Quote From: normalitaThanks marcia for writing to me. I knew I was not alone in this. This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today. And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area. But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated. You have to grab on to it and solve it. No questions, no waffling, just do it.
I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good. There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned. I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas. It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.
I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half. Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry. So, I have to put the book away. I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone. I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step. I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.
I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine. I give to people everyday. People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way. I want some of that coming back to me. Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right. Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going. But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react. Everything has to right and right now.
Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma
I can't remember where I read that ... it was in one of Dr. Phil's books. When I read it, I had just seen an Oprah show where she was talking with alchololics and I was listening to how this woman was telling Oprah about her addiction. I was thinking to myself: Boy does this sound like me and food. Then Oprah says ... She's a food addict. That was a BIG AHA moment for me.
Right after that, I believe I saw the passage ... That we would rather live in pain because it's addictive and we know no other way to live. I'm not sure I got it word for word ... but it's what I remember when I sat back and journaled it.
When I attempted to do the 1st half of Self Matters, it bought me to my knees. I can remember telling myself I'VE DONE THIS WORK BEFORE!!! I'm tired of doing this work. I'm tired of relieving my past. I'm tired of these memories. Then again, I saw the words that went something like this: memories are painful only if you haven't bought closure to them. Again I journaled. I thought about the kinds of memories I had and I realized that memories were a thing of my past. That if my good time memories bought no pain it was because they had closure. So I stuck it out. I did the exercises - I forced myself to just get it over with. It took me 3 months but I did it.
His words about committing and doing it completely ... not allowing the current events or people or challenges stop my focus. So I worked thru the 1st half of the book. It was the 2nd half of the book that I was finally able to sit back and read, study, & experiment with as my life events occurred.
My experimenting lead me to other books, classes, and discussions with people because I quickly realized I didn't have enough knowledge or experience in handling stuff. So I took up his challenge to educate myself. As I educate myself, I used the Internal Dialogue chapters to start bringing closure to my painful memories.
One thing that surprised me was when I painful 20's memories started to pop up and I heard myself say: I was 8 years old when I got off track - I couldn't help but screw up my life - so why should I punish myself anymore for making a decision in my 20's based on the experiences of an 8 year old. And it was over that quickly. (I had my first major year long life events which I wasn't able to assumiluate properly into my thinking.)
Norma, take the time to do the 1st half of the book - the 2nd half will provide you with the tools to help you work thru your assumptions and bring closure to the past. It is working for so many of us - I'm not the only one who faced it.
And you are not the only one who can't seem to do it either. There are many people who can't pick it up and face the pain willingly. But live it daily. Pain is addictive. When you are ready to you will do it.
