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Topic : 08/14 Meddling Moms

Number of Replies: 500
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Created on : Friday, May 11, 2007, 02:30:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/17/07) They track your every move and monitor your conversations. This sounds like the latest GPS locator, but they’re actually meddling moms! Audrey says her mother, Mary, is rude, manipulative and trying to destroy her marriage. She says Mary calls her up to 10 times a day, telling her how to raise her kids and how to handle her husband, Matt. Matt says his mother-in-law constantly criticizes him, calling him names like “fat” and “lazy,” and saying he’s not a good provider. Audrey says the situation is so bad, she’s thinking of moving away just to find some serenity. Mary wants to butt out of Audrey’s business but says her daughter keeps putting her in the middle. Will mother and daughter ever see eye to eye? Then, Debbie says she wants her 24-year-old daughter, Amy, to get a job and get out of her house. She says Amy is a lazy slob who sleeps all day while other people care for her four children. Debbie and her husband, Dave, say they’ve spent over $70,000 on Amy in the last two years and it’s time for her to support her own family. Amy says her mom is overbearing and always on her case – telling her when to go to bed and how to raise her children. Can Dave and Debbie restore peace in their marriage and home without damaging their relationship with Amy? Tell us what you think.

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May 17, 2007, 8:40 am CDT

what a brat!

Hello! I just got finished watching todays program about "meddling moms". I have to comment about Amy, the daughter with the four children living with her mom. She really needs to wake up! I can't believe the laziness and the complete lack of respect for her mother! If that was me in that situation, I would kiss the ground my mother walks on and thank her everyday that I have a roof over me and my kids heads! To sleep until four in the afternoon and make your mother take care of your children is unbelievable. I just had to comment on what I saw today because it made me angry.                       Thank You, Heather

 
May 17, 2007, 8:47 am CDT

Thank you!

Quote From: ohdang13

You complain because your mom tells you what time to go to bed and how to raise your kids.  Well, here's a news flash for you... YOU LIVE IN YOUR MOTHERS HOME!!!!!  Your mom has every right to tell you what to do. You sponge off of your parents so the least you could do is follow some simple rules that your parents have for THEIR home.  The key word is THEIR home. Not your home. If you want to sleep all day and be a leach on society then move out and get your own place...DUH!!!!!  But the fact is, if you live in someone elses home you follow their rules!

 

I think your mom should take away your kids and kick you out on the street! 

 

And let me ask you this...Why did you have kids anyway????  I always thought people like you should have to apply for a license before being allowed to reproduce!!!  That's all this country needs is one more lazy, wellfare mom to teach her kids how to be leaches on this countries system. GOOD JOB MOM!!!! 

 

You are a true waste of space and air!

 
May 17, 2007, 9:00 am CDT

I couldn't have said it better!

Quote From: ohdang13

You complain because your mom tells you what time to go to bed and how to raise your kids.  Well, here's a news flash for you... YOU LIVE IN YOUR MOTHERS HOME!!!!!  Your mom has every right to tell you what to do. You sponge off of your parents so the least you could do is follow some simple rules that your parents have for THEIR home.  The key word is THEIR home. Not your home. If you want to sleep all day and be a leach on society then move out and get your own place...DUH!!!!!  But the fact is, if you live in someone elses home you follow their rules!

 

I think your mom should take away your kids and kick you out on the street! 

 

And let me ask you this...Why did you have kids anyway????  I always thought people like you should have to apply for a license before being allowed to reproduce!!!  That's all this country needs is one more lazy, wellfare mom to teach her kids how to be leaches on this countries system. GOOD JOB MOM!!!! 

 

You are a true waste of space and air!

 
May 17, 2007, 9:16 am CDT

Amy, Amy, Amy

Amy, see a Doctor.  Maybe you are clinically depressed. Get help, then get out of bed. You are a 24 yr old mother of four. You don't get to lay in bed until lunch time anymore.  Most people hear the alarm clock and groan, wishing they could stay under the covers, but duty calls and they drag themselves out and on to the day. You can do this.  I imagine you don't feel good about yourself and where you have allowed life to take you. Just take the first step towards independence. The sky won't fall...take another..you'll feel stronger..take another..you'll see possibilities..and on and on. But nothing will happen until you take the first step and maybe that will be as simple as getting up and making breakfast for your children. (You owe your Mom and Step-Dad a few breakfasts in bed as well)  Here's an idea:Set the table, prepare a nice evening meal, take your kids to the park and let your Mom and her husband have a private, romantic dinner alone. You will be surprised how good serving others will make you feel. I will be praying for your success.
 
May 17, 2007, 9:50 am CDT

OH MY GOD AMY! What is up with you?

I just watched the meddling moms and I was astonished at the behavior of 24 yr. old Amy!  Girl you need anger management, parenting skills, job skills, psychological counseling among others!  I felt so sorry for your mother.   She evidently has run around picking the pieces up from your messed up choices so long she thinks some of it is just natural behavior for an adult child.  Mom she is manipulating the ENTIRE situation so that she can be the victim when it is indeed YOU!  LET GO AND LET HER BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN ACTIONS! 

I know what it is like to be a grandparent and it must be so hard for you to think about Amy being alone with those children.  However, I would be totally upset knowing this person who excepts no responsibility for her life could be any kind of role model for those children.  Catch my drift?  She doesn't want to except the responsibility for them or she would get her ass up in the morning like an adult and care for them instead of expecting you to.  What kind of life are they going to have if she doesn't wake up and grow up?  Why not get temporary custody of those precious little children and kick her out?  At this point I think it would be the best thing for her.  Wake her up and let her know that the four victims in this case are those children.  And for claiming the kids were accidents, this is 2007 Amy, nobody has to get pregnant unless they are just stupid or vindictive, in which I believe you are.  You are using your own children as pawns to ensure mommy will still take care of you.  Yes, you want mommy to take care of you, but only if it is all AMY's way.  GROW UP!

Listen Amy, I had my son when I was 15 years of age.  Stun you?  Well I took care of him.  I was a very rebellious young girl with your attitude!  My mother made me take on my responsibility with my choice to have my son. It was the greatest thing she ever did for me.  I dropped out of school, had my baby, worked any kind of odd job I could to take care of him and turned a bad situation into a very rewarding one.  I am 48 years of age now, my son is a wonderful young man who owns and runs his own business.  He has a wonderful wife and together they have given me two beautiful grandchildren!  Throughout the years I had some very challenging times with my child, but I finished high school and obtained a college degree!  Amy, because of my mother who made me take responsibility for my actions, I became a responsible adult.  She allowed me the room to grow into an adult quickly but with guidance when I needed it.  Thank God she was more head strong than me, because  I could have been just like you very easily!  Instead she let me deal with myself, even when it hurt her so to see me struggling.  Amy, my mom died 5 years ago from cancer and I would give anything to have her here to talk to and to see all the other accomplishments my son and I have made just because of her!   I did get to tell her how greatly she impacted my life when i was just like you!  Mom, stay sturn and you can still be there for Amy, but nothing in this situation is going to change until Amy works on her owh issues!  Your greatest concern right here right now need to be those children!  there may also be some underlying issues with Amy.  I know there were with me and after I dealt with those I was more able to be a better me!    Amy watch yourself on the Dr. Phil  show.  Maybe it will help you see the real you!  Good luck to both of you but especially the step father who is going to need all the luck he can get!  poor guy.

P.S.  Dr, Phil you and Robin are awesome!

 
May 17, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

AMY................

Oh My God!!!!!

I want to be vicious with this girl but I'll try to be nice,

You are legally and adult. You are a Mother. When your kids are awake YOU ARE AWAKE! PERIOD. Grow up and take care of those kids or loose them. Those are the only choices you have left. period. If you wanted to go to bar hang out with friends or follow your so called dreams (which as far as we could see didn't go farther than being able to sleep till five p.m. without interruption) then you shouldn't have had kids! But you do so get off your butt and take care of them!

What a spoiled rotten bratt! Being a mom is an honer act like it!

~Nixi

 
May 17, 2007, 10:59 am CDT

05/17 Meddling Moms

Quote From: silkworm

Being a mother is a tiring and demanding job that never ends. And before everyone puts down Amy we need to remember that she has four kids, and they are all under the age of 4.  Her youngest is only three months old.  I know that when my baby was that young she had to be fed every  two to three hours and that involves being up many times throughout the night.  Have any of you ever heard of the expression "sleep when the baby sleeps" ?  Well  doing this would be impossible if you have three other babies running around.  No wonder shes tired.  She is only 24 and is now a single mother left with 4 kids and all of the worries and stress that come along with being that.    I Think that she has just lost control of her life, and i think she needs more than just monetary support from her family  She needs someone to tell her that she can do better and deserves better.  She does know that she need a job but like many she is stuck in a bad situation.  How do you pay for child care for your four kids while working a job that will barely cover that expense? It is a tough situation.  While it may look like an easy solution from the outside try to put yourself in her shoes.  This is her life and it has to be hard for her to do it alone.  Maybe her deadbeat husband should pay some child support.  Good luck Amy, You can do more than you give yourself credit for, and you are stronger than you think. 

I don't think anyone disagrees that it's difficult, but when things get tough, you have to rise to the challenge, not give up. I heard the parents say they've spent 70-80 grand to help Amy. I don't see them as unwilling to help her, but Amy has to be willing to help herself out.

 

Amy is setting herself up for a VERY hard life, because she's going to burn all her bridges early on. Even if her mom does stick with her, it doesn't seem like her step-father will. And despite the difficulty with raising children at this age, it will be harder when they are older because they will have learned to manipulate just like Amy is doing now. I chewed tobacco for years before my son was born and had to quit because he started spitting everywhere after watching me. How can you tell your kid to do something or not to do something if you're modeling the opposite behavior?

 

Amy is nothing but a big baby. I agree that she can choose to be stronger than she has exhibited so far. But so far she's failing. Not because she CAN'T do better, but becuase she refuses to. They didn't give the details of her breakup with her husband, and there was some insinuation of abuse which is unacceptable in ANY case, but it's not hard to imagine that if she acted like this with her husband, that he should have some sort of reaction.

 
May 17, 2007, 11:02 am CDT

Meddling Mary

I was shocked when Mary had the nerve to tell Audrey that the reason her father doesn't come around is because of her!  My jaw nearly hit the floor.  Audrey, don't you believe that crap for one second!  Trust your instincts as a mother, and don't be intimidated to ask your husband to help out when you need a break.  Kids take a lot out of you, and your no good to them if you're tired and cranky.  Mary, do you really hate your daughter that much?  How dare you blame your daughter for your failed relationship(s).  You've been married 5 times and I hardly think your the expert to be giving advice about marriage or childrearing (as is clear by your horrible behavior).  I think you're spitefully jealous of you daughter trying to be strong and working on her marriage.  Why should you be concerened which one of them does the dishes, folds the clothes, cares for the children, or anything else for that matter.  That's for them to work out in their marriage.  If Audrey succeeds as a wife and mother will that just emphasize your own failures?  They obviously love their children and each other and are doing the best they can (there are many people who truly neglect and abuse thier children, you cannnot honestly believe that Audrey and your son-in-law fall into that category).  Don't worry about the speck in Audrey's eye, worry about the plank in yours.  You obviously need to just back off.  Why don't you take some of that energy and direct it towards husband number 5 before you end up with a 6th. 
 
May 17, 2007, 11:31 am CDT

05/17 Meddling Moms

Quote From: anon_slc

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson  

 

Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Know Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

I intend to review these books.     I'm quite concerned about someone who I believe may have bpd along with other disorders that could be helped by medication and/or therapy but don't know how to "suggest" it.      Thanks for the suggestions.     I am very worried about my grandchildren.
 
May 17, 2007, 12:12 pm CDT

Fabulous Advice

Quote From: calmdown

Amy, see a Doctor.  Maybe you are clinically depressed. Get help, then get out of bed. You are a 24 yr old mother of four. You don't get to lay in bed until lunch time anymore.  Most people hear the alarm clock and groan, wishing they could stay under the covers, but duty calls and they drag themselves out and on to the day. You can do this.  I imagine you don't feel good about yourself and where you have allowed life to take you. Just take the first step towards independence. The sky won't fall...take another..you'll feel stronger..take another..you'll see possibilities..and on and on. But nothing will happen until you take the first step and maybe that will be as simple as getting up and making breakfast for your children. (You owe your Mom and Step-Dad a few breakfasts in bed as well)  Here's an idea:Set the table, prepare a nice evening meal, take your kids to the park and let your Mom and her husband have a private, romantic dinner alone. You will be surprised how good serving others will make you feel. I will be praying for your success.
Well put.  We all need possibilities in our life, and at this point, Amy doesn' t have any.  I think the only thing she could do to earn money would be watch a few other kids during the day; however, no one will ever hire her after watching this episode.  I've had times in my life when I have felt trapped too, but I guess I'm just blessed with being the type of person that can hit the ground running with finding a new approach to get out from under it.  Her spirit is in desperate need of help so that she doesn't poison the children with a "life sucks" attitude.  good luck to all involved.
 
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