Message Boards

Topic : 08/27 Bully Dads

Number of Replies: 977
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 02:00:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/02/07) They threaten, scream, intimidate and even bite. They’re not tantrum-throwing kids … they’re bullying dads! Shannon has only been married for three months but says she’s ready for a divorce. She says her husband, Kevin, calls her kids “fat,” “lazy” and “losers,” and has physically assaulted her son. She even called the police on him three weeks before their recent wedding. Kevin says he feels like he’s being pushed to his breaking point and intimidates his stepchildren because he is not allowed to punish them. To find out what was going on, Dr. Phil set up cameras in the couple’s home. You won’t believe what they reveal! Can Shannon and Kevin save this marriage, or was it doomed from the start? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More August 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 29, 2007, 5:38 am CDT

your sick

Quote From: vstockard

I'm wondering what the point is in trying to "heal" a family like this?  The "dad" is obviously a sick man and the wife is sick for staying with him.  Some people enjoy the role of victim.  Saying that she stays with him because of her child is the most selfish and sick excuse imaginable!  She is staying with him because she is as sick as he is.  I really wish that you'd show more programs that are uplifting and hopeful!  It's depressing to watch a family destroy one another. 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLACE LIKE THEY HAVE.I KNOW I HAVE AND SOMETIMES ITS NOT AS EASY TO GET OUT AS YOU THINK.IT TOOK ME TWO YEARS TO GET OUT AND THEN I WAS SCARED FOR MY LIFE AND MY CHILD.HE CAME AFTER US.SO BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT WHY SHE WOULD'NT LEAVE GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT FIRST,

 

 

                                                              CUDDLES05

 
April 29, 2007, 5:39 am CDT

goldenangels05

Quote From: bluhrig

It's bad enough that a parent engages in this behavior, but for a mother to choose a man who will do this to a son she already has is outrageous. Unless Dr. Phil can perform a miracle, dump him.

hay sweet heart got to tell you let he man go he isn't worth the long term  mental and emotional and phycological damage that he's placeing on your children. your first cluse should of bee everything that went on way berfor your wedding and very shorttly before your wedding. Let me please let you in on a very well known fact about life.  Life is short and you only have whatever children the good man upstairs grants you if one dies or is hurt to the point they no longer can function then you  can't replace them or fix them to be bran new. I know this personally I was blessed with 4 children all haveing some kind of medical issue. I wouldn't traid them for the world they are my GOLDEN ANGELS!!!!! and theve gotten me throught alot as i have them. to tell you the truth if you trully want to be with him then live seperatly and only see him when your children are out or in bed that way he can't hurt them and they don't have to be subjected to his oulandish inapropreate behaviour. YOUR CHILDREN WILL  ALWAYS BE YOUR CHILDREN AND THEY FOREVER AND FORMOST ALWAYS COME FIRST.  he 's a grown man let him figure his extra baggage out without harming and affecting you's.  wish you best of luck

                                                                                                    GOLDENANGELS05.

 

 
April 29, 2007, 5:42 am CDT

Been There "Doing " That

Quote From: montanarose

She has been in this marriage 3 months to long... need to get her and her Children out now!!! before there is emotional and physical harm to them.

R.

 I just wrote to Dr. Phil about this very thing last week.  I am a just a grandmother, but I have sense enough to know that my grandson is being bullied by his stepdad and has been for five years now.  Guess what.  He is in therapy now.  This woman is a fool is all I can say and the kids should be taken away NOW.
 
April 29, 2007, 5:46 am CDT

I TOO KNOW WHATS SHE GOING THROUGH

I WAS MARRIED TO A GUY WHO USED TO KICK AND HIT BOTH MY CHILD AND MYSELF.HE USED TO LOCK MY SON UP IN A CLOSET AND WHEN I CAME TO GET HIM.MY HUSBAND WOULD STOP ME AND SAY LET THAT LITTLE ******* STAY THERE.AND MY SON WOULD BE SCREAMING MUMMY MUMMY HELP ME.ITS NOT EASY TO LEAVE WHEN HE THREATENS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.DR.PHIL I WISH YOU WERE AROUND WHEN I HAD THIS PROBELM.HE USED TO TELL ME YOUR STUIP AND OTHER THINGS THAT I CAN'T SAY ON HERE OR THEY WONT LET IT GO THROUGH.ANYWAY PLEASE DR.PHIL HELP THIS FAMILY.OR TELL HER TO GET OUT BUT HELP HER.,BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE HIM DON'T GIVE UP THAT EASY.I KNOW IVE BEEN AWAY FROM THIS JERK I WAS MARRIED TOO NOW FOR ABOUT 20 YEARS AND HE STILL TRYS TO GET ME.FOR ALL KINDS OF THINGS.I HAVE WENT TO THE COPS BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING.BUT THEY SAY UNLESS HE HURTS ME OR DOES ANYTHING THAT THEY CAN ARREST HIM FOR THERES NOTHING THEY CAN DO.

 

                              CUDDLES05

 
April 29, 2007, 7:16 am CDT

At least this situation is not being hidden anymore.

No matter what the outcome I'm sure the kids will get the help they desparately need. Shannon, with this type of behavior already, aren't you afraid that he may actually kill your kids? As your mother it is your job to protect them from this kind of brutality, not marry into it. I'm glad you wrote the show. At least you're getting help.
 
April 29, 2007, 8:05 am CDT

05/02 Bully Dads

How about when your own biological father bullies their child. I have seen my husband get in my sons face as if my son was a man and say "come on, do something."  My son wanted to leave for a while but now he isn't sure.  If I did, he has told me he doesn't want me to have anyone else because they would treat him mean as a stepchild.  I told him I wouldn't allow that to happen and he said, "you let dad do it to me."  I am soooooooo unsure of what to do.  Best of luck to the people on the show.
 
April 29, 2007, 8:39 am CDT

bully dads

I for one have lived with a bullied dad....all during my younger years my dad would drink, come in and pull me and my siblings out of bed and beat us for no reason at all, if we were 1 minute late from coming in from playing outside he would meet us at the front door with a belt wrapped around his hand and beat us with the buckle...he would call us names and tell us we were worthless....we hated the weekends in fact we hated everyday that we lived, he wasn't happy until he beat us...however he never ever touched our mother, ( i guess because he saw his dad hit his mom and didn't think a woman should be beat) But there were so many times when i was younger that i wished him dead!  I hope and pray that God has forgiven me for wishing that on my father..he died back in 1978...(my mom died in Jan of 1978 then he died in sept. '78) i will never understand why he did this to us....we never heard a i love you from either of our parents...this person needs to get out...emotionally it has put a scar on us but we do tell each other we love one another(brothers and sister)...i will never ever understand how a parent can beat up their own kids....but it has made me  a stronger person in some ways i have never beat my kids as i didn't want to see them go through what i did...i have a hard time at times thinking about it and its hard to go to his grave to put flowers on his stone cold grave i do it for my mom and my mom only...i talk alot about my mom but i find it overwhelming to talk about him...i only talk about him when i hear people back talk to their parents and i say you know my father would beat me for that or i will say oh heck my father beat us all the time!!! this makes me mad when this goes on ;back when it was happening to me there was NO HELP!!! Oh yeah my dad was a member of the VFW in Mi when this was going on and all his drinking buddies worked on the police force so there you go!  When we moved to the south no one cared , his realitives didnt even care enough to help and do you know why!? because they said they were afraid of him and it was none of their business BUT they did feel SORRY for us....yeah right!!!!  I sometimes wonder what would have happen to him if he killed one of us? 
 
April 29, 2007, 11:34 am CDT

Bully for him

Here we go again. A no brainer. Kick him to the curb and get the rest of the family fixed. Your life is too important for this stuff. YOU DONT have to put up with it. Ever. The first abuse is the last abuse for me..I would have NEVER let it go on that long. HELLO!!!
 
April 29, 2007, 1:15 pm CDT

Shannon needs to divorce Kevin.... NOW!

I have seen the previews for this show over and over again, and this definitely sounds like a “must tune in.”  Some of it sounded inaudible, but it definitely sounded vicious.  At times in the “videotape preview,” I really couldn’t tell whom Kevin was yelling at.  (By the way, does anyone find it a little bit coincidental that this abuser’s name sounds incredibly close to Karen, that hurricane-like woman from “A Mother’s Rage,” or that their names even start and end with the same letters?)

 

Just by reading the write-up, I am shocked by all the things this overgrown child (I refuse to call him a MAN) is doing.  Calling the children all kinds of names is one thing, but to physically assault your stepson is crossing the line indefinitely.  Some questions, though: a) how many children are involved in this situation and b) how old are these children?  This would be some useful information.  I’m guessing some of younger ones are too young to defend themselves and are deemed helpless.  I remember in the “Custody Battles Gone Bad” message board, I used my fanfic story, “Valerie” in a hypothesis.  I will use this story again, and say that Kevin is exactly like the title character’s ex-husband, Tom, only without the mentally retarded child.  (I don’t even want to know what Kevin thinks of handling these types of children; where’s a “rolling eyes” emoticon when you need one?)

 

Judging by Kevin’s behaviour and lack of family history, I can only guess that:

 

  • his father left when he was a child, and he either grew up with no father figure in the house or an abusive stepparent
  • he was never married before Shannon and has no kids of his own
  • he personally thinks that parenting classes are for “sissies,” and he doesn’t take kindly to strangers telling him how to parent children

 

What’s worse is that he uses intimidation with the kids because he’s not allowed to punish, and uses the excuses of “I’m at my breaking point,” “I’m a victim,” and “It’s the kids’ fault,” and so on.  Really?  What did those poor defenceless little kids ever do to you, Kevin? (Although from one of the stills, I see a kid named Tony is trying to stand up to you for the family.)  Face it, dude, you’re just upset because you don’t have any kids of your own, and you don’t feel comfortable raising another man’s kids.  You should’ve thought about that before you said, “I do.”  Also, you’re using the same excuses as Sharon Newman (Sharon Case’s character on Young and the Restless) when she abandoned her own kids to find herself and had numerous affairs behind her husband’s back, and this is why so many of that show’s other characters (and viewers) look down on her.  I’m so surprised you haven’t done either to Shannon and the kids yet.

 

And to Shannon, you really need to get out of this marriage while you can.  I can understand your desire to provide a “same-sex” parent for your sons after their biological father left, but as much as I hate to accuse you of anything, I think it’s quite obvious that you rushed into this marriage too quickly.  Kevin doesn’t seem like the type of man who likes to spend any QT with the kids, nor does he sound redeemable in his ways.  I challenge you to be single for six months, and during this time, you and your kids make lists of the qualities you want and don’t want to see in a man and a father.  There are plenty of men who have most (if not all) of the qualities on the “pro” lists, and few or none on the “con” lists.  (How did you meet Kevin to begin with; have you ever considered online dating?)  You can do better and your kids deserve better, I know it.

 

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has always said that parents should not get divorced unless they go through the three deal-breakers: ABUSE, ADDICTION & ADULTERY!  (I like to call them "the three A's.")  There's so much of the first one here, and I believe this marriage was doomed from the start, and I pray that Shannon will see the light.  God bless them, they’re going to need all the help and support they can ever receive.  And Kevin, you're better off finding someone who doesn't have or want kids, because you're obviously not father material.

 
April 29, 2007, 1:27 pm CDT

I've such a hard time when I hear this stuff

Quote From: angel_1963

I know about this topic very well, because I lived it for 2 years with my son and his step-father,  2 weeks after I was married to a man I really truely love, he started hitting my son cussing him, twisting his arms, screaming him throwing things at him and calling him a loser, fat and ba*****d kid.  I had to refree for 2 years.  But if you do not put a stop to it early in you marriage it will never stop it will only get worse to the point that he might even start hitting you like my husband did.  I had escape when my husband took my child to Utah and he was going to break my child neck.  I finally escape by calling the police and having him arrested and then I left back for Texas.  So I would stop it fast and soon.   I finally woke up and I hope she wakes up before it is to late.  You can alway get another man, but you can not replace your children. But this are you flesh and blood and I have learn that I would not let a man hurt my child no more.  Because  it also emotionally hurts them too.  I wish I had left sooner, but I was scared of this man because he was volient toward me as well but I had to fight for my child as well.   It end in 2006 after he cracked my rib, and I am so glad to be away from this mess.  My son is so much happier......Teresa
I know I shouldn't judge others but boy when I hear someone make a statement like yours & the others here I really have such a hard time.  you say you had to "referee for 2 years"?  No you didn't you could have the very first time this man hit, cussed or did *anything* to your kid.  It would have been very simple "I'll not tolerate abusive behavior in my home.  If you can't keep from speaking that way or from physically harming my kid then get out."  You say if they don't stop it early in their marriage it will only get worse to the point that he might even start hitting you?  I'm sorry but as horrible as it would be to have a guy kick the crap out of me it would be way worse to watch him do that to my kid.  He would have been beating me the first time it happened because there's no way I could have watched without interviening.  It would have been the last breath of my body before I'd have stood by & watched someone hurting my kid & Ijust don't understand how any mother could.  
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last