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Topic : 05/07 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 2

Number of Replies: 118
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:02:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his work with The Dr. Phil Family. Gene and Myra’s marriage has become a war zone, with ugly fights involving name-calling, spitting and throwing objects. Their children were caught in the middle and wrote to Dr. Phil for a family intervention. To find out if their broken marriage has a chance and to heal the resentment between all the family members, they move into The Dr. Phil House. First, Dr. Phil arranges for Myra to meet Lee, a pregnant self-proclaimed mistress in a long-term relationship with a married man. Will hearing another perspective help Myra let go of her anger and bitterness over Gene’s adulterous past? Next, since Gene admits he treats women like sexual objects, Dr. Phil wants to set him straight. Three successful women arrive at the house, determined to change Gene’s views about the opposite sex. After listening to them speak, Gene breaks down and says he wants to become a better husband. But do the ladies think he’s sincere? Gene and Myra’s three adult children, Melissa, Edwin and Eugene, join them in the house. After trying to have secret conversations off camera, Melissa gets a wake-up call when Dr. Phil knocks on the door. Then, in an exercise designed to get to the root of their resentments for each other, each family member takes a turn in the “hot seat” while the others open up about what they hate about them. Guess which person can’t take the criticism and wants to leave, then talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 6, 2007, 5:16 am CDT

The War of the Roses Relived !

Dear Dr.Phil,

I wish you a lot of wisdom and patience with this particular intervention. I hope the people in the house respond to your counsel and therefore heal their marriage, especially for the poor children's sake. If the married couple cannot settle their differences it would be expedient to remove the children from this toxic situation.

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Lory (Australia)  

 
May 6, 2007, 5:50 am CDT

Two things missing: 1. & 2.

 When adults behave worse than children you know two things are absent.

1. Self-respect and 2. Criteria for choice that rises higher than the belly-button.

Self respect has to be earned - previosly - and maintained into the/a present. Criteria for choice is available that is more than mediocre: non-manmade Biblical scripture. Those who reject that are doomed to averageness - and worse. Lotsa luck!  Jim Baxter          vincit veritas
 
May 6, 2007, 7:18 am CDT

REPEATED INFIDELITY - MALE AND FEMALE

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR The Angry Heart by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

There are marriages, relationships, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
May 6, 2007, 7:19 am CDT

05/07 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 2

Quote From: sticks99

I can't beleive adults treat each other this way in front of their children.   I can't beleive they talk like that to begin with!    I understand he might have lived in the streets growing up, my husband didnt have a great upbringing either and his parents were abusive to each other and their kids.  I swear my husband was raised by wood nymphs, he's the most kind gentle person I know and we work hard at not trying to say things to each other that we'll regret.  We have a fight once every 7 years or so and it's usually over something silly but it's never violent or abusive and it's over in 24 hours (pout mode).

 

I feel so sorry for the children that these parents can't be adult enough to understand the kids come first.  Luckily my husband learned HOW NOT to act from his parents, he's a prime example of  "you can't always blame your upbringing" for bad actions, you have the power to change.

 

I think (granted just my thoughts) the husband doesn't like himself, the wife doesn't like herself.  It's  hard to be respectful of anyone else if you can't respect yourself.  So you try to bring others down by using bully tactics (name calling abuse etc).

 

I wish doctor phil luck with this, I hope he can help, if nothing that he helps those kids.

 

Sticks

I totally agree with you "Sticks" when you said "you can't always blame your upbringing" for your bad actions.  As adults, we have a choice whether to create the same vicious cylce that we were brought up with or learn from our upbringing and NOTrepeat the same mess with our own families.  I truly believe "awareness" and a "desire" to live differently is key!

 

I can totally relate to this family.  When I watched "Part 1" of this show, I was spellbound by what I saw.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing.  It all sounded way too familiar to me!  As a child, I grew up with parents who hated one another and they had no respect, love and consideration for their children's well being.  Constant fights happened sometimes over nothing, name calling, domestic violence all due to two adults who could not resolve theirs issues/problems.  As children, we were stuck  in the middle of this mess and had no family to turn to.  I clearly remember crying at the top of my lungs and yelling for  them to STOP and I was not heard!  I felt like I didn't exist!

 

Over the years, I have developed lots of anger, resentment and unforgiveness towards my parents for the way they behaved.  They are still married today after 42 years and the bickering hasn't stopped.  What amazes me after all these years is that they have no "awareness" or a clue as to the damage they have caused to themselves and especially their children.  They are totally oblivious to what they have done and don't take responsilbility for anything.

 

This is what hurts the most!  Not having awareness and not taking responsilbility.  I have been on this journey of trying to forgive so that I don't carry this heavy baggage with me all my life and it's been a difficult journey.  I have felt over the years that all I need is an apology of some sort or awareness that they have hurt their children and they will try and do better.  I don't think I will ever get the outcome I desire so I continue on this journey of finding peace with myself and working on forgiving my parents and trying to put the past behind me.

 

My heart goes out to the children.  I feel their pain!  These two need a wake up call BIG TIME!  They need to STOP the madness!   This negative environment is not good for anyone and especially the children.  I think the children have been damaged enough!  Both adults need to take responsibility for their actions and put the needs and well being of their children FIRST!  I hope Dr. Phil can help resolve this situation whether or not this family can heal and move forward or maybe a DIVORCE is in order!  I look forward to watching "Part 2".  Good luck Dr. Phil!

 
May 6, 2007, 7:45 am CDT

I have live like that for four years

Quote From: giinabj

These two people need to split up and I think this is a normal way of life for them. I've seen people that live on the streets with better sense than those two. Those children need to taken out of that enviroment or this type of action will continue through their relationships in life.

I feel for the kids not the adults. They will not be happy until they either go to jail or one or both end up dead. Save the children!! No loss for the parents. They are acting out and need some reality checking.

I am trying to get out, but it is not as easy as it seems to just walk away.  Not because you are in love with the other person.  But when your income is not enough to get out it makes it hard.  I did move out twice, and because of financial reasons I moved back and it hurt evertime I did move back.  My husband even moved his girlfriend from work into our house.  It hurt bad.  I had the best family in the world growing up and nver dreamed that there are people that act like that.  I have two children that are grown and happily married, I was married to their dad for 26 years until he wanted his freedom.  then I married Terry who has cause my friends and my family not to come around and it hurts bad because I have a deep loved for them.  I am working on getting out, and starting over I just wish it could happen yesterday

 

Bamagurl

 
May 6, 2007, 7:48 am CDT

OPPOSITIONALISM-RUTHLESS AGGRESSION-SEVERE RESISTANCE

The normal/neurotic couple incorporates communicative-interactive tips and interventions directed towards effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and enhanced intimacy. The personality-disordered marriage, even when managed with strategic skill and therapeutic acumen, too often seems impervious to change. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Treating Borderline States in Marriage:  Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance by Charles McCormack 

 

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple:  A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment by Joan Lachkar

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

There are relationships, marriages, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave. Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfulling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
May 6, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

05/07 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 2

Quote From: anon_slc

The normal/neurotic couple incorporates communicative-interactive tips and interventions directed towards effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and enhanced intimacy. The personality-disordered marriage, even when managed with strategic skill and therapeutic acumen, too often seems impervious to change. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Treating Borderline States in Marriage:  Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance by Charles McCormack 

 

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple:  A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment by Joan Lachkar

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

There are relationships, marriages, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave. Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfulling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

Do you charge by the hour or per word?  Are you trying to say we're dealing with two selfish people?  Welcome to the world.  What's bailing out of the marriage going to accomplish?  I wouldn't think leaving one toxic relationship so you can go find another to contaminate is very sound advice.  Maybe these two lovebirds are more alike than they care to admit.  A life full of love is hard work and risky.  It's definitely not for sissies.  I'm rooting for them, I think they're tough enough to see it through.

 

 

 
May 6, 2007, 2:40 pm CDT

Some People Know, No Better

Quote From: giinabj

These two people need to split up and I think this is a normal way of life for them. I've seen people that live on the streets with better sense than those two. Those children need to taken out of that enviroment or this type of action will continue through their relationships in life.

I feel for the kids not the adults. They will not be happy until they either go to jail or one or both end up dead. Save the children!! No loss for the parents. They are acting out and need some reality checking.

It is hard to believe but we are taught how to act through our lives. It is very easy to say someone has no morals and no realize that I was taught morals from childhood. I had monogamous parents, and what seems absolutely common sense to me does not apply to someone who was raised differently.  We are far to quick to judge people who often do not know any better.

 

These people can learn, if they want to, how to live their lives without huting each other and everyone around them. There is so much spite, anger and thoughtlessness going on in that household. They need to try because if they do not they will take their ignorant ways to their next relationship or situation.

 
May 7, 2007, 7:46 am CDT

Beyond Buttafuocos

This whole family is just horrible. Melissa has copied her parents with her attitude that "loud and aggressive" equals "Personality!" In a way she is the worst of the bunch because she adds blatant dishonesty and physical abuse to the mix.

[Am I the only person who longs to straighten out that couch? I know it's the fashion but it hurts me!]
 
May 7, 2007, 7:51 am CDT

I agree with you.

Quote From: anon_slc

The normal/neurotic couple incorporates communicative-interactive tips and interventions directed towards effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and enhanced intimacy. The personality-disordered marriage, even when managed with strategic skill and therapeutic acumen, too often seems impervious to change. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Treating Borderline States in Marriage:  Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance by Charles McCormack 

 

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple:  A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment by Joan Lachkar

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

There are relationships, marriages, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave. Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfulling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

But I also believe that some people thrive on this type of situation. I doubt that either of these people would be happy any other way.(By the way, I have a make-believe PhD that I have gotten from cyber-space since being a member of these boards. I call it a phantom degree that only exists in my imagination)Tell me, is it possibe that some people really are only "happy" being this way?I'm certainly not one of them.
 
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