Topic : Coping with Stress

Moving  and change are stressful.  I moved seven times in one year at one point in my life which taught me to be extremely organized.  You can utilize the Internet to research the area that you will be moving too.  The Chamber of Commerce in the area may have a a web page and they may offer free information to you about the area prior to moving.  I am not sure if you attend a religious congregation or not but if you do you maybe consider speaking to your leader and asking for a congregation in the area and then contact information.  Contact the leader in the area for information.  Involve your parents in-laws. Contact them to receive information about the area.   The more information you have prior to the move the better you will feel.  Make your trip fun.  Plan your stay in good hotels with fun things to do if you can afford it.  I am not sure how you have gotten along with your husbands family but really You and your husband are the only family your children really need.  I have been married for five years and we didn't go through a big wedding.  It was just God, him and I and two good friends who would support our marriage.    You just never know why you are moving closer to his parents at this time in your life.  It could be time for you and your children to get closer to them.  There is a reason for everything.  Embrace the change, look for the learning lessons in it  and learn love through it.  My daughter in-law moved from Nova Scotia, Canada to California and she is 22 and precious.  I love her as a daughter.   My little granddaughter is my treasure.  I will pray for your safety and peace during your new adventure and that you will make meaningful relationships where God plants you.  Walk in peace honey and the angels of God go before you with favor and divine appointments.  pcdavis80 

  

  

     

Hi Sweetie, 

  

I read your note and feel like I need to respond.  It is not your fault!  I am not sure how old you are but life stops when the first abuse occurs.  If you were 5 yrs old you stopped developing emotionally at 5.  You say that you have never told anyone.  It is okay.  You are safe here.  I just want to say, I Love You, honey.  I am a survivor of abuse and one thing I have learned is that I needed to hear someone safe say, I love you.  You may say to yourself.  How can I say it when I don't know you.  I don't know you personally but I do know the shame, self blame and pain.  I do know that when you were born you were born a beautiful loving person who had dreams and trust.  You can be that again.  I would suggest that you find a womens only sexual survivors group to attend.  Groups are more effective.  You will run into all kinds of personalities but just keep going back.  You will find out that your past has effected your marriage.  Sexual dysfunctions are part of sexual abuse.  Your weight is a safety measure for you.   Have you told anyone in your family outside of your parents such as a sibling or relative who would believe you?  Does your husband believe you or does he even know?  I am 47 yrs old and I started dealing with my stuff at the age of 19.  I helped in a group as a peer facilitator when I was around 25.  It isn't pretty to open up a can of smelly sardines but I did.  My whole family caused tidal waves for years.  Holidays were ugly.  I worked on forgiveness and still work on stuff when my family attempts to purge up vomit of the past but I have come to the concussion that it is their vomit and they are the only ones who can clean it up.  You love yourself.  You are a beautiful person.  You are loving because you didn't want to hurt the family so you kept quite but you wound up hurting you.  I will bet you have a loving husband.  Give him a kiss and talk too him.  Take a class together.  He needs to have insight into what to except for you.  Flashbacks will happen caused by sounds, smells events etc... Traumatic Stress Disorder is common in sexual abuse victims.  The same kind of stress that a war veteran experiences.   Loving and excepting true love maybe hard because of what you grew up in.  

I found God and surrogate parents and good friends within my place of worship 

 Trust your gut when it comes to your children. You know how a predator can manipulate.   

Recognize that hopelessness is part of abuse it tries to deceive you into thinking that you have no hope when you do.  Make a list of the good things on one side of a paper and the worst things that could happen.  Then think of what you could do about the worst things that could happen.  Surrender those things you can't do anything about.  If you feel like you need to involve the police then go there.  If you feel like you need to seek legal advise do so.  Their are statues of limitations but it varies.  I filed a police form against my step grandfather 10yrs after the fact because they were going to start a day care service.  You just never know.  I didn't want any other children abused.  He wasn't allowed to open it. 

GET SUPPORT! Help others. 

Take walks, talk, listen to loving music, read families first and watch Dr. Phil. and Robin.  They are true examples of a healthy relationship.   

  

I will pray for safe people in your life and those who will love you and support you through your growth. 

  

It is a good thing that you both are employed and your finances are a temp. delay.        

  

I will be praying for you sweetie.  pcdavis80 

Okay, 

  

here goes. I have this gal at work who has made it her goal in life to get me in trouble for everything. lately she has been doing and saying very nasty things about me to upper management and getting me in trouble. Now when I am working  I work harder than ever and most of the time go home so exhausted. not only does this bother me but I work so much I barely live my life at home with my fiancee and my pets.  I love to cook but barely have the time. When I do have a few days off My boss will call me and grip me out over some unforeseen task i forgot to do the day before. This leaves me angry and full of hatred for my job. someone please help me as I am at my wits end here 

Hello I am new here and I need to talk.(please) I hope this is the right board ~I have had a a lot of stress this year and i have no one to talk to because everyone wants me to take care of them and help them and listen to them. I am not aloud to have any problems of my own.  I found out that my brother is sick and what he has may kill him. They said that he was born with it and he will die from it but the doctors don't know how to fix it without doing brain surgery. I found this out the day before my birthday. My mom lost her job 16 months ago and cannot find another one and everyone keeps telling me to help her with money & etc.... I don't work and my husband has a good job but we have 7 kids to take care of and I help with food and whatever I can but everyone thinks it should be more or maybe i do. My sister moved and need money for a down payment and she came to me if I didn't loan her the money she won't have had a place to live in because she lost her other house. She did pay me back. My niece ,( my brother who is sick daughter) got very sick a couple of months ago and they found out that her liver is no good and she needs a transplant, she is 11. So everyone in the family came to me for money and help with finding them a car, place to stay & etc. because they have to go to Riley in Indy and they live about 31/2 hours away. They want me to help find money for them because they don't have any. My uncle had a heart attack, thank God he is OK. I am having my own problems with my marriage. I think my husband is cheating on my but I don't have a clue because I don't trust anyone so he could be telling me the truth and i wouldn't believe him. So I feel like I am going nuts with everything going on plus i have everyday life to live too (car pool, school, dinners, sports, pets & taking care of 7 kids & a husband) I just want to step back and take a break or run away.  Thanks for listen and if you have any advice that would be great Thanks

I've been very stressed the passed two years. Christmas two years ago my fiancé tried to kill himself with sleepingpills while I was on the phone with him and I had to call his parents to save his life. We moved into our first own appartment in january two years ago (learning to do all the housekeeping and paying bills) and just after that he had sex with another woman in our home and that completely crushed me as I was allready struggeling to support him through a rough depression and getting off drugs. I was also trying to pull through my next to last year of upper secondary school at that time. However, we worked on it and I started to rebuild myself. Then my fiancé was hospitalized with gastric ulcer because of his depression, that was a year ago. Things were getting rough and I'd come home to find him barfing his insides out in the bathroom or laying motionless on the sofa completely out of reach to me. I found comfort in a friend of ours who was kind enough to keep me company after school when I didn't dare to go home, affraid of what I'd find. Unfortunatly this friend decided he wanted to kiss me and I returned the kiss without even thinking, this was in may this year. 

The relationship we had had to rebuild after my fiancés meeting with that other woman was now back at rock bottom and we were both very depressed. We're still in rebuilding his trust in me as I write to you now. 

To top it all off my parants are now getting a divorce and a lot of dirt from under the surface has been kicked up including an untill now unknown thirteen-years-old halfsister on my father's side and that my mother have been steeling money from my father for over twelve years. They are not having any kind of dialogue and my two teenage brothers suffer a very unorganised shifting of homes with no said scedual at all. So as I try to support my fiancé in his depression and rebuilding of himself I also try to carry my father and my brothers on my sholders as their only soft spot to fall, and pull of collage-level studies to finance my home as the only breadwinner. 

  

I couldn't have made it through 'till this day if I hadn't started to take classes in aikido one and a half years back - a selfdefense martial art designed only to defend, never to attack. It provided an outlet of my agression, a relaxation afterwards, a stressrelease. I found a group of new very supportiv and fun friends, somewhere to go and belong. To that I learn to defend myself in ways in which I don't have to be very strong or violent at all, but still gives me a good exercise. I've lost weigth, built muscles, gaid flexibility and selfconfidence. 

The best thing it had given me, however, is that I no longer have thoughts of suicide and I no longer cut myself! 

It has been three months now since I lost my job and right now I feel at a lost for what to do. I don't feel as if I have anyone to talk to because I think that they won't understand my situation of what I am going through. I thought that I would have found something by now but it's a lot harder than I thought and then sometimes I thought that things would just fall into my lap, but that's not how the world works. The only things I could afford was to keep the telephone and gas and electric bill paid and now that may be a problem because my old employer took me for a hearing and the employment has denied my checks. Not only will I not receive any more checks but I have to pay them back what they sent me so far. How can I pay them if I don't have any money coming in. I went down to the bare minimum and that does not seem to be enough. Bills just keep coming with no end in site of paying them off. I really don't know what to do right now, can anyone please help? 

  

Marie2025 

On one of the most recent shows in the past few 2 weeks, Robin mentioned what her favorite candle was. Does anyone remember what she said?? I forgot to write it down. 

  

thanks. 

I think she said Vanilla or Gardenia was her favorite candle

It will be okay , have you tried to look for another job? what are your quailifications maybe someone will see them and hire you and I know what your going thru I've been there my self only I 'm unable to work now due to disability stay positive and pray for a positive outlook