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Topic : 05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Number of Replies: 1311
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:10:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows up with the complicated and twisted story of Jennifer and her husband, Jeffrey. He is so obsessed with his wife, he goes to extreme measures to spy on her and keep her under his control. After the last show, Jeffrey chose to seek help at Creative Care in California, while Jennifer headed home. See what private investigators found when they did a sweep of Jennifer's house upon her return. After being in rehab for two weeks and not complying with the rules, Jeffrey receives an ultimatum from the staff at Creative Care. When Jennifer learns the news, she breaks down and shares her thoughts in a video diary. Jeffrey gets re-motivated and stays in treatment, but does his obsessive jealousy end? Afraid for her safety and ready to end the marriage, Jennifer meets with an attorney to find out what rights she has. Then, Dr. Khaleghi, director of Creative Care, has a startling message for Jennifer and reveals why he doesn't believe Jeffrey is ready to see her. And, Jeffrey joins Dr. Phil onstage to share his progress. Is he giving 110 percent like he committed to in the last show or has he been up to his old tricks? Will Jeffrey decide to return to treatment, or give in to his anxieties and return home? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 5, 2007, 7:09 pm CDT

I just don't understand

Quote From: monika2127

I agree with Dr. phil and  I don't see an evil man when I look into his eyes. I do believe he has lost his way and he can be a better man. When we watch someone behaving irratically we can easily say he's nuts and get out but......we didnt see the man she married and that man was never portrayed. I have to say when I first started watching part 2 I had the same convictions that he would kill his family one day but the more I watched I believe he can turn around. There is just something about him that makes one believe that he is truly sorry.

 

He had me beliebe that he can become the man he used to be  although it will take a lot of time .He  may have killed any love that Jennifer had left for him, but I think deep down she still loves him and cares deeply about him.

 

Jennifer, stand by your man a little while longer if you have any love left for him, you may be surprised. At least make every attempt for your children. I know what consequences divorce can have on children. I wish you all the luck in making this work out!

 

Hopeful in Az

I am sorry but I just don't understand how you can encourage her to stay with this guy.  Better for the kids  --  I am sorry but I don't think having this kind of  influence is good for the kids.  He is teaching his kids that it is okay to lock your spouse in the basement and follow them.  How is that even close to normal?   I don't think this guy is an evil man, but I think he is capable of becoming so desperate that he might do something evil.   I have to say this...If this guy comes home and does something to his family, everyone will say that this shouldn't have happened.  "There were so many signs."  That is a frequent quote when something bad happens.  I hope Jennifer leaves him.  Better now, than before it is too late.  It seems that people always wait until its too late and then wonder why things happen.   I put nothing past this guy, especially after seeing the previews for Thursday's show.
 
May 5, 2007, 8:57 pm CDT

Obsessive Love

Like I mentioned in my last message...."SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY" times 1000 !! Very Dangerous situation.

                                     Jennifer needs to get a NEW identity.

                                                                                                          Mark

 
May 5, 2007, 9:54 pm CDT

Stunning...

Quote From: alishia

Well I will not say all that because I never heard how he was with her before she cheated on him. Was he nice? from what I seen on the 1st show he became this way due to her cheating. Now that's no excuse for his behavior.  I would leave him, but she is the reason he is like he is. She not only cheated but she kept trying to have affairs. The marriage is over. I do not believe it can be saved.

to me that anyone could believe and actually say "but she is the reason he is like he is.".  I  beg to differ.  He is like he is because he CHOOSES to be. He has NOT been driven to be abusive and controlling, he is CHOOSING it.  He CHOSE to be so from the day they married.  The fact that she chose to have affairs does in NO WAY justify his abuse.  Yeah, she made bad choices there - but the fact she did isn't WHY he is abusing/controlling her.  He was NOT driven to these horrible behaviors by her infidelity.  She owns the infedlity and should not try to justify it, just as he owns the abuse and should not try to justify that.  IMO anyway.

 

He is a VERY scary man and I hope she right now is in a safe haven, where he cannot find her.  Seeing the previews of next week's shows, I am so scared for her.  I hope Dr. Phil's crew ensured her safety.     Roxy

 

 
May 5, 2007, 10:07 pm CDT

05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

ok jennifer it is time to grow up and take control of your own life.  i don't understand in todays time why any woman would tolerate being treated like that.  i personally don't understand the age difference.  were you too lazy to make a like for yourself that you took the first man with money?  get off you lazy butt and expect some hard times, if you want out.  if you don't want out then don't waste any more of anybody elses time.  pity parties only last for so long.  its your life, take it back and get control.
 
May 5, 2007, 10:31 pm CDT

This guy is scary!

My first thought after watching the first episode, is that he is going to kill his wife and kids and then himself.  He has gone over the edge.  If Jennifer has any sense she will leave the state and divorce him.  I am not a proponent of divorce, but in this case, yes.

I really fear for Jennifer's saftey and that of her kids.

 
May 6, 2007, 4:30 am CDT

I hope she RUNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so sorry for Jennifer.  There is no excuse for Jeffrey's behavior.  I think that trust can be rebuilt after one has cheated, it takes time.  And its hard to forget.   But doing all the things this psycho has done, she needs to go far away (where Jeffrey doesn't know where she is) and just start her life over.  I think she needs to run to the judge's office.  She thinks of her mother's house as a safe house, it isn't.  As long as he can find her, and get in contact with her, she isn't safe.  I know of two situations similar to this.  One  woman left her boyfriend/husband and went to her mother's house.  He went over there raped her and tied her up and killed her mother.  Another a lady went through all the necessary steps to get a protective order and somehow the system failed her and her husband killed her.

 

Its hard to say what would be the best thing for Jennifer to do.  But hopefully she does divorce this crazy man and that the courts will take his actions into consideration when they determine the custody and visitation arrangement.

 

 

Good luck, Jennifer, and May God bless you.

 

 
May 6, 2007, 5:33 am CDT

Get a grip!

Quote From: lorenamae

ok jennifer it is time to grow up and take control of your own life.  i don't understand in todays time why any woman would tolerate being treated like that.  i personally don't understand the age difference.  were you too lazy to make a like for yourself that you took the first man with money?  get off you lazy butt and expect some hard times, if you want out.  if you don't want out then don't waste any more of anybody elses time.  pity parties only last for so long.  its your life, take it back and get control.
Um-mm hello she was 19 years YOUNG when she met him. What part of the age difference don't you understand? She is having hard times NOW. There is no reason for him to act like he does. She needs help and Dr. Phil is willing to help her. Way to go Dr. Phil. The way you are talking about Jennifer, sounds like you have had an easy life and are blind to fact that there are  women in abusive relationships in 2007. If you don't like what is happening between Jennifer & her husband, then don't watch the show. That way she won't be wasting your time!! This year a lady was killed by her boyfriend because she would NOT have sex with him. Wake up and read your local newspaper, stop leading a sheltered life!!
 
May 6, 2007, 5:47 am CDT

Get out Fast!!!!!!!

Jennifer,   I am worried for you       You need to get out fast and don't look back.  Don't worry about your kids they will be fine with you.  Nevedr stay together with for the kids.  My mom did that with my sister and me, she stayed too long.  My dad was paranoid, he thought someone was out to get him.  He was never abusive, but still scary, and drove our friends away. 

 

I was living with a guy who wanted to be controlling and abausive.  He was just verbally, not physically.  He could have been.  I was living with him for 9 months and he put me through 4 hours of hell, (the day I left and didn't look back), he basically yelled at me for those 4 hours, so, when he was finished yelling and calling me every name in the book, I grabbed my keys and left.  I know it won't be easy for you to leave, but you and the kids need to get out of that situation, change your name , etc...

 

Good luck to you

 

Cindy in FL

 
May 6, 2007, 8:20 am CDT

WITHOUT CONSCIENCE - RECOGNIZING THE REMORSELESS

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg OR Treating Personality Disorders in Children and Adolescents:  A Relational Approach by Efrain Bleiberg OR Without Conscience:  The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert Hare

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge AND Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh

 

Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

There are relationships, marriages, and relationships that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it make by, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 

 
May 6, 2007, 12:40 pm CDT

Anxiety and Stress issues???

Quote From: cheechoofan92

Ok. This guy has some SERIOUS anxiety and stress issues. I think he is sick to do these things to his wife. He should get help. But what I don't understand is that Dr. Phil just points the finger of blam constantly at him. He completely over looks the fact that his wife has cheated twice (that he knows of). I could understand that it was a long time ago in their marriage and would overlook it and accept she has changed, but her MySpace totally changed my mind. She had suggestive photos, didn't have her husband on it, and had messages from guys with not-so-appropriate-for-someone-married photos. Why was this completely overlooked?

Ok. This guy has some SERIOUS anxiety and stress issues. I think he is sick to do these things to his wife. He should get help. But what I don't understand is that Dr. Phil just points the finger of blam constantly at him. He completely over looks the fact that his wife has cheated twice (that he knows of). I could understand that it was a long time ago in their marriage and would overlook it and accept she has changed, but her MySpace totally changed my mind. She had suggestive photos, didn't have her husband on it, and had messages from guys with not-so-appropriate-for-someone-married photos. Why was this completely overlooked?

 

Anxiety and stress issues?  Come on.  He has serious psychosis issues and two weeks at a private hospital without a locked unit won't solve them. 

 

You seem fixated on her but you need to stop covering for him. He is a sick puppy. I used to work on a psychiatric unit and we used to put patients on a locked ward for less than this guy is doing. We would not let them go off the ward without escorts. We made them wear pajamas and bathrobes so they wouldn't escape and hurt people. This guy is psychotic and needs to be confined in a serious setting.  Maybe for months, maybe for years but it's better than a dead woman and dead kids.  Whatever toxic dynamic set up between them may have exacerbated his behavior but she didn't "make him" do anything. That's a cruddy copout.


Karen

 
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