Topic : 08/23 The Dr. Phil House: "Make My Kid a Star," Part 2

 I have just watched the re-runs this week about wannabe stars. My son was a  child actor  between  the ages of  10  and 15.   I spent  five years running  him  to auditions, classes, etc.  He is now  29 and a budding chef (creativity runs in the family). I want to say that (thank goodness) the majority of moms we encountered were not like Veronica, the stage mom from hell!  Most were like Kiki (and myself) and were kindly encouraging. It is stressful for children and parents, but when they land a job or even several callbacks it is so thrilling. My son decided he didn't want to do it anymore, when he was 15 and we respected it totally, and are so proud of what he did choose as a life long career. I have kept all the tapes of his work and hope to share them with his children someday. The one thing these moms need to stress over and over to their kids is that when the final decision is made for a job, they must remember it is not personal. My son got to meet with Ron Howard several times for "Parenthood" and it was down to two kids out of hundreds! Imagine how he felt when the other kid got the part, and it was on his birthday to boot. They decided when they did the "family matching" that the other kid looked more like Steve Martin. Chris was proud to have come close on many occasions and learned to take rejection well. He now goes into job interviews with confidence, which I know he learned during those years. We had many fun experiences with other kids and moms over those years and I can honestly say no one came even close to being like that Veronica!  I know for a fact that her kid will never make it and casting directors will blackball her, not because she's not cute, but her mother is such a horrible liability!!!!!! It's a tough business and of all the kids my son worked with during those years, only TWO ever made it, and I feel that one was due to talent and one to lucky breaks (Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Alba), and that's what the business is all about. Good luck to Kiki and her daughter (a very special girl) and those three brothers are dynamite, and their mother, though pushy, knows when to back off. Former Stage Mom

Veronica stood out, as probably was her intention.    I do not agree with the attire Marie was wearing in the photo that was blurred out.

 

I did like Kiki, and the way she and Gracie interacted.    Gracie and the rest of the children on the program are delightful.  Wish I could say the same about a couple of the mothers.

 

I think there may be a cultural misunderstanding regarding Larissa and her boys. 

 

 Larissa, where can I send you that bar of Ivory soap????  Btw, Mr. Owl's family is from Eastern Europe, arriving around the beginning of the "problems during WWII".  His sister had her boys in acting/commercials, until they had too much homework and sports.  Their earnings pay for a good college education.  They strive to succeed.   No if's and's, or but's.

 

I refused to put my oldest girls through beauty pagents, or all that other stuff.  We even lived in the general Los Angeles area.  I think I did the right thing.  My oldest granddaughter would be perfect for commercials, but her father would waste the money and use her.  NO THANKS!

 

I went to modeling school(yes, it was legitimate), when I was in my last year of high school.  After all that tough work, I was tapped to audition for an extra in an upcoming musical/movie.  Mom, wouldn't take me there, because she thought it might be immoral.  Wasn't that the whole purpose of schooling?  I said to heck with it, and joined the military when I became legal age.   I did teach my older girls proper posture, how to sit for a picture, and a few other relatively useless things, LOL!

 

Your little one is such a sweetheart!  Shalom!

 

 

Thanks Dr. Phil,

 

For setting the record straight.

A lot of parents get in the way of their kids success. And they often don't know how much...because the words, the disappointed face, the pressure ALL AFFECT US ARTISTS...EVEN NOW!!!!

I am an unsigned recording artist that still is fighting to just do my art uncontaminated by the thoughts of others...except my source of creation...which is my Father God. I find that when I am able to empty my thoughts of the faces I remember..the discontent...I am able to do really well...to hear what the Creator has to give me...and to put these creative ideas into organized thought.  Thanks for setting the parents straight. It is NOT selling yourself and your self esteem that makes an artist great...it is getting out the art that is true to that artist...that's what makes him/her great. 

I am an unsigned artist that chose NOT to sell out...have had offers from several record companies that wanted me to give up creative control or all my publishing rights, or to unbutton my blouse and compromize my principles....I chose NOT to compromise.

Upon choosing not to, I FIRST, have my peace...which is what people want money for...to buy peace. I will not trade my dignity for a handout...it is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid.

SECONDLY..I have established my own publishing company, put my own CD out and have made it #1 on internet radio. I perform at classy places and make a decent living. I own a home, am married, go to a wonderful church, have wonderful friends..and I AM DOING MY PURPOSE.

My main purpose is to show people that they CAN find peace..not in a bottle or a couple of minutes of a song...but real peace. My 2nd purpose is to help get the crap off the airwaves..the cursing, belittling, violence in lyrics...so I educate rap artists, metal artists, rock artists...so they know what part they play in making the world worse...or better.

 

Please know that Dr. Phil..you and Oprah have alwayz been a major inspiration to me....and I have gotten better because of your words. Thank you--TinGle The Singer

 

whether these kids are talented or not is irrelavant to the fact that thier relationsships are disfunctional and that is what the good Dr is gunna get at...hello what is the deal with getting bogged down in the talent show this is not americal idol here folks...these kids will not make it far without a proper support system under thier belts and that is what the show is all about...if you are not noticing that you might consider noticing that you are missing the point of the show, what is really going on is that these kids are the test sample that we a a populous get to learn from.  If this show is angering you...lol...I guarantee that you are getting close to the heart of the matter, because it is hitting home and maybe you have been like this yourself.   I would guess that by the time it is all over these parents have more tools to use in an effort to create health productive children instead of Ego driven zombies trying to make mom proud...at the current pace these kids would spend the rest of thier lives trying to measure up to some sort of ideal set by the mother...and how fun wouold that be for them....and for the mother who put the racy pics of her kid up...wht the hell is wrong with you...didn't you hear the pros discusing how you have sexualized your daughter at a youong age...thanks for putting your ego ahead of her welfare...but do know that you serve as a good example of poor behavior...how many times have you used your sexyto try and get what you want...how is that working for you...I am guessing not as well as you think.  Noticing is the first step to change so notice this. :)

One thing I noticed was the kiss on the cheek and hug that Veronica gave DrP the day he had all the mothers together and was having them tell him why thier kids should be "stars". I thought Veronica's behavior was innappropriate.(The kiss on the cheek. I thought it was too much.) It made me think she thought she was kind of "playing" DrP. (I could be wrong. I know a lot of people do the kissey thing and think nothing of it.) But because of the way Veronica was on the show, I thought that she was trying to use that type of behavior to further her cause. I also felt like she was almost in competition with her daughter. I have 2 kids and they were involved in things growing up, but never to this extent. I can't identify with these mothers because I've just never been in thier situations. On one level, I just don't get it. On another level I can see that in order to get your kid noticed you almost have to be aggressive to an extent. It must be hard to find a happy medium.

Okay, I've just got to say something...  Gracie, yuh, nice kid, reasonably talented "in a school play kind of way" as another poster put it...  Kiki, not a complete monster, not cussing at her kid...  So that makes Gracie the greatest thing since sliced bread?  Boy, have we lowered our standards...

 

Granted, they're the best of the worst, but everything's relative...  Keep in mind that Kiki uprooted her daughter, deserted her son and husband, and put the family in debt to promote what is, after all, a very nice and polite but only moderately talented child.  As I pointed out (as a Kentuckian), opportunities for studying acting, dance, and voice are available in our larger cities, Lexington and Louisivlle; wouldn't a move there have been less disruptive and expensive?  But that would merely have honed her craft; not "made her a STAR."  All you Gracie/Kiki fans, please note this.

 

I also found it disturbing that the mom smiled while the kid cried; either she's extremely cold, or the kid was faking it and mom was proud of the performance.  Hmmm, maybe Gracie CAN act?

 

As for Gracie's dad (marketing the website; puh-leez), he notes in the post that you're praising that Warren is "his best friend"...  Evidently Gracie is Kiki's "best friend"...  Uh, maybe it's just me, but isn't your MATE supposed to be your "best friend"?  Isn't your child supposed to be your child and your parent your parent??  Way to model for these kids how to keep a marriage healthy, not.

 

Anyway, this is a pretty entertaining series, I must see...  Er, watching the moms...  Not the kids...

Although not on this scale, and not in "Hollyweird," I've experience the stage-mom phenomenon myself except, in my case, it was stage-dad...  Almost from the time I could talk, I was begging for a piano; why?  No idea; we didn't own one and no one in our family played one; don't recall where I got the idea.  But I would run my fingers up and down any flat surface and beg for piano lessons; when we got a neighbor with one, I brazenly asked to "play" it and did so as often as I could.  Finally, at age 8, we were able to afford a piano and lessons.  I progressed quickly.  My teacher raved that I had real talent (back when not every adult raved about every breath every kid took); I won competitions and trophies (again, back when this was a rarity; only the winner got the prize -- not every player); I even appeared on TV in a nearby large city.  Later in life, when I took those vocational interest tests, "musician" was far and away at the top of the list.  So why am I not a musician today?  Why, indeed, do I never even touch my piano today??  Stage dad...  He loved music, played in a band, and always wanted to make it big; more than that, he loved having a talented child who was certainly bound for the conservatory about whom he could brag to his friends and relatives; finally, he was a perfectionist with a lot of drive (proven in his own pursuits) who expected and demanded the best.  As a result, he personally oversaw every practice session (although at first I was totally self-motivated); he sat in on every lesson (although my teacher discouraged the intrusion); he LITERALLY stood over me every evening, saying "do it again, do it again" until I did it perfectly.  Furthermore, he neglected my brother, who didn't share his interests, and even my mother.  Nightly practice sesisons became tearful and interminable; I got to the point where I just didn't care, or so I thought.  Until the day of the Big Competition came and I came in second (this was a first; I always excelled before); at that point, I realized that I, too, had become a perfectionist, and second-best might as well have been last.  To his credit, dad didn't blame me (he blamed the judge, haha), but I was absolutely inconsolable, quit lessons that day, and never went back to it.  The few times I've tried, although I love music and even love playing, it depresses me because of my past history, I'm disappointed in how rusty I've become, and I soon give it up.  I hope someday to overcome this and play again, but I feel without question that I was born to do this and therefore lost my mission in life.

 

I hope the pushy parents out there, arts or sports or academic, however well-intentioned (mine was), read this and take note.  If your kids have a passion, that will carry them; support from afar.

I should also add that, in addition to it becoming just plain unpleasant for me and too much pressure, I was VERY well aware, even at an early age, that my value was wrapped up in this talent and my performance.  I felt I was loved for what I could do (produce, bring home) rather than for who I was; I felt exploited and used.  Of course I know that my father loved me aside from this, but I resented feeling that my worth was tied to a trophy or prize; we do sense this.

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

I was appaled at witnessing the behavior of the mothers on your television show on "Make my kid a star", especially the mother of the boys.  She doesn't deserve to have such wonderful sons who work so hard to please her.  She isn't a mother . . .  she is a dictator true to the bone.  No feelings whatsoever.  She says "I'm sorry" for whatever, but she certainly is NOT sorry for anything she does or says in her life.  How transparent can one be?  I think child welfare should step in for they get no love in that relationship at all.  As for the other children . . . I feel sorry for them for not being able to be themselves and being afraid to fail.  How very sad for each and every one.  If I were their mother, I would give encouragement and let them know that I love them beyond the beyond no matter what.  All that I could ask of them is to do their best at whatever they do.  They would be mine to love no matter what the outcome!