Topic : 05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run

G !

I can't believe you feel that Dr. Phil's statement about marriage and divorce even remotely applies to this marriage, this hell of an abusive torture  set -up.

Who gives a damn whether Jennifer or any abused woman has tried everything.

ABUSERS DON'T CHANGE, RARELY IF EVER.      AND NOTHING YOU DO OR TRY WILL CHANGE THEM OR ANYTHING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

So even Dr. Phil has got to understand that it doesn't apply to or belong in the same sentence with Abuser, or Batterer.

Does everyone finally "get it " !???

Dr. Phil over the years has confused more than one abused woman about getting out, with some of the shows.

When is it a "deal breaker" or not ..........?       That's what they come into the Abuse board asking?

In my opinion, Abuse is always a "deal breaker" as are alcohol and drugs.

Thank goodness there are folks like anon slc who post to these message boards with some factual information and resources.

Your ridicule of the postings that offer education and insight into the matters at hand are uncalled for.

You could be of help to those that seek real information from these boards.

You could be a catalyst for change instead of adding to a problem.

I've noticed that often informational posts and resources are not allowed on the "show boards" so I'm thankful when some are.

These messages need to be posted in-order the message get out there.

Jenifer definately needs Dr. Phils' help.  If you will recall Dr. Phil has already sustained that he will intervene if Jeff did not change after his treatment, all she has to do is say the word.  We all have our opinions on this situation, and relationship related philosophy.  But until you have walked a mile in another woman or mans' shoes none of us will know. I come from an extremely disfunctional home and my relationships have suffered from the x-tra baggage.  And until I got some help to get things figured out I was confused and lost.  I learned so much about myself in college, and how to deal with all that negativity that it seems so simple now, but when you are in the middle of it as Jenifer is you have a hard time thinking clearly.

However this man is a very sick man.  That is all too apparent.  If something is not done and quickly, this could be a devastating preclude.  I have had this problem as well, maybe not to the degree of Jenifers' situation, but all the same it was  horrorfying.

In as much as a man saying, "why does another man always get the beautiful woman and treat her badly"?  Well, apparently he has not walked a mile in that womans' shoes, or even attempted to put himself in her place.  And this; because let us face it, most men are clueless when it comes to a woman to begin with.  And he probably has as much x-tra baggage as Jeff does.  Dr. Phil is just that, a "Doctor of Psychology".  I trust his judgement.

You should mirror yourself mister or get a sex change, you might try a little education as well!!

Jenifer definately needs Dr. Phils' help.  If you will recall Dr. Phil has already sustained that he will intervene if Jeff did not change after his treatment, all she has to do is say the word.  We all have our opinions on this situation, and relationship related philosophy.  But until you have walked a mile in another woman or mans' shoes none of us will know. I come from an extremely disfunctional home and my relationships have suffered from the x-tra baggage.  And until I got some help to get things figured out I was confused and lost.  I learned so much about myself in college, and how to deal with all that negativity that it seems so simple now, but when you are in the middle of it as Jenifer is you have a hard time thinking clearly.

However this man is a very sick man.  That is all too apparent.  If something is not done and quickly, this could be a devastating preclude.  I have had this problem as well, maybe not to the degree of Jenifers' situation, but all the same it was  horrorfying.

In as much as a man saying, 'why does another man always get the beautiful woman and treat her badly'?  Well, apparently he has not walked a mile in that womans' shoes, or even attempted to put himself in her place.  And this; because let us face it, most men are clueless when it comes to a woman to begin with.  And he probably has as much x-tra baggage as Jeff does.  Sometimes a woman has just been in the situation so long she freezes up like a computer does.  She has had to live like that for so long she is frightened to make the move she needs to.  She has children to think of and I'm sure that is frightening enough.  That is why she contacted Dr. Phil, the last resort, no where else to go.  And she knew that Dr. Phil has the resources to help her.  I commend her for her choice of resource.

I asked myself that same thing all throughout my 20's.

I spent 2 years in my 20's without ever once meet a woman who was single! (not exaggerating)

Every decent girl was married or gay.

I had this mantra...

"If you're out of shape, bald, pock-marked, abusive, selfish, broke, addicted, angry, and rude, you can get the girl. If you're a kind gentleman who takes care of himself you'll die alone because women have no standards"....but I learned, through time and experience that I was totally wrong. The decisions people make are generally based on how they see themselves, and it applies to the dersirable (to women) men as well as it does to those beauties we see with the neanderthals.

Ignore the lady who wrote you first. You have made a very real observation and your frustration isn't uncommon.

Let me reccomend that you read the "Torn Between 2 Husbands" blog, and you will see that tons of women just said the exact thing you just said, but in terms of Brent (and how they are frustrated they cant meet a nice guy like him).

Its a normal frustration for both men and women. Be patient, bud. Your Lady Fair will come when you are ready, I promise.

Bottom line, dating is just hard. It requires alot of patience to find your match. Dont let your observations embitter you. Trust me, Ive been there. =)

Now I have the most amazing woman in the world and Im glad I never married anyone I met when I was younger. And one day, you will be too.