Dr. Phil.com - Messageboards - Coping with Stress

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February 3, 2006, 2:49 pm PST

Stress Being the Money Maker to Being Fired I Have Temporal Lobe Epilepsy

I go through everyday not being able to drive, along with having the freedom I had. My Wife having to go back to work makes me feel bad and worthless. It seems like it is hurting my famliy because my wife and I go at it sometime because of the stress both of us are going through. We have a hard time being close (wife & husband). Dr. Phil if you ever at anytime have a show covering this topic please let me know. If you do now have any help please tell me how to deal with it. Dave

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tjscjs87

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February 6, 2006, 7:06 pm PST

Parenting and stress

I have 2 kids from a previous. I am now remarried and a 3 month old from this new marriage. My first 2 kids show no respect for their step-dad. He is constantly finding things that are always wrong with what they do. They feel as he is always picking on them. I feel as he is picking on them constantly for nick pick things. But as far as the respect I do feel that they need to be punished for that. My husband and I do not agree upon the punishment, left up to him they would be back handed. I don't believe in that. But everything that I have tried to do to make them learn how to be respectful doesn't work. They are 9 and 12. When they are with their father he lets them do whatever and doesn't have no set boundaries for them. At my house we have rules and chores and boundaries which they totally blow things off when they are told to do something. Granted things aren't always perfect and some days go well. But anymore my husband all that we do the whole time that they are here is argue about they way they behave and being so disrespectful.. What do I do before this destroys my life. I don't know how much more of the stress that I can take from this.

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jdrabble

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February 7, 2006, 8:44 pm PST

hi

Quote From: helpless24

I have been coming to this board for quite sometime and have yet to receive any opinions or support from any one here it seems like everyone here is to into conversations about everyone else but me why is that ? I have been dealing with stress so much that it has begun to take it's toll literally speaking and I have begun to feel lost and incomplete in this area and no one here seems to care

hi my name is jessy i sort of understand your situation it sounds like you want someone to talk to about your problems and nobody is really listening to you, if you want to email me that would be alright i will reply to all emails you send me my email is jessicadrabble@slingshot.co.nz

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cherie1259

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February 9, 2006, 10:40 am PST

Coping with Stress

Quote From: sadmom978

I was so sad to hear your story. I have been almost EXACTLY where you are now. I hate to say this, but after doing everything I could possibly do to make a nice home for us (and my two sons - I'm a single mom) I ended up having to move out myself because there is just too much stress for YOU in always trying to "win" back someone's love, etc.

I personally don't believe it's good for you, or your children, for you to be so wrapped up in a man who continues to feel anger and resentment toward you and your children - YOU DO NOT NEED THAT in your life. You and your children may be better off alone than battling with that all the time. Get help - counseling, something - let go and FIND SOMEONE WHO DESERVES YOU. Find someone who will love and respect you AND your children.

I suppose this sounds harsh and I know your heart is broken. But you must go on and realize how much you deserve MORE than someone who is acting the way he is acting. There really are "more fish in the sea" and nice men left in the world.

Don't give up girl. You can do better for yourself!!

Thanks, I know your right and I am working on it, Trying to keep busy, been very depressed sad and lonely. but I will keep working at it. Thank you for sharing. Cheryl

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parksy

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February 14, 2006, 10:35 am PST

be open and honest with parents....

Quote From: lucky35

Hi ya'll, when I'm stressed out I start thinking bad thoughts. Is this normal? I have suffered some sexual abuse from my father and physical abuse from an ex-boyfriend. I am now happily married, but sometimes I think thoughts that I don't want to think and I'm worried about why I am doing this? I don't want to go on medication though. I rely on working-out and prayer to help me cope with things in my life I'm not happy with, for instance, my parents have gotten pretty synical and mean to us children since they've gotten older. They have been married for 45 years, which is admirable, but us kids feel like they didn't raise us the best they could have done. How do I just let go and not let the bad and very distant relationship I have with my parents affect my life? I feel like I am a daughter they should be very proud of, but they "don't want to be bothered in their golden years".

Thanks for any insights, I really appreciate it!

hi and i hope you don't mind my relpy. stress will cause any one of us to think bad or unhealthy thoughts. but it's not healthy to dwell on them. i too was abused as a child and suffered depression, low self esteem issues, one bad marriage and so on from it. i entered counseling to help me learn coping skills, and learn to forgive my abuser. the forgiveness was to set me free, not neccissarily him. my guess is you are thinking these thoughts because they have not been properly addressed. we can shove bothersome feelings and so forth down for a bit, but when they keep resurfacing then it's time to "deal" with them.

my parents got "weird" too as they aged. i don't have an answer for that one!!! i just tried to accept them as they were. my sisters and i talked endlessly about how bad our childhood was and how now "they" weren't doing our kids right either. i know deep in my heart that my parents did love each and every one of us , even when we were unlovable. they loved the best they knew how. please try to be a little more understanding with your parents. they know they are on the other side of thier life now, they are older and may be bitter about things in thier past that they can't change now, it's too late. i buried my father last may, and take it from me, you don't want any regrets when your parents are gone. try to speak to them about your concerns and maybe they will surprise you with an answer. i don't know, i'm only looking from my perspective having no dad now. i envy the fact that you have both of your parents and still have a chance to square things and clear the air. i wish you the best.

having a bad and distant relationship with your parents will affect your life, no way 'round that. just make a decision to walk in forgiveness. you can only change yourself. make a quality decision that you will walk in love and honor towards your parents and you will do your part to be open and honest with them about your concerns. i'm sure they are proud of you. it's just , this is thier time to be selfish a bit if they want. anyway, i hope and pray for your peace of mind and that everything goes well with your family. you may want to concider counceling, try a church if you like. you may gain more insight and aid with healing of the past. i wish you well......

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bye2oboe

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February 15, 2006, 6:37 pm PST

Different illness

Quote From: dkmuro

I go through everyday not being able to drive, along with having the freedom I had. My Wife having to go back to work makes me feel bad and worthless. It seems like it is hurting my famliy because my wife and I go at it sometime because of the stress both of us are going through. We have a hard time being close (wife & husband). Dr. Phil if you ever at anytime have a show covering this topic please let me know. If you do now have any help please tell me how to deal with it. Dave

Dave,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Because of a health problem in my early twenties, my life crumbled. I was not able to play oboe and chaos ensued. My family welcomed me back home but it was really hard. At thirty, I am still getting back on my feet and I live at home.
I felt guilty about burdening my parents with an expensive education, moving back home, and being dependent on them. People on the outside made hurtful comments. My illness was not as debilitating as yours and I have been treated. Admittedly, I am in a different place now.
A couple of realizations helped me. 1) At least family is supportive - they love you. Don't be hard on yourself because you need help now. Since you feel badly about needing help, you probably are also the type of person who would give this support to someone else (your wife)if the situation were reversed. The best way to keep from feeling worthless for me was to do extra of what I could do. This experience helped me better understand love. Without being fulnerable, I would not have learned this. I use to feel that I always had to be the strong one. It is OK to need help.
2) Communicating with family is super important. With everyone feeling the pressure, it is easy to have misunderstandings that will increase tension. I had a hard time being vulnerable and communicating. Once I realized that everyone else had difficult emotions, I tried to communicate better. I was so preoccupied and stressed that I was totally misinterpreting everyone else. The were doing the same for me.
3) Illness can change identity or (in my case - loss of identity). Try not to take on the identity of a disabled patient. It is part of you and how you see everything but there is more to you than that.This is the time to redefine yourself. The old definitions don't fit and "sick person" is not good either. Once I reallized this, my self worth increased. I realized that to be going through what my family and I went through, we were awesome people. I tried to look at it as a challenge that I could deal with. I worked even harder in the things that I could do.
4) Loss of accomplishments/success. I found tasks small and big that I always wanted to do and I did it to keep me busy especially when I felt badly.
5) I was adopted by a cat. This helped me so much in so many ways. Also having a cat, there was something that I was able to care for, I could complain to him, and playing/petting him was relaxing.
I hope that something was helpful or applicable to you. Good luck

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june67

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hopeful

February 19, 2006, 5:59 pm PST

Coping with Stress

The Dr's tell me STRESS exacerbates my condition-I wonder who lives without stress???? I have the neurological condition: "Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy" (RSD) which is also known as "Complex Regional Pain Syndrome" (CRPS). I was injured in June 2005 and I have developed CRPS. This neuropathic pain disorder is a progressive deterioration of the *autonomic nervous system. Early diagnosis is an important factor in managing the progression of RSD and successfully keeping it under control. This chronic neurological condition effects all age groups, it does not discriminate. It is a condition that can be complex and most difficult to treat. At this time there is no cure. Suicide is among the concerns regarding this condition due to the chronic intense pain that overwhelms a person's physical and emotional self. This neurological condition is devastating. It can turns hopes and dreams for tomorrow upside down. It is difficult if not impossible for some sufferers to remain employed due to the *central nervous system abnormalities. Some symptoms/complications are: severe burning pain, decreased range of motion in the region of the pain, physiological tremors and muscle spasms, organ complications. There are changes in bone and skin, changes in skin blood flow = skin color changes, skin temperature changes, excessive sweating. Loud noise, vibration, and touch can cause severe pain. There can also be short-term memory loss, lack of concentration, insomnia, inability to find the right word when talking. There can even be changes to one's hair and nails. I believe the hardest part to be the sensitivity to touch. Taking a shower or shaving can be excruciating. The touch from a loved one, a hug, can cause severe pain. A child reaching out for a hug from someone with RSD does not understand that the unwillingness to reciprocate is "not about him or her". My son sobbed. Anyone can develop RSD. I simply moved a box-injuring my back. That is all it took for my nervous system to run a muck and devastate my family. I have already had difficulties arise with my heart and have now developed "Secondary *Raynaud's". I was completely ignorant when it came to RSD... The simplest injury can trigger one's nervous system to run a muck; anything-from a fall or sprain, a break or fracture, certain infections, surgery, spinal injuries/disorders, even a heart attack. Dee

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ginaaz

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February 21, 2006, 7:22 pm PST

Stress Turning to Tears?

Okay, so I'm successful 46 year old manager of a large staff in a huge company with a problem that I know other women out there have: When I get stressed I cry. Not bawling, but I get all choked up and the tears come. Anyone out there got tips for controlling the tears when the anger and frustration get to be too much? I can't keep walking to the restroom when the stress gets to be too much, because that's an everyday thing with the growth rate of my department.

I want to ready for the next career move, but if I can't handle a team of 30 people, how can I cope with a larger staff with all of larger problems that brings?

Gina AZ

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ritehere

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February 23, 2006, 4:27 pm PST

Look into stress reduction techniques

Quote From: ginaaz

Okay, so I'm successful 46 year old manager of a large staff in a huge company with a problem that I know other women out there have: When I get stressed I cry. Not bawling, but I get all choked up and the tears come. Anyone out there got tips for controlling the tears when the anger and frustration get to be too much? I can't keep walking to the restroom when the stress gets to be too much, because that's an everyday thing with the growth rate of my department.

I want to ready for the next career move, but if I can't handle a team of 30 people, how can I cope with a larger staff with all of larger problems that brings?

Gina AZ

But in the short term, when you feel that choking sensation, BREATHE. Sometimes when we get stressed, upset, excited, or mad, we start breathing very shallowly, which leads to other physical manifestations like shaking, and possibly your tears. So, if you just take a moment and breath deeply, the physical symptoms should be relieved. Breathing deeply also causes your body to relax. Hypnotherapy or biofeedback are two ways that you can take this further. It won't go away over night, but with practice you should notice improvement in short order.

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starla_sky