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Topic : 08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

Number of Replies: 2191
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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:03:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/08/07) Is it possible to be in love with two men at the same time? Orlena is desperate for help. She says she still has feelings for her ex-husband, Chad, and she adores her current husband, Brent. Chad is a soldier and when duty called, he fought in Iraq. He returned home a changed man and their love shattered forever. What changed Chad, and what caused Orlena to leave him? Devastated and heartbroken, Orlena moved on and into the arms of Brent. Two months after marrying Brent, Chad called and begged Orlena to come back. Find out Brent's strong message for Chad. Since Chad made initial contact with Orlena, they have talked numerous times, and he even spent three days visiting her. What has she been saying to Chad, and are the chats appropriate for a married woman to have? And, will Orlena honor her commitment to Brent or return to the man who broke her heart? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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May 6, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

my response to this

Quote From: lady007prieye

your married, you've made a decision, now stick to it

 Yes I agree if she felt that way then maybe she wasn't really ready for the  new marriage.
 
May 6, 2007, 3:42 pm CDT

One has my heart the other has my name

 

It is always very easy  to pass judgement when you're not in the situation but who are we to judge. I would say it is virtually impossible to love two persons the same way. Stop fooling yourself, stop pretending to love both and go with your heart. Who ever you prefer to be with, make that the decision. If your second husband is a better person, but your heart is still with the first, then go with him. You will be miserably married to the second one so go with your heart.

And to the second husband, time heals all wounds. You'll get over it, trust me, been there, done that, fully recovered.

 
May 6, 2007, 4:12 pm CDT

Torn between two husbands

Quote From: msa6000

Its very sad situaton , you should stick with your commitment with your husband you cannot have sex with both man at the same time i think you should stick just with your husband...

Easier said than done. If she's still in love with her first husband it will be difficult to just forget him. She made a committment to the first husband too and circumstances caused her to change course. Maybe she made a snap decision in divorcing him and we all know that snap decisions have a way of unfastening.

Be sympathetic to the situation. I feel her pain.

 
May 7, 2007, 6:57 am CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

I think that Elina is wrong and should revise herself, when she was devastated and heartbroken, she found consolation in Brent's arm, now she has no right to hurt him as a reward for his feelings and support.

But she has to honor the commitment of marriage and forget chad because he is a part from her past life and he has no place in her present, she has to move forward not backward.

 

 

 
May 7, 2007, 8:46 am CDT

Wow

Im trying to figure out what is up with these men? Why would they even be a part of this? Why would they love someone like her? Is she rich? Good in bed? Im mean shes not even pretty, average sure, but definitely not a looker.

If my wife started seeing her ex-hubby like this and put me in the position Brent is in, I'd hit the raod faster than lightning. I find this whole situation ridiculous.

Maybe the war did change Chad, maybe he was smarter than this before and now he's lost all his judgement. Not sure what Brent's excuse is other than he's just a sucker for an average face.

Bottom line, she loves neither man to put them in this situation. I find her to be totally selfish.

Are there kids involved? Im not sure if that was mentioned.

 
May 7, 2007, 8:59 am CDT

It is riduculous.Chad is the past. Brent is her husband.

Quote From: jamesfq

Im trying to figure out what is up with these men? Why would they even be a part of this? Why would they love someone like her? Is she rich? Good in bed? Im mean shes not even pretty, average sure, but definitely not a looker.

If my wife started seeing her ex-hubby like this and put me in the position Brent is in, I'd hit the raod faster than lightning. I find this whole situation ridiculous.

Maybe the war did change Chad, maybe he was smarter than this before and now he's lost all his judgement. Not sure what Brent's excuse is other than he's just a sucker for an average face.

Bottom line, she loves neither man to put them in this situation. I find her to be totally selfish.

Are there kids involved? Im not sure if that was mentioned.

She should not have put herself and her husband in this situation. She is committed to Brent. I do think it has to do with emotions, not looks or sexual prowess. But any of us could probably "fall in love" with 2 people if we allowed ourselves to be in that situation. I think it's all about boundaries.
 
May 7, 2007, 9:07 am CDT

We all mistakes.

Quote From: pinkypolly

Easier said than done. If she's still in love with her first husband it will be difficult to just forget him. She made a committment to the first husband too and circumstances caused her to change course. Maybe she made a snap decision in divorcing him and we all know that snap decisions have a way of unfastening.

Be sympathetic to the situation. I feel her pain.

For whatever reasons she divorced Chad and moved on. She has to live with that decision. She is remarried to another man. He comes first. Her choices put her in this situation. If she thinks she wants to be with Chad, then she should divorce Brent . She just simply cannot have both of them.( Unless of course, they are both willing to share her.) If I were Brent I'd rethink this whole thing.But at this moment her committment is to Brent.Period.
 
May 7, 2007, 10:13 am CDT

REPEATED INFIDELITY - MALE AND FEMALE

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR The Angry Heart by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
May 7, 2007, 4:29 pm CDT

Wow...

Quote From: jamesfq

Im trying to figure out what is up with these men? Why would they even be a part of this? Why would they love someone like her? Is she rich? Good in bed? Im mean shes not even pretty, average sure, but definitely not a looker.

If my wife started seeing her ex-hubby like this and put me in the position Brent is in, I'd hit the raod faster than lightning. I find this whole situation ridiculous.

Maybe the war did change Chad, maybe he was smarter than this before and now he's lost all his judgement. Not sure what Brent's excuse is other than he's just a sucker for an average face.

Bottom line, she loves neither man to put them in this situation. I find her to be totally selfish.

Are there kids involved? Im not sure if that was mentioned.

Love is love.  It is beyond definition.  And, besides, sexiness is relative.  What I think is sexy might be completely different to someone else.  For example, I don't find women with necks stretched by golden rings attractive, but I don't look down on anyone who feels differently.  And I think that she is pretty and in a very tough position.  I honestly wouldn't know what to do in her situation.
 
May 7, 2007, 4:58 pm CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

Quote From: jamesfq

Im trying to figure out what is up with these men? Why would they even be a part of this? Why would they love someone like her? Is she rich? Good in bed? Im mean shes not even pretty, average sure, but definitely not a looker.

If my wife started seeing her ex-hubby like this and put me in the position Brent is in, I'd hit the raod faster than lightning. I find this whole situation ridiculous.

Maybe the war did change Chad, maybe he was smarter than this before and now he's lost all his judgement. Not sure what Brent's excuse is other than he's just a sucker for an average face.

Bottom line, she loves neither man to put them in this situation. I find her to be totally selfish.

Are there kids involved? Im not sure if that was mentioned.

Do you love your wife because she is a "looker"? Or do you love her for something a bit less shallow, superficial and immature.

The show hasn't even aired yet and you find her to be totally selfish? Yes someone CAN love two people at the same time...and love doesn't exist because someone is purdy. GET REAL. I feel sorry for your wife.
 
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