Topic : Coping with Stress

Hi ya'll, when I'm stressed out I start thinking bad thoughts.  Is this normal?  I have suffered some sexual abuse from my father and physical abuse from an ex-boyfriend.  I am now happily married, but sometimes I think thoughts that I don't want to think and I'm worried about why I am doing this?  I don't want to go on medication though.  I rely on working-out and prayer to help me cope with things in my life I'm not happy with, for instance, my parents have gotten pretty synical and mean to us children since they've gotten older.  They have been married for 45 years, which is admirable, but us kids feel like they didn't raise us the best they could have done.  How do I just let go and not let the bad and very distant relationship I have with my parents affect my life?  I feel like I am a daughter they should be very proud of, but they "don't want to be bothered in their golden years". 

  

Thanks for any insights, I really appreciate it! 

I am brand new to this website after watching Dr. Phil today and have been surfing through the "stress" messages dating back to July, 2005.  Am planning to buy Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS asap and will give it a try.  However, I am EXTREMELY lonely due to huge changes in my life and I desperately need people with whom I can talk - people (women, men, other!, I don't care) who share some of the same stresses, sadness, loneliness, etc.  How can I FIND some of these support groups people talk about???  Can anyone help??  I am in the San Fernando Valley of Southern California.

Sorry to hear you haven't had any replies.  I'm in the same situation - new to this message board and have received no replies.  So I guess I'm partly replying just so you'll know someone "out there" is listening and you're not all alone.  However, I DO have some advice, but you aren't going to want to hear it - but here goes anyway:  I'm the mother of two sons, ages 17 and 27.  I've watched them both (particularly the 27-year-old) grow and suffer through relationships.  Now here's the part you're not going to want to hear - one of the things I've learned through my own life experience with relationships, and from watching my sons, is that you are probably too young to be so desperately seeking a long term relationship.  You need to find who YOU really are first, find out what YOU want to do with your life.  Take time to do that now while you are young.  When you get YOURSELF settled into a satisfying life, that special someone will come along and you will have something (yourself) to share with her.  Everyone longs for love, at any age.  But if you settle down with someone before you have truly found yourself, there is a very strong possibility that you will both change as you grow; and perhaps you will grow apart.  You have time - don't be in such a hurry or you may get it wrong - which it sounds like you truly do not want to do.  Good luck.  My thoughts will be with you.

Good Morning. 

I was looking through Dr. Phil's site this morning and came across your message.  I wanted to respond but didn't realize that I had to sign up first....so by the time I did that it took me forever to find your message again.  Well here I am and I don't know what to say.  I just want you to know that there is someone out here and that if you'd like to talk I'm here.  

I'll watch to see if you reply.  I'm in Ontario, Canada.    

  

Chin up and have a great day   Eh !     

I am writing about an ongoing problem with my boyfriend, This is really taking a tow on me on my emotional and overall health; The problem is that several years ago we moved into a home together. befor this I was a single mom for 3 years trying to manage 5 children on my own with no family of friends to help out. My Ex was not an active part of thier lives. So I met this man and fell madly in love we move to another city and started a life togehter. The problems began when he felt I had no control over my children and wanted me to enforce rule and thought I should be more strict with disapline. While i now know he was right in what he wanted. I did not make the changes I should have at the time. This was a continued stress and added with the resentments I think my children had. He felt very much the outsider and unappreciated. He finally moved out, which broke y heart. since then we have maintained a relationship but he has great amount of anger and resentment towards me and y children for not making the changes he felt were necessary. I have apoligized to himm so many times and asked for his forgiveness. I have also expressed how much i would like to give us another try. I would love to have a life with him, but his anger and rsentments seem to be always thier. I don't know if he can ever forgive me and If he doesn't i don't know if we can ever have a life together, which is something i do want. I have been divorced 10 years, have put my self and three of my children through college. In less then a year I willonly have my 12 year son lliving with me. i want to move this relationship to the next step. He is insistant that he can never feel comfortable in a home that is basically mine. The posibility of us moving are slim becasue we cannot aford to. I also have a job I love and do not want to move at this time. My questions are. 1- how can I make it clear to him that I love him and will do everything in my power to crate a happy home for us? 2- how do i convicince him how sorry I am and how much i want and need his forgiveness. 3- I feel guilt everyday because it seems that everyday he is away I feel guilt that it is my fault and had I done things differently ( in the beginning) we could have had a life together. I no longer want to live alone and feel I am ready and want a partner to share my life with. He is not sure yet continues to say he loves me, but still lets me know of his anger and resentments towards me and my children. I tell him I canot change the past but promise to do the best I know how to creat a life for us now. I am stil alone, sad, and lonely,

hi  i just found out my husband is having an affair for the last 6 months i live in a small town were everyone knows every one we were mairred 16 years on 2-14-06 it would have been 17 years but what gets me some of my so called friends new & said nothing until i found out there repliy was it was not our bisness   my husbands repliy was u found out yes it's true i'm out of here goodby &thats were it ended

My Mom died last summer. I didn't know what a tailspin I would go into. I quit my job after 22 years because I could no longer function. My employer would not give me any time off to deal with my grief. I haven't worked in three months and I'm not sure I ever will again. I get up around 11am and sit on the couch all day thinking about what I failed to do again and promising myself that I'll do better tomorrow. I'm getting better. I don't cry all day anymore and I can see an end to this is near. I am starting to think about the future and where I can again play apart. I am doing what I need to do, reflect, forgive, grieve, and plan for the next chapter of my life. I have no family left but I'm still here and there is a reason to go on. I am a nurse and I can give to others. Dee