean in the right context I guess. It's just on the show kids were involved and that tends to change everything. It could or could not involve complications. All I mean to say is that if two are truly compatible then go for it. However; if at different life experiences...it may be a good idea to postpone or not go through with it. Jerry just didn't appear ready to me; it seemed he was being manipulated. Though, his family issues definitely need to be addressed.

 and neither do I! There are many people who are potentially compatible. You do sound happy., though, so I'll just agree to disagree with you on this. Hopefully this is only the second marriage for both of you. You have heard his statistics on remarrying; with each new marriage, the chance of success goes way down. Also, I'm one to talk! I'm also on my second (and final!) marriage. My first husband was a narcissistic, abusive alcoholic who had married young. His first wife left him. I had low self-esteem and despite being beautiful and intelligent and working at MIT, I felt I had to accept this jerk's proposal! I left my home state of Mass and followed him to PA. I barely lasted the six years I stayed with him. Thank God we had no children. Turns out I was infertile. I met my second husband the same year I divorced the first, but this wise and wonderful man said I had to prove to myself that I could take care of myself before we made any sort of marital commitments. We did agree to be sexually exclusive, however! He had three boys from his first marriage, which ended four years earlier. If I had known the heartache these wonderful but frustrating stepchildren would one day bring! We married in 1993 and the boys were very happy to call me their stepmother. However,  I left the discipline up to my husband and his ex-wife. They had joint custody, but it seemed unfair, as he only saw them every other weekend and one night a week, plus one week for summer vacation. He did not get Thanksgiving and only a few hours on Christmas! Sadly, drugs swept through the area where the boys lived with their mother, her new (and now ex) husband and their three boys. The oldest died of an overdose on New Year's Eve 2005; the middle one is sober for now. The youngest never got involved. I still love my stepsons and do not judge them for their mistakes.

I did  have a child, my only one, after infertility surgery. My beautiful daughter was born four months after my 40th birthday in January 1996. She is incredible. I truly do feel blessed. Good luck to you and your new husband!

Of course his shows are for people with "problems".  Now, I agree 100% that the 30 year old woman IN THIS CASE should not marry the 19 year old "boy" IN THIS CASE.

 

Furthermore, I am truly sorry for the people that have had very similar experiences and are posting on this board.

 

HOWEVER, not all marriages with big age differences have these problems.  First, it requires a general level of intelligence on the part of both parties and, frankly, the couple on Dr. Phil's show were dumber than the rocks in my back yard.

 

But, these shows lead to the general public having negative opinions on these types of marriages and, for that reason, I must set the record straight.

 

Several years ago, I was a happily SINGLE and divorced lady and I was 37 years old.  I am well-educated with three college degrees and very financially secure through my own efforts.  I never had children for personal reasons and I have made all efforts to age gracefully and keep myself very physically fit.  I am a confirmed workaholic and capitalist.

 

As I said, I was 37, single, and happy. Through fate, I met a 20 year old young man that was in the US Army.  We met, had a good conversation, and I thought nothing of it.  He, on the other hand, had other thoughts and started to call me and ask me out.  I relented and went out with him.  We started dating.  Four months to the day that I met him, we were married.

 

I can't imagine life without him.  Yes, he was immature in many ways and didn't have knowledge of some basic life skills. I have no problem sharing my knowledge with such a great student and he has matured leaps and bounds.  A year in Iraq also helped mature him.

 

I am happier than I ever have been in my life.  He treats me like gold and, for that, I can put up with the occasional "kid" moment.  Besides, I try to act like a kid myself as much as possible because it keeps me positive and young.

 

I can't imagine life without him.  There are moments of profound sadness I experience when I realize that we won't have a marriage that lasts 50 years because I'll probably die before that.  I do wish we were closer in age, but I won't let that interfer with the happiness that we have now.

 

This October will be our third wedding anniversary. Yay!!!  I am only saddened by the fact that he will, once again, leave for a tour of duty in Iraq around that time.