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Topic : Coping with Stress

Number of Replies: 324
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:52:50 am
Author : dataimport
Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

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August 4, 2007, 4:44 am CDT

depressed, angry, sad..all of the above

I have been in a relationship for 1.5yrs with a man who was going through a terrible divorce.  We started out as friends on a online service and took our time and became intimit.  We have been together 6 days a wk for 1.5 yrs.  We have a vacation planned for 1 wk starting on the 7/25.  on 7/13, he broke things off.  Said he didn't love me the way I deserve to be loved.  I will in 50 in sept., he has brought me back to the church, i love everything about him and us and can not get a good answer that satisfies me.  He wants to be friends, only, says we can't go back to the way it was, but he misses me and will not come to the house in fear he would want to stay.  He shows up places I am at and acts like nothing has happened.  Then it throws me for another loop.  Recently been to md for help and meds thanks to a very good friend.  I don't know if I can do this anymore, I am trying so hard to hold onto things, but it is hard.

My father died 2 yrs ago and firmly believed that Dad sent him to me.  Definately a person that I would never have thought that I would be with.  He is a very intelligent man, masters, church going, family oriented and had been married for 16yrs, one day his x just told him she doesn't love him anymore.

He is doing now the same thing to me that she did to him....and I keep telling him that I am not her.  I know I have heard of rebounds, but we are or where like one person, in everyway, we are like one another, except for this.  I just don't understand and don't know how to proceed.  He wants to be friends, I can't do that right now, I am so much in love with him and we talked of such a wonderful future together.  This took me totally by surprize, friends, family, co-workers, just couldn't believe it............and don't..........everyone feels as if their is something else going on and just can not get answers.

Please someone help me, my heart is so broken..........like never before.  Should I try my hardest to be a friend and perhaps that would rekindle things..............am I hoping to much that would happen............do I just stop talking to him...........I see him in church, we sing in a choir together and we have lots of friends together............I don't want to lose it all......I am losing me

 
August 4, 2007, 4:35 pm CDT

Coping with stress

Quote From: tammyo1973

When my daughter was having a rough time with her bipolar, I realized I was stressing out but not doing anything for myself. I started exercising and have found it wonderful for both my health but I can pound away the thoughts while running or doing weight training. Also yoga is great. I cannot do all the funky poses BUT I do what I can and it is wonderful. When in a stressful situation we need to take time for ourselves.

Tammy

It is so critical to take care of our self when we have children or family members that are stressed.

Stress impacts every moment of our life in different ways. I think we can become to absorbed in someones else's emotion and need to separate. We still need to take that time for ourselves.

Tammy you reminded me when I went through a struggle with my son He is fantastic now and the time was difficult. I have never been so afraid or sad and I spent a few hours down at the beach just listening to the waves slap against the shore. I went for  a refreshing walk up and down to the beach for a week and in solitude I found better ways of communicating or handling things rather then being engulfed.

 

Lately a friend of mine burnt through a lot of stress and I found that I limited the visits and communication so that I would not be over involved just supportive. I felt much better and my friend made his own choices.

 

I prefer to process on my own and connect with my friends when I have done that. My friends are wonderful and I and they share but we like to keep our minds clear so that we can work and play together. Yet we share but maybe not the intensity of emotions.

 

It was refreshing to read your post and I just so agree that we need to take care of ourselves.

 
August 14, 2007, 10:24 am CDT

how do i stop being so angry?

So, I need some advice. Over the years, once or twice I have been told that I over react to things. Now that I am a mom, work two jobs and have some of my husbands family living with me, I see opportunities to display this behavior more and more. I do understand that I may have some anger issues. I accept that responsibility, but now what? I believe I have also figured out the source of alot of my anger. My husbands 16 year old sister lives with us. And I get that because she is a teenager, her behavior may be a certain way, but I don't believe that gives her an excuse to be rude and disrespectful to me in my own house. The worse part is, she kinda uses this against me. I feel my husband defends her constantly, like he feels sorry for her for her age and her situation, though the situation was HER choice. To give a bit more of the story, she watches my kids for me so that I can work at night to help pay off some debt. I need her for this reason, so I feel she knows this and uses it against me. Like i have to do favors for her, because she watches my kids. unfortunately, this has caused stress in my marriage, which spills over into other parts of my life, such as work and my children. Bottom line, she isn't going any where anytime soon, so I need tool to deal with my anger. I don't want to blow things out of proportion all the time, but how do I calm down, when she pulls more crap. How do I let the small stuff go, but not continue to let her disrespect me and my home. And lastly, i should mention, my husband and i  have both talked to her about her behavior, but nothing ever changes, yet I am expected to not be so angry. I'm desperate for advice.
 
August 26, 2007, 8:57 am CDT

Coping with Stress

Quote From: aprilmay25

What could you eliminate to make your life run smoother? I think we create our own stress. What do you think?
You cant dwell on stuff you had no control over. Why beat yourself up over it. Make a conscious effort to tell yourself I'm not going to fall subject to the things that happened in my life that i had no control over. Put your focus on things you enjoy and what makes you happy. Love yourself.
 
October 29, 2007, 10:07 pm CDT

Coping with Stress

Quote From: smsgthouse811

 well i know i don't have to deal with the kind of stress that my mom and aunt deals with because I'm still a young adult but i do have stress and how i deal with it is exercise.
hey thats great that you have figured that out. Exercise has many benifits for mental health and it is important to get exercise regularly. i am a young adult too and when i get stressed out i go for a run.
 
November 2, 2007, 2:54 pm CDT

How to deal

Quote From: nsoriano

So, I need some advice. Over the years, once or twice I have been told that I over react to things. Now that I am a mom, work two jobs and have some of my husbands family living with me, I see opportunities to display this behavior more and more. I do understand that I may have some anger issues. I accept that responsibility, but now what? I believe I have also figured out the source of alot of my anger. My husbands 16 year old sister lives with us. And I get that because she is a teenager, her behavior may be a certain way, but I don't believe that gives her an excuse to be rude and disrespectful to me in my own house. The worse part is, she kinda uses this against me. I feel my husband defends her constantly, like he feels sorry for her for her age and her situation, though the situation was HER choice. To give a bit more of the story, she watches my kids for me so that I can work at night to help pay off some debt. I need her for this reason, so I feel she knows this and uses it against me. Like i have to do favors for her, because she watches my kids. unfortunately, this has caused stress in my marriage, which spills over into other parts of my life, such as work and my children. Bottom line, she isn't going any where anytime soon, so I need tool to deal with my anger. I don't want to blow things out of proportion all the time, but how do I calm down, when she pulls more crap. How do I let the small stuff go, but not continue to let her disrespect me and my home. And lastly, i should mention, my husband and i  have both talked to her about her behavior, but nothing ever changes, yet I am expected to not be so angry. I'm desperate for advice.

i know that ur probably don't wanna take advice from an18 yr old but I'm actually pretty good at this....

...so listen up....the best way (that I've found ) to deal with all the stress in my life is to detach my self from it.....now, this does take a bit of practice but trust me it works....

there is one thing that I have recently come to realize...and that is that if youfind yourself getting frustrated and angry, and the situation is "conflicting" there is away to "tell someone off" with out actually getting angry

If u want the spacifics lemme know

 
November 7, 2007, 3:24 pm CST

Cutting

I know I can't handle stress. I've been told that I act like a really big child, told by my mother whom herself acts like a 43 year old teenager. The problem is, I am now 18 and this is a problem I've been dealing with for three years now and I still can't....well....kick the habbit. Now, I know that when my mother first found out I was told to 'grow up and stop being so stupid.' But no one really seems to understand my reasons. I don't know if I even have any.

 

It calms me down, that's the jist of it. It's to me not a bad thing but I guess, It helps me relax, now I have a very supportive boyfriend who is helping me with this. My sister and mother both think the habbit stopped but I really can't tell them that it didn't cause all they would do is yell at me for how bad I am at handleing things.  I don't mean to do it, It's not bad in my eyes, I see it like cleaning my ears or something. Something not that big.

 

I mean, tattoos are scaring the body too right? So what's wrong with cutting? I don't do it too deep, or not enough to really hurt me. Just about little cuts here and there, I do alot i guess depends on how bad I feel, I know it's not a good way to cope. But I need some answers on how to find a  better way to do things.

 

my sister once threatend to send me off to the loony ben. Is that really the place I need to be? Or is there and easier way to stop this?

 

Can anyone help?

 

I want to stop WITHOUT getting my parents involved. My boyfriend and I are the only ones who know but what if it's out of our hands. I just don't want people mad at me. I feel like that's all I do.   /cries/

 
November 8, 2007, 12:37 am CST

Control what you can, box up the rest,

Quote From: karen_e_b

This is what I have on my plate theses days.  

My husband sick with lung cancer,my oldest daughter with suspected cervical cancer,another daughter who is 300 miles and pregnate calling me almost daily to let me know her husband is abusing her,worrying where the money will come from to pay all the household expenses,wondering how I will pay for my husbands funeral,wondering if I can keep my house!!  

I am a mess my mind just spins like a top,I have insomnia and just lay awake and wonder and wonder and wonder.  

First , You are not alone. There are a lot of women out there with similar stories. You sound a lot like

me , trying to control the Universe. Well, we can't. Start with your world, that is your husband and yourself.

Your kids go in another box ( so to speak ) .You can't fix their world, they have to do that. Support them, but let them know that they are not kids anymore, and some effort is going to have to happen on their end.

If your kids are making daily phone calls or nearly so for support, they are standing on your shoulders and that gets heavy. .. You have to mentally box up your problems so you can manage them. Worry about tomorrow's troubles when tomorrow comes. This might sound like a cliche, but it is true, and it helps.

If you don't have money for a funeral, then think about cremation if and when the time comes.

Direct your kids to a minister or other agency for help. If your husband is sick , he needs you right now and being stressed out and sick from that does not help him.. I suggest you get a yoga tape or dvd and use that to focus your energy on relaxation.  .. I have a long list of similar stresses and everyday is different in how well I handle it. Mostly I just try to remember that the Universe is not mine to control.

My granddaughter was in a car accident  in which her father died a couple of months ago.. My 87 year old mother fell and broke her hip and arm last week . One of my sisters acts like  a classic narcissist  from abnormal Psyche books and is  making crazy talk . My husband  has a throat problem and is going for a biopsy on Friday.. One of my daughters is trying to support herself and 3 kids alone and is having money problems  and medical problems with the kids and is calling for support..  Trust me, deal with today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  The best help you can give your kids is to pray for them and tell them to enlarge their support group so you can have a break and take care of your husband and yourself.  Stress will kill you and who would they lean on then? ... Powersurging

 
November 9, 2007, 12:07 am CST

Don't take it personally

Quote From: nsoriano

So, I need some advice. Over the years, once or twice I have been told that I over react to things. Now that I am a mom, work two jobs and have some of my husbands family living with me, I see opportunities to display this behavior more and more. I do understand that I may have some anger issues. I accept that responsibility, but now what? I believe I have also figured out the source of alot of my anger. My husbands 16 year old sister lives with us. And I get that because she is a teenager, her behavior may be a certain way, but I don't believe that gives her an excuse to be rude and disrespectful to me in my own house. The worse part is, she kinda uses this against me. I feel my husband defends her constantly, like he feels sorry for her for her age and her situation, though the situation was HER choice. To give a bit more of the story, she watches my kids for me so that I can work at night to help pay off some debt. I need her for this reason, so I feel she knows this and uses it against me. Like i have to do favors for her, because she watches my kids. unfortunately, this has caused stress in my marriage, which spills over into other parts of my life, such as work and my children. Bottom line, she isn't going any where anytime soon, so I need tool to deal with my anger. I don't want to blow things out of proportion all the time, but how do I calm down, when she pulls more crap. How do I let the small stuff go, but not continue to let her disrespect me and my home. And lastly, i should mention, my husband and i  have both talked to her about her behavior, but nothing ever changes, yet I am expected to not be so angry. I'm desperate for advice.

Teenagers are by nature moody. Hormones , lack of life experience, and a fast lane to independence make them a difficult group to deal with. .. You can get through it by just not making it PERSONAL... If you take it personal, then you are in a lot of trouble... Pick your battles. Let the little stuff slide. Be consistent with your demands.. For the big battles on major stuff, you and your husband need a united front and you SHOULD show  that you are upset and concerned.. For the little stuff , it is best to just keep a calm outer appearance regardless  of how upset it makes you or they will be yanking your chain til the cows come home... Generally , if you do it right , the teen years are a temporary situation so there is an end to it.

If they have friends you don't like  and consider detrimental, best approach is NOT the frontal attack. Just make it difficult for them to see  these friends without it being obvious what you are doing... If you do need to scream out of frustration,, go in your room and scream into a pillow. Never let a teenager know they are getting to you.... PowerSurging

 

 
November 12, 2007, 8:57 pm CST

Son Taking Advantage of Ill Mom

 I don't know where to begin.

But over a year ago, my son came to me and my husband (not his dad) and asked for our help. He said that he and his wife were getting divorced and he needed a place to stay. My husband and I talked about it and agreed to let him move in.

After a year of living in a war zone where his ex-wife would go off on me, my husband or anyone who would listen outside our door, we decided to buy a home to house us, my son and his 3 children. The stability of the kids were at issue. The mother was threatening to give them up to us every other day or she would dump them off on us. The youngest wasn't even 10 months old. So I felt as if I was the only one who could give these children a home that they fell safe in and know that it would be there.

When I bought the house, it was agreed that my husband and I would pay the bills for a while in order to assist my son in getting off on the right financial foot. He found a good job and started to work. Then after a month he was hurt on the job. That took him out of the workplace for around 5 months. Since he was only receiving a small paycheck it would barely cover his and his fiance's bills. Yes, he found a new person whom I let move in because I was terrified that the old wife would weasel her way back into our lives if the newer improved model wasn't around 24/7. I know, it was dumb. But here we were paying for all four of us and then the 3 kids from February to almost August.

Then there was an agreement made that the kids were shared 50/50. So at least they were gone a week and home a week. I was able to ignore it, but by now my husband was seething. He was footing the bill for everything and pretty angry about it, and with good reason.

At the end of August my husband and I almost ended up divorced. So I found us an apartment. But the plan was for me to pay the mortgage and let my son pay the utilities until his fiance finished college this February. My son went back to work in October and promised he would pay allo the bills, except for the mortgage. I got a job and started paying the mortgage myself.

Well, turns out I am still paying the mortgage and now the utilities that are still in our name because he says he hasn't been able to pay any of them. He almost had the water shut off.  The sewage authority would have placed alien on our property from non-payment, the gas bill was forgotten 2 times. The other day I was there to gather up coats out of the basement for us and the house is trashed. Food, clothes, clutter and new bills from bill collectors that have ended up in the collection bureau. There is so much more to this story, but I guess I am wondering how I can get him out of my house so I can sell it? The house is too big for me and the bathroom isn't on the first floor where I need it to be with my disabilities. It's not that he doesn't pay anything. He does keep the phone, Internet and TV Dish on and can afford cigarettes, eating out at McDonalds and bowling each week. But he can't pay the bills or me back when he screws up and wants money.

I also was driving the one child from the elementary school to daycare after school. But now I think I need to work a daytime job and he said it was just like me to be unreliable by backing out of transporting his son to daycare. I feel so used. And I did it to myself. But I would rather work in the daytime so I can at least spend time with my husband at night.

Any tough love advice out there? I am suffering from Crohn's Disease and Diabetes and today just found out I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I need to take care of myself and get the pressure off of me.

A Mom who's had it!
 
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