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Topic : 07/31 Strung Out!

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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:05:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 07/09/07) Imagine your mother so high on prescription drugs that she falls face first into her food, or your husband on a 15-day drug binge that ends with him passing out in front of your young children. For today’s guests, this is their reality. Becky says her life was once a fairy tale that included being married to a semi-pro football player, until her storybook husband, Donell, got addicted to methamphetamines. Now, every day of his life revolves around cooking, shooting, eating, snorting and inhaling methamphetamines, while Becky spends her time worried that he won’t make it through another day. With paranoia as a constant side effect, Donell prepares to face Dr. Phil Is there any hope of turning his life around? Then, Janet admits she’s been hooked on drugs for 25 years, but says she flushed her prescription drugs down the toilet and is currently clean. Her children, Jaymie, Michael and Dawn say she’s a liar. When Dr. Phil confronts her about the 15 pills she still takes daily, Janet turns her son in for being strung out on more drugs than she. Do both mother and son have an addiction problem? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 1, 2007, 9:25 pm CDT

07/31 Strung Out!

Quote From: jlynnsmith

I know what you are going through. I went through it with my ex-husband too many times to count.  Everytime I would throw him out or leave him.  He would come at me with the same things that your husband is.  The whole "I've changed"  thing and it worked on me everytime.  He would change for a while, but then everything was the same as before.  It was a vicious cycle that I finally realized we were in and was tired of it.  I got out of that cycle almost 2 years ago and have never been happier in my life.  I was scared to be by myself, but it was better than being scared all the time of my own husband and of what he was doing.  My advice to you, don't let him back in.  You might still love him and have feelings there ,but you did the right thing throwing him out the door for addiction.  Letting him back in will not help him overcome addiction, being an enabler is not helpful to him or yourself.  Break the vicious cycle and realize that you are not alone in this world.  I found great support in my family church pastor.  It helps to talk to someone about what is going on and what you are feeling.  Another person can see something that you can't and sometimes that can open your eyes to things you never realized before.

 

Good luck to you and stay strong!!

What you have said is true.  You can't stay married to a drug addict since drug addicts only care about and think about drugs and nothing/ no one else.  People who have children shouldn't leave their children with a drug addict alone either.
 
August 2, 2007, 9:04 am CDT

dr.s are responsible too

i too, live with chronic pain and have had more prescriptions for every kind of narcotic there is and I am disabled with a legimate diagnosis for my meds, however, people need to reallize there are 2 sides to this story. there are doctors out there who make their living by preying on peoples addiction/addictive behavior and will write these people prescriptions every month for what ever they ask for as long as they come every 30 days  and are willing to pay cash or have insurance that will pay them for their time. Many of these doctors see 40-60 patients daily and even have  Physican Assistants who see as many patients as they do. Its a called a cattle practice, see as many in a day as you can, make as much money as you can and some even will set up "pain management clinics" to try yo justify what they are doing. My doctor had so many patients that on numerous times I would be given prescriptions written for someone else, often with the same first name and but  for totatly different meds.  then they started mailing them to me bi-monthly but billing my insurance company as if i was there. the staff in this office changed rapidly! I no longer take narcotic drugs to control my chronic pain, and I no longer feel like a cow being herded through someones pockets book. perhaps some one should look into this side of this type of addiction. people cant become addicted to prescribtion drugs without the piece of its written on. think about it? where did it really start at, with the patient or the doctor? We deserve respect for our condition, not to always to labeled as drug seekers from the other medical community. Chronic pain is real, it often takes over lives. It is not a sign of weakness or bad character for some of us it is a fact of life, for the rest of our lives. Don't act like you don't notice the struggle. People need to acknowledge a persons suffering and we need to be clear that there is a difference be addicttion and dependence and act accordingly to help our loved ones or ourselves.

 
August 2, 2007, 9:53 am CDT

Living for Today

Quote From: sukibear

 Getting clean from a meth addictions is extremely difficult, but I'm living proof it can be done.  I lost everything before I got clean.  My home, my business, my child.  I got arrested for the first time in my life at 42 years old. 

I was lucky, there was one person who didn't give up on me, lord knows I tried to push everyone away that wasn't using with me or that I couldn't con money out of. 

I went to treatment in 2002, and was high on meth until the minute I walked through the doors.  Treatment is hard work, but I did everthing they told me to do-even when I didn't understand why or thought it would do no good.  (I thought I was unique-different from all other addicts-special...) I was there for 30 days and when I left I still did what they told me to, because by then I believed, and the fog in my brain was just beginning to clear, so I did 27 weeks of IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) and I did 90 in 90 (90 AA meetings in 90 days), I got a sponsor and I continued to work on staying sober.

Slowly but surely things really did change.  I learned I could have fun and be sober-that was a big one-as the fog continued to lift (it takes a lot longer than you might believe to start thinking clearly after you've messed up your brain chemistry for so long) I realized that miracles had been happening all around me since the day I walked through the doors of the Betty Ford Center.

I work again, I have a home, and best of all my son lives with me again.  I'm grateful I'm strong now, because now we are dealing with the problems that he has because of my addiction.  I still cringe when I think of what I put him through from 8-10 years old. 

I guess what I want to say most is that, for me anyway, I didn't want to get clean, but I had to.  I didn't have an intervention, but my enablers finally, fortunately quite enabling me.  I could go to treatment or I would go to jail.  Silly me, I thought treatment would be easier. 

I'm happy today.  I'm alive today.  I'm not using today. 

I watched this special with the hopes that I would see something that maybe was new to me regarding the addiction of Meth.  I then came to the message board hoping to see something that would give me inspiration and hopes that there is recovery from Meth.  Iread your message and wanted you to know that I am very proud of your success.  Your message is what i was looking for as it shows that there is life after physical recovery and that it is never to late.

 

In 1999 I married my high school sweetheart after being in a relationship with him for 7 years.  When we were married he had been clean from Meth for 2 years as suggested through his recovery program that he wait at least this long to make any commitments.  Every day was a struggle for him and I could see at times his need for something more however it appeared as if he was content.  Unfortunately 3 years ago while I was pregnant with our second child he ran into his old play-mates and his sobriety and strong will failed him.  He began using again and slowly our lives fell apart.  I made a decision after several months of begging and pleading for him to get help that it was time that my children and I leave him to self destuct.  He had become paranoid, verbally and physically abusive and at times would be gone without concern for himself or his children.  He also had started a relationship outside our marriage as well with someone that needless to say was half his age.  Love was not the issue as when you love someone it just does not go away even in the midst of horrible turmoil.  I had gone through this with him before with his addiction and I could see that he was suffering terribly.  This time however I had children and they were the priority...not him.

 

As of today we are divorced, I have full-sole custody of our children and he has occasional visitation.  He has lost everything that was important to him, his home, his children, steady source of income, friends, security, respect of himself and most important his serenity and belief in his higher power. Most recently he was incarcerated due to monitoring of his probation being violated because of Meth being in his system.  He is not responsible for anything that he does and blames everyone else for his failures.  He has made undescribeable choices that are hard to explain

 

I do not love him anymore but wish for his well being for the sake of our children.  I pray for him to find sobriety and serenity.  I remind myself everyday of the 3 C's as I have always been a great enabler however I work everyday to try and change that!

 

I have found someone wonderful in my life that is a great sounding board, loves me and my children dearly and it is more then I could of ever hoped for.  I believe now that good things can come to those who wait.  My dad (who has been sober for 8 years) told me last year while we were sitting on his porch that one of my greatest accomplishments in life was breaking the cycle of addition.  While this came at a cost and something that I never thought would happen to me I hope that he is right. 

 

Thank you for sharing, it really made me see that there is life after losing everything and this is something that I hope for my childrens father everyday. 

 
August 3, 2007, 8:44 am CDT

yes the sunshine is amazing!!!

Quote From: jamiikay

I am 23 years old and just signed divorce papers from my crack/cocaine addicted husband last Friday.

I fell in love with this beautiful man when I was 19 years old and had no idea whatsoever about his addiction.  I'm the child of a police investigator and he knew that I would never tolerate drugs in my life; as a result he kept  up elaborate stories to hide the addiction from me.  I didn't find out about the addiction until six months after we were married, and by then it was a full blown disaster with him disappearing for days at a time and blowing through thousands of dollars in the process.  His military commanders sent him to a rehab facility in Toronto as a last resort.  He spent 60 days there at a cost of $40,000 to the Canadian Government and came home completely unchanged.  Very soon after coming home he was back in full swing adict mode, disappearing constantly (except now he had an excuse to get out of the house, "I'm going to NA meetings honey").  The final straw came for me  the day he cheated on me while I was sick in the ER and it struck me that I will never again let this man hurt me like this.  I kicked him out the day I caught him cheating and have absolutely no regrets.  I did all I could, and I did it while grieving my father's death, working full time, going to school full time and moving across the country.  I am such a stronger person for having had these experiences, but sooner or later you have to decide how much you are willing to take.  To all the families out there, when is your last straw?  I promise you, once you get through the storm, the sunshine is amazing!

 

Note to Dr. Phil:

My husband was in the Canadian Navy for 3 years.  In that time, I have never met as many drug addicts/users as I did with all of his military friends.  Sure the government threatens random drug testing, but my husband and all of his friends were able to get away with it for years before I made him confess to them.  These are the people in charge of missiles, bombs, air craft and enormous ships.  You should do a show on this!

I just wanted to say good for you!!  My last straw with my meth-addicted ex-husband wasn't cheating but a fight over a cell phone that my mom gave me to use that he refused to let me take anywhere.  It snapped while we were yelling about a stupid cell phone, him calling me every foul name in the book and threatening me, that I didn't want to do this anymore....I didn't want that for my kids anymore.....I didn't want him to eventually go to far in a beating and end up killing me, so when he told me that if I took that cell phone back to my mom that I might as well stay there, I said ok, grabbed the cell phone and left.  It was the most freeing, wonderful feeling to be away from him and all that came along with his addiction to meth.  I am now remarried to a wonderful man that feels the same as I do about drugs.  I do not regret anything that I have gone through with my ex, like you said I am soooo much stronger because of the things that I had to live through.  My kids have a real father figure in there life now with my new husband and I am the happiest that I have ever been!!

 

And I would like to say thanks to Dr. Phil for doing this type of show.  I don't think that most people know the type of problem that Meth has become across the country.  I don't think that some people understand the effect a person's addiction has on their families!  Thank you Dr. Phil!!!!

 
August 5, 2007, 1:44 pm CDT

Mom's neglecting her kids

I want to start off by saying that the husband strung out on the show has his obvious faults. I believed him, that he wanted to get help. I hope he's successful. About his wife...she is being completely selfish. These kids are in emotional & physical danger. The father is clearly unable to watch out for these kids. His drug abuse is making it impossible for him to do right by them. What's his wife's excuse??? She needs to suck it up and do what it takes to ensure the safety of her children. I understand the whole being in love with him and wanting to help him...wanting to have the old him back... it sounds as though their lives were peaceful and fulfilling prior to his addiction, and so of course she'd want to fight for that. Does she need to fight for it with her babies at her side? I'm sorry...but what's needed for these girls is far more important than the husband kicking his drug habit or the mother getting her family back. I grew up in similar circumstances, and wish to God that someone would've stepped up for my brothers & I. People just turned the other way and focused on other things as they "waited" for my Dad to get clean. Very disappointing...
 
August 7, 2007, 8:18 pm CDT

Living this nightmare

 I never thought this could happen in my family. Believe me, no one is immune. My son has  been using drugs occasionally since he was 16. It's not "occasional " anymore. 2 years ago he suffered a bad injury when a forklift hit him at his place of work.  Since then he has been unemployed (he doesn't think he can do anything other than physical labor) he has lost all he truly cares about.. My daughter in law took the baby and left,  as much as that hurts me I know she did the right thing. His addiction is Meth... he has an explosive temper because of it and I can honestly say that I am afraid of my own son.  EVERYONE tells me that I should turn my back on him but I can't. I am all he has left. My husband (his father) kicked him out of the house because he steals from him to get drugs and because he believes that our son is "dangerous" and maybe he is.

I work on Fremont street in Las Vegas so I have seen the devistating effects of "tough love".. people who I doubt have much time left on this earth. There has to be something better than just leaving them to die from their addiction. I have looked into rehab facilities and the only one that will help with an intervention costs 29,000 dollars... money that I don't have. All others are strictly on a voluntary walk in basis. I can't get him to volunteer to go. He gets extremely depressed when we talk about his daughter, but even that won't make him get help. He tells me he has nothing left to live for.. That imo is how he excuses continuing his drug abuse.

I need help.. I am completely on my own with this and it has taken over my life, my time and all of my money.. so much so that I have neglected my own health (I am a cancer patient)  I have neglected my marriage and the rest of my family. I'm exhausted with worry over my son and I am with him daily trying to make sure he eats and has somewhere to sleep and shower.
 
August 8, 2007, 3:41 am CDT

There is hope

Quote From: worried_mom_nv

 I never thought this could happen in my family. Believe me, no one is immune. My son has  been using drugs occasionally since he was 16. It's not "occasional " anymore. 2 years ago he suffered a bad injury when a forklift hit him at his place of work.  Since then he has been unemployed (he doesn't think he can do anything other than physical labor) he has lost all he truly cares about.. My daughter in law took the baby and left,  as much as that hurts me I know she did the right thing. His addiction is Meth... he has an explosive temper because of it and I can honestly say that I am afraid of my own son.  EVERYONE tells me that I should turn my back on him but I can't. I am all he has left. My husband (his father) kicked him out of the house because he steals from him to get drugs and because he believes that our son is "dangerous" and maybe he is.

I work on Fremont street in Las Vegas so I have seen the devistating effects of "tough love".. people who I doubt have much time left on this earth. There has to be something better than just leaving them to die from their addiction. I have looked into rehab facilities and the only one that will help with an intervention costs 29,000 dollars... money that I don't have. All others are strictly on a voluntary walk in basis. I can't get him to volunteer to go. He gets extremely depressed when we talk about his daughter, but even that won't make him get help. He tells me he has nothing left to live for.. That imo is how he excuses continuing his drug abuse.

I need help.. I am completely on my own with this and it has taken over my life, my time and all of my money.. so much so that I have neglected my own health (I am a cancer patient)  I have neglected my marriage and the rest of my family. I'm exhausted with worry over my son and I am with him daily trying to make sure he eats and has somewhere to sleep and shower.

I haven't been to the Dr. Phil Forums in quite some time, but for some reason ended up here tonight and, of course, your post was the first I read in reference to this show.  My heart goes out to you, as well as your entire family enduring such difficult and potentially life-taking situations.  Please know that "tough love" is certainly NOT the answer, yet the answer is certainly not compromising your life, marraige and well being to simply help your son while he's on such a destructive path.  Although, we spend the formative years of our children's lives providing as you have been for your son, that level of parenting should not be your focus at this stage of the game - especially while you are fighting cancer.  As I'm sure you know, it should be the other way around.

 

Yet, I completely understand your reasoning and certainly could not say that I wouldn't do the same myself.  So, please know that I am not passing judgment at all.  In fact, I admire your efforts to continually reach out to help him . . . to save his life. 

 

Although my appearance on a Dr. Phil Show on this very topic was extremely brief, I was extraordinarily blessed to receive guidance on my treatment and recovery from Dr. Phil.  I only mention this in the hopes of adding credibility to what I am about to share.  I don't want you to think that I'm just a "passerby" that is completely unfamiliar with the overwhelming desperation that you and, most assuredly, your son are experiencing. 

 

Its been about 2 years since my treatment at Florida Detox which is where I had the opportunity to begin my journey into recovery.  While watching a previous Dr. Phil Show where he referred his guest to Florida Detox, I learned for the first time that a person seeking treatment for this condition was not destined to suffer acute withdrawal syndrome, nor did they have to be seperated from their family for any extended period of time.  In fact, I learned that it was possible to undergo a painless detox and, within the same week, have the pre-existing conditions that create the urge to self-medicate, treated effectively.  Their treatment, including 3 months of follow up care, has an extraordinarily low relapse rate compared twith the national average for all other forms of treatment.  Statistically, over 90% of those completing traditional forms of treatment relapse.  Yet, only 28% of Florida Detox patients ever relapse. The dramatic differences between other conventional treatments and tthe unique approach Florida Detox offers are certainly not limited to the representative statistics.  The dramatic differences in their knowledge base, approach, process and purpose are certainly as dramatic ally different as are their statistics. 

 

Once you come face to face with the standard and horrible choices a person has at this juncture, you begin to understand why only 10% of the millions of people struggling with this disease, ever do pursue treatment!  Only 10%!  Sad, isn't it? 

 

Yet,  there is hope for you and your son.  Obviously, the barrier to treatment that your son is facing rght now is desire.  As I personally discovered, much of the resistance to getting treatment stems from the ridiculously low success rates, despite the incredible suffering one must endure to just get clean.  As a result, many people struggling with addiction don't see the point in even trying.  Yet, when the process is painless, extremely successful and, unlike many treatment centers, involves an amazing staff that treats each patient with tremendous respect and sincere compassion - treatment becomes something worth fighting for . . . . as opposed to something to fight against. 

 

So, please provide your son the opportunity to consider his treatment options that can, if pursued, provide him a painless, cravingless and enjoyable transition into the journey of recovery.  Check out www.FloridaDetox.com, if you get a chance.

 

All my best and God Bless,

 

Cara

 

 
August 8, 2007, 2:52 pm CDT

Thank you Cara

Quote From: carabarber

I haven't been to the Dr. Phil Forums in quite some time, but for some reason ended up here tonight and, of course, your post was the first I read in reference to this show.  My heart goes out to you, as well as your entire family enduring such difficult and potentially life-taking situations.  Please know that "tough love" is certainly NOT the answer, yet the answer is certainly not compromising your life, marraige and well being to simply help your son while he's on such a destructive path.  Although, we spend the formative years of our children's lives providing as you have been for your son, that level of parenting should not be your focus at this stage of the game - especially while you are fighting cancer.  As I'm sure you know, it should be the other way around.

 

Yet, I completely understand your reasoning and certainly could not say that I wouldn't do the same myself.  So, please know that I am not passing judgment at all.  In fact, I admire your efforts to continually reach out to help him . . . to save his life. 

 

Although my appearance on a Dr. Phil Show on this very topic was extremely brief, I was extraordinarily blessed to receive guidance on my treatment and recovery from Dr. Phil.  I only mention this in the hopes of adding credibility to what I am about to share.  I don't want you to think that I'm just a "passerby" that is completely unfamiliar with the overwhelming desperation that you and, most assuredly, your son are experiencing. 

 

Its been about 2 years since my treatment at Florida Detox which is where I had the opportunity to begin my journey into recovery.  While watching a previous Dr. Phil Show where he referred his guest to Florida Detox, I learned for the first time that a person seeking treatment for this condition was not destined to suffer acute withdrawal syndrome, nor did they have to be seperated from their family for any extended period of time.  In fact, I learned that it was possible to undergo a painless detox and, within the same week, have the pre-existing conditions that create the urge to self-medicate, treated effectively.  Their treatment, including 3 months of follow up care, has an extraordinarily low relapse rate compared twith the national average for all other forms of treatment.  Statistically, over 90% of those completing traditional forms of treatment relapse.  Yet, only 28% of Florida Detox patients ever relapse. The dramatic differences between other conventional treatments and tthe unique approach Florida Detox offers are certainly not limited to the representative statistics.  The dramatic differences in their knowledge base, approach, process and purpose are certainly as dramatic ally different as are their statistics. 

 

Once you come face to face with the standard and horrible choices a person has at this juncture, you begin to understand why only 10% of the millions of people struggling with this disease, ever do pursue treatment!  Only 10%!  Sad, isn't it? 

 

Yet,  there is hope for you and your son.  Obviously, the barrier to treatment that your son is facing rght now is desire.  As I personally discovered, much of the resistance to getting treatment stems from the ridiculously low success rates, despite the incredible suffering one must endure to just get clean.  As a result, many people struggling with addiction don't see the point in even trying.  Yet, when the process is painless, extremely successful and, unlike many treatment centers, involves an amazing staff that treats each patient with tremendous respect and sincere compassion - treatment becomes something worth fighting for . . . . as opposed to something to fight against. 

 

So, please provide your son the opportunity to consider his treatment options that can, if pursued, provide him a painless, cravingless and enjoyable transition into the journey of recovery.  Check out www.FloridaDetox.com, if you get a chance.

 

All my best and God Bless,

 

Cara

 

 I looked at the site but didn't see anything on detox from meth. Do you know if this works for methamphetamine abuse?

I am happy to hear that you got your life back!  Addiction is such a terrible thing, both for the addic and for those who love them
 
August 8, 2007, 9:51 pm CDT

so sad

Yes My mom was a drug addict almost my entire life, probably my entire life. She did coke, speed, and heroin. She did alot, and I would watch her go through many different stages. SHe is also bi-polar so it just made things worse on me and my siblings. My dad was strung out to he finaly quit about 3 years ago, and im very proud of him, he has a really great job and him and my mom have been split for 6 or 7 years now. and both of them are better off without each other. My moms new boyfriend got her into many different drugs, and got her stuck on them. They used to leave me at school with no way home, I was left at school till 10 pm one night because they were too worried about getting there fix, they had forgotton all about me. Did I mention I lived about 2 hours or more away from school if I was to walk home/ I also have epilepsy, so I was not allowed to walk anywhere by myself for the chanc ei could have  a seizure walking across the street or a highway and get seriously harmed. I finally had to call an uncle of mine, in whom dis owned my mom and I at the time because of her problems. I had to beg for a ride, and it was quite embarrasing. I will never forget alot of things my mom put me through growing up. My grandma had to tak care of me when i was 14-17 because my mom was so strung out she left me my brother and my sister home for 2 or 3 days with no food, no supervision, nothing. We had to survive on our own. If it wasn't for my grandma, I don't know what would have happend. I had to move back in with my mom when I was 17, and she literally tried to kill me numerous times, numerous different ways. The last straw was when she tried to kick me out of the truck on a highway, and told me I wasn't her daughter, and she never loved me, and wished I wasn't born. I had enough of the abuse at this point, and called my father who was living in nevada(i was living in texas) and told him what happend and he got me a plane ticket within an hour and here I am 3 years later doing terrific. My mom finaly realized about a year later after I moved what the hell was going on, and changed her life. After a suicide attempt, of doing speed and coke(way too much of it) on her birthday, becuase she was so messed up in the head from all the drugs, she finaly got off the dope, and heroinn, and everything else she was doing, and so did her boyfriend. She went from weighing 93 pounds to 130, I know that if my mother out of all people can do it, so can everyone else. Good luck to all those people out there i hope u dont put ur kids through the same torment i went through. Its hard to have a parent strung out on drugs, and its hard to have ur mother take u with her to her dealers house every day and watch her wate away her life. So take it from my point of view, DONT PUT YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH THIS. i was lucky i didnt end up like her, alot of children repeat what they see and end up far worse then there parents/ so stop the cyle now
 
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