Message Boards

Topic : Coping with Stress

Number of Replies: 324
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:52:50 am
Author : dataimport
Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 3, 2005, 10:58 am CST

post tramatic

I have been reading some of the latest posts and I have gone past stress to another level and I have no idea where it comes from.  I have no idea when it will happen or why. 

Early on in my married life, my husband and I had some very rough times.  My husbands father died at the age of 49.  My husbands mother turned very nasty after that.  We lived in an area where the economy was very poor and over a span of 8 years my husband was laid off more than he wasn't.  We eventually had to move to another state to find work.  Our children were very little at the time and life was really hard.  Well.......we got through it, we are fine and our kids are grown and gone and have families of thier own now.  But about 2 years ago I went out to my pantry in the garage to get some canned goods and when I opened the door, there sat my 2 kids with tears in thier eyes saying, "I'm hungry mommy"  Like they were so many years ago.  Then in an instant they were gone.  I don't know where that came from.  I had not thought about this situation in a very long time.  I had a melt down right there in the garage.  The tears started flowing and I was very upset for a few minutes.  Then that was the last time that happened until about 4 months ago.  I went out early one morning to mow our lawn before I went to work.  I am riding around, thinking what a nice day it was (july) and listening to the sound of the mower drowned out all the other noises.  Again, out of no where I hear someone calling my name, I look around, thinking someone has stopped to visit me, what I saw was my grandmother who died almost 30 years ago standing in my driveway waving at me.  Then just like before, in an instant she was gone.  I had to stop mowing and go in the house for a few minutes, I was just blown away.  Then in the past couple of weeks I have been waking up in the middle of the night for no reason and I am so scared, my heart is racing and I am affraid to move.  I have to lay there for a few minutes and look around the room to make sure everything is alright.  Then it takes a while to go back to sleep. 

I don't know where this comes from.  I have no idea why my subconscience is digging up all this stuff.  It's very scarry and I am getting concerned.  I don't know if I need to go see a councelor and get this stuff off my mind, I'm not sure I would remember everything to get rid of it.  I just don't know what to do.  Any suggestions? 

 
November 4, 2005, 6:20 am CST

mediation

Thus saith the Lord God,
 
My Children, "Ye have sold yourselves for naught: redemption comes from God, and cannot be bought with money"
 
"My name every day is continually blasphemed. Therefore, my people shall know my name: Therefore in this day, they shall know that it is I that speaketh".
 
BEHOLD: IT IS I
"The Alter"
 
November 4, 2005, 8:21 am CST

Grieving is a process...

Quote From: diamone30

Hello, I'm writing in hopes that maybe someone out there is going through what I am . I lost my mom a year ago and it hurts deeply because she was my safe spot. What I think is worst the fact that my oldest son (6yrs) old  is grieving just as bad as I am .Except I don't think he understand his feelings . He said that he is angry that God took her away and that she needed to be here for him . They really had a beautiful relationship she would always sing GRANNY LOVES IT and all her grandchildren loved it . I miss her alot but I really don't know what to say to my son when he goes into a rage and starts lashing out at everyone .  

If you have any helpful suggestion please help me ?  

Thank You !!!!!!!! 

 There's a board for people in grief somewhere on the site, you may get more help there.

It's hard to let go of those we love, and especially hard for children if it's their first encounter with death. I do know that anger at God is one of the phases that many go through in their grief process. Maybe you can sit down with your son and talk about all the good times and the good things your mother did. And tell him as many things as you can remember about her life, so that he can come to an understanding that she lived a long time, and it was her time to go. There are many counselors who deal with grief also, should you feel you need professional help, and don't rule out churches and religious leaders who can be wonderful in times like this.
 
November 6, 2005, 9:16 pm CST

Coping with Stress

Quote From: ritehere

 What were the reasons for them to come live with you? Did you have a rough first pregnancy and need to be taken care of? Do you drive? If there's no pressing medical reason for them to be there, I would ask them to go home.

I know this is hard because you said that you are a quiet, too nice person. But have you considered that they might WANT to go home?

 And the 27 year old brother-in-law, that's just too weird.

 I would say something like, "I really appreciate you coming, but the house is just too small, and I need some space. I'll be fine on my own, if I find that I need someone here just before going to the hospital I'll be sure to call you." Think about it, it doesn't really matter what they think. If you are polite about it, and they take some kind of offense, that's their affair. As a mother you are going to face many instances where you will have to swallow your shyness and be assertive for the good of your family. You might as well start now.
Thank you. I guess my praying and saying  a little here and there helped. They found their own place and are on their way to moving out!! 
 
November 8, 2005, 4:20 am CST

It's going to take a long time

Hi everyone! 

  

I don't know whether this is going to help anyone but I want to tell you that there's hope for you who can't deal with stress. But it takes time. 

  

In 2000 I started working at a big company. It was very, very stressful and I worked a lot of over-time. We had lunch break for an hour a day but during two years I think I used that whole time for approximately ten times. All the other days I took my lunch with me to my desk (where a lot of visitors came and the phone rang all the time) or I sat down for 15-20 minutes in the lunch room. In Sweden where I live people do generally take their lunch because we realize that it's important. I knew that as well but I felt that I didn't have the time to be away for an whole hour. 

  

The time went by and I felt worse and worse. I had big problems with my stomach and with migraine but I never staid at home. My temper was very bad. I couldn't control myself and I burst into tears several times at work. Sometimes I got furious (at home, not at work) and yelled for nothing. Afterwards I cried so much that I thought my body would break into pieces. 

  

Everybody knew my situation at work. It got worse all the time and I got more and more job. But my boss didn't do anything and I didn't tell exactly how I felt because I didn't want to complain. The person who had done my work before me hadn't had any problems. I didn't realize then that much had happened since I began. After two years I "hit the wall" as we say here. I don't know what you call it. But I was on a long term sick-leave because of stress. I hope I'll never experience that again becuse it was terrible. It took me one year and eight months before I started working full time again. I know that for some people it takes much longer. I've been "well" for almost a year and a half now but I don't cope with stress very well yet. It has been much better, but there's a long way left. 

  

When I get stressed I try to calm myself down and try to think that the stressful moment will pass. I have learned to listen to my body and I recognise the signs of stress. I know now that it doesn't help to be stressed. It will only slow me down. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Like I said, I have a long way left. But I'm sure that it will get better and better. 

  

To learn how to cope with stress I went to a therapist and she was a lot of help. I wouldn't be where I am today without her. Good luck to everyone who needs it! 

  

Maria 

 
November 8, 2005, 1:25 pm CST

Good for you!

Quote From: miamaria

Hi everyone! 

  

I don't know whether this is going to help anyone but I want to tell you that there's hope for you who can't deal with stress. But it takes time. 

  

In 2000 I started working at a big company. It was very, very stressful and I worked a lot of over-time. We had lunch break for an hour a day but during two years I think I used that whole time for approximately ten times. All the other days I took my lunch with me to my desk (where a lot of visitors came and the phone rang all the time) or I sat down for 15-20 minutes in the lunch room. In Sweden where I live people do generally take their lunch because we realize that it's important. I knew that as well but I felt that I didn't have the time to be away for an whole hour. 

  

The time went by and I felt worse and worse. I had big problems with my stomach and with migraine but I never staid at home. My temper was very bad. I couldn't control myself and I burst into tears several times at work. Sometimes I got furious (at home, not at work) and yelled for nothing. Afterwards I cried so much that I thought my body would break into pieces. 

  

Everybody knew my situation at work. It got worse all the time and I got more and more job. But my boss didn't do anything and I didn't tell exactly how I felt because I didn't want to complain. The person who had done my work before me hadn't had any problems. I didn't realize then that much had happened since I began. After two years I "hit the wall" as we say here. I don't know what you call it. But I was on a long term sick-leave because of stress. I hope I'll never experience that again becuse it was terrible. It took me one year and eight months before I started working full time again. I know that for some people it takes much longer. I've been "well" for almost a year and a half now but I don't cope with stress very well yet. It has been much better, but there's a long way left. 

  

When I get stressed I try to calm myself down and try to think that the stressful moment will pass. I have learned to listen to my body and I recognise the signs of stress. I know now that it doesn't help to be stressed. It will only slow me down. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Like I said, I have a long way left. But I'm sure that it will get better and better. 

  

To learn how to cope with stress I went to a therapist and she was a lot of help. I wouldn't be where I am today without her. Good luck to everyone who needs it! 

  

Maria 

 Half the battle is won when we realize we need help because things are not getting better and likely won't unless we do something to make it better. If that means outside help in learning how to deal with stress, then the sooner we get that help, the sooner we start the healing process.

I used to have a very stressful job too, and like you, I wouldn't take my breaks. It got so bad that I was getting urinary tract infections because I would wait too long! Finally, I realized I was the only one who could change the situation. I told my supervisor that I had not been taking breaks, but would in the future, no matter what was going on, so there would likely be some chaos the next week. Sure enough, he figured out right away that some changes in scheduling needed to occur, and that's what he did. But nothing would have happened if I had not done anything. I've always remembered that lesson.


 
November 9, 2005, 4:23 am CST

Coping with Stress

Quote From: ritehere

 Half the battle is won when we realize we need help because things are not getting better and likely won't unless we do something to make it better. If that means outside help in learning how to deal with stress, then the sooner we get that help, the sooner we start the healing process.

I used to have a very stressful job too, and like you, I wouldn't take my breaks. It got so bad that I was getting urinary tract infections because I would wait too long! Finally, I realized I was the only one who could change the situation. I told my supervisor that I had not been taking breaks, but would in the future, no matter what was going on, so there would likely be some chaos the next week. Sure enough, he figured out right away that some changes in scheduling needed to occur, and that's what he did. But nothing would have happened if I had not done anything. I've always remembered that lesson.


Hi! 

  

Thanks for your answer! I think you were very lucky to have a supervisor who understood the problem. A good supervisor do! I hope I too have learnt my lesson and that I wont allow it to go that far anymore. 

  

Maria 

 
November 13, 2005, 5:15 pm CST

How I cope with stress!

There are many things I do in coping with stress which I would love to share: 

  

1.  Call a friend or family member up and vent!  There's more room on the outside than the inside.  Don't bottle it up or it will hurt you! 

  

2.  Music therapy... listening to my favorite songs, both with and without words.  How I'd love to go to a U2 concert!  I love listening to live bands!  I also play the radio and my favorite tapes and CDs.  They say music helps distract the mind from pain and stress. 

  

3.  Hot water therapy:  Nothing feels better than a nice hot bath or shower!  Especially with music and candles! 

  

4.  Light therapy... I have gone to Wal-mart and ShopKo and have bought some of their cute light lamps.  Candles work too.  It helps to sooth one's mood. 

  

5.  Having fun!  Get some friends who will pester you if you don't spend time with them.  I've got a good handful of them, and when my pain gets severe, they come "pester me" and that distracts me from my pain, and brings up my spirits! 

  

6.  Get a hobby you really like and then share it with others. 

  

7.  Write a poem, a song, a story, or a letter.  When I get upset or stressed, my mind doesn't work as good as it should and confusion sets in.  I find that when I vent in writing, it helps me to get out the stress and it relieves me so much, especially if I share it with others that I trust. 

  

8.  Certain foods are serotonin enhancers... milk products, red meats, eggs, chocolate, etc.  Also, Vitamins help, like Vit E, Vit B complex, and Vit C... and multivitamins.  Just got to be careful though not to take too much of something.  Be sure to talk to your doc about this. 

  

9.  Exercise... I love going for bike rides or walks in the park, especially with friends, but also alone.  It feels good to be one with nature.  Doing some exercises, as well as being in a nice comfortable atmosphere, are key to dealing with stress. 

  

10.  Join a support group, and/or post on websites like this, which allow you to vent out your stress and relate with others. 

  

11.  Just remember that stress is temporary.  It comes and goes.  Knowing this brings me comfort! 

  

12.  Have a pet!  Pet therapy is one of the best therapies ever.  Animals are wonderful!  They love unconditionally. 

  

13.  Go for a long drive out in the country!  I play my music in my car and sing along to the songs while I'm going for a drive to get out of the stressful atmosphere.  We must place ourselves out of stressful atmosphers in order to relieve ourselves from stress.  Find some where or something to do to get out of the stressful atmosphere, and you'll be amazed how well this works! 

  

If you want to add to my list or comment, please do so! 

  

Yours truly, 

Kristie : ) 

fyte4acure 

 
November 21, 2005, 6:38 pm CST

How to Cope with Moving away from family

I'm moving from Valdosta Ga to San Antonio TX. My husband is currently in the Air Force and we have to move to Lackland Afb. I'm afraid of moving away from my family . I just moved not even a year ago to Valdosta Ga. We're moving closer to his family and it is very scary because this is my first time being so far away and my children are excited but yet kinda anxious . We are not even prepared because we don't really know where exactly we are going to be living and plus I don't know where my son will be going to school . We also have to drive 16 hours to get there which we have to split in two days because we have three kids . Someone please give me some helpful tips if you have any .
 
November 28, 2005, 7:14 pm CST

An extremely stressful year

I am new here. i feel the need to talk and this seems to be a safe place 

I have had an extremly stressful year.  

My whole life has been turned upside down. My parents have not died yet I grieve as I will never see them again. Memories have surfaced that explain a lot of things in my life such as sexual disfunction, eating disorders etc. My parents both sexually, physically and emotionally abused me and I am only beginning to deal with it. I have never talked to more lawyers, police etc then this year. I began a new job as did my husband, we have no money. Maritial stress with all that has happened with my family. Living in a constant state of anxiety, stress and sometimes emotional numbness. 

  

What do you do when life does this to you? How can I handle much more? 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Next | Last