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Topic : 05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Number of Replies: 1311
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:10:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows up with the complicated and twisted story of Jennifer and her husband, Jeffrey. He is so obsessed with his wife, he goes to extreme measures to spy on her and keep her under his control. After the last show, Jeffrey chose to seek help at Creative Care in California, while Jennifer headed home. See what private investigators found when they did a sweep of Jennifer's house upon her return. After being in rehab for two weeks and not complying with the rules, Jeffrey receives an ultimatum from the staff at Creative Care. When Jennifer learns the news, she breaks down and shares her thoughts in a video diary. Jeffrey gets re-motivated and stays in treatment, but does his obsessive jealousy end? Afraid for her safety and ready to end the marriage, Jennifer meets with an attorney to find out what rights she has. Then, Dr. Khaleghi, director of Creative Care, has a startling message for Jennifer and reveals why he doesn't believe Jeffrey is ready to see her. And, Jeffrey joins Dr. Phil onstage to share his progress. Is he giving 110 percent like he committed to in the last show or has he been up to his old tricks? Will Jeffrey decide to return to treatment, or give in to his anxieties and return home? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 4, 2007, 6:00 pm CDT

Didn't you watch the first 2 shows ...

Quote From: cheechoofan92

Ok. This guy has some SERIOUS anxiety and stress issues. I think he is sick to do these things to his wife. He should get help. But what I don't understand is that Dr. Phil just points the finger of blam constantly at him. He completely over looks the fact that his wife has cheated twice (that he knows of). I could understand that it was a long time ago in their marriage and would overlook it and accept she has changed, but her MySpace totally changed my mind. She had suggestive photos, didn't have her husband on it, and had messages from guys with not-so-appropriate-for-someone-married photos. Why was this completely overlooked?

Didn't you watch the first 2 shows?

 

Better buy the tapes and slow them down, LISTEN, and watch them over and over again.  You missed a whole lot that was addressed and explained.

 

 

Then go to the closest bookstore and buy all the books you can find on Batterers, Abusers, Misogyny, Passive Aggressors, Sociopaths, Narcissists, and the list goes on....but for now you'll have plenty to read.

 

Don't want to spend all that money, go to the library in town.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 4, 2007, 8:24 pm CDT

Where Were You in 1998

I can completely appreciate Jennifer's situation.  I too was married to an extremely controlling individual.  Unfortunately there was no Dr. Phil to help intervene.   Law enforcement, attorneys, and the court system were of little help and in fact only enabled the behavior.  I applaud Dr. Phil for trying to de-escalate this situation for the sake of the children.  In my case continued controlling behavior such as stalking, virtually "stealing" the children from my custody, and ultimately physical abuse escalated to a point of no return.  After eight long years of custody battles, the children are now divided between our two homes in two different states.  In our case everyone lost.  I wish Jennifer the best as she tries to rebuild her self-esteem and her life and the lives of her children.  You are lucky to have someone to come to your and your children's rescue.  You all deserve better and hopefully Jeffrey will honestly admit he has a problem and will make every effort to get better for the sake of his family.
 
May 4, 2007, 8:29 pm CDT

use to hate you doctor phil

when I first saw you on Oprah I thought "what a goof he is." then I saw you around a little bit more and started thinking "well he makes sense on some things," when I don't feel like watching Everybody loves Raymond and you have an interesting topic I'll watch your show. The other night I saw you on Jay Leno talking about Alec Baldwin and I decided I liked  you. Today I was almost puking watching that crybaby man who is obessesed with his wife. I was so glad you told her you would give her the money to start over and get away from him. I was so pissed when you told her to stand down. Then after the commercial --it was like you heard me yelling at you when you told her to wait and let him get help-- you explained the kids would be better off if they do get a divorce. I have decided I like you alot and really respect your advice. ur kinda like a wart that just grew on me.

 
May 4, 2007, 9:31 pm CDT

Victim?

I believe that Jennifer has been victimized throughout her life and in her marriage from day one....I also know She doesn't have to stay a victim.

This appears to be the beginning of Dr Phil's "intervention" and it was Jeffrey who sought out Dr. Phil, not Jennifer, but I wonder why Dr. Phil doesn't empower Jennifer with good sound counseling, maybe suggest that she start attending some codependency meetings where she can be surrounded by women who have been where Jennifer is now. Jennifer needs a support group of women who have learned how to recognize  their part in perpetuating their situation, knowing that they didn't cause the situation(we are not responsible for what other people do, but as an adult we are responsible for how we re-act to those people and the choices we make), and how she can step out of  victim/abuser chaotic cycle that keeps her stuck....Even if she leaves Jeffrey  she still has to deal with the issues that brought her to this point(marrying and staying in an abusive relationship for 11 years) and learn to model for her children healthy boundaries. But unfortunately you can't give your children what you don't have already...

My prayers are with you Jennifer and with every women who is  or has been where you are...
Dr. Phil is right, you are not alone, there is help out there you just gotta be willing to do whatever it takes and not let fear be your guide. Sometimes we have to do things even when we are afraid if we want change.

 
May 5, 2007, 1:03 am CDT

Thanks Dr. Phil

 I have to say, this topic has REALLY helped me.  I was involved with an abusive guy many years ago, and by the time I got out I was so frightened and jumpy I could hardly function.  I WAS afraid he would find me and harm me.  No therapy ever helped me.  But on the last show, when Dr. Phil told Jennifer 1) it was NOT her fault or caused by her, it was as if a weight left me that I've been carrying a long, long time, and 2) that abusers have anxiety disorders and that's what makes them controlling.  I cannot tell you how many years I have wondered what was WRONG with that guy in my past.  Knowing that it was deep seated anxiety helps me immensely to heal, because now I know what the monster is.  I was so, so scared of him.  Now I know he was walking around scared of EVERYTHING! 
Thanks Dr. Phil!
 
May 5, 2007, 6:31 am CDT

Obviously I'm missing something....

Ok, obvioulsy I must have missed something.  I have watched Thursday's and Friday's shows about Jefferey and Jennifer.  My husband and I are shouting at the tv "What the heck?!  Why isn't Dr. Phil calling her on the affairs?!"  (Our daughter says we get too involved. lol ) Is there a show we missed?  If we didn't miss anything, then I don't get it.  Why isn't Dr. Phil asking her why she's at a bar until 2:00 a.m.????  Why is she asking for pictures of some guy's butt????  These aren't going to make a husband feel cozy!  When she said she couldn't believe how out of control Jefferey was when he came home and found her cheating on him, my husband and I screamed "DUH!!!!" What are we missing?!
 
May 5, 2007, 6:43 am CDT

Obviously I didn't watch "the first two shows" either...

Quote From: Pleasance

Didn't you watch the first 2 shows?

 

Better buy the tapes and slow them down, LISTEN, and watch them over and over again.  You missed a whole lot that was addressed and explained.

 

 

Then go to the closest bookstore and buy all the books you can find on Batterers, Abusers, Misogyny, Passive Aggressors, Sociopaths, Narcissists, and the list goes on....but for now you'll have plenty to read.

 

Don't want to spend all that money, go to the library in town.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not watching the first two shows doesn't mean you don't understand abusers.  It means you didn't watch the first two shows.  So when were these shows on? I would love to understand Dr. Phil's manner of approach on Thursday's and Friday's shows.  What were the other shows called so I can read about it?  Might help the rest of us confused folks feel a little clearer.
 
May 5, 2007, 6:44 am CDT

Abuse/Feelings

Quote From: ramada15

 I have to say, this topic has REALLY helped me.  I was involved with an abusive guy many years ago, and by the time I got out I was so frightened and jumpy I could hardly function.  I WAS afraid he would find me and harm me.  No therapy ever helped me.  But on the last show, when Dr. Phil told Jennifer 1) it was NOT her fault or caused by her, it was as if a weight left me that I've been carrying a long, long time, and 2) that abusers have anxiety disorders and that's what makes them controlling.  I cannot tell you how many years I have wondered what was WRONG with that guy in my past.  Knowing that it was deep seated anxiety helps me immensely to heal, because now I know what the monster is.  I was so, so scared of him.  Now I know he was walking around scared of EVERYTHING! 
Thanks Dr. Phil!

I agree with you whole-heartedly! I was in three...count 'em 3 bad abusive relationships and each time I got stronger. I felt Jennifer's pain and I feel yours too. I learned that sometimes, even the good, no matter what they do, get punished because of someone else's mental problem. I went to counseling and all I heard was "tsk tsk! I am so sorry you had to go through that!" What I really wanted to hear was "Where is he? I got a baseball bat!" :) just kidding. I think I wanted someone to come to my rescue and I finally figured out that I am the only one capable of the rescue and that is exactly what I did. Good luck to you now and always. The nice part about the past is that you DONT have to repeat it!

sandicb

 
May 5, 2007, 6:59 am CDT

Thursday

I am waiting for Thursday to see the whole program since I seen the previews. Even then, I was on the edge of my seat. I have to give Dr. Phil credit for trying to help their marriage, but personally, I don't think it will work. This man is who he is and always will be. Just because he didn't hit her doesn't mean he didn't abuse her..he had her so uptight I am surprised she was able to carry any child! This man is pure evil. I don't care if he is nice on occasion, he is like everyone else who gets caught: he explains it so it sounds right and he thanks for the help, does what he is supposed to do and then wham! right back to who he really is. Alcoholics do that, abusers do that and it is done so smoothly that it looks like the battle was won. But under that shiny exterior lurks the evil monster who will go right back to everything and I hope that Jennifer doesn't have to pay the price. If Mama ain't happy, then neither are the children and they need to get as far away from him as possible.
 
May 5, 2007, 8:34 am CDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Jennifer should, with the help of Dr. Phil, get some backbone and leave this guy but never, ever lose sight of the fact that he is dangerous. 

 

She should enroll in a martial arts course along with her children.  She should buy a gun and be trained in how to use it.  She should carry a weapon with her at all times and be trained in how to use it. 

 

Restraining orders can only do so much if this guy is suicidal and he doesn't care if he is breaking the law when he offs himself and his family.  After the exposure on this show, his life is in the toilet and he has absolutely nothing to live for or to lose.  I think he is incredibly dangerous and she should be very very careful.  I hope Dr. Phil can provide security for her until she is trained to protect herself.

 

I really am concerned for her. 

 

As far as the cheating is concerned, I am sure that many good women would cheat if they lead such a depressing life as this poor gal.  She was probably looking for someone to rescue her from this situation.  I have been there and I know.

 

 
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