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Topic : 08/09 Overweight and Forgotten

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Created on : Friday, April 27, 2007, 02:02:37 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 05/04/07) Dr. Phil speaks with women who say they feel forgotten by their loved ones because of their excessive weight. Lorna weighs 650-plus pounds and feels abandoned by her family. Lorna’s sister, Glenice, says Lorna got herself into this situation; now she has to take responsibility and get herself out. Lorna’s boyfriend, Blair, takes care of her, but Glenice says he’s not the Mr. Nice Guy he appears to be. She says he's really an abuser. Lorna says Blair is exhausted and stressed from the hard job of caring for her, and her family needs to help rather than drive him away. Is Lorna ready to stop accepting the abuse and start accepting help? Then, Sunni weighs almost 300 pounds and wants to pursue her dream of being a plus-size model. Her boyfriend, Christian, however, says she’s too fat for the runway, and she should leave that dream to the skinny girls. Sunni says she is big and fabulous, and Christian makes her feel like she should crawl under a rock. Will Sunni be forced to pick between her relationship and her dream? Share your thoughts here.

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penny_lady

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May 5, 2007, 5:00 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: swchick

If, as you say, Penny's point was that "not every fat obese person has bad habits" ( And maybe Penny ought to speak for herself, I think her point was more about self-worth issues behind gluttony leading to overweight- so I'll just treat this as YOUR point) then this does not at all apply to Lorna.

Overweight people who need to make changes, and who want high nutritional bang for the buck and want to control blood sugar will avoid bagels except for every once in a while.

I think it goes without saying that all of us are obligated to take care of ourselves.

There are many factors that contribute to obesity, and some people fight a harder battle than others. That does'nt mean they aren't obligated to fight the battle. A person with Cushings syndrome or hypothyroidism needs to pay very close attention to diet.

Well, that was kind of my point. I don't think that all those who are obese are so because of simply eating too much and exercising too little. Now, OBVIOUSLY those are the logical causes, they are the mathematical causes. Yes, obese people are fat because they deposit more calories than they spend.

But it's not all about "bad habits" all the time. The human mind is a very complicated mess thing. I have a lot of reason I hate myself...I used to cut myself, I promised my husband I wouldn't do it anymore. I thought I was "fixed" out of sheer will power to stop cutting...but I soon fell into a depression. I didn't fix anything...I quit my job, I slept all day and ate fast food when I was awake. When my clothes would get tight, I very much remember getting that same warm feeling in my chest that I would get from cutting myself. (I am getting that feeling RIGHT NOW as I type, right now as I can feel my panties digging into my hip.) I think I articulate my mental illness better than many people who suffer from it. I hate myself. Eating fattening foods, binging on junk, eating until it hurts...this feels GOOD to me because it HARMS me in the same way (worse) than cutting.

Now, that's my story...I'm sure I'm not unique, sadly. I am just trying to explain that it's not about the glycemic index, calories and exercise. That is what it is about on the surface...but for people who let themselves become 700 lbs...there is something else there. I just believe there is MOST of the time. There is some pay off to being that fat. It's not just about nutritional bang's for ones buck.

(For the record, I do not even weight close to 700 lbs, however I am obese.)

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penny_lady

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May 5, 2007, 5:07 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: swchick

Poor food choices are a "secret ingredient" to overweight. Bagels are a poor choice for an obese person, given the available alternatives.

I never even hinted I thought you were a bagel eater, so where did that snark in your other reply come from? Your sarcasm couldn't have been plainer...it's the sarcasm I was asking about.

You were ridiculing the original poster's posit that bagels are a bad food choice. Well, they are. I htink that's been discussed ad nauseum.

I don't really understand your point . It's obvious to anyone that self-destructive compulsive behaviours seem to run in packs, but that doesn't make bagels a good food choice, or negate the fact that there are "head" issues right in there with the hand-to-mouth issues.
Its not as if both can't be true.

You seem to be impatient with people who think Lorna could lose weight if she ate different food.

No...I was ridiculing the OP's posit that it was all about the bagels.

"It was the bagels she ate everyday combined with the sugary soda that got that young woman's weight up over 500 lbs. A bagel is like a loaf of bread squashed down into that size. Huge number of carbohydrates that just turn right into fat. When I used to eat a bagel one day I would check the scale the next day and I would have gained half a pound! That's a no brainer."

(BTW, 1/2 a lbs of fat is over 1700 calories...so it's not such a no brainer...no one gains half a lb from a BAGEL. On top of that the human body can fluctuate daily up to 5 lbs!)

" You seem to be impatient with people who think Lorna could lose weight if she ate different food."

Not at all, but it wasn't JUST the bagels. Read the OP's post again. She seems to think that you can gain half a lb from eating JUST ONE BAGEL...yeah right! LOL

I am impatient with people wanting to treat the SYMPTOM of a mental illness. Treat her mental illness...along with her weight. Her problem is not her weight, it's not her diet, her problem in in her grey matter.

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penny_lady

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May 5, 2007, 5:13 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: leahml

Give the "morality is a personal choice" stuff a rest, I'm not buying it. We all have an obligation to take care of ourselves.

i agree with this philosophy. as my friend Todd would say "you have to look after your body - where else ya gonna live". its so true. no one else will do it for you.

My point is that taking care of someone like me only physically isn't taking care of anything. It's making me aesthetically pleasing to the masses. Years ago I walked around looking great. I was thin and healthy looking...but under my pants, on my thighs where long cuts, scabbed over, sometimes still bleeding.

I just don't get why fat people get to be judged like this....I'm a better person inside now than I was, I am healing..but I am 120 lbs over weight..so I'm only partially human to great many people. 9 years ago when I was thin people looked at me and treated me with such respect...respect I deserve much more now than I ever did back then...all because I was physically attractive. Now that I'm ugly that's all that matters to anyone, nothing I say matters. My own worth as a human person doesn't matter. All for some fat.

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leahml

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May 5, 2007, 5:15 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: penny_lady

I do think she is responsible, I just don't think that fixing the diet of someone who is this fat will fix the problem. People don't get to be 650 lbs JUST BECAUSE they don't eat right. There is a REASON they don't eat right. There is a REASON, there is a pay off somewhere in eating this much for her. There is for me. I get the pay off of that endorphin rush. I get to hurt myself. I have issues, I am very aware that I do.

I have been thin, I have been fat. And I have never experienced the disrespect, the dismissal of my words, the hateful looks when I was thin. Just the other day I was out walking (yes bagel lady if you are reading, I walk everyday and I have oatmeal for breakfast afterward...) and a thin lady was jogging ahead of me on a long stretch of sidewalk. 3 piggish men all moved out of her way, 2 got completely off the sidewalk. Now, when I walked by, (the ugly fat lady) none of them moved over even an inch...*I* had to move off the sidewalk to avoid being burned by one guy's cigarette.

I have a million stories like that.

I have no idea if you are thin or fat. I do know that if a person has been fat that they know what I am talking about, when people who have always been thin do not know. It's night and day, the difference in the way you are treated.

(BTW, this poster knew I was fat because I said so in my post...she then went on to treat me as if I DO eat bagels, even though I clearly said I do not. I made a sarcastic comment that maybe she found my post unnecessary to read because I am fat...and it's not a leap. This is why I like the internet. People don't know I'm fat, so I get an even playing field with thin people.)

okay, bingo! i think we agree then.

well except for this one part....i dont think it takes a fat person to know what a fat person is talking about.....i think any human being with a compassionate bone in their body would know that the sidewalk incident was extremely hurtful (and the million other stories like it). i think one thing most people can relate to is pain. everyone deals differently with their pain. i will tell you that i dont understand the cutting/mutilation thing - but that doesnt mean that i cant be compassionate about it. and it doesnt mean that i cant relate to your internal pain.

i am sorry this poster treated you differently after he/she found out about your weight. that sucks.

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penny_lady

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May 5, 2007, 5:33 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: leahml

congratulations to you for being procative about your weight.

i just want to clarify that the comments i have made are not to judge Lorna because she is fat. oh no. i am not a fan of her selfishness, her negativity, blaming others, not taking responsibility for her own choices, laying guilt on her family, and her sense of entitlement. if she were rail thin and had these quality traits i would be saying all the same things.

if there was a skinny woman on doc. phil who was in an abusive relationship, everyone would be saying she needs to get away from him. if it was a skinny woman who had a manservant doing everything for her, people would be saying the same things - that he should stop abusing and enabling her.

i understand that people are sensitive about their weight (regardless if they are heavy or thin) but what i dont understand is why people think any critisism made about Lorna is biased because she is obese. no.

I do agree with you...the thread in which I have been posting on this board is not about if this woman is a good person or not. I feel she probably has a mental illness that lead to her poor food choices...there is some pay off in being fat, or in eating, or in making herself helpless. Whatever it is, stopping eating bagels (which cannot make a person gain half a lb) isn't going to fix anything for her.

We actually seem to agree here too. She has other issues, her fat is just a symptom of those issues.

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coventina29

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May 5, 2007, 6:15 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: penny_lady

Yes...it was all the bagels....*eye roll*

You know what kills me about topics like this? It's totally ok to make ignorant comments and even rude comments about fat people because they aren't truly human anyway. They are ugly, useless and lazy..right? So who cares what anyone says about them, or what nutty things people say about their diets.

Do you know how many skinny people I know that eat bagels everyday? I'm a fat person and I don't eat bagels.

You know why I'm fat? I eat more calories than I use up. Wanna know why? Because deep down I am incredibly self loathing, and instead of cutting myself like I used to, I now eat. I now get an endorphin rush from eating instead of from cutting.

But, man, if I would just give up all my bagels I'd be skinny.

Penny, I don't post here too much but I have been reading here for quite a while, and since Day 1 I have always found your posts to be among the most intelligent, insightful and well-thought-out of any on these boards. Your standout posts were one of the reasons I came back to read regularly (well, your Bono pics don't hurt either). You come across very clearly as a strong and intelligent woman, and I have no doubt you are beautiful as well.

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dakota1013

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May 5, 2007, 6:26 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: leahml

i agree that dr. p was too generous with the resources for someone who didnt take any ownership for where she is at in life.

she does love being the victim, youre right!

i too really want to know how these two live - who pays the rent? is anyone working?

my friends sister-in-law quit her job because she said she was too self-concious of her weight. tell me who of us has the luxury of not working for such frivolous reasons? if people like this can sit in front of a tv all day, they can sit at a desk all day. oh, no wait - but there wouldnt be anyone to wait on them hand and foot......right.....they wouldnt be the center of attention.....right......

I agree that Lorna loves being the victim. I do not believe that she is serious about making changes and losing weight. Dr. Phil should not be so quick to help someone like her when it is obvious that she is not sincere. There are other people out there who are sincere and would love Dr. Phil's help. Lorna does not deserve Dr. Phil's help until she can prove or show that she is sincere and wants to change.

Dakota

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dakota1013

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May 5, 2007, 6:28 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: drphilfan889

i agree with you, she should do something instead of sit there. she should "get real" as Dr Phil would say.

I got the impression that all Lorna wants is for people to feel sorry for her. I did not think that she is really sincere in wanting Dr. Phil's help to lose weight.

Dakota

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dakota1013

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May 5, 2007, 6:36 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: txrose2006

Somehow the first posting of my reply disappeared so here I go to reconstruct:

I was absoluteley livid when I read your comment. Why are folks so focused upon that the "fix" to being overweight is to redesign your eating habits? There is so much more taken into factor. While I am happy that your resolve was quite so simple, but for many it is not.

1. In Feb 04, I was in an auto accident where my knees hit the steering wheel then I had trauma induced lymphedema. While I had medical coverage under my auto insurance, the treatments worked. When they ended, the problems continued to escalate and cause more harm.

2. As a result of the non-insurance and lack of treatments, I have been biding my time until I do have coverage by continuing to elevate my legs and feet. I do so at all times (even try to do some while at work without disturbing those around me). When I am at home, I try to elevate my feet & legs constantly which finds me sleeping because I am bored stiff.

3. While exercise is a key to maintaining weight, it is difficult to do so while elevating my feet and legs. If you can figure that one out, please let me know.

4. SSI disability benefits is a joke. You can't get it unless you are unemployed. Where is the concern for the disabling health?

5. Medicaid and other low-income medical programs are a joke. Public Citizen revealed the stats about Texas ranking 48 out of 50, which I wrote about in my blog posting -- http://iwim.wordpress.com/2007/04/19/duh-texas-medicaid-program-scores-4850/ . Pull up the report of Public Citizen and you will see that there are big fat zeros by eligibility for individuals and couples. There is a reason for that. Unless you are a family with 6 kids, you don't often qualify for these programs. One can't survive off the income they require in order to have medical coverage provided.

6. Employers are often not wanting to pay for health coverage for their parttime employees. Although I work 40+ hours for my employer, I don't qualify since I am not a full-time employee. According to the Texas Workforce Commission there is no law making employers to offer benefits to their employees who are working a specific number of hours, if they decree a job is only parttime.

7. Employers look down upon a person that is overweight and an overweight person will have a hard time getting hired on fulltime, even if their qualifications meet or exceed other contenders for the same position.

8. While one can get treated by the emergency room by federal law, one can't simply walk in and say "fix me!" and expect all the ailments will be fixed -- especially at a reasonable cost. What does that say about society's viewpoint on having healthcare benefiting all of those needing it. Facing those exorberant fees of the ER keep many that need treatment away.

9. Your comment that one can be referred to doctors for surgery may be true if you have insurance. Otherwise, there are many doctors turning away folks because they have no insurance. I know. I have an umbillical hernia that is going untreated as well because I have no insurance. I have to wait until I have extreme pain to go to the emergency room for treatment. Sometimes I wonder how much pain is extreme; many don't put up with the aches and pains that I do.

Until healthcare is re-thought, re-formed, and re-structured, it is unlikely that many people who are overweight will get the help that they so rightly deserve as the next person.

At any rate, I would hope that you would re-think what you wrote about being able to change the situation you are in. It is a judgemental statement that prejudges one's own factor in being overweight is due to one's own eating habits along. I am glad it worked for you, but don't be thinking that it is indeed the issue behind these folks as well.

Grrrr.....

If you find some benefactor that wants to pay for my uninsured treatements and surgeries, please let me know. I would love to find myself weighing 150 pounds lighter!!

Medical care is not a right; it is a privelege. I know too many people who waist their money on cigarettes, alcohol, video games, drugs, etc. and then complain that they can't afford to go see a doctor. Peope have their priorities screwed up in this country. I for one, definitely don't want socialized medicine in this country. Just look at Canada. They have waiting lines and you are lucky if you get the treatment you need. I don't want to have to pay for theses worthless, low lives and illegals we have in this country to have health benefits. Animals don't even have the right to vetinary care. For example, if I don't have the money to take my dog to the vet then she doesn't get treatment. Medicine is just like any other business. It is not a right; it is a privelege.

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afraid

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May 5, 2007, 7:16 pm PDT

05/04 Overweight and Forgotten

Quote From: penny_lady

BTW, "wiseacre"...did you not see that I do NOT eat bagels? Or do you not have to read my entire post because I'm fat?

hey penny i havent seen you on for the last few nights, so i was just quoting you to say hey,if the mods aint mad at me maybe they will let me, i thought about tellin you how to handle that person about mis reading your post but i think it best i not go there , besides i already know, you can handle it just fine, i wish i was as smart as you at times, well i said hey so ill go , bye

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