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Topic : Coping with Stress

Number of Replies: 324
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:52:50 am
Author : dataimport
Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

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July 27, 2005, 3:56 pm CDT

I too felt that way....

Quote From: normalita

I have been surfing around the new boards.  I read a few of the posts here.  I have got major stress in my life.  What I have found is if I don't live it every day.  Things are really bad then.  For example.  Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen.  I will pay for having fun or being happy.  If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine.  Crazy I know.  But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time.  I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood.  Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me.  I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured.  So, I have just given up enjoying my self.  As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level.  When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry.  I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken.  Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff.  When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect.  We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny.  Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us.  We had absolutely no support or help.   We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs.  Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun.  It just stops me in my tracks.  I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more.  I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.

 

 

Hi, I too felt like you do.  That if I ever think that I deserved something, something bad would happen.  In fact, I'm still dealing with my unworthiness thoughts - but not 24/7 like before.

 

I choose to pick up Dr. Phil's SELF MATTERS & workbook companion and read it and do it. It was the hardest thing I thought I had ever done.  But it wasn't ... the hardest thing was living in the pain and heartache my past made me feel.

 

Self Matters helped me to understand how my thoughts and assumptions to the events that happened to me early in my life kept me reliving those events every day and that my new events were just repeats of the past.

 

My past is now just memories and for the first time in over 45+ years, I'm at peace mentally.  Oh, I'm still dealing with my own tapes/beliefs.  But now, it's different.  I hear my self-defeating thoughts and instantly begin to challenge them. 

 

I don't believe in a "HAPPY EVER AFTER".  I'm comfortable and I'm more peaceful.  But happy?  no - I can feel happy for moments, hours, days, and maybe even a week or more.  But a happy life NO.

 

You can even find the definition for your FLASHBACKS in that book.

 
July 29, 2005, 7:05 am CDT

Thanks Marcia

Quote From: ritehere

Normalita, why are you apologising? If you are going to use this kind of logic, shouldn't I apologise to you for answering you and bringing on the "bad luck"? Life happens. It's a good practice to guard against bad things by living right, but sometimes tornadoes come anyway. If you constantly look for bad things on the heels of every good moment you have, guess what? they will come.  Balance is enjoying the good times, and realizing that life is ups and downs, so sooner or later you will have to manage stress. Health and authenticity helps us to realize that life's down times will not destroy who we are, and what we think about ourselves inside. Have you considered that you may be addicted to stress, and over-react to situations in order to make them more stressfull than they need to be?

Thanks marcia for writing to me.  I knew I was not alone in this.  This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today.  And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area.  But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated.  You have to grab on to it and solve it.  No questions, no waffling, just do it.

 

I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good.  There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned.  I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas.  It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.

 

I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half.  Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry.  So, I have to put the book away.  I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone.  I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step.  I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.

 

I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine.  I give to people everyday.  People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way.  I want some of that coming back to me.  Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right.  Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going.  But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react.  Everything has to right and right now.

 

Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma

 

 

 

 

 

 
July 30, 2005, 8:34 am CDT

Getting through SELF MATTERS

Quote From: normalita

Thanks marcia for writing to me.  I knew I was not alone in this.  This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today.  And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area.  But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated.  You have to grab on to it and solve it.  No questions, no waffling, just do it.

 

I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good.  There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned.  I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas.  It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.

 

I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half.  Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry.  So, I have to put the book away.  I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone.  I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step.  I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.

 

I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine.  I give to people everyday.  People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way.  I want some of that coming back to me.  Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right.  Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going.  But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react.  Everything has to right and right now.

 

Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma

 

 

 

 

 

 This book can be harrowing to say the least. Many of us had to "shelve it" after a few chapters because of emotional responses we were not ready for.  And many have had to resort to counseling when we decided that the memories were too much to handle alone.
You cannot change the past, but you can change the way you have internalized the emotions from past events. Do you see that it is the emotions that you carried away from them that continue to hold you hostage? You can free yourself from the pain and self punishment. This is what SELF MATTERS did for me. I was so afraid that I would get through it and it would just underline my worthlessness. But no, I came to understand that I was a very good person who made some mistakes and bad decisions out of faulty thinking and reasoning processes. Keep at it, it can be life-changing.
 
July 30, 2005, 8:39 am CDT

As for the stress,

Quote From: normalita

Thanks marcia for writing to me.  I knew I was not alone in this.  This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today.  And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area.  But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated.  You have to grab on to it and solve it.  No questions, no waffling, just do it.

 

I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good.  There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned.  I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas.  It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.

 

I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half.  Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry.  So, I have to put the book away.  I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone.  I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step.  I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.

 

I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine.  I give to people everyday.  People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way.  I want some of that coming back to me.  Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right.  Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going.  But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react.  Everything has to right and right now.

 

Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma

 

 

 

 

 

 I would look into some stress reduction methods, like yoga, or meditation. You have one of the most stressful jobs I can imagine! Carrying around high amounts of adrenaline for any length of time can be a hazard to your health, but I'm sure you already know that. I learned self-hypnosis about 2 years ago, and it is invaluable for relaxing in the midst of stress.
 
July 31, 2005, 7:23 am CDT

Norma, our pain is addictive...

Quote From: normalita

Thanks marcia for writing to me.  I knew I was not alone in this.  This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today.  And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area.  But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated.  You have to grab on to it and solve it.  No questions, no waffling, just do it.

 

I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good.  There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned.  I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas.  It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.

 

I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half.  Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry.  So, I have to put the book away.  I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone.  I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step.  I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.

 

I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine.  I give to people everyday.  People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way.  I want some of that coming back to me.  Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right.  Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going.  But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react.  Everything has to right and right now.

 

Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma

 

 

 

 

 

I can't remember where I read that ... it was in one of Dr. Phil's books.  When I read it, I had just seen an Oprah show where she was talking with alchololics and I was listening to how this woman was telling Oprah about her addiction. I was thinking to myself:  Boy does this sound like me and food.  Then Oprah says ... She's a food addict.  That was a BIG AHA moment for me.

 

Right after that, I believe I saw the passage ... That we would rather live in pain because it's addictive and we know no other way to live.  I'm not sure I got it word for word ... but it's what I remember when I sat back and journaled it.

 

When I attempted to do the 1st half of Self Matters, it bought me to my knees.  I can remember telling myself I'VE DONE THIS WORK BEFORE!!!  I'm tired of doing this work. I'm tired of relieving my past.  I'm tired of these memories.  Then again, I saw the words that went something like this:  memories are painful only if you haven't bought closure to them.  Again I journaled.  I thought about the kinds of memories I had and I realized that memories were a thing of my past. That if my good time memories bought no pain it was because they had closure.  So I stuck it out.  I did the exercises - I forced myself to just get it over with.  It took me 3 months but I did it. 

 

His words about committing and doing it completely ... not allowing the current events or people or challenges stop my focus. So I worked thru the 1st half of the book.  It was the 2nd half of the book that I was finally able to sit back and read, study, & experiment with as my life events occurred.

 

My experimenting lead me to other books, classes, and discussions with people because I quickly realized I didn't have enough knowledge or experience in handling stuff.  So I took up his challenge to educate myself. As I educate myself, I used the Internal Dialogue chapters to start bringing closure to my painful memories.

 

One thing that surprised me was when I painful 20's memories started to pop up and I heard myself say:  I was 8 years old when I got off track - I couldn't help but screw up my life - so why should I punish myself anymore for making a decision in my 20's based on the experiences of an 8 year old.  And it was over that quickly.  (I had my first major year long life events which I wasn't able to assumiluate properly into my thinking.) 

 

Norma, take the time to do the 1st half of the book - the 2nd half will provide you with the tools to help you work thru your assumptions and bring closure to the past.  It is working for so many of us - I'm not the only one who faced it.

 

And you are not the only one who can't seem to do it either.  There are many people who can't pick it up and face the pain willingly. But live it daily.  Pain is addictive.  When you are ready to you will do it.

 
July 31, 2005, 7:26 am CDT

How right you are!

Quote From: ritehere

 This book can be harrowing to say the least. Many of us had to "shelve it" after a few chapters because of emotional responses we were not ready for.  And many have had to resort to counseling when we decided that the memories were too much to handle alone.
You cannot change the past, but you can change the way you have internalized the emotions from past events. Do you see that it is the emotions that you carried away from them that continue to hold you hostage? You can free yourself from the pain and self punishment. This is what SELF MATTERS did for me. I was so afraid that I would get through it and it would just underline my worthlessness. But no, I came to understand that I was a very good person who made some mistakes and bad decisions out of faulty thinking and reasoning processes. Keep at it, it can be life-changing.

I've told my support group members that if they are seeing a therapist they should ask them to work with them in doing SELF MATTERS.  One was lucky to have her therapist agreed.  The problem the others had was that they don't think "thinking" is the key to healing. 

 

Now, I tell the ladies -- if you aren't seeing a therapist or feel your therapist isn't helping -- then call your health plan and get a list of cognitive therapists.  Self Matters is based on cognitive therapy.  Weight Loss Solutions is based on Behavior Modification which is part of cognitive therapy work.

 
July 31, 2005, 7:35 am CDT

Has anyone tried Dr. Lawlis' CD's?

One of the best tools I ever got to help me with my low self-esteem was Dr. Lawlis' lose weight meditation cd's.  I got the 1st set ever done and I was able to use it as a tool for me going to bed at night.  The first one is my cd of choice.  I never liked those fancy ones that you have to wear headphones with while this music & voice goes up and down -- it just doesn't feel right with me.  But the set I got allowed me to listen to his words and challenge them.

 

From the cd, I learned to BREATHE when I'm nervous or scared.  I heard for the 1st time over and over again how I deserved the very best in life and most importantly, how he believed in me.  And I believe it was true!  cause he does care.  It's not like he hasn't been helping people like me for over 30 years!  Cause he has!!

 

I was supposed to just listen to 1 for 30 days, than the other, and move on to the next. But I never did.  I just kept playing the 1st CD for 30 days and then the 2nd one.  Then eventually, I just played the 1st one when I needed strength.  Just knowing that he was telling me I was a good person and I was deserving helped me tackle whatever fears I had.

 

Did anyone else get those CD's?  Did they work for you?  I'm curious to see what other's thought about them.

 
July 31, 2005, 9:08 am CDT

Marcia,

Quote From: marcia52

One of the best tools I ever got to help me with my low self-esteem was Dr. Lawlis' lose weight meditation cd's.  I got the 1st set ever done and I was able to use it as a tool for me going to bed at night.  The first one is my cd of choice.  I never liked those fancy ones that you have to wear headphones with while this music & voice goes up and down -- it just doesn't feel right with me.  But the set I got allowed me to listen to his words and challenge them.

 

From the cd, I learned to BREATHE when I'm nervous or scared.  I heard for the 1st time over and over again how I deserved the very best in life and most importantly, how he believed in me.  And I believe it was true!  cause he does care.  It's not like he hasn't been helping people like me for over 30 years!  Cause he has!!

 

I was supposed to just listen to 1 for 30 days, than the other, and move on to the next. But I never did.  I just kept playing the 1st CD for 30 days and then the 2nd one.  Then eventually, I just played the 1st one when I needed strength.  Just knowing that he was telling me I was a good person and I was deserving helped me tackle whatever fears I had.

 

Did anyone else get those CD's?  Did they work for you?  I'm curious to see what other's thought about them.

I don't have Dr Lawlis' tapes, but I listen to one made by my hypnotherapist. It can be so helpful in giving you knew "scripts." Everytime I'd head for the refrigerator, or be tempted to eat something served or offered to me that I really didn't want, all kinds of new tapes run in my head. (As opposed to the old ones like, "this once won't hurt," and "I deserve it, I've been good.") He also gave me a stress reduction tape that has been invaluable. 
 
August 15, 2005, 3:49 pm CDT

Need sleep!

       

     I get stressed during the day, and when I try to sleep at night I can't slow my mind down.  How can I relax my mind so that I can get restful sleep?  Does anyone have any suggestions? 

  

 
August 16, 2005, 6:42 am CDT

How to relax,

Quote From: traci28

       

     I get stressed during the day, and when I try to sleep at night I can't slow my mind down.  How can I relax my mind so that I can get restful sleep?  Does anyone have any suggestions? 

  

When you lie down to sleep, begin by taking a few deep breaths, and begin the process of relaxing. Tell yourself to relax, and bring your attention to your body. Start at your head, and tell yourself to relax all muscles on your scalp, then move to your eyebrows, eyeballs, face, neck and shoulders, etc. If you find your mind still trying to get away and churn on other thoughts, gently remind yourself that there's nothing to do right now but sleep. You will have all day tomarrow to think about those things, now is the time to sleep, and then go back to your relaxation exercise. After you've done the whole body and if you're still awake, bring your attention to your breathing, the rise and fall of your chest, the air going in and out. If the mind wanders, gently bring it back to the breath.
It helps to do some relaxation exercises during the day also, the more practice you get, the easier and faster you become at it. I used to lay awake at night like you do, worrying, planning, stressing. And then the next day I would be worthless. It's important that you tell yourself that there's nothing to do when it's time to sleep. Good Luck.
 
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