Topic : A Circle of Friends with Loving Support

Well, I pulled a muscle in my back, FOLDING CLOTHES!  Not sure how I managed to do that, but this morning, the pain had spread throughout the middle fo my back.  Which has made stretching a fun and interesting occurance.  I'm about to take a hot shower and see if that helps, the ibuprofen sure hasn't.  And I can't take more of that without fear of cause stomach problems or something.  Anyway, I'll get personal later.  Right now I have to get out of this chair. 

Have a great day everyone. 

HUGS, 

Tabitha 

Hi. I hope everyone is doing great today. 

Honestly, I am feeling a little depressed today. I can't really put my finger on what it is about either. I know that I am a little frustrated lately because my living room and kitchen aren't done. Doug(my husband) works two jobs and so I go around feeling guilty asking him for anything. It's just that eight years ago we took the carpet off of our livng room floor and so we sanded and waxed what was underneath it, which was beautiful hardwood. Also, during that same time we put up some beautiful paneling that looked great with it. My husband said we would get the trim to put around the top and bottom. Well, about 6 months ago, my brother was looking out in the barn and saw some trim and asked me if he could have it or if that was something we were going to use. I told him I would ask Doug and when I did he said , "Oh, that was supposed to be for the living room, but you can tell him he can have it if he wants it." I said that I really wanted to keep it and get it up soon, and so he said that was fine. Well, here we are months later and he hasn't even mentioned it. I keep thinking, Boy do I wish I was good at that sort of thing, lol. I would rather do it myself than wait.  

Also, about 2 years ago my husband started working on my kitchen. To make a long story short, I now have some new cabinets and drawers, and some old. I even have one cabinet in which the door is not yet on there. Also, I have a huge cabinet with several drawers, but no big door to put on the front of it like he told me I would have. So about a month ago my husband had a weeks vacation  from one of his jobs, but the other one he was still working at part time that week. He mentioned that he had a lot to get done and he started naming off everything to me. Put the new ceiling fan up in the living room, work on his vehicle, WORK ON THE KITCHEN, and I was thinking hallelujah, finally! So, I told him just how glad I was that he brought that up and that he intended to work on it and I went on to say that I hate to ask him for things and all. He said, "Well, I will get done what I can. It won't get finished." I said, that  would be just great. I would be happy with that. Guess what? Vacation went and he did put up the ceiling fan and work on his vehicle, but he didn't even touch the kitchen. He never brought it up and I didn't either in fear I might rock the boat.  

We also have a shop outside that has the concrete slab and the poles, but still no walls or ceiling. That project began 8 years ago too. lol, it looks like a huge jungle gym because the poles are all different colors( Doug got the poles cheap somewhere) and I hate looking at it!  My brother even jokes, " Does that thing leak?" and Doug says only when it rains. LOL, might as well have some sense of humor  about it I guess. 

Now, that's not even all! My husband goes around talking about the "new home" we will someday build and I just want to roll my eyes because I feel it will never happen at this rate. We do live in a really old home, but it is a nice place. Much of it had been remodeled before we bought it. Sure, a new home would be great, but I am all for taking care of what we live in now, not holding out until the next one is built. We have to nurture this home. He also says that if we want anymore kids, which I do, but he isn't sure, thinks he might...we will have to build our home first. WELL, I will turn 35 in January and my body just may not wait until then. I told him that , but he just said we are NOT having anymore children in this house. I keep thinking, just what would he do if I would somehow become pregnant, tell me to send it back? I guess it would be unhealthy to have another one at the weight I am at now anyway. 

I don't know what i mean that I don't know what I am depressed about. I guess after reading this it will be obvious to everyone. Friends, I just don't want to rock the boat. There was  a time when my husband and I argued often, and we are doing so great now! I dont' want to mess that up, but I was really hurt that he knew how excited I was about him working on the kitchen and then never brought it up again. It isn't like I don;t brag either. When he put up the ceiling fan I said, oh honey, thanks so much for doing that. By the way, Doug has worked two jobs for a long time. Even when we were redoing the living room he was working two jobs, so it isn't at all like he just suddenly got too busy...he knew what he was getting himself into.  

Please understand, it isn't that he is lazy. Anyone who works two jobs can't be called that. He is also a good person, and is good to the kids and I and that means so much to me. I just don't know what to do. The more I look around and realize how long it has been, the more depressed I feel. There is also some guilt on my part. I was a stay at home Mom when my kids were home, but my youngest, Steven, in now in first grade, so I have been a homemaker for almost a year and a half now. Sometimes I think that I am being punished for not having a job (out there somewhere). However, for the most part I feel that my husband simply never learned how to finish products. I dont' think home life was too great and I know that projects didn't get finished. I was young and didn't realize the significance of that at the time. I have been with Doug since I was 17 and am now 34. I married him when I was 20, so we have been together a long time! I want to keep the peace. He really gets on the defensive..no matter how it is brought up. Believe me, I have worked hard on wording things just right. I guess it is like with any of us..hit a touchy subject, and uh oh.  

I was in therapy for five years with depression and my therapist told me the importance of choosing battles carefully. I have tried very hard to practice that through the years.  

Now I know that many people have experiences in which the guy won't take out the trash, etc. Yeah, those things are irritating and I have lived through that too. My solution? I just do it myself.  I decided it isn't worth asking and having him tell me" in a minute" then having to remind him, not worth it to me. But this is so hard,...he won't hire it done, that would insult him. He always has the excuse of being too busy...and I can't argue that point. ( would love to know what his excuse was when he said he would do it on his vacation) 

Sometimes I find myself saying, geez no wonder I want to eat all of the time! However, based on the messages from yesterday,  and by simply learning along the way...I know that isn't true. There is no excuse for treating myself that way and Doug didnt' do it to me. I just don't know if I am supposed to ask him, or what?? I have been feeling angry about it lately. Feeling angry makes me want to turn to food, but I think that messaging to all of you will bennefit me way more than any food will ever do. Thanks so much for the support. I needed to open up about this. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))) 

Jeannie 

If you strive for #1, I don't see it as not trying to improve yourself because you'll never reach #1.  Striving to be #2 might just be stlling yourself short.   However, that can cause too much stress trying to reach for perfection.  We all have to find that spot that works best for us as individauls. 

Hugs, 

Sharon 

The #2 position isn't a negative thing...it's something I learned from years of fine arts and now commercial photog. the "#1" always ends up being a prima dona that falls off his/her throne...striving to be that one below the prima dona is great, that way you are there to pick up the pieces, get their work/clients and just remember don't become that prima dona... 

I may be describing it incorrectly....it's not selling yourself short....it's keeping yourself challenged..so often when that person thinks they are #1....they don't try anymore....as #2, you are constantly improving and conscience of what you are doing! 

Kind of like the old bid theory..get 3 bids...throw away the highest and lowest...take the middle..that is the best work for the best price!! 

It may sound like a strange theory...but I have scene it ring clear in this world... 

Hope your DSL connection went smooth.....you'll love it...mine at home screams....my location has a screaming connection....at the studio..we have DSL that is at the end of the line and very unstable!!! 

Janet 

It allows me a very short one! 

Sharon