Topic : 05/11 Obsessive Love: On the Run

Jen needs to get herself and her children as far away from this man as possible.  He is crazy.  I don't care who is to blame.  Her job is to come out of this nightmare alive.  Her first priority is her children.  Until Jeff is mentally ok she should have nothing to do with him.  He is a danger to himself and his family.  Only after much much much treatment should he be allowed to see his children.  Protect the children first. 

While going through my divorce I kept telling my attorney that my husband was mentally unstable.  He kept stalking me, breaking into my house, having my neighbor watch me and report to him. etc.  My attorney said that she wasn't worried about it and explained that there was just a lot of stress because of the divorce.  I knew she was wrong but couldn't prove it until my ex called me a few days later and told me that his sister had shot and killed her husband and then comitted suicide!  My ex acted just like his sister.  (bipolar)   By the way, this got my attorney's attention!

This reply was right on target.

All of this is so familiar to me. I was phyically and sexually abused  by my stepfather. He got away with it. I moved on at an early age to prove myself a strong winner. I can look back now and see how wrong I was. I have almost two failed marriages behind me, both to abusing and controlling men. I got out of the last one almost a year ago with the help of a friend, I house-sat while she vacationed safely. The Abuse Hotline people gave up on me, ministers, and even two lawyers couldn't help. He is so bullet-proof, shiney clean. I currently am living in one roon, paycheck to paycheck, barely surviving, and physically injured, I'm living on the edge.

I can sleep at night, he is not standing over me any longer. My cars keep blowing up---about every two years, the insurance company can't figure out why. I still live in fear every day, look for him, and if I see him, I hide. I am saving up money to file for divorce.  I believe if I do die, because of him, or the cancer returns, I'll be much better off-than if I stayed even one more day.

My kids are adults, I regret more than anything that they grew up in an abusive family,one of my daughters is in therapy now, and I took them both to therapy for several years while they were growing up. I pray my children will be happeir and healthier than I was or am today.

Good Luck Jennifer. Fight for yourself and your kids. Maybe your terrifying situation will bring awareness to others, and bring about help and change.

............that she took the kids and went to her mother's house, then almost immediately went to a party where she was photographed snuggling up to men she claims to have met "five minutes before"?  This doesn't sound like the behavior of a woman who's stressed; sounds like a woman who's as irresponsible as the husband she claims to be so afraid of.  Despite his history of tracking her every move and probing into every website he thinks she might have some connection with, she allows those pictures to be posted on the internet, knowing full well that he'll see them.  Why, if she's in fear for her life, would she deliberately throw that in his face?  She seems to be daring him to react.

Perhaps her husband is as dangerous as everyone seems to think, and perhaps not; it's obvious, however, that both partners in this marriage need psychological help.  It's hard to say which one is more unstable. I can't help wondering how much of her behavior is trauma and how much is drama.

I personally think she's enjoying her "fifteen minutes of fame" but until this matter is resolved, she should focus on rebuilding her life and her kids' lives.  While I agree that everyone needs some fun ( i.e. the above-mentioned party), common sense tells us that there's plenty of time for that particular kind of fun once the needs of her children have been met.  They absolutely must come first; otherwise they're going to be scarred for life.

I was once a physically-and-mentally-abused wife and later spent three years volunteering on a domestic abuse hotline, so I do have some personal insight into situations like this.

I agree that Jeffrey is a nut job and it's obvious that he is beyond hope--mostly because he isn't even trying, BUT what about Jennifer?  It seems strange to me that when she was in Iowa with her mother she would go out on the town, cuddle up to some guy she met five minutes before and have her picture taken.   And what about those friends of hers?   Putting the pictures on the internet?   How old are these people?   They act like teen-agers.

If Jennifer doesn't get her act together, she'll find herself in another bad relationship.  I'm sure Jeffrey's controlling ways are a part of it but she better grow up and act respectable.  I thought all these sites (MySpace, etc) were for teenagers who have nothing better to do with their lives.  And with him being such a controlling jerk, why would she post these items on her site?

Grow up and act like a lady, Jennifer. 

We behave in whatever way we believe is the best way to stay alive and in one piece.

That changes constantly as we try to get along with our abusers, make excuses,cover up for them, and to them.

By the sound of your post, you are very angry, and have a right to be. You are alive, so  you learned how to behave just to survive. Me too.

What Jennifer-and other abused women are asking for?

She's made mistakes-does she deserve to die?

She's very young, and needs help.