Topic : 08/14 Meddling Moms

I am so lucky as far as my Mom goes, as we grew up, my sister and I developed a friendship with her as opposed to the parent/child relationship, which means there are boundaries in place.

My mother will tell us, "Your marriages are YOUR responsibility, you and HE have to work it out. " Now she would be the first to speak out if we or our kids were being abused, but anything else we keep her out of it.

I KNOW she bites her tongue A LOT, but unless we ask she doesn't give advice, my MIL was like that as well, they sometimes will "Suggest" , but it is up to us whether or not to heed the "suggestion", and there are no hard feelings if we don't.

I think sometimes though, parents cannot or will not let go of the parent/ child relationship, and dur to fear of reprisal or whatever, their children will NOT set boundaries.  Sometimes its the parents who need to set the boundaries as well.

In the case of Mom making uninvited visits and yapping about her daughter's spouse, don't answer your door, or just grab your keys and say "sorry Mom, I have an appointment " and just go somewhere, in this day and age, EVERYONE I think has call display, screen your calls and if the number is blocked, let the answering machine pick it up, I would be stubborn to be driven out of my home, but then again there's only so much anyone can take, oh and , " Mom, I realize you are not fond of my husband, and that is your problem, if you insist on talking about it I will have to ask you to leave, or hang up " whichever is pertinent at the time.

The other daughter, if what your mother says is true and you do not work and dump your kids on everyone else, then GET OFF YOUR BUTT, GET A JOB AND YOUR OWN PLACE if you do not like what your parents are saying to you, if you're old enough to be married with children, then you are old enough to take care of yourself and your family.

I dealt with meddling mom and a few others for a while but we were able to work things out. For those I could not work things out with I used my caller ID and just did not answer the phone when they tried to repeatedly call. I know it cost more but you could also subscribe to a call block service from your phone company.

I wish it were possible to work things out as some day you may wish you had your mom around.

I sincerely hope that Mary will open her eyes to see that if she does not stop meddling SHE WILL lose her daughter for good.  I have never been faced with that situation but I know people who have.  Well, different scenario but same outcome.  My aunt disapproved of her daughters boyfriend for the first five years, then realized that she wasn't coming around as often as before.  So my aunt finally gave in and accepted him and she and her daughter have had a much better relationship.  It's very sad that some never realize that they are too controling and others do it for spite. 

As for Amy, the 24 year old, mooch.  If she's going to lay up in her parents home, sleep all day and expect others to raise her 4 kids, then her mother deserves to do a little meddling.  My parents always told us three girls that while under their roof (no matter how old) we will abide by their and our rules and rightfully so.  It is common knowledge that you can't go to anonther adults home and tell them how to live but if you are living under your parents or someone else's roof they have every right.  So, if you want to live by "your standards" then my suggestion to you is get a job and a place of your own, if it bothers you that bad.  $70,000 in 2 years?  How inconciderate is that?

My parents always told us three girls that while under their roof (no matter how old) we will abide by their and our rules and rightfully so.

Oops, I meant to say the we were to abide by their rules not ours.  Not that it matters all that much, just don't want to be misunderstood.

This mom better be careful.  She needs to wake up.  My mom was (is) very overbearing.  My mom and I use to be very close.  I would not go a day without talking to her.  I am now married and have been for 11 years, and I have 2 children.  She has always tried to run every aspect of all of her kids lives.  She tries to tell me how to raise my children.  She has called CPS on me 2 times for spanking my son.  In both cases the police came out immediately and checked my son and CPS followed up.  Nothing was found.  They said it was just and overproctive grandmother and we needed to try to keep her out of our business as much as possible.  Problems between my mother and I escilated over the years.  My psychiatrist told me to stop trying to amend our relationship, it just causes more damage.  Sometimes once so much damage is done it cannot be repaired.  I moved a few states away.  We see each other a few times a year for no more than a few days at a time, and we talk on the phone about once a month.

Ok after I read all the people complaints about their mothers I want to say something on a brighter note. I think all mothers hit a nerve every now in then, but my mother is a good mother. She never gets in my marriage. Nor has she ever told me how to raise my kids. I'm a 43 yr old mother of 3. I have 3 grandsons. My mother has listen to my issues in every way, and she has NEVER got in my business. She would give me advice but that's it. When I was going threw with my husband or kids  and I feel a big depression coming on. We  would get the girls on the phone, and have a vent out party. This is when they would let me vent out all my issues, get a drink, and laugh it away lol. Lots of times we would lay in her bed, and if I must cry I can, but when it's all over we are good in drunk lol, but I'm not depress any more lol