Topic : 08/23 The Dr. Phil House: "Make My Kid a Star," Part 2

You make some very, very fair and thoughtful points with your comments to our family.  I appreciate thoughtful comments like these as do Steve (Bonus Dad) and Kiki.  The issues you raise are the exact issues we discuss ALL THE TIME!  Still, I think you'll admit, that there's room in this big world for a whole bunch of different kinds of family experiences.  We've counted the cost, just as ancient wisdom teaches, and we've decided that this is an adventure that we are willing to take together -- AS A FAMILY!

I had my Aunt pick-up Gracie's brother, Warren, from school early yesterday to watch with the family.  I wish Dr. Phil's audience could have seen his face during the show as his mother and his sister stepped-up in very unusual circumstances to show themselves to be the absolutely beautiful people that we know and love every day of our lives!  I've said this before on these boards that Warren is probably a more naturally gifted actor than Gracie. Gracie would gladly tell you that herself if asked.  Where Gracie is internally driven with an achievement orientation, Warren embodies a very Zennish quality and more of a laissez faire personality.  We all love that about him and we embrace him for who he is every bit as much as embrace Gracie for who she is.

In my opinion, we have to remember that we are all individuals with individual dreams, goals and ambitions.  No other person has either the right nor the capacity to judge another human beings dreams for the life.  In the same, I really can't see how I could ever suggest to another family how they should structure their family life and what type of adventure they should decide to undertake.  Now, having said that, I believe that you are right on that there are clear risks and a very real downside to taking the path that we have chosen to take as family and you have outlined those risks very accurately and elegantly.

I guess its sort of like the woman who met a painter in the park as he was just beginning to paint a new canvas.  She asked the painter, "What are you painting?"  He said, "I'm painting a beautiful picture."  She asked him how he knew the picture would be "beautiful" since he just started painting it.  The painter answered honestly, "I don't know that it will be beautiful.  I guess we'll just have to see how it turns out."

I believe life is like that painting and we are the painter -- we don't know how its all going to turn out. The best we can do is to our very best and to wait and see how it all turns out!

Namaste!

Kurt

Kyrian-Great job on the commercial audition! You looked so cute and did phenomenal.

Everyone keeps singing the praises of Gracie and Kiki. While I will say that I think that of all the parents there they were the best example out of them all but STILL.... is anyone considering the facts?  Kiki left her husband and other children behind to go to Hollywood alone with Gracie to persue a "career" for this child. What do you tell your kids at home?  "Gee, sorry I love Gracie more so I'm going to leave you all and go be with just her becuase her dreams are more important to me and to this family than us being a cohesive family unit and being together and raising our children as a part of an family, TOGETHER." WHAT?????  I'm sorry I have five kids (going on 6 soon) and I love them ALL. I couldn't ever say "Well guys, I'm gonna miss out on the next half a year OR MORE of your lives to be with ONLY this child because this child is more important than you are. I know that I'll never get this time in your lives back and that a half a year (or a year or more) in a child's life is an eternity with changes that come so quickly and amazingly that I will miss out on and never experienc with YOU, because I'm with your sister, but that's life kids! SEE YA!!!"  I'm sorry I just do NOT get that at all.

I can see that Gracie wants this and I'll even say that she seems very talented and bright (and SWEET!)... but what is she learning from this?  That her "career" and her dreams come before everything and everyone else in her family?  That it's okay for her mother to abandon their family at home in the hopes of MAYBE making it?  I just don't get that at all. I also thought that the rent comment was WAY out of line. Dr. Phil himself always says that children shouldn't take on adult problems or worries... isn't that what Kiki was doing?  Woohoo kiddo... YOU get to pay the rent so we can stay away from our family even longer.  HUH????

Also did anyone SEE the strain and the pressure on that poor girl in the video clip she did?  She is just a little girl and she is under WAY WAY WAY too much pressure!  She worries about being a failure and having to go home with her head hung low and admit she's "not good enough." WOAH there!  This little girl needs to get some help and needs to get out of this pressure cooker!  I was so moved by that video I was almost in tears watching her. No little girl should have to feel that way!!

I can see that Gracie's family obviously has a large contingency on this board, that's great. Support the ones you love for sure. However it makes me think that people are overlooking things about the situation she's involved in as well. I'm not saying she shouldn't be doing this but what is wrong with starting out in plays at school or the local theater club?  What is wrong with being a FAMILY while you work towards a goal?  What is wrong with telling Gracie that she is still just a little girl and that right NOW her main "job" in life is to be a child, NOT look for a career.

Now I will say that IMO the other mom's acted WAY worse. I admired that Kiki never berated or yelled at Gracie and that is GREAT, I was happy to see it. Some of those mothers need some serious intervention and a reality check. I just don't get why Gracie and Kiki are getting a "free pass" from SOOOOOO many on here.

Ya know what my 5 kids are amazing, brilliant, beautiful, talented, and gifted people. However my job as their mother is to be their mother, not their agent, and to allow them the luxury and priviledge of BEING children while they ARE children.

What nice sentiments for you to express and very appreciated!  On behalf of Gracie, Kiki and the entire Team Gracie, we wish you much happiness and hope you keep watching and voting!  You are going lots of talent today other than Gracie.  Personally, my favorite other than Gracie is little Kyrian.  In my opinion, Kyrian has an enormous amount of both charm and intelligence and he really stands out as a character.  It would be fun to see a project develop that had Gracie and Kyrian as big sister and little brother.

Remember to give a little bit of the benefit of the doubt to the other mothers as well as to Kiki.  I believe Dr. Phil really makes a great effort to be fair with what shows up on his tapes when his producers put a show like this together.  Still, this is not a natural enviroment (just like Hollywood is NOT a natural environment).  Very few of us would handle these situations perfectly because they sort of take on a life of their own once your locked in the room in a competitive situation.  Clearly, some handled it better than others and possibly the cracks let through some of the true colors of the participants.

However, I believe all human beings are far too complex to understand from a few mintues of video tap from a reality show.  These mothers and their children are no exception to this rule.  I believe Dr. Phil would agree.  What you can do is really listen for the learning that's there for all parents in the way we interact with and support our children.  I can tell you that I've learned a great deal  -- so much so that its like drinking from a fire hose.  It will take me months to digest all the learning that's available from this experience.

Again, just thanks for recognizing what I already know about Kiki and Grace and taking the time to express here publically!  It means a lot to us all!

Namaste!

Kurt

Yes, the song was a little disrespectfull, however, we all know-hopefully- that it was all in good faith. You need to understand, that much of what was shown on the show was made to look rotten and bratty. Our parents were told to be very competative and try to persuade your kids to do the best. As well as us kids. I'm sorry about your parents and I'm glad you had a close relationship, but you need to understand that if anyones parents don't push their kids even a little, then that in itself is a issue. For you need to have some support. As well as directioning. Actually, everyone on the show looked stupid at one point or another. Its actually quite funny if you look at it from one angle. But do watch the second part of the show today. That has some interesting things too.

 Did you not see Gracie's reaction when her mother said that??!! She was just as excited as her mother. Gracie was dancing all around the room. They were both high fiving each other with huge smiles. I don’t think that Kiki is doing anything wrong at all. She is supporting and allowing her child’s dreams to come true. Kiki made a huge sacrifice by moving to California so that Gracie could get the recognition she deserves and I think Gracie does see and understand that fully. She is a very mature young girl and I am sure she admires her mother for the unconditional support and love that she provides for her regardless of where the money goes. It's allowing Gracie to stay in California and pursue her dreams. I was actually very impressed with Gracie’s reaction to the comment. It shows a lot of her.

yes he did a fabulous job. He just recently booked a role on broadway. so he is getting somewhere very quickly. I would know, I'm his oldest brother

Thank you by the way, for not dumping on him or anyone else for that matter.

I am dizzy after reading this.  Dr. Phil must be beating his head against a wall.  What kind of advantage would a show like this ever give your boys?  You knew exactly what Dr. Phil was about and what you were getting your family into.  You just didn't care.  Fame at all costs.  I would never make myself look ridiculous or stupid so my child could succeed and fulfill a dream.  Not to mention favor one son and/or his ability over the other two.  I personally thought your older two were endearing.  What catch 22?  You don't sacrifice your self for your child in the way you describe.  Mothers lead and parent by showing the importance of self.  The self worth of everyone in a family should be respected, including your own.  Where is your husband?  Is he the financial backer?  Parent?  Coach?  And, you make a point to make sure everyone knows these kids aren't marginal talents.  Well...it is hard to look past the behavior to see anything but 'lack of talent'.  Any talent will get overshadowed by acting poorly.  You just need to look at the recent failure of Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears.  When I look at someone in the entertainment industry I want to see leadership, confidence, and respect.  Someone who is well spoken and appreciative of the opportunities they have worked so hard to achieve.  I want to see someone who likes who they are and what they are doing.  I have yet to see any of that.  And the "B" song, I would have kept that at home where it belonged.....to me it was equivelent to the representation Veronica did of her daughter with the inappropriate attire.  Maybe it was meant to be funny at home but not to get your boys noticed.  Very wrong image.  As far as the photo shoot...learn to go with the flow.  Your only dissadvantage was that you had 3 children.  The dance competition was fine, the point was not that all the kids could dance but how the families could handle the stress of learning something new and still shine......you flunked but your kids were fine.  I think your boys fears don't come from whether they will embarrass themselves but whether you will embarass them.  You are unpredictable with your moods.  I din't see moms who got worked up to protect their kids from worldwide humiliation, I see moms who caused it.  And, I unfortunately am not overly interested in how great your boys are at this point.  If I saw them on a commercial I would think, "Oh, there is that boy with the psycho mom."  You overshadowed them.  I also, was sad to see your son defending you on this board.  Not because he wrote but because he felt the need to defend you.  That is not his job.  It is your job to behave so you don't need defending.  It is obvious your boys love you.  They will only succeed if they learn to work without you and know you are there to catch them.  After all our job as parents are to have independent, free thinking young adults in the end.  We need to separate coaching and parenting.  That is why we hire professionals.