Topic : 05/10 Obsessive Love: Secrets Revealed

Whether his tears are real or fabricated wasn't my issue. She's phony. And after watching the last show (thank gawd it's the last) I'm even more convinced. Yep even she made some tears, for Dr. Phil in his office. Oh and when she was faced with the fact that she had to leave her beautiful house. She was pretty strong worded before that. Victim, I think not. But whatever. Thanks for you harsh judgement by the way. I really needed that. Sheesh.

Don't take it so personal. I wasn't attacking YOU.

 

Personally, I've told my daughter (17) and I know there are thousands of you out there it worked for, but for MOST it dosen't.

"A 30- something year old man looking for a 18 or 19 year old girl is unable to handle a woman his own age because, A) he is insecure of himself as a man, and is unable to handle a woman being an equal partner or B) he is a control freak, looking for the little trophy wife with no baggage, and without the life experience to know that his controlling behavior is ANYTHING but love.

I have a BIL, who says at ten days older than him, I"m too old, his brother is 18 months younger than I am, but we were and are on the same plane in life.  My BIL, get this, is looking for a woman, 19-21, blonde blue eyed virgin, who wants to get busy having at least six children.  She is to stay home and raise them, while he works.  He's 37 now, financially secure, and one of those guys that's WAY TOO CHARMING, no kidding, and the poor thing he cons will wake up one day with all these kids and no way out.  Currently he's looking for a foreign bride whose culture comes with these qualities, YIKES. 

Belive it or not, this is true, so for young girls, the older guy might SEEM glamourous and exciting, and yes he can give you the shiny baubles, but beware, if it seems too good to be true it is.

To Wibble Wobbler,

 

Sorry you were so attacked.  Please search the internet for web sites on "Women who abuse men".  You will see abuse is not a one way street.  Wait tell you see the wrath I will get for this message.

Dear Jennifer  -- 

You've done great things and made great strides so far, but just keep it up, sister, and you will get through it.  The old phrase "One day at a time" really applies here.  I have had a relationship somewhat similar to yours, and know for certain that there is sunlight at the end of this tunnel you're in.  But don't kid yourself, there are some hard days ahead, and your strength and commitment to what you and your children NEED will be tested.  So don't back down, and don't give in even one millimeter.

Keep that backbone upright, and remember that all the people you've just made friends with -- all 10 million of us  --  are with you.  Remember that you are worth every good thing and you deserve to be loved, feel safe and know a sense of peace in your home and life; your precious children are worth all of that and more. 

Remember what Dr. Phil told you  --  this has nothing to do with you, and that you have a new partner now  --  one who can get those mountains to MOVE.  Don't give up!  You all deserve a peace that truly passes all understanding, and I pray you will have it.

Thanks also for helping all the other women in your situation to see that there is hope, and that help can be had.  Stay strong for them as well as yourself and know that you are helping others even as you help yourself, and let that give you some strength when you are low.

pearl2purl

Thank you, I like to observe people, and one thing I have learned is that the reaction people most expect, is the one they would have, and the thing is, my reaction to any given situation, may or may not be the same as yours or anyone else's,   I   agree with you, he is psychotic, but being a man I'm not sure I should even talk to you, it might be misconstrued, this is a message board after all right, same as "talking" on Myspace as far as I see it. (sarcasm here ), and my husband might have to start checking up on me. JEEZ.

 

Sheesh, I have watched Dr. Phil since  the Oprah days and always thought to myself, I'd like to contribute on here but I knew darn well it contained a lot of ANGRY people (not all of you) who will attack anyone who thinks differently from them. And go figure, the first message I post, that's what I experience. And they have the nerve to call others "Ignorant". Well in my opinion if you can't see another point of view or at least agree to disagree that makes you kind of "Ignorant". But who am I, my opinion is obviously crap.

After reading some of these posts.........putting Jennifer down and blaming Jeffrey's psychosis on the fact that she cheated...........I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!  There is no excuse for abusive behaviour.  If you feel like you can't trust your spouse after they cheat, or feel the need to abuse them in anyway because you can't get ahold of your anger........than LEAVE!!  The marriage is OVER.  Instead, he stays for years and years, continually blaming her, abusing her, driving her crazy, and not letting HER leave the marriage when she so clearly wants to.  All too often I hear this excuse.........."She drove him to it", or "She provoked him".  It's bs...........and it usually comes from people who either abuse or who are being abused themselves.  The man is insane and obviously proved it the other day, by claiming that he thought that they would be re-united on the stage, running into each other's open arms with flowers.  Gimme a break.  Anyone can see this guy's a nut.  A lot of people are often screaming for Jen to get a backbone.........but this is all she knows. 

Men like this...........get younger women that are naive and don't know any better in hopes of training and molding them.  He has been tremendously insecure his whole marriage.  I'm sure one reason is that Jen is absolutely gorgeous, inside and out..........and he.........well.........isn't.  He knows this, has known this all along and has felt he had to keep a collar on her from the day they met because he didn't want such a beautiful, YOUNG woman to get away.  Deep down, he knew that she could do WAY better, but he couldn't.  Usually I wouldn't talk about anyone's appearance, but I think it has a lot to do with this unfortunate situation.  He's short, older, bald, overweight, on the verge of insanity.........and treats her like crap.  She's blonde, young, gorgeous, nice, sweet and could find a decent men in 2.5 seconds.  If you get em' young, than they obviously don't know any better. 

I'm so glad she left him.  Apparently he lives in the next town over from me and has been on the local news a lot.  I believe the local dj on the radio station is going to testify against him for some reason..........though I only caught the tail end of the conversation. 

And for those who are saying Jen should give it another try and "stand by her man".

I doubt you'd be so quick to do the same.  Pathetic, leering, obsessive, begging, crying, insane men aren't on many women's top 20 list

 

I lived with an abusive man for about two years.  We were together for about three.  During the first year, our relationship was blissful.  He did and said ALL the right things and I was truly convinced I had met my soul mate. I actually enrolled in a college in another city and relocated for him!  Shortly after we moved in together his behavior started to deteriorate.  Over time I was no longer 'perfect spouse material'.  Eventually, he attacked everything about me that he said he loved.  At first I thought it was the stress of living together and then I thought it was the stress of me being in school.  In the end, I had to admit who he really was and that the person I fell in love with simply didn't exist.  It was very hard to admit this to myself and accept the failure of it.  Like Jeffrey, he accused me of cheating.  His basis was that 2 of my 9 classmates in xray school were male.  I had to spend a lot of time on school and he totally undermined that too.  He would purposely interrupt my study time with ridiculous tirades making certain that I would not be able to sleep.  There were SO many nights like this!  In any case, he finally crossed the line from verbal to physical abuse on my birthday a few years ago.  I walked out of that house that very moment - I felt empowered then but once it came time to move my stuff out I was petrified.  He was very frustrated that I wouldn't give him my new address and that I wouldn't agree to see him.  Because I was still in school, I was afraid that he would come there to try to hurt me.  Thankfully he didn't but the fear of it was a daily constant.  He continued to call me constantly.  I took his calls because I felt the need to gauge his state of mind and talking to him helped me determine if I was in danger or not.  About a month after I moved out I finally hired a moving company to get my furniture out of there.  A friend went with me to the house.  She saw how upset I was and encouraged me to take all of my belongings that day.  I knew that he would lose it, but I agreed that it wasn't healthy to keep coming back .  He was on his way back into town and I called to warn him.  He seemed very reasonable at that moment in time.  I knew that when he saw it though, he would lash out.  Because I had 2 tests the next day, I turned my phone off.  Early the next morning I turned it back on.  There were many messages from him and they were blood chilling.  The theme of them all was how dare I take everything and then turn my phone off.  I should at least be available for him after seeing something like that.  As usual, his thought was only for himself and his 'feelings'.  I did not talk to him very much after that.  A few months later Hurricane Katrina swamped New Orleans where we shared a house and after working in the city briefly, I moved home with my parents.  He is very intimidated by my family and so I know he won't bother me there.  

 

It is such a relief to be rid of him and I just wish I had been educated as to the warning signs. I don't know how I feel about domestic violence education in schools but I certainly do my part to spread the word.  Fortunately, I have great family and friends that were close at hand.  I also had money and A LOT of credit and that didn't hurt and we didn't have any kids together.  That was the biggest blessing of all!  IT WAS STILL SO HARD TO GET OUT THOUGH.  I think of all those women, like Jennifer, who are trapped and isolated more than I was with no one to help them.  I feel so very sorry for them.  I will continue to dedicate my time to women like her that are not so lucky.  

 

Thanks to Dr. Phil for bringing this pressing issue to the forefront and walking one of us through this from start to finish.  My prayers are with Jennifer and her children. 

 

 

I think I am/was being misunderstood here.....I have NO SYMPATHY for Jeffrey what so ever....yes he is totally responsible for his actions, as is my son when he (21 years old) choses to not take medication!!! that's a choice he makes and I as a single parent (always have been) suffer for it and so do the people around him.

I am more than confident that Dr. Phil knows what he's doing and talking about.....I simply see some of the same traits in Jeffrey that I do in my son and my son is NOT LIKE that on medication!!!

I realize that everyone is different....but the similarities are uncanny!!! It just makes one THINK that there MIGHT be some other reason that a person behaves the way they do!!

 

Jeffrey is undoubtedly the most outragous person I have ever seen!!! And I use the term mildly.

My heart goes out to Jennifer.....I just don't understand WHY in her video tape where she is claiming that she might be the "next Nicole Brown Simpson"....she is just sitting there crying about it  and not packing her bags and kids and getting the HELL outta Denver!!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't that seem a bit odd to anyone else???

Is a home really more important than a life......JUST GO!!! What is she REALLLLLY waiting for? more drama.??

I posted earlier about what type of a looney tune this guy is. I read through a lot of posts and noticed people fixating on the fact that she may or had an affair. To that, I say so the hell what! Really is that particularly imporant vs I don't know the fact that this guy is mentaly unstable and likes to abuse his wife and maybe after years of this life, which we would call hell, she met someone who made her happy. I don't like to blame cheating on the spouse who got cheated on, however I will make an acception to my rule for her lol.

 

It bothers me that a lot who post seem to be seeing this as some type of normal marriage, where cheating is the main issue. Dr. Phil didn't address it much probably becuase it wasn't all that imporant. I mean are we all watching the same show here? Secondly, for her safety asking her for honesty about an affair, probably isn't the best cource of action with psycho sitting next to her, you know?