Message Boards

Topic : 05/03 Lay Down the Law

Number of Replies: 467
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 02:01:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Investigations, accusations, allegations -- Dr. Phil's guests are ex in-laws who are practically putting each other on trial. Cindy and Randy say their ex daughter-in-law, Michele, is an unfit mother, and their 8-year-old granddaughter is living in danger. Michele says Cindy and Randy make up sick accusations. Who's really telling the truth? Renowned attorney Lauren Lake weighs in on how the courts will judge their situation. When the bickering becomes heated between the couple and Michele, find out who storms offstage. Will Dr. Phil be able to settle this battle once and for all, and will Randy and Cindy be able to finally see their granddaughter? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More May 2007 Show Boards

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 28, 2007, 6:18 pm CDT

05/03 Lay Down the Law

My sister left her husband for a younger man.  They have been going thru an ugly divorce ever since.  I take care of her kids about once a week.  The boyfriend of my sister is 6 years younger, has never been in a serious relationship, doesn't have any kids, and has a couple DUI's on his public record.  Last summer my sister took the kids to Mexico, with her boyfriend, and against her ex-husbands wishes.  Some how they crossed the border without written consent from the Father and a terrible accident happened.  They were lighting fireworks on the beach.  The boyfriend gave a lit cigarette ( we think, either way he let a child light a firework),  and my 9 year old nephew got his eye almost taken away from him and scars that he has to live with for the rest of his life!  I kind of have a feeling what the in-laws feel like.  I hope justice does come thru for the sake of the kid(s)! 

 

KJ

Tucson, AZ

 
April 28, 2007, 8:52 pm CDT

Fraud by daughter- in- law

My soon to be ex-daughter-in-law has been able to pull welfare scams, and fraud for years.  When she married my son 10 1/2 years ago, he was in the Marines.  She lived in Iowa, while he was in California.  They had a daughter at that time, who was just months old.  They were married 5 months, before she decided to join him, in California.  At that time she wanted me to forward ALL of her mail....when food stamps and checks came in from DHS and it had "do not forward" on the envelopes, I noticed that these were still coming in her maiden name.  One quick phone call told me that she never reported that she ever gotten married, and she had even said the father of the baby had left her, and she had no idea where he was.  She also had a 4 year old daughter at the time.  She has pulled these scams, and my son was oblivious to them.  It was just last fall, that he found out she was collecting welfare again, here in Iowa, after he left the Marines and they moved back here, 2 years ago.  She reported that he left her right after they moved back here, and she even forged his name to documents to keep the falsifications going.  She gave OUR address and phone number as his.  Unfortunately, in dealing with social workers in this area, for years, I have found they don't check these things out, and don't follow through.  My son now owes child support, for the last two years, when he was living with his wife!  This is one of many reasons why they are getting divorced.   

She is now being investigated in California and N. Carolina, where they had been stationed his 9 years in the service.  She had always picked up  the mail, and had excuses as to why he couldn't pick up the mail.....so he never knew what was coming in. 

I could go on and on, but we need to see her atone for this, before we move on.

She is schizophrenic, and right now has the 3 grandchildren.  My son has filed for divorce and primary custody. 

Thankfully, I have kept diaries and files on everything she did, that I know of, in the last 10 years.  It is a help...documentation....best way to prove anything.

Also, she was 25 and my son 17, when their first child was born.  They had been dating just over a month, when she became pregnant, with our first grandchild.

It is a long journey, to get the system to listen, and do something, but I know it will be well worth it, in the end.

 

 
April 29, 2007, 8:41 am CDT

HIGH CONFLICT PERSONALITIES - COSTLY LEGAL DISPUTES

There is a common belief that disputes including legal disputes are about issues -- the bigger issues drive bigger, more difficult conflicts.  The decision to pursue a highly adversarial legal approach requiring the use of many legal procedures (deposition, subpoenas, hearings, and a trial) are often the result of a high conflict personality.  High conflict personalities often determine the direction of the entire case.  Some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Know Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger  

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

While some of this information is designed for legal professionals, mental health professionals, mediators, and other dispute revolvers, this information is also written for the average person who may be stuck in a dispute with a high conflict personality, or cares about someone who is involved in one. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
April 29, 2007, 11:36 am CDT

Talk to the 8 year old...

Sounds like you can't really depend on the adults in this matter...heck the 8 year old sounds like she is the only adult in this relationship. Poor thing. Great-no sleep again tonight....
 
April 29, 2007, 8:03 pm CDT

Here's my bet

I bet that the inlaws are the problem here. I haven't seen the show, but it is my experience that when the grandparents are slamming the mother it is usually more about their need for control than it is their love for their grandaughter. If they relly loved the grandaughter they would be helping the mother who is the most important person in the childs life. The mother has probably set some boundaries that they do not like so their response is to go for the jugular. If I am wrong about this show, I will eat my words.

 

 
April 30, 2007, 9:35 am CDT

Suffering Children of Divorced Children

When adults divorce each other, they become children!   We the children of divorced families are always tugged on, pulled apart,  told to lie and kept away from our family members.  The worst part of it all, we don't understand why.  She needs to let this little girl have quality time with her grandparents and the grandparents need to stop talking bad about her mother in front of her. 
 
April 30, 2007, 11:13 am CDT

Maybe you will eat your words

Quote From: twinsma546

I bet that the inlaws are the problem here. I haven't seen the show, but it is my experience that when the grandparents are slamming the mother it is usually more about their need for control than it is their love for their grandaughter. If they relly loved the grandaughter they would be helping the mother who is the most important person in the childs life. The mother has probably set some boundaries that they do not like so their response is to go for the jugular. If I am wrong about this show, I will eat my words.

 

 

As this is a tragic situation for the grand-daughter.  I am not sure how the show will be edited.  But  I will bet the grandparents were terrified for the grand-daughter.

It is amazing how many people believe that grandparents have nothing more to do with their time than raise their children's children.   It could be that after years of trying to hold the little girls life together her life became so unstable that in desperation the grandparents went to Dr. Phil so the little girl would have a voice.

I have seen the story and for the first time the grandparents lost their calm with the mother always counting on Dr. Phil to help the little girl.  But as the truth came out and the grandparents spoke the unspeakable and realized all that had happened in the last ten years the grandparents were faced with emotions that they had suppressed for years to care for the grand- daughter.

The grandparents as well did want the grand-daughter to have a good relationship with the mother.   The mother is 50% of who that young girl will see herself as.   The grandparents wanted help for the mother and daughter not to prove that the mother is unfit.  

The grandparents were willing to continue to care for the grand-daughter  praying the mother would accept help from Dr. Phil .  

Grandparents in general look forward to the years when they can be grandparents and enjoy the kids not be the parents.   These grandparents have other grandchildren that they enjoy as being just grandparents because the parents take care of their children.    It is sad if the story of the little girl is lost because it becomes a story about ex- in laws.   It is the grand-daughters story of a cry of help and grandparents are desperate enough to go to Dr. Phil as a voice for the grand-daughter.
 
April 30, 2007, 11:34 am CDT

the little girl

Quote From: cindyphn

 

As this is a tragic situation for the grand-daughter.  I am not sure how the show will be edited.  But  I will bet the grandparents were terrified for the grand-daughter.

It is amazing how many people believe that grandparents have nothing more to do with their time than raise their children's children.   It could be that after years of trying to hold the little girls life together her life became so unstable that in desperation the grandparents went to Dr. Phil so the little girl would have a voice.

I have seen the story and for the first time the grandparents lost their calm with the mother always counting on Dr. Phil to help the little girl.  But as the truth came out and the grandparents spoke the unspeakable and realized all that had happened in the last ten years the grandparents were faced with emotions that they had suppressed for years to care for the grand- daughter.

The grandparents as well did want the grand-daughter to have a good relationship with the mother.   The mother is 50% of who that young girl will see herself as.   The grandparents wanted help for the mother and daughter not to prove that the mother is unfit.  

The grandparents were willing to continue to care for the grand-daughter  praying the mother would accept help from Dr. Phil .  

Grandparents in general look forward to the years when they can be grandparents and enjoy the kids not be the parents.   These grandparents have other grandchildren that they enjoy as being just grandparents because the parents take care of their children.    It is sad if the story of the little girl is lost because it becomes a story about ex- in laws.   It is the grand-daughters story of a cry of help and grandparents are desperate enough to go to Dr. Phil as a voice for the grand-daughter.

I agree that if the little girl is in some sort of danger, that needs to come out. However, I have seen and heard many situations where the grandparents have a vendetta out on their former daughter in law and it is usually because the DIL would not bend to their wishes during the marraige and after. And most times this was a lot of the reason the marraige ended.

 

You seem to know a lot about this show and these people. Is it a repeat? Are you certain that you are being objective enough in your assesment of the situation? I am looking forward to this show. Like I said, I may eat my words, but my bet is this is the situation.

 
April 30, 2007, 4:25 pm CDT

05/03 Lay Down the Law

I seperated from my husband over a year ago.  He walked out on the children and I, paid NO maintanence.  Thankfully, I run my own business for ten years now, I run a childcare centre.  His parents live 4 hours from us and only came to see the children once maybe twice a year, they really had NO interest in their grand children.  However, they went to the social workers and made lots of complaints about me!!  I was so upset, as I work hard and provide for my children.  It is a dangerous road to go accusing a mother without any grounds.  I was one of the worst things that has ever been done to me, and since this the grandfather has admitted that the grandmother did this as she wanted her son and grand children to be with her!!!!!!!  This was NOT love for my children.
 
April 30, 2007, 6:04 pm CDT

see, this is what i am talking about!!!

Quote From: lorrainesm

I seperated from my husband over a year ago.  He walked out on the children and I, paid NO maintanence.  Thankfully, I run my own business for ten years now, I run a childcare centre.  His parents live 4 hours from us and only came to see the children once maybe twice a year, they really had NO interest in their grand children.  However, they went to the social workers and made lots of complaints about me!!  I was so upset, as I work hard and provide for my children.  It is a dangerous road to go accusing a mother without any grounds.  I was one of the worst things that has ever been done to me, and since this the grandfather has admitted that the grandmother did this as she wanted her son and grand children to be with her!!!!!!!  This was NOT love for my children.
I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this with your IL's but I am not at all surprised. Why would anyone who supposedly loves their g children go and slander the mother? I think it is because they believe no woman could be as good a mother as them. I know for a fact that if anything ever happened to my husband or if we split, my MIL would go to town smearing my name and trying to take my girls away. You are right - that was NOT love for your children. It was a hateful, spiteful, shady thing to do. Well, we get back the energy we put out into the world. Your MIL will get a taste of her own medicine - don't worry!
 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last