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Topic : 05/03 Lay Down the Law

Number of Replies: 467
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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 02:01:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Investigations, accusations, allegations -- Dr. Phil's guests are ex in-laws who are practically putting each other on trial. Cindy and Randy say their ex daughter-in-law, Michele, is an unfit mother, and their 8-year-old granddaughter is living in danger. Michele says Cindy and Randy make up sick accusations. Who's really telling the truth? Renowned attorney Lauren Lake weighs in on how the courts will judge their situation. When the bickering becomes heated between the couple and Michele, find out who storms offstage. Will Dr. Phil be able to settle this battle once and for all, and will Randy and Cindy be able to finally see their granddaughter? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 3, 2007, 8:47 am CDT

make your point

I did watch the show...I think the in- laws wants to make trouble for her....They are pointing fingers at her.. Why aren't you pointing fingers at their son....They need to stop cause they more they keep on the worst it going to be,....She isn't listen...I wouldn't either....I do think she has a right to say "no yall can't see the children "or "yes you can..Why cause she is the mother of the children....I would sit some rules down...they wouldn't go by those rules then NOT....I will go ahead a say this  I will give opinion...If people don't like it...I do think they need to stay out of it....if something is goin on..  It will come out sooner or later......
 
May 3, 2007, 9:14 am CDT

Been there done that

I fought my own mother over my child since he was 2 years old, I can offer some very wise advise to this mother. TAKE THEM TO COURT TO GET AN ORDER OF PROTECTION, TO STOP THIS VERBAL TRASHING OF HER. If she does not it will be there for her kids for ever. She also NEEDS TO GET AN ORDER PREVENTING THE GRANDPARENTS FROM REMOVING THE CHILD FROM THE STATE.

 

I did not and I paid for it for years. My own mother went so far as to convince my son I would be a better sister than I was a Mother. he was 2, he is now 29 and we have repaired some the damage this freak caused and we have a good relationship for the most part. However there are issues that come up that I find myself having to explain.

 

My life with her as a child was a living hell, but the little girl in me still wishes for a mother that loved me and wanted me, instead of the one I got.

 

I PRAY that this mother stops this now before she finds herself fighting to get a good relationship with her kids or even worse just trying to find them.

 
May 3, 2007, 9:15 am CDT

butt out

Quote From: unicorn2000

My soon to be ex-daughter-in-law has been able to pull welfare scams, and fraud for years.  When she married my son 10 1/2 years ago, he was in the Marines.  She lived in Iowa, while he was in California.  They had a daughter at that time, who was just months old.  They were married 5 months, before she decided to join him, in California.  At that time she wanted me to forward ALL of her mail....when food stamps and checks came in from DHS and it had "do not forward" on the envelopes, I noticed that these were still coming in her maiden name.  One quick phone call told me that she never reported that she ever gotten married, and she had even said the father of the baby had left her, and she had no idea where he was.  She also had a 4 year old daughter at the time.  She has pulled these scams, and my son was oblivious to them.  It was just last fall, that he found out she was collecting welfare again, here in Iowa, after he left the Marines and they moved back here, 2 years ago.  She reported that he left her right after they moved back here, and she even forged his name to documents to keep the falsifications going.  She gave OUR address and phone number as his.  Unfortunately, in dealing with social workers in this area, for years, I have found they don't check these things out, and don't follow through.  My son now owes child support, for the last two years, when he was living with his wife!  This is one of many reasons why they are getting divorced.   

She is now being investigated in California and N. Carolina, where they had been stationed his 9 years in the service.  She had always picked up  the mail, and had excuses as to why he couldn't pick up the mail.....so he never knew what was coming in. 

I could go on and on, but we need to see her atone for this, before we move on.

She is schizophrenic, and right now has the 3 grandchildren.  My son has filed for divorce and primary custody. 

Thankfully, I have kept diaries and files on everything she did, that I know of, in the last 10 years.  It is a help...documentation....best way to prove anything.

Also, she was 25 and my son 17, when their first child was born.  They had been dating just over a month, when she became pregnant, with our first grandchild.

It is a long journey, to get the system to listen, and do something, but I know it will be well worth it, in the end.

 

as guilty as your daughter in-law may be..... your son is an adult . You need to butt out!! If she is guilty of fraud, she will get what is coming to her. Becouse your son has been hurt, it seem's that you are on a little bit of a witch hunt. I don't believe for one second that your son had no idea. Maybe he was in on the scam too, becouse it was bringing in extra money, If he didn't ask any question's... who's fault is that??

I would also like to add... the only 2 people in the marriage truly know what's going on.

 
May 3, 2007, 9:22 am CDT

Where was their proof?

Quote From: unicorn2000

My soon to be ex-daughter-in-law has been able to pull welfare scams, and fraud for years.  When she married my son 10 1/2 years ago, he was in the Marines.  She lived in Iowa, while he was in California.  They had a daughter at that time, who was just months old.  They were married 5 months, before she decided to join him, in California.  At that time she wanted me to forward ALL of her mail....when food stamps and checks came in from DHS and it had "do not forward" on the envelopes, I noticed that these were still coming in her maiden name.  One quick phone call told me that she never reported that she ever gotten married, and she had even said the father of the baby had left her, and she had no idea where he was.  She also had a 4 year old daughter at the time.  She has pulled these scams, and my son was oblivious to them.  It was just last fall, that he found out she was collecting welfare again, here in Iowa, after he left the Marines and they moved back here, 2 years ago.  She reported that he left her right after they moved back here, and she even forged his name to documents to keep the falsifications going.  She gave OUR address and phone number as his.  Unfortunately, in dealing with social workers in this area, for years, I have found they don't check these things out, and don't follow through.  My son now owes child support, for the last two years, when he was living with his wife!  This is one of many reasons why they are getting divorced.   

She is now being investigated in California and N. Carolina, where they had been stationed his 9 years in the service.  She had always picked up  the mail, and had excuses as to why he couldn't pick up the mail.....so he never knew what was coming in. 

I could go on and on, but we need to see her atone for this, before we move on.

She is schizophrenic, and right now has the 3 grandchildren.  My son has filed for divorce and primary custody. 

Thankfully, I have kept diaries and files on everything she did, that I know of, in the last 10 years.  It is a help...documentation....best way to prove anything.

Also, she was 25 and my son 17, when their first child was born.  They had been dating just over a month, when she became pregnant, with our first grandchild.

It is a long journey, to get the system to listen, and do something, but I know it will be well worth it, in the end.

 

In the show the grandparents were asked to provide the proof of the charges.

 

The only thing they did was to raise their voices and talk over the mother and Dr. Phil. Not once did they provide one piece of documentation.

 

You have a diary so did my mother, but she did not have any actual proof. You see I had the mother from H___! Only I did something to protect myself from her. Its called a restraining order.

You need to hope your son wins, remember she is the mother.

 
May 3, 2007, 9:24 am CDT

made te point

Quote From: ladymaiddo

Sounds like you can't really depend on the adults in this matter...heck the 8 year old sounds like she is the only adult in this relationship. Poor thing. Great-no sleep again tonight....

Someone with a brain.

I feel the same way you do.

 

 
May 3, 2007, 9:33 am CDT

lay down the law

I have struggled with my mother in-law for year's. My husband & i come from 2 very different back round's & culture. From the day we announced we were expecting, is when all the true color's came out. I felt like i had been in a competition for year's, until just recently. I think in this woman's eye's, she think's my husband could have done better. She has done thing's like , re-arange my furniture while babysitting, to pulling my fridge out & calling me a slob becouse of the dust under their!!. Believe me.... the list could go on & on!! anyway... what i finally had to do was let it go. She now win's every argument ( and i couldn't be happier!!) I talk to her as rarely as possible & NEVER at family function's..( mostly becouse it open's me up to public humiliation) I know how harsh this must sound, but it's the only thing i know how to do. By not playing into her, i'm no longer in competition. why hasn't my husband stepped in??? becouse he doesn't see what i see & he doesn't hear what i hear ( tone) .

One of her few saving graces, is that she is great with my kid's!! they are usually all over her... but just lately i have noticed our 7 year old taking a distance from her. Could be that she is following me , or picking up on the vibe's that have been their for year's.

anyway... hope this help's some of you in the rocky  " in-law " boat  

 
May 3, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

do you have my mother

Quote From: lewsgirl_2004

I have so much sympathy for Michele.  I am going through the exact same thing, only it's not my in-laws that are causing the problem; it is my own mother.  She and I had a huge fight five months after I remarried to a wonderful man in 2004.  It was over money, her trying to control me and my children, and her disrespectful attitude toward my husband.  She would send me hate mail.  Calling me names and degrading me and my husband.  I refused to allow her to speak to the children.  Numerous times my husband and myself tried to step-up and be the "hero" in this relationship by apologizing and trying to work it out with her, and everytime we did this, she would turn around, again, and send another hateful letter or attack us in some way.  She began sending hurtful and defaming emails about us to others.  She just would not understand that these are MY children and not hers.  After two years of fighting and the birth of my third child, she wrote a slanderous letter full of false accusations regarding my mental status, my past relationships, and alleged abuse my children have suffered at my hands.  She addressed this letter to the attorney for my ex-husband, and now he is using this letter as the basis for seeking sole custody of my son.  Although my mother has admitted that she only wrote this letter out of anger and frustration and that I AM a good, loving mother, this all has to be played out in court.  I have not spoken to my mother in a year.  I am done with her toxic behavior, manipulation, and her trying to control my life and my children's life.  It has been two years of HELL, and I know in the end, she will get hers...Hang in there Michele.  God knows what you do, and he knows what's in everyone's hearts.  He will not let them win.

My sympathy is with you as well as Michele, At this time I have ended all contact with my mother (16years on 5/08) through out my sons life she did everything to take him from me even told him I would be a better sister than a mother.

 

Get a good therapist and keep your good life partner and keep your head up.

 
May 3, 2007, 9:40 am CDT

05/03 Lay Down the Law

after watching the show im a bit confused with what the grandparents were there for, i thought they were trying to resolve this in a peaceful maner, all gene wanted to do was use the air time to sit and yell, its bad when dr phil has to promice to throw you out the door to make you shut up!!! i dont think dr phil was as easy as gene thought he was going to be.!!!
 
May 3, 2007, 9:41 am CDT

Poor child

My mother was an unfit mother and people talked about giving custody to my father but they didn''t. As a result I have had to go through years of therapy to overcome the emotional problems I had because of my mothers abuse. I'm worriied for they child, I pray that he won't have to go through what I went through to get a life,
 
May 3, 2007, 9:44 am CDT

05/03 Lay Down the Law

Quote From: lidancer1

How right you are!  I am a woman who is divorced from a man because of the manipulative, controlling and undeniably criminal threats against me by my in-laws, to gain complete control over my life and the life of my child.  I was to step completely out of the picture as the mother of my child, with my mother-in-law taking full charge.

  

My first clue was them adding an extention on their home complete with nursery, playroom and a bedroom for my husband. Bizarre? Not even close!

 

After the baby was born, she refused to visit becasue she wanted to see the baby without me being around. The baby was days old and I was nursing. This is when the major campaign began.  I was told I "shouldn't be surprised when I was pulled over by the police and they found drugs in my car. I'd be locked up and then mother-in-law would have the baby" I reported this threat to the police to have it on file.  Then I was told " not to be shocked when I came home from work and the baby was gone. They have enough money to see to it that I would never be able to find or see my child again." This family was clearly displaying severe anti-social personality disorders. I was on the recieving end of their ambient abuse.  However, to the outside, they appeared to be the "loving, doting" grandparents that were being denied the joy of seeing their grandchild.

 

After these threats, I certainly, saw to it that my child was not around them without my supervision.  Since that wasn't good enough from them, I stopped them from seeing the child. That's when they decided to incite the "Grandparents Rights thing".

 

You might ask, where was my husband during all this? He was too busy playing with and accepting the gifts he was being given my them including, a new sports car, clothing that would knock your eyes out, trips to exotic destinations, top of the line media toys and on and on.

Just before my husband was served with divorce papers, Mother-in-law died.  As it turned out, she was messing around with a younger man who died of aids a few years before. Hmmm....

 

During the divorce process, my ex never spent time with his child ( I clocked his longest "visitation" at 17 minutes) and hasn't had any contact with her to this day. ( His choice)  She is now 22, graduated college, is going on with her Masters degree, is happy, accomplished and extremely well-centered.

 

Certainly, my child was denied a relationship with her grandparents.  But, the real tragedy is that her grandparents and her father were so disfunctional any chance of a relationship would have been extremely damaging.

 

If I had to do it over again, I would change nothing except the choice I made for a husband.

 

 

I haven't seen the whole show yet but am looking forward to it. My MIL also was very obsessed with my son when he was born. Same thing...didn't want me around. She only wanted her own time with him. It came to the point when I felt that he preferred her over me. I lived with it though b/c my husband tried to convince me that this was normal b/t grandparents and grandchildren. Besides the fact, my in-laws are very intimidating and use money to manipulate. I don't think anyone has ever stood up to my MIL even though she has been destructive in so many areas of her life.

 

A couple years went by and I had a second son. She didn't seem to have the same attachment to him. Actually, it seems like she didn't have any attachment to him. One day, I changed plans on my MIL by a few hours b/c I made plans. My MIL always had him (b/c she always requested and always got her way). She was so angry at me that she called DSS with total false accusations about me and my husband. Probably one of the worst days of my life. I asked the DSS worker to come into my home and talk to us about this so that we could get to the bottom of it. I was not going to have anybody accuse me of these things. Actually the opposite is true...I am one of those moms that gives her kids 10 chances before she raises her voice. My husband knew right away that this anonymous call was his mother b/c this is the type of behavior he grew up with. I wouldn't let me children see them for two years. Much time has passed and I thought that we were all healing and that I could let them in my children's life again because they were not giving up. I was allowing them to see the boys once every two weeks (even over night). They wanted more but we told them we had to take baby steps.

 

Last week my MIL wrote a letter to my husband saying that she heard that somebody else is looking after my children so much that they can't take care of their own family. This couldn't be more untrue. Nobody could ever say this about me. My boys would even know that. I just know now that she is not well and displays so many qualities of a sociopathic person. She loves destroying peoples lives. We are under attack b/c of her obsession with my 8 year old. I too was warned by a family member of hers to be sure to not have my in-laws as guardians o f my kids in my will (b/c that is what they asked of us) and to be sure to have an alarm on my house.

 

Yes, there are times that I should fear for my life and that is b/c she is not well. I know my husband worries too b/c he knows she has something up her sleeve right now. When we were dating he used to warn me about her ways but I was so caught up in the manipulation and fakenss that I never saw it until I was targeted.

 
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