Quote From: mike34758
I know you did not suggest she stop living. I probably made the example too much like Jennifer. It is very difficult to have discussions from a keyboard and waiting, then responding etc.
If Jennifer were my sister I would have told her to remove pictures, stay clear of anything that might provoke him for her safety and the children's. Actually my sister recently split from a bad relationship and my advice was pretty much what you are describing in your post. She ate a lot of crow and at times I had to get very firm with her to keep her mouth shut. Allow him to do "his thing" as long as she was not getting hurt, while she prepared for her divorce. She listened understood and escaped peacefully. A year later her X was in jail, drug related.
Some though, and I am not talking about Jennifer, do not have anyone to turn to as you know and damn if they do and damn if the do not. That comment is for some that are reading here and feel that they are in that situation. That have to proceed with caution but honestly some situations are horrible.
Bottom line, families not being able to survive and getting to this point is very, very sad. How people can say I do, then later say f..k you and to have it happen to me , just makes no sense.
Kontiki, I have read a lot of your post and understand and agree with your views. I know some of your post were misunderstood, like mine. In fact you had a recent dialog with someone who really agrees with your views but both of you went off on a tangent. Sometimes even in agreement we somehow disagree.
Sincerely..mike
Hi Mike:
No one who agreed with my views could ever accuse me of blaming Jennifer or holding her responsible. I know my own heart and I know the limitations of bulleton boards. So, when first trying to get a point across, I measure my words and moderated my tenor very carefully. But like you have stated, this venue makes it far more difficult to communicate within because of lack of facial expressions, tone of voice & gesture. I personally find a wealth of information when looking at someone eye-to-eye.
You'll have to show me specifics of my going "off on a tangent" to someone "who really agrees with me". I looked but didn't find such an occurance. I have a hunch as to whom you refer. If correct, this poster had a very strange was of showing "really" agreeing. NO, I don't expect everyone - or anyone - to agree with me. What I do expect, is honest & useful dialog. Anything less doesn't merit my best effort.
I think you gave you sister very good advice regarding her own safety.
However, your stating that you would also advise Jennifer to remove that picture was very similar to some suggestions that got me accused of blaming the victim & making her responsible for his actions. The fact the I repeatedly said things to the contrary fell on deaf ears. If in fact I did go off on a tangent, it was following those accusations and at least THREE attempts to clarify my position. I wonder if this tag-team now see themselves as "responsible" for my "tangent" or take "blame" for it.
Of course they don't -- nor should they. Yet this was their sustained position.
I also enter this forum with personal experience of a similiar relationship - albeit to a lesser degree.
The obvious double standard that exists within a certain few will "protect" you from being accused of what I was accused of despite you using the same/similar language (i.e pushing buttons, provoke etc.) and giving relatively the same advice as I did -- to lay low for her own safety.
I can only imagine the righteous indignation I would have stirred had I suggested to Jennifer, like you did to your sister, that she "keep her mouth shut"? (good advise, by the way)
If my above mentioned hunch is correct, let's just see if you are taken to task for your use of the same/similar words and phrases that I used. Because you both were collectively applauded for your efforts, I somehow doubt it.
To me, Mike, and I think to you as well, the stakes are too high to reduce this forum to a pissing contest.
If I can assist even one person in making good choices during horrible times, any annoyances, even petty ones, are a small price. (pardon my French)
I work with conflict resolution and mediation frequently. Maybe as a result, I do not suffer fools lightly. So I when see someone repeatedly get on their soap box or high horse and repeatedly misconstrue what I post to the point that they start to believe their own press, I have little or no tolerance. If THREE attempts at clarification on my part doesn't resolve the matter, I accept that they cannot or will see beyond themselves. This is NOT to suggest that anyone must agree with me at all -- but none of us deserve to have our post repeatedly distorted to fit another's need to edify the world. Such a senseless exercise.
Mike, as I think it over, I believe you and I represent a good example of 2 posters who may have origionally misunderstood the position of each other. Through respectful dialog and clarfication, we now know that there is very much with which we agree. I am sure we can also agree to disagree. What we cannot do is tell the other how we feel, our intentions or our heart. That is where discernment enters the picture.
That said, I have zero tolerance to those who start every second sentence with "I'm sorry" and then follows it with ill-intended distorsions.
If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck & quacks like a duck, chances are it is a duck.
Sorry for the book but wanted you to know how I feel.
Through your postings, I can "feel" your compassion. My posts are no less sincere.
Thank you for your comments.
Be well,
kontiki
The incredible drama continues involving Jeffrey, an obsessive husband who won’t let go of his wife, Jennifer. After the last show, Jeffrey is on his way back to the treatment facility, when his anger gets the best of him, and he jumps out of the car and goes on the run. He finally calls his therapist from a taxi cab, but soon after is on the loose again. After four hours and a frenzy of phone calls with Dr. Phil show producers, see what Jeffrey demands. With the stress and pressure getting the best of her, Jennifer sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss their next step. In a hurried panic, Jennifer heads home and is shocked by what she finds when she walks in the front door. She takes her kids and flees to her mother’s house. Even though she’s in a safe place, why does she say she still lives in fear? Then, Jennifer’s attorney files papers and meets Jeffrey in front of a judge. Will Jeffrey be able to comply with the judge's orders? And, Jeffrey resumes talk with the Dr. Phil staff. What is he asking for? Jeffrey’s behavior continues to shock and mystify Jennifer and leaves her with only one choice. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
