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Topic : 08/27 Bully Dads

Number of Replies: 977
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 02:00:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/02/07) They threaten, scream, intimidate and even bite. They’re not tantrum-throwing kids … they’re bullying dads! Shannon has only been married for three months but says she’s ready for a divorce. She says her husband, Kevin, calls her kids “fat,” “lazy” and “losers,” and has physically assaulted her son. She even called the police on him three weeks before their recent wedding. Kevin says he feels like he’s being pushed to his breaking point and intimidates his stepchildren because he is not allowed to punish them. To find out what was going on, Dr. Phil set up cameras in the couple’s home. You won’t believe what they reveal! Can Shannon and Kevin save this marriage, or was it doomed from the start? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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April 28, 2007, 8:59 am CDT

Bully Dad's

I know about this topic very well, because I lived it for 2 years with my son and his step-father,  2 weeks after I was married to a man I really truely love, he started hitting my son cussing him, twisting his arms, screaming him throwing things at him and calling him a loser, fat and ba*****d kid.  I had to refree for 2 years.  But if you do not put a stop to it early in you marriage it will never stop it will only get worse to the point that he might even start hitting you like my husband did.  I had escape when my husband took my child to Utah and he was going to break my child neck.  I finally escape by calling the police and having him arrested and then I left back for Texas.  So I would stop it fast and soon.   I finally woke up and I hope she wakes up before it is to late.  You can alway get another man, but you can not replace your children. But this are you flesh and blood and I have learn that I would not let a man hurt my child no more.  Because  it also emotionally hurts them too.  I wish I had left sooner, but I was scared of this man because he was volient toward me as well but I had to fight for my child as well.   It end in 2006 after he cracked my rib, and I am so glad to be away from this mess.  My son is so much happier......Teresa
 
April 28, 2007, 3:32 pm CDT

05/02 Bully Dads

Is this another one of those situations that a woman NEEDS to be married and HAVE a man to validate her, even at the expense of her CHILDREN ? Sorry, but you know it just makes me wonder WHY we would do this to our children.

Its one thing to date a single parent, but you NEVER know unless you live with them.  Do the legwork BEFORE you get married, take parenting classes talk to other step parents BEFORE popping the question, the step children are NOT going to behave toward you the same way your own children do, why because YOU are not their parent.

The onus is on the Biological parent to PROTECT their children from men like this, ans women but the title is Bully Dads, not Moms.  I find it really disheartening when I see that a woman is choosing her MAN over her childrens safety and well being, Men are a dime a dozenl.

In this day and age of divorce, their are many more single parents out there, and I don't care how lovable someone is, it is UP TO THE PARENT to define the parametres of the relationship, in regards to discipline and routines, the step parent should be respected no question, but they need to earn that respect, bullying dosen't work.

 
April 28, 2007, 3:54 pm CDT

step-father abuse

Quote From: angel_1963

I know about this topic very well, because I lived it for 2 years with my son and his step-father,  2 weeks after I was married to a man I really truely love, he started hitting my son cussing him, twisting his arms, screaming him throwing things at him and calling him a loser, fat and ba*****d kid.  I had to refree for 2 years.  But if you do not put a stop to it early in you marriage it will never stop it will only get worse to the point that he might even start hitting you like my husband did.  I had escape when my husband took my child to Utah and he was going to break my child neck.  I finally escape by calling the police and having him arrested and then I left back for Texas.  So I would stop it fast and soon.   I finally woke up and I hope she wakes up before it is to late.  You can alway get another man, but you can not replace your children. But this are you flesh and blood and I have learn that I would not let a man hurt my child no more.  Because  it also emotionally hurts them too.  I wish I had left sooner, but I was scared of this man because he was volient toward me as well but I had to fight for my child as well.   It end in 2006 after he cracked my rib, and I am so glad to be away from this mess.  My son is so much happier......Teresa
It's bad enough that a parent engages in this behavior, but for a mother to choose a man who will do this to a son she already has is outrageous.  Unless Dr. Phil can perform a miracle, dump him.
 
April 28, 2007, 4:30 pm CDT

bully dads

I question the mother for even going through with the marriage when she was aware of his abuses towards her children even before the I Do's.  It's one thing to be hoodwinked by a guy and not have a clue that he's violent until after wedding and another to walk into it eyes wide open and put  your children in harms way like that.  They don't get a say!!!!!    

 
April 28, 2007, 4:40 pm CDT

Bullying dads

I have been married to the same man for 23 years and have two children. My children have been bullied by their own dad. He has called them names and occasionally gotten overly aggressive with them. I have had to step in on more than one occasion to stop what he was doing. I think on the part of my husband the bullying goes back to how he was treated as a child. His mother was abusive both verbally and physically. It is hard to stay married to someone who wants to bully his way through life. I just have to bully him back when he gets out of line and straighten him back out. I have contemplated divorce many times because of his bullying behavior.
 
April 28, 2007, 5:05 pm CDT

Bully Dad

She has been in this marriage 3 months to long... need to get her and her Children out now!!! before there is emotional and physical harm to them.

R.

 
April 28, 2007, 5:13 pm CDT

bully dads

 

First of all, let me say this. Stepparents should not be disciplining their stepchildren. Both partners need to get that straightened out before they get married. They need to come to an agreement on the type of punishment if the child is out of control. But after they make an agreement then the biological parent issues the punishment.

I am tired of step children getting the worst of it from the step parent, and I think the biological parent needs to step up to the plate and protect their children. If that means a divorce then get a divorce.

Like the message before mine says, you only have that child and that child needs to be protected, you can always get another spouse.

I sincerely believe that there should be parenting classes and people need to get those classes before they get married and have children. I have some friends who have a child and the child is only 9 months and the grandparent and parent think that they should slap the child's hand when it picks up something it shouldn't have picked up. I said that's wrong. Children are learning by what they feel, taste, and see. If you don't want them to pick something up then put it away. They think I am wrong. Excuuuuuse me!! I don't think so. They say she knows she shouldn't be doing that, because she is advanced for her age, huuh?? I just don't get it and it makes me angry and I want to just leave the house because I want to ring some parents necks.  Well, I could go on and on but I won't because a may just go over and slaps some parents of small children. I didn't grow to be 60 without learning something. Pleeeeasee!

 
April 28, 2007, 6:07 pm CDT

Bully Dads

 No child should have to put up with being mistreated from a stepdad or stepmother .    I married a man with 5 children and it is not easy being a step parent.  I love children and I was lucky to have three little ones that loved me . The two teens was another story.  They finally saw I was not the evil witch their mother said I was.  They are all grown now and have children of their own.  If he is mean to your children throw him out he is not worth keeping.
 
April 28, 2007, 6:42 pm CDT

I don't "get it."

I'm wondering what the point is in trying to "heal" a family like this?  The "dad" is obviously a sick man and the wife is sick for staying with him.  Some people enjoy the role of victim.  Saying that she stays with him because of her child is the most selfish and sick excuse imaginable!  She is staying with him because she is as sick as he is.  I really wish that you'd show more programs that are uplifting and hopeful!  It's depressing to watch a family destroy one another. 
 
April 28, 2007, 7:54 pm CDT

13 CHILDREN DIE ON THE STREETS OF AMERICA EVERY DAY

In America there is a common misconception that children runaway from home because they are societal delinquents who want to be free of authority. The media depicts homeless and street kids as "rebels without a cause", as children who have no regard for society, who have no dreams and no aspirations for life but to get high.  

 

We know this portrayal of homeless and street kids to be false. In fact we know that 90% of children who run away have encountered mental, physical, emotional, and/ or sexual abuse. No child wants to live on the streets. No child wants to have to beg, steal, sell drugs, and/ or themselves just to survive.

 

More than half of the children on the streets are still under the age of 15.  Unable to legally work, these kids get involved in criminal activity just to survive.  Based on current estimates, there are more than one and a half million children, teenagers and young adults trying to survive on the U.S. streets today.  Children now make up 27 percent of the fastest growing segment of the U.S. homeless population.

 

For more info:  www.turnpurple.org 

 

The Turn Purple Campaign is the nations' first campaign against child abuse and the resulting problem of youth homelessness. 

 

 

 

DON'T RUNAWAY - TELL SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar, cheat, selfish or neglectful may benefit from reading some of my favorite books on the subject: 

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson

 

Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

  

 

If you tell your problem to someone that you can trust and still feel unhappy, unsafe, or uncomfortable, or if you don't trust anyone that you know, then you should CALL these numbers untill you speak with someone you can trust:

 

National Runaway Switchboard  1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-621-4000

Covenant House Nine Line 1-800-999-9999

Child HELP USA 1-800-4ACHILD

Stand Up for Kids 1-800-365-4KID

Volunteers of America  www.voa.org

 

 

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something in your life it is up to you to change your situation and tell someone that you can trust. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
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