Topic : 05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:10:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows up with the complicated and twisted story of Jennifer and her husband, Jeffrey. He is so obsessed with his wife, he goes to extreme measures to spy on her and keep her under his control. After the last show, Jeffrey chose to seek help at Creative Care in California, while Jennifer headed home. See what private investigators found when they did a sweep of Jennifer's house upon her return. After being in rehab for two weeks and not complying with the rules, Jeffrey receives an ultimatum from the staff at Creative Care. When Jennifer learns the news, she breaks down and shares her thoughts in a video diary. Jeffrey gets re-motivated and stays in treatment, but does his obsessive jealousy end? Afraid for her safety and ready to end the marriage, Jennifer meets with an attorney to find out what rights she has. Then, Dr. Khaleghi, director of Creative Care, has a startling message for Jennifer and reveals why he doesn't believe Jeffrey is ready to see her. And, Jeffrey joins Dr. Phil onstage to share his progress. Is he giving 110 percent like he committed to in the last show or has he been up to his old tricks? Will Jeffrey decide to return to treatment, or give in to his anxieties and return home? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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surprised
May 6, 2007, 4:18 pm PDT

Alishia

Quote From: alishia

Well I will not say all that because I never heard how he was with her before she cheated on him. Was he nice? from what I seen on the 1st show he became this way due to her cheating. Now that's no excuse for his behavior.  I would leave him, but she is the reason he is like he is. She not only cheated but she kept trying to have affairs. The marriage is over. I do not believe it can be saved.
Alishia, I am so surprised that you would say that she made him act like that!!!!!  He apparently acted like that right from the start, starting with her not having any friends or family at the wedding.  He chose to act like he did because of his own insecurities, not because of her.  He is like any other abuser who constantly blames other people for his actions.  I bet you would think differently if you were in her shoes.  This whole story is like a Hollywood movie, a sicko movie to be exact.  The things he does to her are so off the wall that it is almost hard to believe if I didn't hear him say that he actually did these things.  I hope you are never in a situation like this, it is a very scary thing.  Please think about what you wrote, it is just not right.   The things he has done and is still doing are so typical, things that we have all heard about, estranging her from friends and family, keeping money from her, accusing her of everything under the sun.  I fear he may do something worse to her and the children, those poor kids.   I hope she doesn't go back to him, from the sounds of it, he will never change because he doesn't want to, he doesn't think he has done anything wrong.
 
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anxious
May 6, 2007, 4:28 pm PDT

This man is SICK!

 I saw this segment and I could see that Jeffrey is a deeply disturbed man.  True, Jennifer was wrong to cheat on him.  But I really believe Jeffrey would have behaved this way if she hadn't cheated.  This kind of obsession just doesn't occur because of an affair--he was already unhinged when they first got together.   Men like Jeffrey know how to manipulate and control the women they get involved with.  I pray that Jennifer gets OUT of this potentially dangerous situation before it's too late.
 
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blank
May 6, 2007, 4:35 pm PDT

Love!!!!

 We have all heard of people saying about someone, "I love him/her to death".  I am so afraid that Jeffrey is going to love his wife to her death.  What a scary man, particularly because he thinks that what he is doing to her equates into how much he loves her, if that is love, I would rather be a hermit.  Please Dr.Phil, make sure she and her children are safe, they should be moved to another town or city, with a name change, and money to start a new life, she had a job before, and she can get another one, she just can't ever let her guard down with this guy. 
 
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upset
May 6, 2007, 6:35 pm PDT

red flags

Hi i was just reading the posts and realized that im just now beging to see some red flags myself,i have been married only 15 months and found out that because i talked to a friend of mine from elementry school wich was 36 years ago,that my husband has gone off his noodle ,he has been having all my phone calls the ones he is suspicious of re routed to his cell phone so he hacked into my account to do this also as i write this i am using my lap top because he has hacked into my pc and has my e-mail and files traced and put into his e-mail program,im seriously pissed off,i haven't cheated on him ever yet he thinks im going to so he now treats me as if i already have waking me in the middle of the night to call me a cheater and other endearing things,i lost someone i adored three years ago to death and we never had these problems ,i don't know what to do im in a foreign country and i am going home june 5th to california whee i think when i get on the plane i will be able to breath again,the question is is he going to get worse and if so should i just cut my losses and stay in california or move back to australia and stay with him hoping he'll change,i have never met anyone so insecure in my life,and its torturing me

thanks

dori

 
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blank
May 6, 2007, 9:50 pm PDT

Frankly,my Dear..............................

Quote From: dorileeee

Hi i was just reading the posts and realized that im just now beging to see some red flags myself,i have been married only 15 months and found out that because i talked to a friend of mine from elementry school wich was 36 years ago,that my husband has gone off his noodle ,he has been having all my phone calls the ones he is suspicious of re routed to his cell phone so he hacked into my account to do this also as i write this i am using my lap top because he has hacked into my pc and has my e-mail and files traced and put into his e-mail program,im seriously pissed off,i haven't cheated on him ever yet he thinks im going to so he now treats me as if i already have waking me in the middle of the night to call me a cheater and other endearing things,i lost someone i adored three years ago to death and we never had these problems ,i don't know what to do im in a foreign country and i am going home june 5th to california whee i think when i get on the plane i will be able to breath again,the question is is he going to get worse and if so should i just cut my losses and stay in california or move back to australia and stay with him hoping he'll change,i have never met anyone so insecure in my life,and its torturing me

thanks

dori

You are lucky you are going home for a "visit". Don't tell him you might not come back. Don't accept any wrapped presents for your checked luggage from him..... Tell your family what is going on and seek help for yourself before you decide whether to go back or not.  Don't tell him you are thinking of not coming back. You can always send him a letter or tell him it's National Apathy Month here and you just don't  care anymore:>) He's got the same red flags it sounds like. You are lucky to have an option handy and another place to go.

Or make him worry about you, that you are worse than he is. Like tell him, I've never told you the whole truth about my family. My sister's husband was abusive to her and she lost it and now we have to hide the body and clean up this mess......... Good thing we've got that extra property.......Don't worry though, I've been thinking about you every minute........ I will be your wife FOREVER....

 
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May 7, 2007, 2:30 am PDT

OBSESSIVE LOVE

Quote From: kayeff

Ok. This guy has some SERIOUS anxiety and stress issues. I think he is sick to do these things to his wife. He should get help. But what I don't understand is that Dr. Phil just points the finger of blam constantly at him. He completely over looks the fact that his wife has cheated twice (that he knows of). I could understand that it was a long time ago in their marriage and would overlook it and accept she has changed, but her MySpace totally changed my mind. She had suggestive photos, didn't have her husband on it, and had messages from guys with not-so-appropriate-for-someone-married photos. Why was this completely overlooked?

 

Anxiety and stress issues?  Come on.  He has serious psychosis issues and two weeks at a private hospital without a locked unit won't solve them. 

 

You seem fixated on her but you need to stop covering for him. He is a sick puppy. I used to work on a psychiatric unit and we used to put patients on a locked ward for less than this guy is doing. We would not let them go off the ward without escorts. We made them wear pajamas and bathrobes so they wouldn't escape and hurt people. This guy is psychotic and needs to be confined in a serious setting.  Maybe for months, maybe for years but it's better than a dead woman and dead kids.  Whatever toxic dynamic set up between them may have exacerbated his behavior but she didn't "make him" do anything. That's a cruddy copout.


Karen

I am not willing to judge her but ask if maybe her behavior is that of escape denial stress instant gratification to heal the wound that has happened.

I do not buy into for the sake of the children. I have read enough of how abusive relations affect children and their ability to find a partner. Perhaps my own childhood raises its head because these kind of tense crazy relation do such havoc on children. They are resilient and they experience awareness at every level as they grow older some numb. I am not too sure about for the sake of the children. Children need to be protected. If he is doing this to her what is he doing to her children? I am not questioning DR Phil but he must have a reason of his time frame. Too many children live in turmoil and too many knew and did nothing.  I think the women has a greater chance of healing on her own and being a mother to her children without all this stress. Life is hard enough to coupe with. How are the children doing?

 

She needs just as much assistance as he does.

Why where her friends not at the wedding? Is that isolation apparent. It is a red flag.

If a man cheats it is a real task to forgive or let go. The damage is done but usually when someone cheats something is not right to begin with. If a women cheats oh Boy is she in trouble. Her needs are not being met. She is fulfilling her needs that just create more shame blame and guilt. Sex is sometimes a cover for very deep pain. A knee jerk reaction from boundaries crossed at some time. Some times it can be just a need to be loved. Not healthy but understood.

I really hope that she can heal and find herself without her partner.

I think it is a niece dream that he can heal but I do not see that happening any time soon. He feels bad but not bad enough to stop. She did not make him do this. I hate to see what he will do to his children if they do not do what he says.

 
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worried
May 7, 2007, 3:10 am PDT

no hope for this one

I have to say, I understand how hard a divorce is, especially with children, but this woman has got to get herself AWAY from this guy.  After watching the first show, my gut was just telling me that this man has the potential to kill his family and then himself. Please Dr. Phil, help her NOW to get away and save her life and her children's lives.  My prayers are with that poor girl and her innocent kids.

Bethany

 

 

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sad
May 7, 2007, 5:37 am PDT

at first

when you meet someone for the first time and fall in love ,you have the tendency to over look some of the bad stuff.   By the time you realize he's got proplems, you are hooked and feel, with alot of love you can change him or her.  Beware, you cannot change them.  It only gets worse.  This guy proves it.  It's not a sign of love when they tap your phone or bug your phone.  It's a sign to get out now, and seek help for yourself as to why you stayed in the first place.
 
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hopeful
May 7, 2007, 6:05 am PDT

More than a Red Flag!

Quote From: dorileeee

Hi i was just reading the posts and realized that im just now beging to see some red flags myself,i have been married only 15 months and found out that because i talked to a friend of mine from elementry school wich was 36 years ago,that my husband has gone off his noodle ,he has been having all my phone calls the ones he is suspicious of re routed to his cell phone so he hacked into my account to do this also as i write this i am using my lap top because he has hacked into my pc and has my e-mail and files traced and put into his e-mail program,im seriously pissed off,i haven't cheated on him ever yet he thinks im going to so he now treats me as if i already have waking me in the middle of the night to call me a cheater and other endearing things,i lost someone i adored three years ago to death and we never had these problems ,i don't know what to do im in a foreign country and i am going home june 5th to california whee i think when i get on the plane i will be able to breath again,the question is is he going to get worse and if so should i just cut my losses and stay in california or move back to australia and stay with him hoping he'll change,i have never met anyone so insecure in my life,and its torturing me

thanks

dori

Just 15 months married and he is this insecure.  If he is admitting his behavior is extreme and out of control than you have something to work with.  Have him go to individual counseling to deal with his insecurities and then possibly get included at some point for couples counseling.  If he is not taking responsibility for his actions and is blaming others, than I would suggest getting out, at least separating, before you get torn down.  Hope this helps.  Take care!

 
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frustrated
May 7, 2007, 9:17 am PDT

Obsessive Love - Scared for My Daughter

 I never quite understood before now, just why so many abused women (and men) stay with their abusers but I do now.  Although the situation is not exactly the same, I have been afraid for my 16 year old daughter and myself for the past two months.  She ended her relationship with what I found out was an obsessive boyfriend about two months ago and since then we have been living in constant fear and stress.  The bad part is that the laws in the State of Alabama have nothing to cover these types of situations.  She's 16 (a legal minor) and he is now 18 (legal adult).  The abusive phone calls and threats we have endured are considered a misdemeanor here in Alabama and you would not believe the hoops I had to jump through just to get an arrest warrant for "harrassing communications" brought against this punk.  His "condition of bond" on that charge after he was arrested and bonded out was to have no contact with her and immediately after he makes bond he starts calling me and her again.  After numerous calls and trips to the police station I had another arrest warrant served for violating the condition of his bond and he was finally arrested and spent 7 days in jail but is now out.  He went to court and pleaded not guilty and we go to trial in July.  He told me in one phone call that if he couldnt have her then I needed to get him in prison because he would see to it that no one else did either.  BUT because I didn't record the conversation it was my word against his and nothing can be done without recorded conversations.  I can only imagine how hard it is for abused women and men to get arrest warrants and how much time it requires emotionally and time off from work to get the legal paperwork started.  The amount of paperwork and time off from work I have taken has been unbelievable.  Hopefully if this was actually what they call "domestic abuse" things would be easier but I'm not so sure.  My heart goes out to this woman and other women like her.
 

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