Topic : 08/21 Anatomy of Abuse

This has been my experience in abusive relationships so my guess is  that Lee picks a fight with Amy.   Always over stupid stuff. 

 

Knocking a person off-balance is a abusers way of getting his/ her way.

 

I believe that Amy is the more rational person in the relationship.  Lee just knows how to put  dents in her.  If I'm not telling the truth than why is Amy under fire and not so much on Lee? 

 

I believe she has Stockholm Syndrome.  She is siding with her abuser. 

 

She is so mixed up by his years of mixed messages that she needs a crane to get her out of it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dr. Phill,

My name is Nancy Augustine.  I am 38 years old with four beautiful children.  I live on an indian reservation, but was never brought up on one.  I was in a foster family from the age of 2-18.  I had left my childrens  father 8 years now cause he use to beat me up real bad.  Got into another relationship and after two years of abuse with him, I finally left.  He broke my nose cause I didn't want sex.  I then got into another abusive relationship, but it was different cause he didn't start the abuse right away,  and he was 17 years older thinking he was a mature person, what a laugh.  But he did beat me up real bad when he did.  I had just left the relationsip the day before you aired about the abusive relationship of men.  I am praying to GOD, that I don't go back to him.  The last nite we were together, he tried to stab me with sciscors and my 12 years old son was there trying to help me.  Please Dr. Phill keep me in yor prayers that I don't go back to this man.  For the sake of my children, give me the strength to BE STRONG!!

 

Sincerley Yours

 

Nancy L. Augustine

Not once while watching this episode about abuse did my blood pressure dip down to a normal level. I am a 24 year old wife and mother of a 15 month old and I had this insane urge to reach through the screen and rescue those defenseless children. I felt like the wife and mother on this show who had asked for help regarding her abusive husband was just as guilty as her husband. I very rarely like to criticize another parent, but she gives women a bad name. How DARE she expose her children to all that violence? And her speech about how her husband is a part of the family and deserves to be a part of the family no matter what was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Do the children get a say in that? Because if the little ones could speak clearly they would probably ask their mom to keep the bad man away. YOUR CHILD'S SAFETY COMES FIRST, not the feelings or rehabilitation of you or your husband. Thank God those children have their grandparents to fight for them.  And I wonder where Amery's (the three year old) real father is and why isn't he doing something about the man who is hitting his daughter so hard he leaves welts on her tender skin. Being in an abusive situation is hard but when you're a parent, you don't have a right to think about how hard it is. The only thing you have a right to do is protect your children from that abuse.

Though I have not been where Amy has or is since the original airing, I have been on the outside looking in many times, I empathize with her parents, knowing their child and grandchildren are hurting, and not having the power to do a damn thing about it, its one of the most FRUSTRATING feelings in the world.

Friends Families I would IMPLORE you all, if you KNOW your friend, daughter , sister, co-worker etc. is being victimized, hell even if its just a suspision, PLEASE, do EVERYTHING you can to prevent her from being isolated, if call CPS, call the police whatever.  Document the bruises, document the times she runs to you for a "Safe Haven", stopping domestic violence is a community effort.

Domestic violence tanscends ALL, races, religions, classes, ages, genders and sexual orientations.

Domestic Violence controls every aspect of a person's being, and eventually who they are.

Domestic Violence is NOT LOVE, and LOVE will not conquer all in these cases.

Domestic Violence DOES NOT allow the victim to "Just leave".

We have to STOP blaming the victims, and start helping them.

Yes those children NEED to be removed, he threw a three year old CHILD across the room,  and Amy NEEDS help to find out what it is that's keeping her with him, like all abusers, Lee has her head screwed up, and she needs time to get it straightened out, he NEEDS time in jail, and intensive therapy.

Lee's lip service was typical, his Mother's denial ( I wonder if she was abused by her husband, or raised her boys to think they were special ?) typical, Amy's reaction sadly, typical, she's NOT ready to leave.  She will not be ready until in her heart of hearts she KNOWS this is wrong, and that she and her children DESERVE more than the crap meted out by a little boy in a tantrum, let him run home to Mommy.

How do we as a society lament the plight of women in Africa and the Middle East, when we can't even stop the abuse here in the West ? Are we in denial ? Or are  the lives of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie much more important than the REAL social issues that plague us ?  How do we hold our "Democratic " societies to such a high standard, when we still have families dealing with abuse ?

Okay, end of the sermon, just a couple of things to think about.

No, I do NOT KNOW what abuse is like, I've been blessed, but I have been caught in the crossfire, and you know what I would do it again, because people like Lee are poor excuses for human beings, and if someone bigger or stronger came along to put him in his place, he'd be clinging to Mommy's skirt.

Even though the show aired a few days ago, it still makes me sick to my stomach. I wanted to reach into the t.v. and save those innocent kids.  I wish the authorities would take those kids and give them to Cynthia and Stan, Amy's parents. These grandparents were the only sain people on the show, besides Dr. Phil. Lee's mother was in denial as much as Amy and Lee.

 

Amy is also to blame, she continues to stay with this loser. She is abusing those kids just the same, mentally. She definetely gives woman a bad name. I guess I couldn't begin to understand why alot of woman stay or keep going back to these JACKASSES because I have never been put in a situation like that and  I PRAY I NEVER WILL!!!

 

I'm not saying I never had low self esteem or stressed out, goodness gracious I'm human, but to let a man treat me or my kids that way, I draw the line. It's not fair to my innocent kids. I would never want my kids to grow up and  treat their own spouses or kids in such a demening way.

 

When do these woman say enough is enough, when their hurt so bad, or god forbid dead, and there's nobody to raise those precious kids. WAKE UP, and get help, even if I think personally no matter how much help you get, the permanent scars that you put on your kids will never go away. Lee hurt an innocent child, put his hands on her and scarred her.

 

Lee, your a sick bastard and you and Amy belong together. You don't even deserve to keep these kids. Let them be with the grandparents so they can live a normal life, and to be kids.

 

There are so many couples out there who can't have kids, and would do anything to have their own families, and Lee and Amy come along and have three beautiful kids, and they have to abuse them and keep them in this situation. 

 

It just really hurts my heart, cuz I'm a mother of 2 and I have the most wonderful husband whom I could not imaging ever in my life hurting. My family is my universe and I would do anything for them.

 

No matter what happens to this family, I pray those kids will be placed with people (the grandparents) who do love them and want the best for them, cuz it's obvious Amy is a very selfish woman.

First of all he should not be putting his hands on his wife or his children like that.  If she is violating a court order those children need to be taken away from her. What part of no contact does she not understand.  I think the grandparents should be taking care of those children. They look like very nice people. She needs to get a divorce and leave this guy. Because its not going to get any better. The only people I feel sorry are the children because  there mother is not protecting them.

I have lived this life!!!!!!!!!!! I met my ex husband when i was fourteen and he was twenty four. By the time i was sixteen my dad had passed away, my mum was working full time to support us we had no family around i left school moved in with my ex husband and was pregnant. My mum remarried the next year to a man who hates us kids and wouldn't allow us to visit mum or her to visit us. And my husband was belting me, accusing me of playing up if i spoke to another man, and called me names and told me i was stupid and worthless. By the time i was twenty three i had three children and lived my life being careful of what i did where i went and what i said. At the age of thirty he allowed me to attend university so that i could go to work and he could stay home. By this stage i had had another child. I admit that what i did at university was wrong and i have to live with it. I passed the introduction courses with ease but in the meantime i was having an affair with a man from my classes who was also married. Mark was unhappy in his marriage also. In the end my ex husband beat me so badly that the sounds of the hits woke the children and this was before any affair. The end of my marriage came when my ex husband held a knife to me in front of the children and when i said i will call the police he told me to go ahead he would tell them that he would tell me he was just wiping it up. I walked out went straight to the police station and had him served with papers. At the same time Mark walked out of his marriage and we have now been together for six years. We are happy my children now have a role model that i can be proud of there is no violence and although i will always regret deeply that my actions brought about the death of two families for my children it has meant a new life a new start and given them a new look on how woman should be treated. Ans yes Mark did also leave his three daughters with his ex wife but i have always made them welcome in our home and have been there if they needed me. And while i know that there will be many of you who read this and condem me and i admit in your position i would too. I know that in Marks childrens lives i have made a difference as recently i have had all three of them come to me because they feel unloved by their mother and that their mother was leaving them at home on their own four nights a week while she went dancing! I made Mark deal with his ex wife while i arranged counselling for the girls through their school as it was all i could do. My point for all of this is threats intimidation and fear is not love and it is no substitue for true love. And out of the fires of hell can come happiness. As i have found and while i deserve all the criticism that will be thrown at me through this posting i do not regret any part of my life even my ex husband because out of a very bad time came four great children how could i regret that, what i do regret is that i allowed my children to see what they did and how long i stayed living a life that was no life. 

 -and awful for those kids, grandparents and the wife-last-because you choose to stay when u cld go to parents- i was in an abusive relationship and had to just take it all -no kids but- and would've given anything to have afather who cares like that and parents who would've gotten me out-ni had to get myself out. HE won't cahnge-if so not for long til he loses that temper, and if he hurts and I bet its unintentional, one of the kids you should be in almost as much trouble for staying when you of all know what he's capable of. Anger managment and counseling won't just simlpy solve this one-it has to come from inside him and so no sign esp when he instead of apologizing to your parnets-a step in right direstion- he attacks them-throwing off on them after all they've done that's helped him even if indirectly, like paying for or taking care of kids needs. He is a bully. You need to give those kids to your parents if you r going to move back with him and give another chance-see how he treats you-then if greta tp nu bring kids back in slowly and with continued conseling until for sure 1005 coast is cleared before you end up with a daed or mentally broken cxhile forever-ur daughters already headed that way. And for a grown man to hit in any way at all that little girl is a coward!!!!!!!!Many other ways to disappline- how could you let him back around her -my GOd help this one
DEE