Topic : Coping with Stress

I've come to the conclusion that my shopping habits are directly related to how much anxiety and stress I'm feeling.  We're in the middle of trying to sell our house to purchase another, just closed my mom's estate which devastated my family (who no longer speak).  I just have cumulative amount of stress and anxiety about so many things - too many to list here - and spending seems to soothe temporarily, until I wake up at 2:30 AM and can't get back to sleep because I'm worried about what I just bought, how much money I've spent and all the other issues in my life.  Can anyone relate? 

Hi everyone, 

I'm pretty down tonight and could really use your encouragement.  I'm 47 yrs old and have recently flown out on the 4th to help my 24 yr old daughter during her gastric bypass surgery.  She has always been the apple of my eye and am so proud of what she has accomplished this past year.  Our relationship was very sweet in her youth but grew very rocky during her teen-divorce years but have built it back up in the past few years.  After her surgery prep she  became very angry when 2 people told her that I looked young and humiliated my by saying in sarcastic tones, "Yeah, whatever, I know".  She also went on to explain that the reason I was tired was because I was on a BAR STOOL all night!! She said this in front of the doctors and nurses!!  The truth of the matter was that  I was at a CHURCH CONFERENCE and I couldn't sleep that night, (and many other nights)  because I suffer with severe menopausal induced sleep deprivation.  I  also couldn't call her on her stuff because she was going into surgery that very minute!!  I have to also say that since I have been here she has shown a GREAT appriciation for everything Iv'e done for her.  I haven't spoken to her about it yet but have felt so hurt by it.  To top it all off when I spoke  to my husband , for the 2nd time about it he said, "Aren't you being a little to sensitive about this"??   I wanted to kill him and now I'm mad at them both....which makes me laugh a little at writing this.  Any advice? 

Please take what I say in the good intention I mean to give it.  

Sometimes people close to us are trying to say something to us. Perhaps the delivery was not very nice but try to overlook that for a moment.  

The only person you really need respect from is yourself.   

From your post, it seems as if your friend was trying to tell you that perhaps in the past you have stated your wish but not followed through with action.  

You don't need a membership to train. There are many things that you can do in place of that. It may not be exactly the same, but it will tie you over till you can get back to the school gym.   

Actions speak to your integrity, (do what you say), integrity leads to respect from those around you and especially respect of yourself.   

If your planning to get yourself some equipment for your birthday, may I suggest you do some research at several different places letting them know what your intention is and compare what you need, what you can afford and what your best options are.  

I wish you every success in your adventure. Have faith in yourself and the respect will follow.  

Good luck  

Coffee :)  

Hi,   

I am not sure this is the appropriate place to seek advice for this or not...   

In any case, it is not so much about my stress (college/finances/living situation)- I can/am dealing with these things fairly well.  However, it is my boyfriend's stress that stresses me out the most, or more specifically, how he attempts to "deal" with his stress...   

First off- I am only making this effort b/c I love him, very, very much and we are thinking long term. If he was any other casual relationship I'd chose not to deal with this and just leave.   

In any case, when we started talking/dating he told me that he did smoke- *very rarely* - if he had been out drinking with the guys, etc. I don't like smoking, but it sounded so rare and was certainly never around me so I decided I could deal with it since it wasn't much of an issue.   

However as summer approached he became busier with a couple of jobs, helping friends, farming, etc. I started noticing packs of cigarettes in his truck, ashes in beer cans in the basement, butts in the yard...once he even lit up around me @ a horse show (I voiced my displeasure later and that I felt he was uncaring of how I felt about the smoking by doing that). He has never before, or since, smoked in my presence- which I appreciate and respect.   

He finally confessed it was b/c of stress. A couple of months before meeting me the Dr. gave him a stress test- and the results were through the roof, so the Dr. put him on a prescription drug. My b/f says the drug makes him "like a zombie" so he refuses to take it- hence when the summer activities picked up, so did the smoking (though he also says he has cut back a lot).  He acknowledges that he needs to see the Dr. and explain how the drug affects him and that another solution needs to be found...but he has left it at that.   

I am waiting until our last horse show is over in Aug. (b/c I don't want to add to his stress by pressuring him to deal with it and the smoking) before bringing it up again.   

Here are the problems:   

He hates going to the Dr.- for anything   

He is prideful and stubborn- will not turn to the patch/gum/ or other things designed to help quit the smoking now.   

How do I encourage him to seek help for the stress and to lay off the cigarettes? I was just watching a Dr. Phil show my mom had recorded and Dr. Phil was saying you have to inspire people to make changes (not brow beat them, nag them, etc.). So how do I "inspire" him to make these changes? Not only will they make me happier (I don't have to be stressed about his habit- my Grandmother died f/ smoking even though she had quit 20yrs earlier) but reducing stress and quitting smoking will help his health.  I have even heard that smoking does not actually help with stress, but can compound the problem..?   

I am not sure what to do. If the smoking had always been an issue, I never would have entered into a relationship with him to begin with, but that is not the case...however, if our relationship is to go further the smoking needs to end- I don't want him smoking around me or any future children, etc. However, I don't want it to sound like an ultimate (me or the smoking, or something stupid like that) - remember, he's prideful and stubborn- if I were to issue an ultimatum, I would lose, no matter how he feels about me.   

How can I help him deal with the stress in a healthier manner?  

(Besides meditating, he just ain't gonna go for that :)