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Topic : 05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:10:02 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil follows up with the complicated and twisted story of Jennifer and her husband, Jeffrey. He is so obsessed with his wife, he goes to extreme measures to spy on her and keep her under his control. After the last show, Jeffrey chose to seek help at Creative Care in California, while Jennifer headed home. See what private investigators found when they did a sweep of Jennifer's house upon her return. After being in rehab for two weeks and not complying with the rules, Jeffrey receives an ultimatum from the staff at Creative Care. When Jennifer learns the news, she breaks down and shares her thoughts in a video diary. Jeffrey gets re-motivated and stays in treatment, but does his obsessive jealousy end? Afraid for her safety and ready to end the marriage, Jennifer meets with an attorney to find out what rights she has. Then, Dr. Khaleghi, director of Creative Care, has a startling message for Jennifer and reveals why he doesn't believe Jeffrey is ready to see her. And, Jeffrey joins Dr. Phil onstage to share his progress. Is he giving 110 percent like he committed to in the last show or has he been up to his old tricks? Will Jeffrey decide to return to treatment, or give in to his anxieties and return home? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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momakababe

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May 10, 2007, 1:41 pm PDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Quote From: no_evil_diva

I had a friend shot and killed by her husband...after going into hiding through the Domestic Violence Intervention Service, after the protective order, after him going to counseling, and after everything she did to protect herself and her children which included filing for a divorce. He went to her office parking garage and shot her six or seven times. He is currently serving a life sentence w/o parole which was reduced down from the death penalty. http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/DeliverDocument.asp?CiteID=11641 Margaret was a beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman brutally taken from her 3 small children. She will always be truly missed.

This sad reality happens every day in America. Yesterday, another man killed his estranged wife, their 2 yo child, and her 4 yo child in Oklahoma. The warning signs were there. http://www.fox23.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=592aa692-c213-4b96-83a5-39d1c049aa7e )

Dr. Phil was trying to get this man to a better place mentally to avoid this same reaction from him when she filed for a divorce. I respect Dr. Phil for trying, but obviously this man cannot be helped. I understand his methodology, but let this be a lesson to Dr. Phil and especially women in this situation...men who stalk, abuse, control, and threaten their wives will not stop until they kill them. It escalates each day in their sick minds until they spiral completely out of control. Counseling doesn't work.

I believe she has a valid fear for her life and her children's lives in this particular case. I certainly hope he is currently in jail for as long as possible because it is the only way she is going to stay alive. Days, months, even years later...the second he is back on the streets, the threat continues and becomes greater. Until the day he dies...she will have to live in fear of him. Dr. Phil will have saved her life only if they can keep that man locked up or take her and the children so far into hiding he can never find them.

There is nothing being done legally on any level to actually protect the targets of their obsession. A restraining order is like signing their own death warrant. The abusers don't recognize the law and often the order becomes a catalyst for murder. Law Enforcement cannot get to women fast enough to save their lives. We need to change the laws in this country to protect our innocent women and children. Why do we wait until someone ends up dead before locking them up for life?

I'm so sorry for your loss of a friend. I lost a close friend to cancer a few years back and while it does still hurt that she's no longer in my life when I think of her it's with a smile and fond memories. Her cancer was painful but her passing peaceful. It must be so difficult to have had to endure the taking of your friend in the brutal way she'd been. I just wanted you to know that someone did indeed hears you, sees your pain on this page, will say a prayer for you tonight & wishes you well. :)

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redmomma

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May 10, 2007, 1:43 pm PDT

I was there!

Oh my gosh! That was just my ex-husband to a T!!! I am so glad that Dr. Phil has this topic on his show! I work at a salon and have for over 12 years and the things that women tell me that they are going through would shock people! One thing I have learned is that women need to know that they are not alone! We need to talk about this not pretend that it's not happening and women are dying and our children are seeing all of it! I was strong enough to get out after 3 years of praying and trying to make things work and be better because of that vow I took. The final straw was when he strangled me in front of our at the time 2 year old daughter as he told me he is going to kill me and bury me in my own backyard, and I believed every word of it! To all the women out there " You can do it alone! Don't be afraid!" STAY STRONG!!!

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ben77777

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May 10, 2007, 1:45 pm PDT

Run, girl, run

Quote From: mysanctuary

when i watched this episode I was like oh my god. My boyfriend is very controlling. Not to the extent of jeffery though. Just the other day I owed one of my friends 10 dollars and my boyfriend wouldnt let my because he thought if I gave him money the guy would think i wanted him! I told him about the episode 3 weeks ago and he was on Jeffery's side! He said he would to the same things to me if we were married. I blamed it all on Jennifer and said she has no right to leave him. I was so shocked i couldnt breathe. I love him but Im terrifyed of him. What do i do?

I'm horrified to hear that your boyfriend would do the same thing to you. Be thankful he's not your husband yet, and GET THE HELL OUT before he beats down your self esteem, isolates you from your friends and family (which is already happening!), and eventually...well who knows??

I'm serious. GET OUT NOW! This guy is only showing you 1 per cent of his inner anger and torment right now. Imagine what he'll be capable of when you're locked in for life with children.

Please, please, please take my advice and leave him. It's your life that's at stake here, and you'll never get another one. There are plenty of good, earnest men out there who want a partnership, not a paranoid dictatorship.

Oh, and when you leave - tell everyone what's going on. If you're too afraid to get a restraining order, then at least ask to file a statement - because you want to make sure everyone is aware of what he's capable of in case something happens to you.

My thoughts are with you.

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nadapearl

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May 10, 2007, 1:46 pm PDT

Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

I hope and pray that Jennifer, stays away from Jeffrey . She needs to for the safety of her children and herself, he is not going to change. He is too obsessed with her to change.

So Jenniter take it from someone who knows, please get out now . You are on the right track, keep going ahead and don't look back.

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sorrows

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May 10, 2007, 1:48 pm PDT

finally-

My ex was a thousand times worse- and he got custody -

The law may inflict visitation on these (Jenn's) children- hopefully supervised-.What relieves me a great deal is to hear Dr.P say - in essence- that there are cases where there are NOT two sides - a few times I stopped watching- because- up against someone delusional, unbalanced and dangerous- there ARE no two sides- it is- :get out if you can, alive.A lot of mothers don't leave ,because they CAN'T. And if you say so- you are judged again !

I reported a father's sexual abuse (and more)of his children- to the appropriate services (required by law and common sense) Social servives recommended custody to the child rapist. When I asked the social service type - "What can I do to help my chiuldren ?" His answer was : "Nothing- you just have to live with it." He never thought to explain to the children how they were supposed to live with it.

This happens far more frequently than any decent person can imagine. And we whine about drug problems and suicide among our young . Well- what do we expect ? I keep waiting for a law to be passed, requiring rape victims to live with their rapists. Just as logical as requiring children to live with their rapists. - - - - -

I have never comprehended how a human could do that to children.(The soc ser type- ). There are a couple of possible answers- pedophile and/or insane.

I hope Dr. P et al are in contact with sane types - - -for Jenn's sake and her children's sake.

Staying in the same house - is -not advisable- These guys NEVER stop -

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logan944t

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May 10, 2007, 1:49 pm PDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

In a country where men walk away from thier families all the time-- he is fighting for his -- yes in a sick twisted way. jenns affair hasn't been addressed in any meaningful way. Dr phil got the husbands diagnosis right -- but he is not dealing with jennifer's part in this at all.

The wife has an affair and when the husband starts to check up on her -- HE gets blamed for his behavior? Reverse the roles for a minute and tell me that this would be going on. That husband is scared out of his wits to lose his family and the sad part is he is going to lose it anyway. He needs to leave and find someone who will love him -- not use him.

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debadoo64

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May 10, 2007, 1:50 pm PDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Just watched the show today... I don't know how this all ends but I hope that she moves and takes on an assumed identity. This guy is a DANGER!!! He's the type of guy that will act like everything is fine and that he has moved on while simultaneously plotting revenge on Jennifer and possibly the kids.

My cousin ( a police officer) murdered his children to hurt and punish his wife. Then he shot himself. This guy is HIGHLY CAPABLE of doing the same thing. I am glad that this guy doesn't live in my neighborhood because I would be terrified of him.

'The Psychopath: The Mask of Sanity' ~ Hervey Cleckley

Doesn't that describe him in a nutshell??

He needs intensive, ongoing therapy and meds. He will not get better on his own. Not a chance!

Anyone living like this??? See the flashing light? That's the light bulb going off on the top of your head!!! Tell someone - get help now.

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momoftwoc

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May 10, 2007, 1:50 pm PDT

LEAVE!

These are red flags!! Please thank God that you have red flags to warn you, and get out!! You may love your boyfriend very much, as I'm sure Jen loved Jeffrey at one point, but you have got to get out of this relationship before it gets worse. And I can promise you it will get worse, and you will be in misery...and maybe end up dead like lots of women that have been with controlling men.

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karen770

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May 10, 2007, 1:51 pm PDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Quote From: rynemsbobbi

This man WILL kill his wife. Dr. Phil made the point that a piece of paper (protection order) cannot protect Jennifer. Her lawyer cannot protect her, and most likely at this point, law enforcement cannot protect her either. Domestic violence of this extreme ends in death. I'm unclear as to why he has not already been brought into the court system for abuse and/or stalking. This woman needs to make a clear choice to rid herself of this parasite, take a hard stand, and get the law and the court system involved before her children lose both a mother to death and a father to life in prison.

Well said!!! I don't have to do much typing, you said what I was going to say.

I will however add, that Jeffrey, in my opinion is a danger to himself and to others, and suffers from obsessive thinking and anxiety, which drives him to do these things he knows will end his marriage, he cannot stop himself. This is deep seeded, and he needs in-depth in-patient psychiatric treatment and medication so he will not be a threat to his soon to be ex-wife, his children, or any other woman in the future. He can get well, it will take hard work. I hope he gets the help he desparately needs.

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wonderstruck

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May 10, 2007, 1:52 pm PDT

MySpace is NO BIG DEAL HERE

Quote From: cheechoofan92

Ok. This guy has some SERIOUS anxiety and stress issues. I think he is sick to do these things to his wife. He should get help. But what I don't understand is that Dr. Phil just points the finger of blam constantly at him. He completely over looks the fact that his wife has cheated twice (that he knows of). I could understand that it was a long time ago in their marriage and would overlook it and accept she has changed, but her MySpace totally changed my mind. She had suggestive photos, didn't have her husband on it, and had messages from guys with not-so-appropriate-for-someone-married photos. Why was this completely overlooked?

Why does Dr. Phil constantly address "the husband" in this case? WHY? BECAUSE HE IS SO OVER THE TOP INVASIVE & ABUSIVE!!!!! THAT'S WHY.

Separately, the fact that she was only 19 is a big factor in all this. Some ways back a reader wrote "Where is her father in all this?" The reader wrote that if she were his daughter he would have smacked this guy to the wall (but the reader wrote it sanely). My three children are now in their twenties, and I was surprised that as mature and responsible as they are, their emotional thinking was less developed and they were still impressionable and very vulnerable at 19. You can't make decisions for them, but they still need a parental backdrop.

So, Jennifer made a big decision that became a big mistake. It happens.

But his - the husband's - actions are criminal and his thinking hugely distorted and harmful. You cannot harm someone else to the extent that he has and excuse the excesses on his problem. It's one thing to have problems and quite another to inflict the damage he has. His problems have to be taken elsewhere with him. I think he's done so much damage that it justifiably is over for that "marriage." It isn't love or marriage - it's some disease.

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