Quote From: shoyt_2001 Hey there. I am right there with you. No one can really know what it is like until they have lived it. These people who come out and say she shouldn't do this or that on the internet or myspace have no clue that it might be the one place that someone can contact you and you can "talk" and say what you want if even for a few minutes.
For every "case" we see on Dr. Phil there are thousands, if not millions of people who are in the same situation.
I understand the numbness. You never know what is next and you can't make plans because every plan you try to make is thwarted. Just like we saw on Dr. Phil today. Jeffrey changes plans as often as he changed taxi's. He changed demands, he change plans, he changed his story, he changed his location. Everyone was trying to figure out how to respond to each one as if it really meant something but in the end they were just jerked around by Jeff AGAIN.
He continued jerking everyone around for the next two weeks. Why is anyone on this message board giving him a pass? He needs psychological help and nothing else. No wife. No kids. If he won't stay in therapy he needs to be in jail or prison.
No one wants to watch the lead up to a murder and that is exactly what we have been watching. I have been following court cases on domestic murders for years. It is not only men murdering their wives. There are wives murdering gtheir husbands also. So for the people who are acting like it is a free pass for the women, sorry, that arguement won't work. I'll be happy to state cases of women who are in prison for murdering their husbands if it will make your vision a bit clearer.
Jennifer and Jeffrey probably see each other as multiple different people.
She sees him as the man she thought he was when they first met and she has added to that image any positives things he has done over these 11 years. She also sees him as the person he really is and that is too scary to deal with so she sees him in a third way, as a man who will rationally let her go if he realizes that he can't have her.
Jennifer, he is the scary person with you and he always will be. Keep working on getting away. His own image is tied up in yours and you have to break every connection to him since he will not do the work that would have given him his own identity if he had stayed in the program at Creative Care. Three times he has broken his promise in the program. That's it. Don't believe any commitments he says he will make.
Jeffrey sees Jennifer as someone who can make him big and important. But he sees that only because he knows that he is not big and important. So he has to do two things. Bring her down to a level below himself, and elevate her above himself. Obviously there is a problem. You cannot knock someone down and build them up at the same time in your own mind. Unless you have a divided mind. Opposite urges are driving him but the end is control over every situation he encounters but it has to be through Jennifer. He is trying to make her responsible for everything in his life. He has to build her up for his image to the outside world and knock her down for his image in the world that they live in where he wants to control her every move, and his kids view of her, and her family's view of her, and her co-workers view of her, and he neighbors view of her. He is in a fight against himself with Jennifer in his scope.
If Jennifer is looking for approval it is mostly that she hopes to live another day and find someone who can help get her out of this insanitiy. This is not a third world country and it is insane that the police couldn't help her because Jeffrey hadn't physically hurt her, even though a psychiatrist said he was a danger to his wife.
But they could go after him for not paying a cab? Something is not right about that.
When you are in that situation, you do see that person as different people. Occasionally you see glimpses of the man you fell in love with, and these are the glimmers of hope that you cling to when things get bad. Most often, you see the ups and down, the peaks and valleys of their strange behavior and you try to cope with it the best you can. The reason that Jennifer didn't change her phone number is probably because everything is in his name. That is common in situations like this. They control everything. I don't really expect the modern, striding woman who can, is allowed to take care of herself to understand this. This is almost a medievil living arrangement that one must live in. He controls the money, keeps the finances from you, gets angry at you when you ask, misleads you about them, etc. The house, the bills, etc, are usually in his name and the companies won't talk to you about them just because you are his wife. They must have his permission, written or verbal. Fat chance there. AS for his changing, that much is true. I have thought often about perhaps I should be taping conversations because he changes what he says so much. They do this to make you think you are nuts. You aren't of course, but you don't know that until he is gone for a period of time. It is effective at keeping you off your balance though, very effective. Until my husband was gone for almost 9 months, I really thought I was stupid, forgetful, and almost retarded. I asked him about every decision and informed him about everything I was doing, as if I was double checking, right down to going to the bathroom, because I was so uncertain of my own decision making. It was weird to not have him around at first, hard, but then just as I was getting used to it, he came home. He comes and goes as he chooses and doesn't hold a job. It is, of course, my fault-sometimes. It changes with his whims. One in situations like this often think of leaving, but when you are in, you are just trying to get from day to day, not thinking steps ahead. Perhaps the women who are forming judgements about Jennifer out there (or women in her situation) should go down to the local women's shelter and volunteer for a while. Get a taste of our reality.
The incredible drama continues involving Jeffrey, an obsessive husband who won’t let go of his wife, Jennifer. After the last show, Jeffrey is on his way back to the treatment facility, when his anger gets the best of him, and he jumps out of the car and goes on the run. He finally calls his therapist from a taxi cab, but soon after is on the loose again. After four hours and a frenzy of phone calls with Dr. Phil show producers, see what Jeffrey demands. With the stress and pressure getting the best of her, Jennifer sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss their next step. In a hurried panic, Jennifer heads home and is shocked by what she finds when she walks in the front door. She takes her kids and flees to her mother’s house. Even though she’s in a safe place, why does she say she still lives in fear? Then, Jennifer’s attorney files papers and meets Jeffrey in front of a judge. Will Jeffrey be able to comply with the judge's orders? And, Jeffrey resumes talk with the Dr. Phil staff. What is he asking for? Jeffrey’s behavior continues to shock and mystify Jennifer and leaves her with only one choice. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
