i am sitting here reading so many of these posts and wondering why and how some people come to the conclusions they do. jennifer would STILL be living in this hell had jeffrey not called the show. it was not her move. jeffrey took the move to come forward. just as my ex actually was the one who filed for a divorce. sounds a little odd doesn't it. the man that i feared for my safety and my kids....the one who vowed he'd never ever let me leave....and yet he filed for the divorce. they know how to buck the system in every single way. my ex filed for the divorce, because it was the only way he could keep me here because of the kids. i had restrictions slapped on me as to what county i could reside in with the kids. how about that system working for the victims right?
i was never abused as a child. i had a pretty normal childhood. i played sports, was popular, had tons of friends. i was a leader. i was very headstrong. i didn't take crap from anyone....and yet, somehow, i found myself in an abusive marriage. looking back now, there were signs, but who knows they are signs when it happens. they are justified and sound reasonable and practical. (the excuses for his behaviors that is) and that's the beginning. they do something they should not, and they make an excuse, you believe it, and allow it. then it happens again....i'm sorry, i love you....blah blah blah...excuses...and good excuses too. now while all of this is going on, you are slowly being isolated from your friends and family. and you don't even realized it has happened because it is subtle, and some more great reasons why. i can remember my friends (who by the way hated him) would call and ask me to come over for dinner, or a movie, or hang out or whatever. i would be so excited. then while asking if it was ok for me to go, he would say something like "why would you want to go out with her. she calls you at the last minute when she had nothing else to do, and no one else to do anything with. she's just using you. why would you want to be used like that. i don't think you should go. what kind of a friend treats a friend like that?" then i could sit back and think about it, and it made sense...it's friday afternoon, and she's calling me to go out in a couple of hours? why, was it because everyone else cancelled and now she'll settle to go out with me....then they work on the family too. when they have you isolated from them who do you turn to. you know deep down in your heart, this isnt right. i can remember many many times, locking myself in the bathroom, sitting on the floor crying....telling myself over and over..."i'm not crazy, it's not my fault. over and over and over. because he was always trying to convince me it was my fault and i was crazy....
oh, and jeffrey and the birth control....well, my ex had me convinced that i was crazy...too moody, when i was on the pill, so i should not take it. so after i got pregnant with my 2nd child, told the doc. i wanted my tubes tied. my ex told the doc that i had some doubts about doing it and therfore he did not. thank God there were no more children with him. if i was fat and pregnant at home, i could not be out and about...and out of his control. i held a job...but he usually made that miserable for me. i actually lost a job because of him. he routinely "rigged" the cars so that i could not go anywhere. i learned what a distributor cap was, and a rotar button, and all kinds of neat things...simple ways that he would rig the car so that it would not start. my only friends were his friends, that he approved of. my best friend now....was the common law wife of one of his good friends years ago. and while they were together, it was ok for us to be friends. but she didn't take the crap from him and she left him. well....now she's no good whore and i should not hang around her...his words....she has been my best friend since then, and she's always there, for me anytime i need her.
so when you can't work, have no friends, no family, no money, and barely hanging on to sanity...what do you do? i will tell you what i did. i found the internet. i found friends, who were words on a screen...much like now. i could tell them anything. they could not judge me. they didn't know me. i could speak honestly to them about what was going on because there was no threat of whatever it was...shame....that i felt for allowing this to happen to me. the computer was my sanity, and my link to the real world. i later spent alot of time on the computer in chat rooms. this of course, he would use against me in court. but honestly, that computer is what saved me!!!! without it, i would probably still be living there with him, unless i was already dead. i would wake up with him standing over pointing a gun at me...and he would say "see, i could have killed you" i woke up once with him standing over me...with a knife...and again, the same thing...i could have killed you. i was told he could kill me and chop me up into little peices and scatter me all over the land and no one would ever find me....or care enough to notice that i was gone. he could burn the house down with me in it, and make it look accidental. no one would ever know. i belived all this crap he told me. his dad is a constable in dallas county, and has been for many years. ihave seen soooo many things that he has gotten away with...around the law. so why would i doubt he would get away with this too.
well, back to the computer....my chatting was my sanity...and eventually it lead me to the strength to get out. a friend i met online offered me and the kids a place to live. i wanted to be a nurse and she was. i had a boy and a girl and so did she. we had so many things in common, including the abusive ex. she owned a large beautiful home, sitting empty because she was scared to live in it alone. so we made a plan. i learned how to hold back a few bucks every trip to the grocery store. she set me up a job with her dad's company. some of the other friends i met online agreed to come here and help me move our stuff...they were from the same town as my friend. everything had fallen beautifully into place. all of this was planned before i ever met her inperson....sounds crazy huh? but crazy was staying behind. i worked out of my home, and told my ex that i had a business seminar that i had to attend. i packed and left as if i were going....left my kids behind and told NO ONE what i was doing. i went and met my new guardian angel and she was just as perfect as i thought. her family was awesome, her kids, her home everything. she understood where i was at. she wanted to help. i agreed to watch her kids, and she was to watch mine. she would help me get through nursing school...she saved all of her books for me. i had a part time job lined up. everything was great...i had been "rat-holing" (sp?) money and all iwas waiting on was the last day of school. uhaul was rented...everything ready to go. my plan, my freedom and our safety....was only 3 days away!!!! this plan she and i worked on started in january....i was leaving and not telling anyone where i was going...not even my parents. i had a meeting with an attorney...i applied for credit cards a few months in advance, he didn't know about them. paid for the attorney with the credit card...i told my parents i was leaving him and moving away. and i had to do it during the middle of the night while he was at work, and i could not tell them exactly where i was going. my mom freaked out! she knew it was bad but had no idea it was that bad. everything was perfect. he did not suspect a thing. my kids were 8 and my youngest only a couple of days away from his 4th b-day. as sick as it is, i was concerned for his safety! he was the father of my kids...i know, stupid stupid me...he cut himself before when i tried to leave so i was affraid of him killing himself....so i confided in someone i thought i could trust. BIG MISTAKE!! i had talked with his sister, who agreed that i should leave with the kids for safety. she and her new husband were to be waiting at the house when he came home from work....all guns, knives and alcohol were removed from the house...per her request....on my sons 4th b-day, about a week before my plan was to happen, she decided to tell her mom....who then decided he deserved to know that we were leaving....then all hell broke loose. but i was soooo relieved it was out in the open. no more shameful hiding it and sweeping it under the floor. the police were called to the house twice that night. he was asked to leave twice by the police. my plan never happened. i never got to move, i never got to go to nursing school...and he continued to terrorize me for another 8 years or so. he filed for divorce, forcing me and the kids to remain in the county in which we lived....and that is where i still am today...not the same house. we lost that...the first few years after we seperated was a nightmare. my kids and i moved in with my parents...we could not safely live in our home. he paid no child support....the lovely court system gave him my car and left me and two kids with no car. he was ordered to make payments etc...but of course never did. my credit was ruined, i had bounced checks all over the place because of him....but it all has finally seemed to have worked out.
my kids are 17 and my baby turns 13 tomorrow! they are the greatest kids in the world. i am soooo proud of them and how far they have come. they are both in advance classes, honor roll students. my daughter (17) was sexaually assaulted by him, and we spent 2 years in counseling over that....she has blossomed into such an incredible young woman. my son, who was a witness to the sexaul assault, finally came forward about a year after it happened....and we went through counseling. he's doing fantastic. he want's to be the governor of texas...then maybe president someday. he wants to fix the wrongs in our system...and God knows, my kids have seen how wrong our system is. my daughter wants to be a physician...but will probably end up in nursing school...she wants to work in pediactric cancer. WOW, how fantastic is that. they are incredible and i love them so much and i am so proud of them. they went through so much! i am just sorry i waited soooo long to get out....but had it not been for that computer.....and aol, i probably would still be there.
SO AFTER ALL OF THIS, MY POINT BEING.....jennifer probably finds a sanctuary there online. she has friends that he cannot get to online. that is her only outreach to the real world. it's her own way of keeping her sanity. there, she can feel the desire to see what really goes on in the real world....and hopefully motivate her to move on. i am thankful that i had a computer. and by the way, i had a completely innocent picture of me on my online profile...but it could be taken a different way if anyone wanted to see more into that what it was. to this day, i still pay for my aol account. i don't use it. and i have not in years...but it's my link. my pic and profile are still there...not much has changed. i have gotten older. and alot wiser. but you can see for yourself....if you like. theonlytam@aol.com that's my email, and that's where you can find a link to my profile. i don't read emails there anymore. but i love to think about the freedom i found on the internet...that i truly believe saved my life and my kids. so i say to jennifer, keep on doing whatever you have to do to keep sane. and those who say she is enabling him....think again. she is keeping her sanity....her last little grip on life.
sorry i rattled on and wrote a book. i'm just very very passionate about this topic.
and just to let everyone know...life is beautiful now. we have no contact with the ex or any of his family now. he no longer had power over me, and eventually left us alone.
i am happily married, and had a baby. (by choice) {good thing the ex told the dr. during delivery of my 2nd one that i had doubts about the tubal huh lmao} my kids love my husband, and he loves them. life has come full circle, and THIS IS LOVE, and this is the way love is suppose to be....my husband now is the greatest man in the world. we just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. (oh, and i did get involved in another abusive relationship....i saw the red flags...i listened, and i said "NO"! NOT GOING THERE AGAIN!!!!!)
The incredible drama continues involving Jeffrey, an obsessive husband who won’t let go of his wife, Jennifer. After the last show, Jeffrey is on his way back to the treatment facility, when his anger gets the best of him, and he jumps out of the car and goes on the run. He finally calls his therapist from a taxi cab, but soon after is on the loose again. After four hours and a frenzy of phone calls with Dr. Phil show producers, see what Jeffrey demands. With the stress and pressure getting the best of her, Jennifer sits down with Dr. Phil to discuss their next step. In a hurried panic, Jennifer heads home and is shocked by what she finds when she walks in the front door. She takes her kids and flees to her mother’s house. Even though she’s in a safe place, why does she say she still lives in fear? Then, Jennifer’s attorney files papers and meets Jeffrey in front of a judge. Will Jeffrey be able to comply with the judge's orders? And, Jeffrey resumes talk with the Dr. Phil staff. What is he asking for? Jeffrey’s behavior continues to shock and mystify Jennifer and leaves her with only one choice. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
