Topic : 05/07 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 2

Dear Dr.Phil,

I wish you a lot of wisdom and patience with this particular intervention. I hope the people in the house respond to your counsel and therefore heal their marriage, especially for the poor children's sake. If the married couple cannot settle their differences it would be expedient to remove the children from this toxic situation.

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Lory (Australia)  

I totally agree with you "Sticks" when you said "you can't always blame your upbringing" for your bad actions.  As adults, we have a choice whether to create the same vicious cylce that we were brought up with or learn from our upbringing and NOTrepeat the same mess with our own families.  I truly believe "awareness" and a "desire" to live differently is key!

I can totally relate to this family.  When I watched "Part 1" of this show, I was spellbound by what I saw.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing.  It all sounded way too familiar to me!  As a child, I grew up with parents who hated one another and they had no respect, love and consideration for their children's well being.  Constant fights happened sometimes over nothing, name calling, domestic violence all due to two adults who could not resolve theirs issues/problems.  As children, we were stuck  in the middle of this mess and had no family to turn to.  I clearly remember crying at the top of my lungs and yelling for  them to STOP and I was not heard!  I felt like I didn't exist!

Over the years, I have developed lots of anger, resentment and unforgiveness towards my parents for the way they behaved.  They are still married today after 42 years and the bickering hasn't stopped.  What amazes me after all these years is that they have no "awareness" or a clue as to the damage they have caused to themselves and especially their children.  They are totally oblivious to what they have done and don't take responsilbility for anything.

This is what hurts the most!  Not having awareness and not taking responsilbility.  I have been on this journey of trying to forgive so that I don't carry this heavy baggage with me all my life and it's been a difficult journey.  I have felt over the years that all I need is an apology of some sort or awareness that they have hurt their children and they will try and do better.  I don't think I will ever get the outcome I desire so I continue on this journey of finding peace with myself and working on forgiving my parents and trying to put the past behind me.

My heart goes out to the children.  I feel their pain!  These two need a wake up call BIG TIME!  They need to STOP the madness!   This negative environment is not good for anyone and especially the children.  I think the children have been damaged enough!  Both adults need to take responsibility for their actions and put the needs and well being of their children FIRST!  I hope Dr. Phil can help resolve this situation whether or not this family can heal and move forward or maybe a DIVORCE is in order!  I look forward to watching "Part 2".  Good luck Dr. Phil!

I am trying to get out, but it is not as easy as it seems to just walk away.  Not because you are in love with the other person.  But when your income is not enough to get out it makes it hard.  I did move out twice, and because of financial reasons I moved back and it hurt evertime I did move back.  My husband even moved his girlfriend from work into our house.  It hurt bad.  I had the best family in the world growing up and nver dreamed that there are people that act like that.  I have two children that are grown and happily married, I was married to their dad for 26 years until he wanted his freedom.  then I married Terry who has cause my friends and my family not to come around and it hurts bad because I have a deep loved for them.  I am working on getting out, and starting over I just wish it could happen yesterday

Bamagurl

The normal/neurotic couple incorporates communicative-interactive tips and interventions directed towards effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and enhanced intimacy. The personality-disordered marriage, even when managed with strategic skill and therapeutic acumen, too often seems impervious to change. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

Treating Borderline States in Marriage:  Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance by Charles McCormack 

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple:  A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment by Joan Lachkar

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

There are relationships, marriages, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave. Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfulling life.

Hope it helps!

Do you charge by the hour or per word?  Are you trying to say we're dealing with two selfish people?  Welcome to the world.  What's bailing out of the marriage going to accomplish?  I wouldn't think leaving one toxic relationship so you can go find another to contaminate is very sound advice.  Maybe these two lovebirds are more alike than they care to admit.  A life full of love is hard work and risky.  It's definitely not for sissies.  I'm rooting for them, I think they're tough enough to see it through.

It is hard to believe but we are taught how to act through our lives. It is very easy to say someone has no morals and no realize that I was taught morals from childhood. I had monogamous parents, and what seems absolutely common sense to me does not apply to someone who was raised differently.  We are far to quick to judge people who often do not know any better.

These people can learn, if they want to, how to live their lives without huting each other and everyone around them. There is so much spite, anger and thoughtlessness going on in that household. They need to try because if they do not they will take their ignorant ways to their next relationship or situation.